‘How long till we get there?’ You asked tapping your armrest repeatedly. The anxiety was really hitting you now, no wonder the whole morning of packing went by in a messy blur.

‘Two more hours.’ Kyungsoo replied shrugging. He watched you with suspicion, it was obvious he wasn’t feeling as enthusiastic as you were about meeting up with M.

‘Ah ok, ok, do I have anything in my teeth?’ You asked barring your canines in front of him. Kyungsoo shook his head looking more and more displeased.

He realised what was up with your changed appearance;

‘Why are you wearing a beanie?’

‘Huh?’ You looked back at him aloofly.

‘You never wear beanies.’ Kyungsoo stated, pointing at the black woolly material on top of your head.

‘And you don’t wear bracelets.’ He added, staring at the black band around your wrist.

Damn Kyungsoo and his hawk-eyed vision.

You tapped the beanie on your head feeling awkward;

‘Ah, oh, these, haha well…well Tao and Kevin gave me these so…I said I’d give it to them the next time I saw them so…’ You played with the bracelet around your wrist and shrugged, immediately feeling self-conscious.

Kyungsoo stiffened, his eyes lingered on the bracelet before looking up at his mini TV.

‘Mm.’ He grunted, flicking through the channels quietly.

Your eyes scanned around to watch the others:

Junmyeon was about to sit by you, but Kyungsoo seemed to have scared him off by a look you didn’t see. Nonetheless Junmyeon was called by Chanyeol to sit in between him and Baekhyun…

Wait.

‘Kyungsoo-ah?’

‘Mm.’ He grunted, still sounding unimpressed.

‘Are Baekhyun and Chanyeol in a mood or something?’

‘What?’ Kyungsoo looked over at those two with an awkward Junmyeon in between them.

‘They never sit apart and...I don’t think they’ve actually spoken to each other today.’ You muttered, trying to remember if through the chaos of packing, you’d actually seen them talk.

‘It’s nothing.’ Kyungsoo stated, turning back to the TV and changing the channel.

‘Really? It doesn’t look like it…’ You added, watching them closely and squinting your eyes as if to read between the lines.

‘It’s probably over something like who took the last ramyeon packet or something, stupid stuff.’ Kyungsoo retorted, sounding extremely uninterested while he opened his blanket and flung it over himself.

‘Mm ok.’ You replied turning to look out the window. Whatever the problem, it would sort itself out, you had bigger things to worry about anyways...

Your mind wandered in excitement.

Should I have brought souvenirs?

Will we be awkward with each other?

How the hell am I going to manage 12 guys on my own!?

Nonetheless, these questions would all be answered soon enough…

Too soon.

=====================

‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder.’ Those were the words Minseok whispered in Luhan’s ear reassuringly while he watched you hug Wu Fan for the last time. Luhan couldn’t bear to look back at you while he passed through the gate. The feeling of emptiness soon followed him. Everyone was quiet on the way to China. Even if it was his home country…it suddenly didn’t feel like home…

Days went by and weeks passed, yet there wasn’t a moment where he didn’t think of messaging you.

‘Yah what would _____-ah say if she saw you acting like this Zitao!?’ The words would slip out of Yixing unintentionally from time to time.

‘____-ah doesn’t think I’m fat.’ Minseok mumbled sadly, lying in bed during low times after checking news articles on the internet.

Zitao would constantly whine your name whenever the K boys posted pictures with you on the group chat.

Wu Fan didn’t need to say anything, he never had to. The look in his eyes said it all, and how could Luhan blame him? But it was different for the leader, it was as if he missed a best friend rather than…or perhaps Luhan just couldn’t read him well enough yet.

‘Hey guys!’ Your voice would ring up the whole room as soon as your face appeared on his phone screen. The smile on his face wouldn’t be forced like it usually had to be during interviews, it just emerged by itself without warning.

There were moments during the night when he’d lay in bed, calculating the time difference and realising it would be too late to call you.

But one time, a thought had crossed through his mind;

Perhaps a message could be sent?

Maybe a simple ‘Hey’ or ‘I miss you.’ But no, that’d be too creepy…and needy.

Unwillingly he’d find himself staring at his phone, unintentionally flicking through his gallery. Those precious pictures he should’ve deleted but just couldn’t, lingered on the screen.

Pictures from your birthday party, pictures at the bubble tea shop…selcas of random moments all caught on his phone…

A smile would emerge on his lips again that he didn’t bother to hide as no one was watching or judging…

Maybe a quick call

If you didn’t answer, it was a sign.

Before he knew it he’d pressed the button…

*beeeeep*

Luhan held his breath.

