CHAPTER 24 : Realization

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3 weeks have passed and I’m still thinking about the 3TS last day as a normal person.

“Jae.”

I smiled just thinking about me.

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FLASHBACK

“So, c’mon?” Hae holds my hand.

‘Good luck to me.’ I thought.

I entered Kwon’s residence and I’m really nervous.

“TOP, Hae. Have you seen my song book?” He shouted from upstairs. “I can’t f-“

He looked down at us and was shock to see with his friends. After a few seconds, he smiled.

“Ahmm. Hey ba-, I mean, Yoona.” He scratched the back of his head; maybe he’s embarrassed that he almost called me ‘babe’.

‘Oh I miss him so much.’ I thought as I looked at him.

“H-Hello…Jae.” I stammered.

“…”

“…”

“*ehem*” Hae faked a cough. “So, enough with the awkwardness and go upstairs.” He smiled at me.

“You want to talk to him, right?” TOP added.

I just nodded. I saw Jae walked to his room so I followed him. As soon as I entered his room, he started talking.

“I’m so sorry, Yoona.”

I can see the sincerity in his eyes. I didn’t utter a word. I wanted him to say everything he wants to say now.

He suddenly pulled me into a hug. I feel his warmth. I miss him so much. I want to hug him back but my hands won’t move. He tightened his hug and my tears continuously flow down my cheeks.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to say all the bad things I’ve said. I’m sure now. I still love you.”

I stayed on his arms, still not moving, I just listened.

“I still love you, Yoona. Please, let’s get back together. I will never hurt you now. I’m hurting and I want you back.”

He started to cry.

“Yoona, please come back.” He let go and looked at me. I saw his tears and before I can react, he brushed my tears off using his thumbs. “Hey, don’t cry. I don’t want to see you cry because of me anymore.”

“Are…Do you…Do you still…love me?”

More tears flow out of his eyes and it makes me cry harder. The more I wanted to control my tears, the more it flows, uncontrollably.

“Of course I still love you, Jae.” I smiled at him weakly. “My love for you didn’t change since young.”

“So we c-“

“But I think we’re not going to make it. It’s not the kind of love that makes it against all odds. The love we had never won, not yesterday, not now and most of all, not in the future.” I said.

He hung his head low without saying a word.

“But I won’t let you cut your ties with me. We are friends and that will never change.” I lift his chin up to make him look at me. “Our relationship didn’t last long but we can’t let our friendship ends just like this. It has the right to continue and last long, right?”

He nodded.

“I can’t afford to lose a friend like you. You’re my number 1 savior, remember?”

He finally smiled. “Can you just promise me one thing?”

“Of course. What is it, Jae?”

“Be…Be happy. Even if I want to be the reason of your happiness, I know I can’t be the one now. Don’t cry. I don’t want you to get hurt, physically and emotionally.”

I nodded while he dries my cheeks with his thumbs.

“I need you to promise me that, ha? My wimpy.”

How I miss him calling me that.

*sigh*

I heaved a sigh and hugged him tight.

“Shhh. I just dried your cheeks.” He chuckled with tears in his eyes. “Don’t make your tears stain your pretty face again.”

“Jae…” I really don’t know what to say to him now.

“I hope you can still forgive me for all the bad things I’ve done and have said. I’ll try to understand that you don’t want us back together but I’ll wait for you. My love for you will remain here.” He pointed on his left chest where his heart resides. “I’ll still fight my love for you though. I’ll never give up.”

“I’ve already forgiven you, Jae. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for making me felt loved. I love you.” I smiled at him sincerely.

“I love you too, Yoona.” He said as he kissed my forehead.

When I came back to my house, I explained my decision to them and told them to be good at Jae. He’s still a good friend to all of them anyway.

We had a peaceful talk and that made my heart breath. It’s not the closure we all wanted but at least.

