Chapter 34

Your P.O.V

So Kai and Sehun ended up hanging out with us at the cafe. Even so, there wasn't much I could say to them. They would either talk rubbish or laugh at their inside jokes. It was pretty awkward. And then out of nowhere, Sehun mentioned someone called Eunsung. "Yeah, Baekhyun is probably with his family and I bet Chanyeol is chasing Eunsung noona." "Eunsung?", I uttered, not realising that I made myself part of the conversation. "Oh, the one Chanyeol likes. They always hang out together-" "Sehun. Shh.", Kai glared at Sehun. "Huh? Was that suppose to be a secret?", Sehun gawked nervously and then turned to face me and Sujiin, "Just forget what I said.", he laughed. What an idiot. Kai facepalmed himself and spoke to Sujin, "Sujin, you must not tell this to anyone in our class, infact not just our class but the others as well." He probably didn't ask me knowing that my class wouldn't care and nor would I. Yet I felt a knot in my stomach.

"Yeah, I won't tell." Sujin muttered. "Okay good.", Kai stated. Sujin looked at me, biting her lips but I didn't respond back, as something else hit me. What Chanyeol said to me that night I "confessed". 

Sorry to tell you, I already have someone I like and-", "You are not my type."

How did I forget his words?! And I even admitted to Sujin that I slightly like him now. I gritted my teeth in annoyance and let out a rusty sigh. "You alright?", Sehun asked. "Yep!", I chuckled vaguely. And Sehun being Sehun simply smiled and carried on chattering away with Kai. Then the both of them left saying that they had important meetings to attend. Probably some high-classed dates with es. 

Sujin and I were at the underground station and I could see her nervously gripping onto her bag, twitching her eyes side to side. "Say it.", I sighed, knowing that she was keeping it all in. She looked at me for a split second and then exploded, "I didn't know Chanyeol actually likes someone, I thought it was a rumour!-" "Well, there is nothing we can do about it.", I made out, with a straight face. "Are you alright with it though?", she asked ignoring my previous comment. "Yeah, I'm fine." "NO! You can't be! You like him, don't give up-" "Firstly, I said I don't know if I like him or not, and secondly, doesn't it make more sense for him to be liking someone his level, than someone like me?.I think this is a perfect opportunity for me to just..you know, brush away all the tiny feelings I have for him-" "You haven't even liked him properly yet! You say it as if you have been liking him for years! Don't jump to that conclusion yet! Wait patiently and don't give up. Who knows, he might fall for you in the end.", she dauntingly smirked. "Fall for me, my ! I even said I don't know if I like him-" "You do, end of story.", she ended the conversation. 

Silence filled in between us before Sujin broke it again. "Jisu." "Mhm..." "Well, let me tell you this. I have been liking Baekhyun for two years. There has been times when I wanted to give up because he never noticed me but these days, I feel like someone like me can have a chance." I didn't respond back and so she pouted, "So, what I am trying to say is, like him for longer and then if you feel as if nothing is progressing, then give up." What a reassuring comment. I glared at her, "Then I might as well give up now!" "DON'T! You will never know! He might like you so take every chance! Like I said, I will help you and support you. You have done so much for me...and no one has ever helped me before...so.", she uttered. I smiled, touched by her words. "Thanks, even though it was because of you, I met that demon." "Well, I did you good.", she said smirking. 

Maybe like Sujin said, I'll try what I can...I don't even know if I like him or not and this is the only way to find out. By not giving up on these tiny affections I have towards him. Okay, I will try my best.

It was Sunday and I felt lifeless. I was thinking about how I felt about Chanyeol but I couldn't think straight. I have more things I hate about him than I actually like. I sighed in frustration and flung myself onto my bed. My hands scattered its way under my pillow and pulled out the journal. After my brother found this, I kept it under my pillow for safety reasons.

It was pretty cliche to keep something under pillows but knowing my brother, he would know that I would never do this as he knows I am educated enough to not follow the crowd. However this is all part of my brillant plan. He will never know its under my pillow as he would never think of me putting it there in the first place. In the end, I will able to fool him and I felt proud by that idea.

I opened the first page of the journal and I felt myself blushing in embarrassment. Why did I write such stupid things?! I started to tear the page out, but I stopped. Here my heart goes again. Thump Thump Thump. In the end, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Furious, I turned the page over hastily, got a pencil and scribbled in big nasty letters, 'Things that I hate about Chanyeol' and I jotted some examples down.

1)Rude 2)ert 3)Thinks too highly of himself 4)Doesn't think about others 5)Hate his stupid smirk... 

I found myself sighing, to be honest his smirk wasn't that awful. I drew a line going down the page unintentionally and wrote on the other side, 'Things I like about Chanyeol'. Before thinking for some time, I wrote 1) in bold.

1) When he is nice without knowing he is 2) Helps me when there is a problem 3)When he embarrasses himself 4)His smile 5)-

I stopped for a moment and frowned at what I was doing. I swear a moment ago I was writing hateful comments about him, when did it come down to this?! Why am I like this? I was never like this. Why is Chanyeol changing me? I don't like it. I slammed the journal and shoved it back under my pillow. I ploughed my red face onto my pillow and pulled the duvet over my head. He has someone he likes, why am I even doing this?...I just can't help myself.

It was Monday and I had come to a depressing decision. I like Chanyeol and there was nothing I can do about it. Even though I had told myself a numerous of times yesterday that he already has someone he likes and that he's an awful bastard, I just couldn't stop myself. I know I am going to hate myself for doing this but there is no choice. My heart would keep on beating like crazy if I did not admit it. I like Chanyeol. That was it. I may have not known him for long but nothing was going to change the fact. I like him. Here, I said it.  

But I have decided that, this does not mean that I have to act differently in front of him. I was still going to be myself even if it makes him hate me more. And with this thought, I walked through the school gates.