*beeeeep*

His heart pounded faster and faster-

‘Uh, h-hello?’ Your face emerged on the scream mid-way through a yawn.

His eyes widened and his mouth fell open, unable to think of a good excuse as to why he’d called fast enough-

‘H-HI! Sorry were you sleeping?’ The words slipped out of him awkwardly, immediately he felt ashamed that he’d even called. But here he had you to himself and no one else. Regardless if those boys got to have you during the day…he couldn’t waste the opportunity.

‘No no, ok, well...yeah but don’t worry, what’s up? Something wrong?’ You asked blinking heavily before rubbing your eyes and turning your night light on.

‘Um…PLEASE TELL ME ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT KIMCHI JJIGGAE.’ Luhan spluttered out without thinking.

What was he saying!?

You looked back at him with furrowed eyebrows;

‘What? You want to know about food?’

‘Yeah, yeah I want to cook it for the others because Jong Dae and Minseok are really missing Korean food…please tell me everything!’ It wasn’t a complete lie; those two were really missing Korean food, but there was no way Luhan would be able to cook diddly-squat at his level.

‘Um yeah sure, ok.’ You replied looking so confused but nonetheless willing to help;

‘Well the first thing is…‘

He pretended to be listening while nodding, he’d ask more and more questions just to keep you talking. He knew food was your speciality and you’d be able to go on and on about it if he asked. After a hard day’s work, this was the best reward he could receive, just listening to you…

‘You’re Exo’s Luhan aren’t you?’ a pretty girl asked him one day outside his favourite restaurant. The others had walked ahead as he returned to pick up the phone he’d almost left behind.

‘Uh, me? Yes.’ Luhan replied taken aback that someone had recognised him on the streets, then again that was how he was scouted in the first place.

‘Wow! Oh my gosh you’re so handsome Lu-ge~’

He would’ve burst with joy at the flattery. Before he was even a trainee…Luhan hadn’t been that truthful about his past excursions with females to anyone…He was popular, very, very popular.

 His naïve self knew he was blessed with good looks, regardless of the procedures he’d undergo in the future. Girls already liked the look of him, boosting his ego. Of course it had been leaked how he’d had two girlfriends in the past, but luckily the others had deleted their past photos, obviously not wanting to be known to the public, which Luhan was grateful for. He didn’t need any more abuse from the managers for his past actions. He wasn’t that kind of person anymore, it wasn’t him.

 ‘Thank you.’ Luhan replied bowing politely, acting how he’d rehearsed so many times in the past to admirers. This girl was pretty, she had long hair and a sweet face but…but that was it. He couldn’t bring himself to think any more about her, to find her attractive. This girl was just…not…

…You.

‘-Hey would you like to have my number? That way maybe we could-‘

‘-Um no sorry I can’t. Goodbye.’ He quickly cut the girl off, bowing politely once more and walking off to catch up with the others.

He’d outgrown being promiscuous. He’d outgrown craving girls’ attention (which probably wasn’t a good thing at the start of his career he thought). But there was nothing he could do;

He no longer craved girls, but he found himself only wanting one girl…

…He no longer craved attention, just one’s attention…

Everything had changed.

Everything.

He felt nervous

But so excited.

When was the last time this feeling had rushed through him?

His throat felt dry and his heart began to pound harshly while he stood by the gates, waiting impatiently.

Of course these jitters would be posted all over the internet as excitement over seeing Sehun. It wasn’t that this wasn’t the case, it would be fun to hang out with the boy but…

‘Ah I see them!’ Tao exclaimed jumping all over the place.

‘That’s not them, that’s a group of old people Zitao.’ Yixing hissed, tutting frustratedly while he wrapped his orange scarf around him, trying not to mess his long brown hair in the process.

‘Do you think she’ll notice the Pikachu??’ Zitao buzzed with excitement while he held the plushie you’d given him in his arms.

‘Nope.’ Jong Dae jeered knowing it would upset Tao.

While Tao cried out in dismay and Yixing had calmed him down, Luhan’s eyes once fixed to the gate, moved to look at the others.

Wu Fan stood sternly on his phone, pretending to look through it just to preoccupy his silent nerves. His thick eyebrows angled down, furrowed intently while he stared at the screen.

‘Ah there.’ Minseok sleepily pointed out straight ahead.

Each one of them gasped as they looked forward, holding their breath.

He didn’t hear Tao yelling, he couldn’t see the avid fans flashing their cameras upon K’s arrival.

His eyes searched through and between them.

Cart after cart was pushed through the glass doors.

