The whole morning had gone by in a blur, no one spoke much due to fatigue and probably because of what was to come, but you tried to busy yourself; making sure the boys didn’t leave anything behind by arranging pickups, transfers and the like.

But by the time you’d realised it, you were all out the hotel and in the airport.

How you wished that morning had stretched out just a little longer.

‘Ah we’re going to be late.’ You tutted, quickly scanning your boarding passes and finding the corresponding gates – you had to keep in mind there were two different final destinations.

‘Well if Duizhang didn’t spend so much time putting all his creams on-‘

‘I don’t put that many creams on Yixing!’ Kevin groaned in denial as he lugged his tattered black bag along with the group.

‘Ok well we need to stop off at K’s terminal first then we can go after- ‘ The dread was put on hold as you kept your facial expression in check.

‘-____-ah, sorry wait I think I left my-‘ You were tugged back lightly by Jongin amongst the sea of boys all marching down the gates with their carry-ons.

‘Wh-what Jongin we have to-‘ Your head darted from the gate ahead and back towards Jongin who continued to tug at your arm.

‘Just one moment I think I had my passport just…’ The others continued down to the boarding gate while you halted, Jongin rummaged through his carry-on.

‘Did you just say you THINK you had your passport!?’ The panicked was evident in your voice - if Jongin didn’t have his passport, what on earth were you going to do??? Jongin seemed to be completely relaxed seeing as he was slowly scanning through the items in his bag.

‘Oh no I’ve got it.’ He said smiling, waving a green passport at you. His nose crinkled when you whacked him on the arm;

‘Yah Jongin don’t scare me like that! If you really had lost it then we-‘

‘-This is for you.’

He’d pulled something out of his bag.

Your eyes widened as you looked down at the small thing in Jongin’s hand;

It was a Minnie-mouse plushie.

Bashfully, Jongin placed the thing onto your palm.

You stared down at the gift, unable to coherently utter a word.

‘I-I know it’s not much, and it’s a pretty useless gift but…but I wanted to give you something and I didn’t really think-I just thought…this was cute and well…it kinda reminded me…I mean, sorry I meant you like cute things…so….’ He broke out into a nose-crinkled embarrassed smile as he ruffled the back of his hair with one hand before rubbing his neck.

A breath caught in your throat while he spoke, your eyes fixated on the plushie.

It was a souvenir of a wonderful time, from a wonderful person…

‘I know it’s nothing like the band you gave me, and I-I promise the next time I see you I’ll have something better to give you but-‘

Even if people were watching,

even if you would both be late for your flight,

you almost jumped into a hug; chin over Jongin’s shoulder while you flung your arms around him tightly, squeezing your eyes shut the plushie hugged tight in the palm of your hand.

It felt like the only way, the only thing you could do to convey it;

You’d miss him so much; you’d miss him dearly.

His aroma, his brown hair that moved every time he tilted his head, that wonderful smile of his…and the sound of his laughter. You’d miss it all.

‘Thank you.’ You breathed over his shoulder.

Those words…their meaning…the sound of them leaving your lips…unlocked something.

As if someone had turned a switch, it was a rush, a release.

Finally, finally…after what felt like months and months.

Finally…

You could let Jongin go.

‘Ah-ah, no problem.’ His voice mumbled by your ear.

You breathed out, breaking the tight embrace you’d kept him in and stepped back.

‘It’s adorable.’ You stated, lifting the thing up;

‘Ah woah, don’t hold it up so everyone can see- there could be…fan girls around.’ Jongin almost yelped as his hand clasped over yours, pushing it down to hide the thing from view.

You couldn’t help but smile amusedly while you looked down; the small leather wristband encircled Jongin’s thin wrist, contrasting against his skin smoothly. Why did he still wear it when you told him he didn’t have to?

Come to think of it…

Before the SM party, Jongin used to easily look into your eyes…

He’d never tense whenever you touched him but now.

Here he stood, looking away, pouting his lips and looking…looking…what was that expression?

Why did Jongin…

Does Jongin…?

Small thoughts connected together in a scrambled mess you didn’t nearly have time to solve.

Slowly, your smile faded as an intangible pang hit your chest, something in your brain stumbled upon a stupid thought that immediately left as soon as it entered. But the aftereffect, the shock of It caused your heart to squeeze a little painfully while you looked back at Jongin in a confused expression.

Why did he look at you like that?

Your brain was beginning to pound, and your heart began to pound even faster.

Where had you seen that same look before?

Your eyebrows raised in a daze of confusion as Jongin murmured something you could barely hear before taking the small gift from your hand. He leaned in beside you and fixed the keychain to your bag.  

‘-____-ah come on the lady say’s everyone’s boarding the plane now, Jongin did you get your passport?’ Yixing had come back to collect both of you. He asked blinking innocently in complete ignorance over what he’d interrupted.

‘Oh-yeah, yeah…let’s go.’ Jongin’s dark bangs covered his face as he quickly rushed off to meet the others by the terminal gate.

‘So we’re going here?’ Junmyeon asked pointing at the gate. You held all the boarding passes in your hand and rummaged through your bag for other documents.