END OF FLASHBACK

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*June 12, 2k--*

We are now moving to our new house in Seoul. Actually, it’s Jiyong’s house. He’s getting fishier. First, the employees in the resort we stayed last vacation addressed him like he owns the resort, second, this house and cars. How someone as young as him can, can own luxurious things? Aigoo. Even Yuri gets puzzled by it. The only thing we’re sure of now is that he’s really rich.

‘Omo! Is he a drug smuggler? Omo! Omo!’

“Yah!” Jiyong’s voice echoed. “Why do all look so scared?” He asked.

‘All?’ I thought and I looked at the others. I let out a small chuckle when I noticed we all girls have the same expression. I bet we’re thinking about the same thing.

“Are you a drug smuggler?!”We shouted in chorus.

The boys laughed. What’s wrong?

“Of course not! Hahaha.” Jiyong laughed at us.

“Drug smuggler? Seriously? Tss. Hahaha.” Tao said while laughing. Tss.

“Hahaha. These girls. Just hurry up and move your things. We still need to buy groceries.” Lay commanded.

---

I share a room with Fany, Sica with Yuri, and then Lay with Tao.

The house is really huge for all of us but well, it’s comfy, so I still like this. After placing our things inside the rooms, we ride from the house to a store using Jiyong’s SUV.

“Oppa, you own this too?” Yuri asked.

Jiyong just nod at her through the rearview mirror.

---

The school day started and we’ve been living together for about 6 days now. No need for adjustments because we’re comfortable with each other.

I never anything from Jae since the last time we talk. And it’s been what? 1 month? I miss him. He’s my friend and he will stay inside my heart.

When I think about it, Jae and I just had a misunderstanding about our feelings. I guess we are really not in love with each other. Maybe we’re just carried away with our attraction with each other. Like, I became close to him because he’s the one that fights for me whenever Jiyong bully me, but I don’t know about him. I think he still doesn’t realize it, but we can’t be an item. See? He’s not affecting my feelings anymore when I think of him. 

Anyways, our first day of school started 2 days ago and we all went well with our courses.

*College of Fine Arts (Oriental Panting) – Lay
*College of Liberal Arts (Psychology) – Fany, Tao, and Yoona
*College of Business Administration – Sica and Yuri
*College of Engineering (Industrial) – Jiyong
 Fany, Tao and I are taking the same course but I’m not one of their classmates.

We rarely see each other during school hours. We only have time during breakfast in the house and most of the time, we’re busy. I kind of miss them. Well, we eat breakfast and dinner together but I’m not used to this set up. Hahaha. Enough with the complaints, oh~ I forget about one thing, our schedules.

We all leave the house before 9AM because…I don’t know. We all start our classes at 9, but our last meetings aren’t same. We have different schedules everyday too. I have a full schedule during Monday and Thursday and during Wednesday, I only have 2 subjects in the morning and then nothing follows. Fany and Tao’s schedule are different from mine. Their class section has their full schedule during Tuesday and Friday and they have the most convenient day during Monday.

Today is Wednesday and I’m already home alone. I don’t know about the others’ schedule but Jiyong just entered the house. Probably today is his most convenient day too.

“Oh. Hi Jiyong.” I greeted.

“Hello Yoona. You’re alone?”

“Uhh, yeah.”

“So how did you get here? You commuted?” He suddenly asked worriedly.

I creased my brows before answering. “Yes.” I pout. “My parents won’t allow me to have my own car here so I will have to commute.”

He laughed. The thing is, only Yuri and I don’t have our own cars here with us. Lay and Tao brought their big bikes with them. They say it’s more convenient than a car.

“You should’ve just called me. Tss.” He said. “It’s dangerous for a girl to commute alone, you know. Where’s your schedule?”

I handed him my list of schedules and asked. “Why do you want to see it?”

He looked at it first before answering. “It looks like we have the same schedules.” He smiled. “I can be your driver.”

“Wait. My driver?” I chuckled. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

I stood up to go upstairs to have some rest.