Junmyeon came out first with Chanyeol and Baekhyun nearby. Sehun and then Jongin pushed in afterwards, looking tired but happy to be on foreign soil.

Kyungsoo walked through right behind Jongin,

And behind him…

Luhan’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped…

==================================

Immediately your heart pounded a hundred beats per minute.

Act composed.

Be composed.

Don’t smile, don’t you dare make a noise.

No Tao, no, don’t say my name. That’s right Yixing, stop him.

Good, look at the others, don’t look at me. Do-

Your eyes met Kevin’s first. It was unintentional, but for some reason (probably due to his height) you’d pointed him out first. His golden brown hair was styled downwards and his thick eyebrows matched his pointed features perfectly. The figure hugging pants and white blazer looked immaculate. Since when had he become so…

Immediately you had to look away.

But meeting Luhan’s gaze made it worse.

No, don’t look at me, look at the others. You tried so hard to tell him through the eye contact.

His mouth fell open and his eyes grew large. His deer-coloured hair contrasted with his pale skin perfectly in his varsity jacket and MCM bag.

You wanted to pound your thumping chest to shut it up.

It was the hardest thing in the world to keep stern, especially now when it was needed the most.

You kept your head down, staring at your cart so as to focus on something else other than the hundreds or fans or six boys in front of you.

Immediately Tao stepped towards you;

‘____-ah! I can’t-‘

‘SHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh people are watching.’ Jong Dae tugged Tao by the arm before giving you an apologetic look, knowing he had to ignore you too while he headed towards Chanyeol and Baekhyun.

Tao gave a whimpering look at the floor before recollecting and turning to say hi to the others.

Kyungsoo stayed near you but knew his place and the role you played, thus, his gaze fixed on to Jongin and Sehun in front of him. Junmyeon said hello to Kevin while Minseok chatted with Luhan to Yixing and then to Sehun and Jongin. Their reunion was sweet and brisk as you all had to leave for the hotel before the girls grew wild.

You were filled with pride and joy, but you couldn’t say anything except direct the boys to the exit, feeling the flash of the fan girl’s cameras behind you the whole way – burning and investigating exactly how all the interactions between you went. It felt awful. You hated being watched, but it must’ve been even worse for the boys, a thousand times worse…

====================

As soon as you sat in the van, it was chaos.

Tao who sat to your right leaped on you in excitement.

‘WAHHHHHHHH ______-ah!!!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!!!’ His long arms wrapped around you tightly, pulling you and pushing you back while he shook you elatedly. His black bangs flung all over the place while he shook you excitedly.

‘HERE’S THE PIKACHU YOU GOT ME, LOOK!’ He exclaimed, grabbing the thing from his lap and showing you.

‘Still looks cute! Oh before I forget, here-‘ You pulled the black beanie off your head and handed it back to Tao, too excited to have your Kung Fu panda back in your sights.

‘WAHH MY BEANIE!’ Tao held it in his hands, smiling like a Cheshire cat, excited you’d kept the thing this whole time.

‘Keep it, I have another one!’ He said, pulling the thing back onto your head.

‘What, really?’ You replied looking unsure.

‘Yep! _____-ah, did you miss me??’ Tao asked, leaning in intently while you patted his head nostalgically. Your eyes scanned his feline features delicately;

‘Of course.’ You replied, nodding your head to accentuate your point. You missed how weird this boy was.

‘Not as much as meeee!’ Jong Dae interjected, jerking his thumb up to his chest proudly.

‘I missed all of you guys, we all have, haven’t we??’ You asked gesturing towards the K boys.

‘I haven’t missed Tao’s whining.’ Baekhyun semi-joked. Tao grimaced while Chanyeol snorted and then quickly stopped himself.

‘I’ve missed Sehun, did you miss meeee~’ Luhan asked, wrapping an arm around Sehun and pulling him under his arm.

‘Yah Hyung.’ Sehun protested, but the smile on his face said otherwise.

‘Zitao sit back.’ Kyungsoo ordered, pushing the boy off you in one swift movement while he sat on your other side.

‘Ohh jealous already?’ Jong Dae jibed, looking to Baekhyun and Chanyeol for support, but neither seemed to want to taunt Kyungsoo on the matter. Jong Dae looked at both of them, trying to understand who or what was keeping them from being as chipper as they should have been…

----

Thoughts of throwing Tao out the van and hoping something would run over him became wildly vivid in Kyungsoo’s mind as he stared out the window, watching passing cars.

Kyungsoo was not happy about this.