‘Mm yep everyone get in- oh…oh wait.’ You shook your head in a sudden daze, blinking hard before looking back at the boys.

Right by the front desk it said ‘LA to South Korea.’ Of course.

‘Oh sorry, woops I mean…’ You chuckled awkwardly and gestured towards the six boys.

‘I guess it’s you guys first.’ You muttered quietly.

A big lump caught in your throat as you kept your smile on, refusing to acknowledge Luhan’s encouraging pat on your back as you stepped forward.

The other boys had already said their goodbyes when you got there, there was nothing more they needed to say besides nod and hug. But for you, you wanted to say something – anything to each of them, something to let them know that…

Junmyeon was the first to approach with a nervous and sad smile;

‘Goodbye.’ He said, unsure of whether to sound formal or not.

‘Bye Junmyeonnie.’ You thought he deserved to hear the nickname. Junmyeon’s eyes widened momentarily before colour flooded his cheeks. You hugged him softly, muttering lowly;

‘You’re a great leader Junmyeon, and thanks for helping me with them, good luck.’

Junmyeon nodded in thanks, unable to say much more than a simple ‘Goodbye Manager-nim.’

You gave him a ‘fighting’ fist held up in encouragement.

 ‘Do you have to leave?’ Sehun muttered as stepped in front of you, already whining.

‘You know I do.’ You replied blinking at him slowly before poking him on the cheek;

‘Yah, make sure he doesn’t get sick again otherwise I’m coming for you.’ You pointed straight at Chanyeol and Baekhyun accusatorily, they just sniffed and grinned at you.

‘I can take care of myself.’ Sehun mumbled with an evident school-boy pout.

You chuckled softly;

‘I know you can. Hey, can I ask for one thing?’ You looked at him with a wicked grin.

Sehun looked back at you before nodding seriously.

‘Can you call me Noona?~’

Instantly he scowled, what else was he expecting you to say?

‘Aish.’ He clicked, shaking his head and readjusting his cap so it covered his face.

‘Yah Sehun-ah, don’t be like-‘

It was a good thing no managers and no fans were around.

Because Sehun draped his arms around you, pushing you closer towards him as his chin dove into the crook of your neck. Both palms pressed against your shoulder blades, bringing you in closer.

Since when had Sehun grown taller?

Had his shoulders broadened slightly?

Why did you only notice now?

You couldn’t tell what he was thinking, you couldn’t understand what he was trying to say as he breathed out harshly;

‘…Goodbye…Noona...’ Sehun mumbled into your neck, his warm breath melted into your skin. But…

The words didn’t sound the same.

He didn’t feel the same…

*ba bump*

The breath escaped you.

For the first time…

*ba bump*

For the first time…

Sehun wasn’t just a Dongsaeng…to you.

Even as he began to shake and quiver, letting his emotions run down his cheeks quietly…

You rubbed and patted his back soothingly, trying to recover from the shock of it all.

He let go, nodding his head at you determinedly before moving off into a warm hug from Junmyeon.

‘If Sehun gets a hug, I do too.’ Chanyeol stated with open arms. He chuckled softly before folding his long limbs around you, swaying you from side to side familiarly before patting your head.

‘We’ll see you soon.’ He winked confidently. This was so unlike the boy, was this his way of handling the occasion?

‘Bye Yeolie.’ You mumbled, regaining your voice.

‘Bye.’ He smiled, trying hard to keep the light air up for as long as he could.

‘Take care of Baekhyun.’ You said, lightly punching his shoulder. Chanyeol recoiled, rubbing his shoulder and nodding.

‘Wah I don’t need to be taken care of – Chanyeol needs to be taken care of if anything!’ Baekhyun guffawed in retaliation, Chanyeol ignored him.

‘Keep wearing the hat…for me.’ He asked quietly, the tips of his ears turned pink, recalling the matching hat he’d bought you in London.

‘I’ll wear mine if you wear yours.’ You muttered, pointing at him smugly.

‘Deal.’ He agreed almost laughing, but he just couldn’t bring himself to, instead, Chanyeol settled with a crooked-forced grin before slumping his shoulders and moving off to the others.

Baekhyun’s face fell the moment he realised it was his turn.

You stepped towards him with whatever air of encouragement you could give him. But Baekhyun’s emotions were written all over his face – whether he liked it or not, and whether he knew or not.

As you stepped towards him, it was as if your brain knew to do it; Every single memory you’d experienced with Baekhyun skimmed through your brain, chocking you, suffocating you as you relieved every moment spent with him in your mind.

Helping him when he was sick, going on 7-eleven runs with him late at night when he craved snacks, listening to him sing constantly 24/7 around the dorms and in the van…and secretly laughing at Baekhyun’s attempts to annoy Kyungsoo…

Feeling your heart squeeze and thud whenever you were alone with him…somehow…deep down feeling, hearing the words he never could say….

As you looked at the boy in front of you, a wave of emotion rushed through you.

Since when…since when had Byun Baekhyun become such a part of you?

How had someone who was such an arse…become someone who was so…necessary?

Perhaps because Baekhyun always noticed the little things?

