He was alone.

There was nothing and no one beside him, wherever he was.

He walked cautiously, this place was familiar and yet not. The walls a similar colour, the floor also close to a reality he’d once encountered...where was he?

A wall to his right cornered off. He took another step, knowing he needed to peer around it.

He stepped out into the clearing, another long corridor led down somewhere else, he couldn’t make out where it led to, a bright light seemed to beam out from the end, blinding him.

With unsteady and deep breaths, he took one step after the other, walking down the path laid out in front of him.  

The light at the end of the corridor.

He didn’t know what, but there was something down there, something he needed to see. Curiosity turned into desperation, his steps suddenly broke out into a run.

Excitement, anxiety…fear. All those emotions whirled and swirled inside him, his heart beats escalated with each stride.

His lips parted slightly, unsteady breaths flooded and emptied his lungs.  

The beam of light grew closer, blinding him, his breaths now strained as he slowed, entering the light…he slowed from a run to a jog, to measured steps, then at last, a halt.

Each breath came out in puckered heffs, unshifting his tense stance while his chest rose and fell intensely.

He saw it. What he was looking for.

Without blinking, without breathing…he stood and gazed, terrified he’d miss it if he moved an inch.

Someone smiled at him.

His heart beat raced and accelerated while that someone smiled at him-

‘Kyungsoo.’

=========

Kyungsoo woke up, his forehead was beaded in sweat and his pulse was racing.

He clung to his shirt, pulling it away while he turned his head to the left and right, remembering it was all simply a dream.

Kyungsoo kept his eyes closed for a moment, breathing in a scent his memory had mustered up from that bizarre dream.

He thought he’d forgotten that fragrance, but apparently, he hadn’t.

Get a grip.

Kyungsoo sat up abruptly, propping himself up with one arm, he ruffled his shirt with the other, trying to cool himself and perhaps waft away the thoughts that threatened to overwhelm him.

For once he was happy Jongin was snoring, the sound helped knock out his cretinous thoughts. A dream like that was usually random and didn’t mean anything…

…life was going to go on as it had over these weeks; boring and routinely.

================

‘Luhan our van’s here.’ You stated, getting off the phone with the driver while you walked out of your room, wheeling your carry-on to the door and opening it.

‘Ok, let’s go then.’ Luhan replied, a twinge of nervousness in his breath while he nodded to Minseok. His best friend nodded back, picking up Luhan’s duffle bag; ‘I’ll walk you to the van.’ He offered, accompanying Luhan to the door.

‘Yeah we’ll walk you guys out.’ Yixing proposed with an encouraging smile towards Tao who evidently looked miffed at your departure again.

‘I’ll take your bag, you’re busy.’ Jong Dae said, gripping the handle of your trolley bag and wheeling it out the door, ushering Tao to join him.  

‘I’ll be out in a sec, could you take this down?’ You asked, trying to busy Tao with a task of carrying your carry-on. Tao sniffled, nodding his head while he grasped the bag tightly from your grip, hugging it with little exertion. He joined Jong Dae and walked out the door.  

In that moment, Kevin walked out of his room.

You gulped harshly, beads of sweat forming on your brow ever so slightly, knowing it was him you were waiting for.

‘Did everyone leave already?’ Kevin asked inquisitively, tucking his hands into the back pockets of his jeans while he looked around for the others.

‘Yeah, they went out, they’re going to see us off.’ You replied, awkwardly looking at Kevin, then looking away, trying not to burn your retinas at the sight of him. His blonde hair was styled in a way that made his jaw even more prominent. But the hint of dark circles under his eyes stabbed you with a sting of guilt. You wanted to reach up and wipe them clean, as if that’d erase the memories of the night before…he didn’t deserve this.

‘Kevin, before we go and join the others, I just wanted to talk to you…for a second-‘

‘-Me too, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done that last night. It was unexpected and…I put you in a difficult position, I’m so sorry.’ The guilt in his voice made the stabbing pain of your guilt twist in your gut further, the surprise in your face must’ve been evident, but you tried to bury it as fast as you could.

‘No, no I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just left you there.’ You replied, completely forgetting what it was you wanted to tell him. You scrambled through your thoughts, trying desperately to remember.

‘Nah, I needed the time to think, it helped a lot.’ Kevin replied, pulling a hand out of his pocket to comb a hand through his hair.

He regrets it. He didn’t mean it, that’s what he means.

You tried to shake away the horrible thoughts beginning to elude your brain. They weren’t true, but the self-conscious part of your brain began spilling your dark secrets, bleeding through both hemispheres.

‘Listen, I don’t want this to ruin our friendship at all.’ Kevin held out a hand, offering you to take it, the action screamed louder than words.

Friends, that’s all he wanted. And that’s all you can have…that’s all you want.

