M-maxstep?

You didn’t know if you’d heard it right.

Shock rolled over your body in waves, your head slightly pulsing upon hearing the news.

‘You will be staying in Exo K’s dorms while accompanying Luhan and seeing to other matters while there for the duration of 2 weeks. And you’ll be leaving the day after tomorrow.’ Manager Li spoke so casually, it was hard to keep a straight face, your mind had shattered, it had broken and been remade in seconds rendering you slightly dizzy. 

‘Well get on with it, you can leave now.’ It was Manager Li’s snapping shut of his folder that brought the two of you back to earth. Luhan bowed in 90 degrees and almost grabbed your hand before stopping himself. You led the way out the door, leaving it open for Luhan to join you.

You were there yet not really there.

The world spun during the car ride home, neither of you spoke to one another except with knowing looks of surprise.

Luhan looked anxious for very different reasons than yours.

The small thought wormed it’s way into your mind; you’d be seeing them again, you’d be able to go back to Korea and actually see them.

But you couldn’t look happy otherwise the boys here…they’d take it the wrong way. There was no favouritism, none at all. If it was up to you, you’d have them all together as a 12…but life wasn’t that simple or easy – the world, your world played along the rules of SM, and SM did not play fair.

-----------

‘You’ve already eaten 2, leave ____ hers.’ Kevin scolded Tao whie you both walked in, trying not to look deflated at the same time as seeing them.

Tao held a plastic bag in his hand, eyeing whatever was inside.

‘Oh you’re back!’ Tao exclaimed, pulling ice cream from the bag.

Oh, the ice cream. You’d completely forgotten.

‘We got it for you! definitely wasn’t going to eat it.’ Tao looked guilty, but either way you took the ice cream, placing a smile quickly back on your face so as not to alarm him;

‘Thanks Tao.’ You replied, patting him on the head he so desperately craved

‘Did someone say ice cream?’ Jong Dae yawned, shuffling out from his room while rubbing one eye. He lifted his shirt to scratch his belly.

‘What happened?’ Kevin asked, you snapped your eyes to him guiltily, but he was asking the question to Luhan who didn’t meet his gaze.

Luhan shifted, angling his head towards you perhaps in subconscious support. Jong Dae tilted his head now comically intrigued while he schimmied over to Tao’s ice cream. 

‘It was just…just a meeti-‘

‘We’re going to Korea.’ The words came out of you in one quick breath.

‘Oh really?’ Kevin asked with a raised eyebrow.

‘Did you guys get the spicy ramen I asked for or-yah Tao seriously you only remembered to get ice cream!?’ Yixing tutted as he walked out the kitchen, rubbing his temples at an oblivious Tao who’s focus remained on the pair of you.

‘We’re going to Korea.’ Jong Dae said excitedly.

‘Really?, I do need to practice my Korean.’ Yixing replied, crossing both arms and scratching his elbow.

‘When do we go?’ Minseok asked, poking his head from around the corner of the sitting room.

‘Um.’ The panic began to rise in your throat while you looked around all their eager faces.

‘It’s actually just…’ The words died on your tongue as you stared down at your feet shamefully;

‘____and I are going.’ Luhan stated, his fist clenched beside you.

‘And _____’s one of the only managers who’s bilingual so she has to come along. We leave day after tomorrow.’ Their faces dropped one by one.

‘It’s for an MV Luhan’s going to be in.’ You added, wanting to sigh deeply.

‘Just Luhan?’ Jong Dae asked, his forehead creasing while his eyebrows raised in disappointment.

You nodded silently.

‘Someone from K will probably be in it.’ Minseok didn’t sound jealous or bitter, it was a thoughtful statement.

‘No one knows.’ You replied not entirely sure there would be a K member.

There was only one word to describe the looks on their faces.

Luhan saw it.

Jealousy.

Minseok would never be jealous only…lonely.

He didn’t know what envy it was that lay behind their eyes, perhaps it was the fact you were coming with him…or the fact that…

For once Luhan felt bad for Jongin…so this was what he had to go through too.

Regardless of how Minseok truly felt at the idea of his best friend going, he seemed incredibly supportive.

Yixing smiled encouragingly at the both of you, placing a hand on your shoulder;

‘Well let’s go out for some traditional Chinese cuisine before you fly off, so you don’t forget us.’

‘It’s only for two weeks it’ll go by so fast.’ Luhan replied sounding dumb.

‘No one mention it to K, let ____ and Luhan just appear and scare the crap out of them!’ Jong Dae suggested.

Even though, I’m going to have to endure Baekhyun’s stupid snaps of you again.’ Tao whined.

=============

‘Luhan what are you doing up so early?’ You asked looking evidently surprised. Minseok once again had woken you up for a run to apparently ‘burn off the Chinese from the night before.’ He seemed to be a hell of a lot more alert and awake than you were while he stood by the door, pulling a grey hoodie on, Minseok came out of the kitchen with a bottle of water.  

‘Well I just randomly woke up.’ Luhan stated, bending down to tie the laces of his trainers in front of you;

‘So I thought I’d join you today.’ He added looking up at you both, Minseok gave him a quizzical look, Luhan heaved out an elated breath before standing up and patting Minseok on the shoulder.

