❊ creamy_kia
` ✼ exotic grounds — reviews gallery
❊ you always say that
title: 5/5
Nothing really to complain. It’s quite intriguing actually.
foreword and description: 7/10
“she had let her gut down for a while” I’m pretty sure the correct terminology is “guard down” or “she had ignored her gut down for a while”. Honestly, I just lost my appetite since the image of intestines flopping about… -cough- Sorry, moving on!
Your incapability in grammar stands out in your beginning, just so you are aware that my comments in grammar should be applied in this section as well.
Be careful with character charts. I guess it’s okay to introduce who you’re talking about, but make sure you don’t give away the story.
appearance: 5/5
Looks good!
plot: 14/15
I think the events are awesome and really well spaced out. From Suji catching them in the act, confirming with the phone, to the letter… I would complain about the ending having no conclusion except that I feel like you intentionally left it on a cliffhanger.
originality: 9/15
The story you have written is just another typical story about a girl catching her cheating boyfriend and deciding that she had enough. While it’s good, it’s just not original. Some things you can do to make it more creative is maybe a comedic event, or a different way to reveal the scandal. But that’s up to you.
grammar and spelling: 8/20
You have a problem with your tenses. While you do a pretty good job on sticking to the past tense, at times you switch to present. Also, you never use past perfect.
Examples:
“Again, her boyfriend came home,” had come, since you’re talking through Suji’s perspective.
“he always says that” said, since everything in the story is already established in past tense. I don’t care if your title is in present, the story needs to stay consistent.
“Bae Suju doesn’t know how many times” didn’t, since it’s past.
You also have problems in making your pronouns and verbs match up to your nouns based on singularity.
“everyone has a breaking point, don’t they?” Everyone is a singular noun. To be safe, “Everyone has a breaking point, right?”
“It’s uncountable anymore” Wait, so it’s countless anymore? Or it’s countless now? There’s too many mistakes for me to copy them all down and correct them here. I suggest you refer to a grammar book or get a beta.
flow: 8/10
I think your transitions are good, but some of them didn’t make sense. Again, Suji making a feast for their celebration last night? What celebration?
characterization: 4/10
I felt Suji’s pain, but the way she always contradicted herself just doesn’t feel right. Why is she going to make a feast for Jongin after he cheated on her after anniversary night? Didn’t she already seek revenge in her head after he tried to get away with everything he did? And the way Jongin realizes his mistake with Suji just feels so fake. Like “Oh, I actually loved her, I just played with the other girls because I was bored,” doesn’t make me feel for the guy.
overall enjoyment: 3/10
I thought it was weird that you would post your foreword and description as your summary, but I found it a bit intriguing. As I was reading, though, grammar mistakes just started popping out at me and my enjoyment levels dropped in a blink of an eye. I loved that part where Suji just twists her sword by saying, “I wish we had never met,” but everything else was just clichéd and had no feeling or internal struggle whatsoever. Maybe someone who’s looking for a quick read might like it, but I only found it passable.
total: 63/100
reviewer: aznawzmao
notes: Hi! Thanks for requesting me. These comments may seem harsh, but I'm giving my honest opinion and advice. Also, I suggest next time when you fill out the review request form that you actually write a summary, not copy and paste your description that actually is a prologue. Have a nice day!
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