He wasn’t happy the moment he watched you giggle in excitement to yourself on the plane, twisting that bracelet around your wrist and playing with that beanie…

He didn’t like it one bit, but he didn’t want to fess up as to why.

Perhaps he also felt guilty.

Guilty he had nothing to show for your friendship…nothing to give you to signify what you meant to him…and now you were leaving.

‘It’s a shame to think we don’t make her that happy.’ Sehun sighed before closing his overhead locker.

‘No that’s not the case.’ Jongin replied shaking his head before looking over at you. You kept fidgeting in your seat while avidly chatting to Kyungsoo and Junmyeon, who hovered around you both before the plane took off.

For a split second, Jongin’s small smile slipped. The same thoughts as the night before, when he had watched you sleep whirled passed him. He looked down at his wrist.

He’d kept the brown Pandora wristband you gave him as a debut present safe in its box…but something about today made Jongin feel the need to wear it…

His shoulders slumped as he sighed, sliding his fingers through his hair before watching Kyungsoo send obvious signals towards Junmyeon to sit his arse somewhere else.

‘Hyung, sit with me.’ Chanyeol exclaimed, pointing at a free seat between him and Baekhyun.

Of course Junmyeon eagerly accepted, jumping at the chance to be included.

Jongin didn’t understand or really care as to why those two were fighting. He wasn’t on the best terms with either of them since the party.

Not because he was angry at what Baekhyun had said…but because he was angry at how true it was.

Jongin sighed before sitting down, ready to fly to a new land and forget about this mess.

I hope.

===============

Of course he was elated.

Of course he was excited to see you and the others.

But it wasn’t in his nature to be overly excited and jump for joy like Tao.

Not while the fan girls and the press were just a few metres away, waiting, hoping for a moment for him to slip up, to drop the ball and act differently than the cold prince he’d been labelled. So here he stood; light golden hair slicked down, tight white blazer and uncomfortable pants to go with it. But he’d never stop using the now tatty bag that held so many memories of home for him.

No, he couldn’t show his emotions. Besides, he was too busy worrying about other things. This company wasn’t all what it had cracked up to be, and it was hard not to show the strain it was placing on him.

Nonetheless, Kris felt content to be given a break, regardless of how small it was, it was something.

And being able to hang out with someone from the outside, someone who knew the western world like he did, it was bound to make him extremely eager to see you.

To be called Kevin again would be weird to hear, but refreshing. You were the only person that called him that apart from a friend or two back in Canada. But he was happy you’d stuck with it and never veered off using one of his other multiple names.

But he also liked the name Kris (though he’d never admit it). So he personally decided to stick with it.

‘Don’t forget we have to switch to Korean now.’ He ordered, sliding his hands into his pockets while he looked on, staring at the gate ahead.

‘Ah it’s so difficult.’ Tao whined, shutting his eyes tightly.

‘We all have to learn.’ Yixing replied in Korean, already switching.

‘When we’re back we can switch.’ Luhan added before moving over to Minseok.

He knew Luhan was excited. It didn’t take a detective to figure that out.

Perhaps even Luhan didn’t realise how much he actually talked about you without knowing. It almost rivalled Jong Dae’s constant conversation starters.

But Kris was fine with it all, it was nice to know you’d affected them all in a good way, which was what a manager should be doing.

As soon as he sat in the van, all hell had broken loose. Yixing remained calm beside him while the others began to yell and chatter the whole way to the hotel.

He just wanted to look out the window and soak up the views, but the conversation seemed to him back into the vehicle.

‘Getting jealous are we?’ Jong Dae jibed at the K boys.

The reaction was met in a mixed agreement, which sparked Kris’s interest.

Jongin seemed to look out the window intently, placing his earphones tighter into his ears as if to drown out whatever would happen next. Baekhyun and Chanyeol stiffened, exchanging glances that were obviously not meant for anyone to see. Junmyeon didn’t give a fake smile to cover up the situation but instead, looked down at his hands, wringing them absentmindedly. Sehun blinked slowly, smile disappearing as he stared blankly at the screen of his phone. Kyungsoo’s poker face remained intact, however,

You were an open book.

The smile on your face could not be wiped until you pondered the reality of Jong Dae’s words. Any girl would’ve been flattered, but you obviously were not. The internal struggle within you subdued as the conversation changed direction…

Of course all the boys rushed into the apart-hotel and tagged their shared rooms before the bags had even arrived. You remained downstairs, checking them all in as quick as you could. Kris could hear the others yelling and giggling and turning televisions on when he reached the entrance. He stood for a few minutes looking concerned. All the bags had been placed at the fr