‘Did you change your perfume?’ Baekhyun asked sniffing the air as you leant over him, placing another side dish onto the table.

‘Mm?’

‘Oh, uhh maybe, oh yeah-I did, what, you don’t like it?’ You said a bit startled by the boy’s sense of smell.

‘No…it’s still flowery…so it’s nice.’ Baekhyun smiled, batting his eyelids at you innocently.

‘Uh…ok.’ You mumbled confused.

‘Ah, are you falling for me?’ Baekhyun asked with an exaggerated smile – that was immediately removed when Kyungsoo slapped him with a book as he passed by.

---

The company didn’t allow you to take a leave so you could visit home as the boys had extra CFs and shows booked that you needed to attend.

‘Ahhhh.’ You groaned, dropping your handbag and flopping onto the couch where Baekhyun sat watching TV.

‘What’s wrong with you?’ Baekhyun asked bluntly.

‘Nothing.’ You lied, sitting up straight and pretending to be chipper so he wouldn’t ask questions.

Baekhyun monitored you as you continued to stare at the screen.

‘Hey.’ He nudged looking excited;

‘Watch me do my motorbike impression!’ Before you could even object, Baekhyun had already started with his ‘vroom-vroom-VROOM!’, getting more and more animated with each sound made.

‘Ahhh it’s so ttttttt.’ You whined, screwing your face up, but annoyingly – you did laugh at the awful impression.

Baekhyun grinned at you;

‘There, at least you’re laughing.’ He stated, wriggling both eyebrows at you eagerly.

‘I….yeah…’ You mumbled, recoiling into the couch as you promptly turned a shade of pink.

-

How had he known.

How did he know?

Kyungsoo would’ve hated to hear it – but he and Baekhyun were similar in so many ways...

He’d always been there. Ready to make you feel better, ready to protect you, to hold your hand, to hug you, to keep you from getting hurt…even if it meant getting hurt in the process…

A feeling blossomed through you, causing you to immediately shove it right down to the pit of your stomach. But there it blossomed and grew, till the butterflies burst out.

You looked at Baekhyun, hoping he’d see the gratitude that swelled your heart, that it made it difficult to speak, that cause your eyes to sting harshly, blurring your eyesight.

‘Anhyeong~’ he said, waving a hand at you. The rectangular smile that bared his canines did not meet the look in his eyes. He looked distant, far off, as if trying to disconnect what was happening in the moment.

Perhaps it was how he was trying to hide it all, especially from you.

‘Don’t forget me~’ Baekhyun churned out the aegyo in a strangled voice.

You tutted over his ridiculous statement;

‘Yah Byunnie of course I’m not going to-‘

The breath almost knocked out of you as he tugged you into a hug; Baekhyun’s brown hair brushed against your cheeks softly. His thin body felt so warm, you could feel the warmth emit through his thin t-shirt in this weather.

A feeling of dread and intense longing blocked the joy you should have felt over hugging Baekhyun.

You closed your eyes tightly, embracing him back, remembering that deep scent you’d never thought you’d miss.

You couldn’t help but wonder in that moment…who would help him with his insecurities? Who would talk to him when he needed a shoulder to cry on?

‘You can always, always message me.’ You whispered in his ear, even the whisper had cracked. Nonetheless, Baekhyun nodded vigorously, tightening his grip slightly.

You placed a reassuring hand on his arm that folded around you; eyebrows furrowed as you looked up, your mind trying to remember this moment, trying to keep this feeling in your mind – of trying to keep Baekhyun the exact way he was – blunt and raw…that was the Baekhyun you knew.

He leaned in closer, the others couldn’t see as his lips grazed against the tip of your ear;

‘I might just fall for you.’

They were familiar words.

Words he’d often said to tease you and annoy whoever was around…

But…

Today.

Those words didn’t sound like they were meant to tease.

 ‘B-Byunnie!’ You scoffed, immediately pulling away to see a victoriously grinning Baekhyun – damn that puppy-dog, rectangular stupid smile of his. You could feel your cheeks redden and hear your heart pound forcefully.

‘See you~’ He almost hummed, winking before walking back to Chanyeol.

‘We already said our goodbyes so…bye.’ Jongin said looking awkward, giving you a one-armed hug. He patted your back softly; knowing eyes were on him without having to say anything.

‘See you Jongin, eat well and practice hard.’ You said while he nodded in gratitude.

What would become of Jongin?

Would he become an even better dancer than he was now? Would he feel more comfortable, feel freer to date other girls if you weren’t there? Why had that thought popped up in your mind? But at least the thought made you curious more than hurt…that was progress.

But as soon as Jongin stepped back, you felt your heart clench at the same time your stomach had.

It was the moment.

Your breathing shallowed and quickened, your heart pounded harshly against your chest. You could feel the dread build into sobs at the back of your throat – but you fought – fought with all your might to hold it back, to hold it all back. You were not going to face what it was you’d pushed to the back of your head the moment you’d heard you wouldn’t be going back to Korea…

…with him…

‘Kyunggie.’ You said, no louder than a whisper.

Kyungsoo slowly approached.<