CHEN

Kim Jongdae was not a full-blown romantic.

Perhaps an eagle-eyed viewer would have noticed, but Jong Dae gave nothing away. There were no signs of his fondness towards you, apart from pure friendship.

Yes, he would think about you, yes, he enjoyed your taste in music – and of course you would go to karaoke together and when it was your turn to sing and you sang so abysmally, Jong Dae would clap along nonetheless. 

There were moments you caught, where Kim Jong Dae would smile like a contented child at you. Sometimes he'd catch himself, feeling his heart skip a beat when your eyes would meet. 

It was stupid. It was silly. 

What he felt...was pointless. 

You'd party and joke about, and gradually…Jong Dae had moments where he found himself thinking;

'I'd like this-

-I'd like the world more if it was just you and me.'

- But he lacked the confidence to act on any of those thoughts. Perhaps it was because of one person in particular...no, It was many...Baekhyun being one-

For nothing shocked Kim Jong Dae more than the way Baekhyun; loud, obnoxious and boisterous Baekhyun turned into someone else entirely...

...all because of you. 

Byun Baekhyun, who'd sworn once he debuted, his phone would burst with the sheer number of girls' contacts he'd save. 

That Baekhyun, who declared himself the ladies' man of the century...Baekhyun...

...A boy who now perked up when you entered the vicinity...

...Who smiled enthusiastically, who smiled shyly...who could also steal a smile or two from you...

...and who looked at you so longingly, it made Jong Dae's teeth hurt. It was unbelievable how Baekhyun's happiness seemed tied so directly to your attention.

And Jong Dae couldn't bare that - he couldn't bare to see it...and he most certainly didn't want that. 

Seeing Chanyeol, who had once upon a time, joined the seemingly 'players' club steal shy looks in your direction when Baekhyun wasn't looking...

...Jong Dae knew he couldn't do it. He'd never fight for your affection. Who would want to fight an uphill battle? Especially when he knew it could only end in pain. 

And so, Kim Jong Dae would continue to sing karaoke with you, he’d clap and smile at your attempts to sing, and he’d be a shoulder for you to rest on...even cry on. Jong Dae would sing you a ballad and hope you’d know…that you’d hear the words and understand his heart. And so he held you in a secret place that no one knew about...

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It was a balmy summers day, you remember it well…

The windows were open around the apartment, to try and get some fresh air while you did chores.  

The boys were either out enjoying the day or were at a scheduled event. 

You found yourself humming while you picked up clean laundry from the drying rack and dumped them in a basket for folding. You thought of the wink Luhan gave you before he left, promising he and Kris would bring you back a coffee on the way home from practice. A picture of a very sleepy Jongin resting his chin on Kyungsoo’s shoulder before they left the apartment also had you grinning. You picked up the basket and walked into the living area; the routine was usually to sit on the leather sofa and fold clean clothes with the TV on. Your smile nearly vanished as you remembered Baekhyun loudly declaring that he’d received a good-morning text from Taeyon-

-You barely realised you’d sat on someone until they jolted awake in shock. You dropped the basket and yelped.

‘JONG DAE?’ You shrieked. The boy had been silent as a mouse, sleeping on the couch. How had you not noticed him this whole time??

‘Yeah, yeah it’s me.’ Jong Dae lifted both hands in surrender before getting up from the couch. ‘You’re still here? I thought you had a schedule?’ You asked – terror filled you, knowing it would be your fault if Jong Dae wasn’t present for practice.

‘It’s ok, they texted me last minute – they only needed Baekhyun and Kyungsoo.’ Jong Dae fought back a yawn again before picking up the dropped basket; ‘Sorry for startling you.’ He added. ‘I was dressed so it felt weird to go back to bed.’ He scrubbed his face with his hands emphatically.

‘Did you want to eat?’ You asked, picking up the clothes from the floor. ‘No I’m ok.’ The boy stifled another yawn while he bent over to help pick up the dropped clothes – ‘Do you need help?’ He asked once you’d placed the clothes back into the basket. ‘Oh no it’s fine, you can rest. I’ll just go somewhere else-‘

‘-No, stay – it’s fine, I can help.’ Jong Dae offered. ‘You don’t have to do that, you need to rest.’ You replied, concerned. ‘It’s fine, I can help, really it’s ok. I’m fully rested and awake now.’ His demeanour perked up slightly, but you could tell he was genuinely exhausted.

‘Jong Dae…’ You muttered. ‘-It’s fine, besides- this gives us some alone time~’ He joked, nudging his shoulder against yours while he grinned. You gave him a side-smile as you moved to sit on the couch. Jong Dae opted to sit on the floor right in front of you so he could face you while he folded clothes - ‘Besides, we’ve both been so busy these days, it’s nice to have some one-on-one time, like, how are you?’  His mood elevated and he seemed to vibrate while he folded clothes.

‘Well I was fine and dandy until I realised you were actually going to help me.’ You teased.

‘Yah I’ll drop this stuff right now, I was trying to do a nice thing-‘

‘-I’m joking, I’m joking. I appreciate the help.’ You gave him a truthful smile and Jong Dae pouted.

‘I didn’t see you as someone who’d be good at folding clothes.’ You added.

‘Yah, you thought I was going to be as bad as Chanyeol didn’t you?’ Jong Dae muttered; his lips that curved on the sides made him look more cat-like than Tao at times. ‘How do you keep yourself entertained? Do you put music on?’ The boy asked bemusedly. ‘In my head I do. I hum.’ You mused. ‘You don’t think this is fun?’ You asked with half-sincerity.

‘I’m not folding clothes because I like the scent…It’s the company I like.’ He didn’t look at you when he said it, you bustled, nonetheless.  

‘Well sing me something then. That should pass the time.’ You said quickly, changing the subject. ‘What do you want?’ He asked enthusiastically. ‘Whatever you want.’ You said, folding a pair of socks that were evidently Jongin’s. Before you could say something else, Jong Dae’s voice came out softer than usual and his eyes softened in their expression.

‘Let me not, not think about it again, I couldn’t say the word I was so anxious to say...’ You tried to continue folding, to let the words flow over you than within you. Jong Dae continued;

‘Because of this love I absolutely must forget…’ He folded another shirt, and then the last article of clothing he was holding. He continued to fold with such ease, the words flowing out of him in a single breath. –

‘Love hasn’t ended yet’

You didn’t realise you’d fully paused to listen to the end of the song,