“Why? Don’t you want a handsome driver?” He said before laughing.

“Tss. Jiyong?” I called.

“Hmm?”

“Are you not going somewhere? You have the whole afternoon, so go. I need to sleep.”

“I don’t have anything to do actually. And besides, I don’t want to leave you here alone.” He said.

“Aish. Don’t flirt with me.” I joked.

He stood up and walked towards me on the stairs. “I am.”

“S-Stop grinning.” I stuttered and looked away. ‘Why did I even say that? Stupid Yoona.’ I scolded myself.

He’s too close that I can feel his breath on my cheek. I can feel my cheeks heating up too. What’s wrong with me now?

“Do still remember what I told you before?”

I slightly pushed him. “Y-Yes. W-Why?”

“*sigh* Nothing.” He made me look at him. “Can I hug you?”

But before I can respond, he’s already hugging me.

“I’m willing to wait for you, Yoona.” He whispered. “And thank you for returning to you own self.”

He let go and smiled at me before walking up the stairs.

*sigh*

‘What’s with him?’ I thought. I didn’t notice that I was clutching my chest for a while now. this nervousness I’m feeling when I’m with Jiyong is becoming frequent.

I shook my head.

“I don’t like what I’m thinking.” I whispered.

At lunch, he called me to have lunch with him so I did. He’s really good at cooking, by the way. An ideal man.

---

Weekends came and the house is on a riot. Hahaha.

“I never thought college could be this busy. I missed you all!” Fany stated.

“I know right!” Sica said while eating chocolates.

We’re all here in the living room watching a Hindi movie, Ghajini.

“Sanjay Singhania is really cool, and scary.” Yuri said dreamingly.

“Kalpana is gorgeous.” The boys chorused.

After the movie, we switched to a music channel.

“…the 3TS!...” the VJ talks.

All eyes are on me now, I can tell.

“What?” I casually asked.

“Nothing.” The girls reacted.

Are they still expecting me to act differently? Aish. I moved on.

“…They’re new song is an all-kill. I already heard the song but I still didn’t see the music video. Have you?” The guy VJ said.

“It’s a really heartbreaking song, right? So what do you expect for the music video? When I first watched it, I really cried. I was moved by the lyrics. It gives the viewer a feeling of regrets. And it makes the song more heartbreaking because they’re guys. You know, it’s like, it’s impossible for a guy to ask for forgiveness to a girl. I’m not stereotyping, okay?” The girl VJ defends.

“Anyway, here is their latest music video ‘Kismet’. We hope you enjoy it.”

***

(KISMET by: Silent Sanctuary)
Didn't mean to take you for granted
Didn't mean to show I don't care
Didn't mean to throw away this once in a lifetime of chance
Being with you

And I'll drive for 2 hours
To bring Butterfingers
I don't mind the distance
This kismet's a dance

This time I surrender
My everything forever
Life doesn't matter
Just our souls together
***

Once I hear his voice and saw him moving on the music video, I felt a slight pinch inside my chest.

“Omo.” Sica reacted. When I looked at her, she’s crying. Fany and Yuri looks like they’re going to cry anytime soon and the boys look awkwardly serious.

***
Pride no longer has room in me
On bended knees in public I cry
Your name for everyone to know that I love you, I love you
Please hear me now
…
***

The song ended and I just felt my cheeks damp. I touched it and I realized that I was actually crying. I quickly dried my cheeks before they notice, but I’m too late.

“Here, I don’t want to see you crying.” Jiyong smiled and handed me his handkerchief.

I looked at the others and saw the sadness in their eyes while looking at me.

‘I guess…I’m not completely move on. Is that it?’

Why do I need to feel this pain inside my heart after all this time? Aish! I hate it!

A/N: ANOTHER CHAPTER FOR YOU GUYS!! ENJOY!! ^_^

AND ATLAST SNSD IS BACK!! LET'S PARTY!!