‘So let’s go.’ He stated, gesturing over at you. You were almost about to ditch Minseok with Luhan so you could get a few more hours of shut-eye, but Luhan’s stupidly over enthusiastic face made you internally swallow your fatigue and go for it.

….aaaaannnddd after about 15 minutes in, you were burned out.

The other two were evidently pretending that this was their max pace too, even dabbing at non-existent sweat with the backs of their sleeves just to make you feel less pathetic. Stupid nice guys. The crisp morning air and presence of fewer people out at this time should have made you feel calm, but the boys evidently looked edgy. You interpreted it as an itching to run as fast as they could and race it out.

‘Just go you two.’ You wheezed, mopping your brow and slowing down to a halt.

‘What, why? We’re doing fine.’ Minseok stated, Luhan nodded in agreement, slowing down too.  

‘It’s ok, just run all the way to the end of the field, I’ll catch up with you, right where that lamp post is. I feel like stretching a bit before I run anymore.’ It was half-truths mixed in with half lies. You had to stretch out the massive, gut-wrenching stich you had in the side, embedded right between your ribs.

‘Have a race, whoever wins gets to enjoy ice cream with me at the end of this.’ You said, wanting no more than to lie down and guzzle down some ice cream. You pulled a water bottle out from your hoodie pocket and began to drink, enjoying the light of competitiveness awaken behind each boys’ eyes.

‘Alright if you say it’s fine…we could have one race, since you’re flying tomorrow and all.’ Minseok raised and lowered his eyebrows, egging Luhan on.

‘Ok, may the best Chinese boy win.’ Luhan stated, rolling up his hoodies grey sleeves, readying himself. The two boys stood side by side, looking at each other for a split second before Luhan shouted ‘GO!’ and they were off. You sighed in victory, sitting down on the floor and regaining your breath, debating whether to pour the bottle of water over your entire body.

==========

Luhan ran.

Minseok ran.

They ran and ran and ran until their lungs burned in their throats. Had Luhan even taken a breath? He didn’t know.

The lamp post drew nearer, lengthening the closer they both got to it.

And somehow, unbelievably as Luhan darted the last few metres, a burst of energy seemed to have shot out of Minseok’s arse, he beat Luhan by a metre.

Luhan bent over, holding onto the lamp post with one hand while he caught his breath back. Minseok didn’t bother cheering in victory, instead he opted for a victorious smirk while he too, tried to catch his breath. The early morning colours of the park began to turn golden, it would be fully bathed in light soon.

‘You couldn’t sleep, could you? That’s why you came.’ Minseok stated rather than asked.

Luhan tried looking innocent, but gave up quickly, smiling sheepishly. Minseok grimaced;

‘Why are you so worried?’ He asked, nudging his friends shoulder.

‘I don’t want to be away from what I’m used to. And of course I don’t want to be away from you.’ Luhan replied, ruffling Minseok’s hair. Minseok almost tutted, but he felt a warmth spread throughout him.

‘That’s not just it though.’ Minseok added, jutting his chin out towards the girl who was walking almost at a crawl towards them.

‘I’m nervous.’ Luhan whispered, gulping hard. He clenched his fist, watching you intently while he bit his lower lip. He didn’t feel at home in Korea if Minseok wasn’t with him. He’d grown so attached to his best friend. And at the same time, it gave you another chance to see them all again…to see him again.

‘Everytime she’s in Korea I get nervous. Something always happens, and its usually not something good.’ Luhan spoke truthfully, his forehead creased as he sighed pitifully.

Minseok blinked slowly. His gaze followed your movements in a blurred, distorted view.

‘Don’t tell Luhan.’

Oh ____, it’s my burden to tell…

And my jealousy to bare

‘I kissed ____.’

The words came out of him so easily, Minseok breathed calmly, his eyes fixed on you while Luhan seemed to be knocked sideways.  

‘Wh-what did you say?’ Luhan stepped closer towards Minseok, his eyes scanning Minseok’s expression, waiting for his gaze to meet Luhan’s…but Minseok didn’t speak. His eyes remained fixed on you, and perhaps to something beyond his sight.

Luhan’s jaw dropped, his nostrils flared and his jaw clenched;

‘If you don’t explain yourself, you’re going to have to fight me, right here, right now-‘

‘-Relax.’ Minseok’s gaze finally tore away momentarily flicking to Luhan lugubriously.  

‘She didn’t kiss me back.’ He looked one more time towards you. His fists clenched, his jaw tightened ever so slightly…

She didn’t kiss me back…

‘We’re just friends.’ Minseok would never tell Luhan the real reason behind the kiss, knowing Luhan would hate to know his friend had attempted to fight his battles for him, but what Minseok was willing to do for Luhan…

‘It was an accidental bump.’ Minseok stated. The look of disbelief in Luhan melted into trust in a friend that would never lie to him. Minseok gripped his fingers tightly. Angry at the effect of a simple girl, feeling a rift that had never existed before you came into the picture, lengthen slightly between him and Luhan. And yet…

‘I’m your biggest fan.’

You were more honest, more true to yourself than Minseok could ever be. He couldn’t hate you, he could only blame and hate himself…and the weakness of his best friend’s heart…and his own.