Even if Luhan and Minseok seemed to be completely normal by the time you got back to the dorms,

Even if you’d both said goodnight…

And even when Kevin smiled at you, walking back into his room where a slumbering Yixing was now sleeping…

Your mind raced.

Even while you tossed and turned in bed, trying so hard to just think of calming thoughts and pass out.

You couldn’t.

That horrible, nagging feeling squirmed inside your belly, it had felt like hours had passed…and sleep did not welcome you in it’s warm, comforting embrace….

But then again.

Perhaps you didn’t deserve to sleep, didn’t deserve to feel good about anything…

The look on Luhan’s face…

It was burnt into your memories along with Kevin’s warmth almost pressing against your lips and filling your sens-

NOPE

Interview stress

I already have far too much interview stress this is what’s going on. I’m worried cuz I know I’m ed for tomorrow.

That should’ve calmed you down, but then you really did realise the damn interview would be a testament to your Chinese…you hadn’t even had enough lessons with Kevin, or maybe you had...he seemed to be completely fine with the level you were at…but you weren’t too sure.

‘Ah.’ You sighed, tossing and turning once more.

Perhaps…perhaps if I message Kyungsoo, maybe he’ll have something calming to…wait…

You looked at the lock screen of your phone-

He’d be asleep by now.

‘Ah….’ You sighed again.

You couldn’t go to Kevin…you certainly couldn’t go to Luhan…but

There was someone.

How could you have forgotten all the moments you’d shared together, emersing yourselves in each other’s worries without judgement.

He’d know how you were feeling.

However, most likely the boy would be asleep by now, but he had managed to get his own room (through a kai-bai-bo battle between the members) which meant you could sneak in without alerting anyone else.

It was worth a shot.

And with that, you threw your covers off and as quietly as you could, tip-toed over to the room across the corridor and the door to your surprise, was slightly ajar.

-

‘Jong Dae.’ You whispered into the darkness, not expecting a reply.

‘Mm?’ A bright light filled the darkness of the room.

Jong Dae held out his phone, his eyes focusing in on the figure by the door.

‘Jong Dae I-‘

‘Yah did you come to on me?’ Jong Dae asked, pulling his sheets up a little higher.

You tutted in reply.

‘Can’t sleep? Me neither.’ He said, knowing his joke had fallen flat.  Your shoulders slumped slightly in a relief of tension.

‘Is it about the interview?’ You asked trying to whisper, scratching your foot with the other.

‘Among other things.’ Jong Dae replied, sitting up in his bed and turning his bed-side light on. The bedroom illuminated slightly into subtle oranges and yellows. Jong dae wore a simple white shirt, his hair ruffled into a bed headed-mess while his eyes looked slightly pink from fatigue. You took a step closer, sighing deeply.

‘What do you need?’ Jong Dae asked bluntly, rubbing his eyes and then his hair.

‘Well I…I was…wondering…’

‘Yah, you have your own bed.’ Jong Dae interrupted, knowing the end of the sentence anyway, he pointed behind you-

‘But Jong Daeeeeeeee.’ You almost whined again, writhing your neck around in feinted distress.

‘I like my space.’ Jong Dae huffed, spreading his arms out rubbing both pillows by his sides. The action momentarily made your heart leap…

It was such a Baekhyun thing to do. The boy often did it during one of his childish, selfish moments when he’d acted out…usually to annoy Kyungsoo…

You looked down at your feet, a frown curving along your lips-

‘-Come.’

Your head shot up while you looked straight at him, Jong Dae patted his bed sheets.

‘Of course you can stay here.’ He declared, shifting over for you. Jong Dae flumped up a pillow and placed it beside him a respectable distance away. Your eyes lit up, delighted he’d changed his mind. You almost leaped into the bed, schimiying under the covers in pleasure;

‘Thank you.’ You stated, placing your hands above your head and sinking into the mattress. 

‘Just tell me I’m gorgeous again and I’ll give you another pillow.’ Jong Dae cooed.

‘Wh-what?’ You asked with eyebrows raised in confusion.

‘You said that almost a lifetime ago.’ Jong Dae stated nonchalantly, placing his phone on his bedside table.

‘Well…’ what exactly did he want you to say? You chewed the inside of your lip to avoid a response, but Jong Dae pressed-

‘Did you mean it when you said I was?’ There was a hidden lace of genuine curiosity you didn’t catch on, the thickness of Jong Dae’s sarcasm shielded the question from exposing any ounce of vulnerability Jong Dae harboured about his looks.

‘I said that?’ You stated, trying to make it look like you’d forgotten.

‘Yes.’ Jong Dae irked a greedy smile.

‘Well, of course I do. I think you all are.’ You mumbled, feeling your ears redden slightly over the subject.

‘And you said I was cute-‘

‘-Oh yes yes I’m sure I also said you were funny smart and awesome at everything.’ You retorted, folding your arms.

‘Nope but now you’ve said it, I’ll add that too.’ Jong Dae purred, his grin reaching from ear-to-ear. You gave a soundless snort.

‘You know you can just ask me out if you want to, I wouldn’t object.’ Jong Dae loosed a loud sigh as if he’d be doing you a favour.

‘Okokok Mr. modesty I get it.’ You almost laughed before thumping his shoulder. He rubbed it in feinted dismay.

‘I am happy, I used to be so jealous about the conversations you’d have with Baekhyun.’ Jong Dae rolled his shoulders while staring at the ceiling, he lifted a hand to the ceiling for a few moments before dropping it;

‘Last time we talked like this…you were leaving me here…It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it’d be.’ The calmness in Jong Dae’s voice disclosed he wasn’t lying.

‘The others are nice and they do help me and Minseok out…I owe a lot to them.’ He added with a silent sigh of relief.

‘I’m glad they do.’ You nodded. You were going to ask a lot more but-

‘-How are things with Baekhyun?’ the question startled you it was so out of the blue.

‘What about Baekhyun?’ You asked with a look of pure aloofness on your face you were sure Jong Dae was holding back a barking laugh, instead he opted for a chuckle;

‘Do you miss that loser?’ Jong Dae asked intruiguingly.

‘As much as you miss him.’ You replied, heaving a small groan, thinking about the headaches that boy brought with his reckless behaviour. There were so many moments with Baekhyun you’d never been able to ask about, to understand why he acted certain ways in situations that always led to head-butting.

‘Then not at all.’ Jong Dae joked, you smiled softly. Although Baekhyun was reckless, perhaps it was what you enjoyed so much about him. His pride and arrogance as a performer, his purely honed talent, and his overconfidence hidden by that puppy-dog face should’ve made you detest him to the core…

But there were moments with Baekhyun, moments that made you change the way you looked at him entirely, made you question just how many sides to him, how many layers did he hide from the rest of the world?

London, before the SM party…the day he cried in front of no one else but you…

Jong Dae noticed the crimson blooming on your cheeks while you continued to stare at the ceiling. Bakehyun’s insecurities always made him boisterous and open about his affection for you. Whether the others were too stupid to realise if it was all an act or not, it seemed to annoy everyone to no end. But perhaps the others, and perhaps even Baekhyun himself had never truly realised…how much of an affect he had on you.

Did you even know it yourself?

That slight tang in Jong Dae’s stomach made him abruptly switch questions, veering from another side; ‘What about Sehun?’

‘Sehun?’ You repeated the name and with that the person tied to it. Jong Dae was curious about that too, seeing as no one else knew, or would dare ask;

‘