Chapter 34

Thoughts and Memories

“No.” I said sharply.

“But oppa—“

“No, Kyoung Mi. I wouldn’t do it with you.” I said and held her at arms length.

“You said you wouldn’t do it if I don’t want to.” She whispered. “Now I want to.”

I sighed. “I know, but I’ve done so much wrong already. I don’t want to make love with you just because I want it too. I’d feel even more selfish. I’ve been selfish enough these past few months.”

“You won’t be selfish by doing that!” She shrieked, but I put my finger on her lips, shushing her.

I know, normal guys would take the chance if their girlfriends ask them to make love, but I’m not normal. Despite the face and body of the god-like Kim Jaejoong, I’m still the clumsy geek who respected Kyoung Mi. I didn’t want her thinking that I don’t want to do it with her, I just think it’s not the right time.

“Don’t you—“

“I love you, Kyoung Mi.” I cut her off. I knew she was supposed to ask if I didn’t love her anymore, if that was the reason why I didn’t want to do it. “But we’ve got so much in hand already, don’t you think?”

She nodded and looked down. “I suppose.”

I wrapped my arms around her and rested her head on my chest as I rested my cheek on her head.

I’ll never stop loving you, Kyoung Mi, if that’s what you’re worrying about. I may be looked up to by so many Cassiopeias right now and most maybe dreaming of having me as their guy, but that will not happen. I will die before I let anything separate us again. I know you’re the one for me. You didn’t care about what people thought about me. You even let your image be ruined because of me. Because of me, people looked at you like a blind girl, a smart and talented girl, but can’t even pick a proper boyfriend.

You saw the best in me when other people saw only my worst. You were there for me even if that meant humiliating yourself in front of everyone. I’m glad that I didn’t affect your status as your batch representative and I am much happier that I stalked you to your house one certain night and had the chance to save you from being a mother now.

I love you, Kyoung Mi, and I want to have many children from you.

~Kyoung Mi’s POV~

I stayed still, letting him hug me as long as he wanted.

I missed you, oppa. Now I know why I felt at ease with Jaejoong, why I feel your presence whenever he’s with me. You lied to me, but I can’t bring myself up to use that as a reason to hate you. What’s important to me is to be with you again. You don’t know how much it hurt me when you left.

“I waited for you that day.” I whispered. “The day you left.”

His arms loosened around me, but only for a while, then he hugged me tighter. “I’m sorry.”

“I stayed at our meeting place, by the vendo machine. I thought you were just having a late meeting in Math club so I told my mom I’d be staying until you come.” I paused and closed my eyes as I continued telling him about the time he was gone. “It was already 10, so I assumed you already went home thinking that I already went home. I called you a number of times before I slept, but you didn’t pick up. I talked to myself and ended up with the conclusion that you were already asleep.”

I sniffed as the more painful memories entered my mind.

“Every morning, I wake up hoping for a message from you. When I go to school, I cross my fingers, hoping to find you by the gate or by my locker. Every lunch time, I walk into the cafeteria and look around, hoping against hope that I’d see you bent so low, studying for your next test. When classes end, I sit at our meeting place, drinking almost 10 cans of soda as I waited for you.” I paused and turned my head to the other side as I wrapped my arms around his body. “It was like that for months or more than a year. I come home late, having at most 3 hours of sleep everyday. I didn’t know what happened to you. I didn’t know what I was supposed to feel, if I should worry or if I should be thinking that you left me for another girl.”

“Never.” He whispered.

“Honestly, there was a time that I thought you did leave me for another girl.” I said, gripping the back of his shirt. “It’s not impossible, I’m not perfect. I couldn’t blame you if you found someone better than me.”

“No one’s better than you.” He said as he squeezed me tighter.

I breathed and continued. “I forced myself to think that you left to have a better life, to escape the hell that you experienced in school and all, so I tried to live better too. But nothing worked. I might had slept more hours and focused a little bit more on studies, but I always looked for you. I always wanted to find you waiting for me. It was crazy.” I gave him a shaky laugh. “I was crazy. My mom scolded me for wasting my time on you and I’d end up shouting back at her.”

“So that’s how you started hating your mom.” Lee Jun/ Jaejoong chuckled. “I was shocked when we went to your house to ‘meet’ you. You were not like that.”

“I can put some blame on you, you know.” I said cheekily. “If you didn’t leave. . .”

He sighed into my ear as he rested his chin on my shoulder. “You can let your frustration out at me anytime.”

I shook my head. “Even if I want to, I don’t think I could ever bring myself to hurt you.”

“Kyoung Mi.” He whispered as he started pulling away from me, but I pulled him closer.

“Don’t let go.” I said, a streak of sadness in my voice. “Please?”

He laughed and wrapped his arms around me once again. “No, Kyoung Mi. I’ll never let go again.”

“Can you make sure you’ll keep that promise this time?” I asked, already burying my face on his chest, smelling his scent. Yes, his scent, not his perfume.

“Yes. I will definitely keep it this time.” He said as he gave me a warning squeeze before pulling away. “Come on. Eomoni might want to talk to us.”

I nodded and let him pull me towards the door, but I stopped with one foot outside. Looking back to his room, I let out a sad sigh.

Jaejoong squeezed my hand and gave me a smile when I looked at him. “We’ll come back. Don’t worry.”

For the second time, I nodded and let him pull me. I looked at our entwined hands and smiled.