 ‘Absolutely because you’re…you’re special to me too Kevin.’ You replied honestly and earnestly, placing your hand in his. Kevin’s eyebrows pulled together, the realisation dawned on him of where he’d heard those words before. You stared up at his tall frame, considering his eyes. He deserved to hear the truth;

‘I didn’t explain why that happened last night, I didn’t explain my reasons for-‘

‘-You don’t need to explain anything.’ Kevin smiled at you, this time reassuringly. The kindness in his eyes killed you, He’s letting you down gently, just like someone else did before. You didn’t deserve this sympathy at all. Or maybe it’s pity. Jongin took pity on you too.

You were about to argue back, of course he needed to know the truth. It wasn’t what he was thinking at all Even though your reasons wouldn’t change his mind anyway, look at him.

‘I do, it wasn’t that I don’t li-‘

 ‘-Yah you two! _____-ah, the driver’s angry you’re not in the van already, you two need to go!’ Jong Dae yelled, blatantly told by Yixing to jog back and remind you you had a plane to catch. You ripped your hand away from Kevin’s hopefully before Jong Dae could see anything. You couldn’t bear to look at Kevin while you quickly rushed downstairs, he tailed behind you, talking to Jong Dae perhaps to distract him.

The boys were all lined up, they had just finished placing all the bags into the van with the driver. Luhan had just finished saying his goodbyes to Minseok and had climbed into the van.

‘Bye you guys!’ You exclaimed, gripping onto your back pack with both yours and Luhan’s passports in it.

It didn’t matter who it was, how long you would be gone for and that it wasn’t even a big deal…

You still hated goodbyes.

Instantly you turned around to face Kevin;

‘See you.’ He said, giving you a forbearing smile.

Don’t leave it like this.

Don’t leave him like this.

‘Bye.’ You nodded, giving him an awkward hug that barely lasted a second. Tears welled up in your eyes, but thankfully Tao’s bear-chocking hug gave you time to wipe them.

Don’t do this.

‘Don’t forget me!’ Tao ordered.

‘Guys she’s not even going to be gone long.’ Yixing tutted, he placed a hand on your shoulder;

‘I’ll see you soon.’ He grinned at you before you turned to Jong Dae and Minseok;

‘I’ll bring you your favourite Korean snacks.’ You knew they’d be grateful for the sudden swap to Korean.

‘I’ll tell those two you say hi.’ You winked at Jong Dae.

‘Yah don’t you dare.’ He rebuffed, but the smile on his face said otherwise.

Minseok placed a hand on your shoulder and leaned in so quickly and quietly, it looked like an embrace;

‘I know he’s going to feel lonely, but I know you’ll take care of him.’ Minseok leaned back again and nodded at you. You nodded back reassuringly.

 ‘See you.’ You jumped into the van, giving all of them one last glance and waving before the driver slid the large door shut.  

‘Nervous?’ Luhan asked, perhaps already knowing the answer.

‘No, excited.’ You replied, smiling at him and smacking his leg. Luhan mimed a pained expression before winking at you.

He never was good at hiding it, and you could tell Luhan was terrified.

What of, you weren’t quite sure, but it was probably to do with being in Korea without the Chinese members...or his best friend.

You gave him an encouraging look he caught and acknowledged.

It’ll be fine, you’re with me, what’s the worst that could happen?

======

Jong Dae watched the van drive off around the corner and disappear from sight.

The rest of them stood still.

‘I miss her already, and I forgot to give her this.’ Tao whined, pouting while he leaned on Kris-hyung’s shoulder. He gripped onto a black beanie before pulling it on top of his head tightly, covering his eyes.

‘Do you think Luhan will be ok?’ Yixing asked concernedly.

‘He’ll be fine. They’ll be back before you know it.’ Minseok replied, staring out into the road.

‘I’m sure they’ll be surprised.’ Jong Dae sighed. He didn’t know why he bothered commenting. He was staring at Kris in unprocessed shock…

Last night…

He thought he’d heard a door open in the distance.

Even as he’d yawned, drifting off finally into sleep….

‘Kevin.’ You uttered in your sleep beside him.

‘Kevin?’ Jong Dae repeated, an eyebrow raised, wandering if you were talking to him. But your eyes remained shut- you were fast asleep.

‘I can’t.’

Jong Dae raised both eyebrows while he leaned in slightly, he shimmied over closer to you on the bed. You had curled into the foetal position, the covers firmly over you.

‘Because I don’t think you’ll ever like me as much as I might like you.’ Jong Dae listened, unable to utter a single word.

                                                [‘Jongin isn’t the only one I like…’]

‘You were my first friend.’

‘You didn’t judge me, you never did.’

‘You didn’t judge me either.’ Jong Dae replied in a quiet whisp