Imme pocketed her right hand and let her eyes detailed on the frames hung in the wall. She studied Amber's graduation photo and moved next to another polaroid, captured a group of girls, seemed to be celebrating something. 

She tried to search for a specific person, wondering either this one might be included in one of the frames but, in the end, she sighed alone.  

"Anything you want for a drink?" Amber politely asked as she made her way through the kitchen. The trio followed her close although they're still new to the place. 

"Warm tea," 

"Warm tea," 

Shuhua and Imme answered in sync, before eyeing each other. While Miyeon, she slightly raised her tone, 

"Coffee, please!" 

"Alright, have a seat, kids. Please don't mind my old grumpy kitchen look," Amber chuckled before grabbing a few mugs from the drawer. She turned around and glanced at them for a while. "I myself is obsessed with coffee, so only when I have trouble to sleep, I make warm tea with a bit of lemon and honey," 


"I... don't really like the taste of coffee, sorry if that sounds offensive to you, Amber-nim," Imme said, taking a seat on the wooden chair. 

Amber quickly denied, "No... no, you're not, of course," 
She placed two teabags in the different mugs then. "Clearly you are not alone, for disliking coffee. Am I right....err, what's your name, dear?" and she looked at Shuhua. 

The youngest replied, "My name is Shuhua," 


"Yes, yes, Shuhua," Amber corrected herself. 

"And you're not alone too for loving coffee, Amber-nim. I'd always prefer coffee for breakfast, lunch and even dinner," Miyeon interrupted with a bright smile. "Odd, but I really love it!" 


The short-haired woman raised her thumb at Miyeon afterwards. She walked to the nearest drawer and pulled out a pack of instant macaroni and cheese. 

"I bet you all must be hungry," she muttered before grabbing a steel pot from the rack. 


Imme watched Amber and put her palm under her chin.

"Not really, Amber-nim. We're here not for a delightful feast. But, we're craving for your real-life stories," 


Shuhua nodded in agreement and added, "Imme unnie is right. We can't wait to know, the next story of you and Krystal," 


Amber halted the food preparation and released a slight sigh. She spun around and leaned her bottom at the cabinet then crossed her arms. 

"Still eager to know huh?" she chuckled. 


Miyeon grinned, showing her dimple. "Indeed, we can't be over that case yet, Amber-nim," 



Amber nodded, "Alright," 
"How to start? Where do you want me to begin?" 


The words made three of them expressed their interested look. Imme asked the diary from Shuhua and placed it on the dining table. She put her massive hand on it and said, 




"Let's start on the day you're leaving the girls... and the day you refused to say goodbye to your wife," 

The oldest figure took the diary and turned to the last page. She looked up and stated, 


"If you're hoping for a happy ending, probably yes? But if you're assuming a not-so-great ending, I should say, yeah, definitely," 








Throwback, 10 years ago...
 

(Listening to Leave Out All the Rest by Linkin Park) 

Author's POV


Yuri gently gripped on Amber's shoulder when the latter entered her car and weakly voiced out, 

"Okay, I'm good to go," 


Staring at her gloomy face, Yuri said, "You've been kinda hard on yourself, Amber... Give it a break, will you? This is not the end of the world anyway," 


The boyish stared back at Yuri, nodded with her eyes half-closed. 


Slowly, Yuri drove out from her apartment's stop and drop area while stealing glances at the passenger next to her. She wanted to say, being away from everyone she knew is not the best solution but she aware of her place. Amber had made a decision. 


Even though all the girls were against her this time, she really had a willingness to proceed her leaving, which made Yuri had no reason to offer any advice. 


The quietness between Amber and Yuri was broken by the younger woman's cellphone chimed and caught their attention at once. Amber unlocked it and read the text to herself.


It was a long pause until Yuri was a bit curious and dared to ask, 

"Who's that?" 



Amber, started to feel nervous, replied reluctantly, 

"Jackie, she said our parents are waiting for me at the church where I held the secret wedding," 
 

Yuri got a goosebump suddenly. She slowed down the car and asked Amber, 

"Holy moly me... You want me to pull over and get them now? Or what???" 



Amber sighed. 

"Yes, Yuri-sshi. If you don't mind," 



The vehicle made a u-turn right away. Yuri caressed Amber's head with her right hand when she saw the latter was fidgeting vigorously.

Almost 15 minutes driving her car, the woman stepped on the brake and parked it at the side of the road- across the church. She reached for Amber's sleeve as the boyish had her half body out from the seat. 

"I'll be fine, Yuri-sshi," Amber said-reassuring. 

"Are you sure? I feel this gonna be a bit bad, Amber," replied Yuri then, taking her cellphone from the handbag. 


"I know... Just do me a favour will you?" 


"Anything, Amber. I'll do anything," 


Amber immersed into deep thinking as she put her elbow on top the door's car, staring at Yuri. "Stay here until I come back. Remember, no matter what happens, you have to drive me to the airport," 




Yuri didn't have a gut to say no, so she nodded instead. 






***

(Listening to Silver Night by the Rasmus) ) 



He had his eyes sharply at the crucifix, with both his hands at the back. He felt his heart was boiling despite being in the small Catholic church. First, he remembered God. Then, came as second, Amber-his youngest child appeared in his rigid mind. 

He did not need to guess the steps coming from the entrance because he was sure about Amber's presence there. 


"Father," her deep voice greeted him. 


"I thought you would not dare to put your feet in this sacred place, Amber," Mr Liu replied, still facing up the image of Jesus on the cross. 


"But you were the one calling for me," Amber said, glances at her mother and sister. They flashed a worried face at her, not able to say anything. 



Finally, Mr Liu turned around and the eyes of Amber met directly his father's. 


"I want you to be responsible for what you did," he commanded, seriously. 


Amber released a small sigh, "That was what I'm trying to do, father. But you would not like to listen," 
Mrs Liu grabbed the tomboy's wrist and shook her head. 


"I cannot see the effort. Instead, what I'm seeing right now is, your sin doubled," he claimed. 


She refused to deny his statement and directed her sad eyes to the plain mosaic floor. 



The army veteran approached his child closer and grabbed her by the neck. He stared at Amber who had her face down and tightened the grip. 

"You were born without sin, Yiyun. You know why? Because of Him," he muttered. "Without Him, we are nothing, you are, nothing. Yet now you dare to challenge the holy one?" 


"No... father, I'm not trying to challenge Him. I'm trying to live with His grace," and Amber looked up, gazing into her father's sharp stare. 

Mr Liu's grip around her neck got stronger as he shook Amber's backhead a few times. 

"What grace? This disgusting lesbian kind, you mean?" 

Though his words hurt her, Amber tried to defend herself, "This kind is still a living human, that made me as same as you," 


Feeling his blood heated all over the face, Mr Liu grasped Amber's short hair and pushed it back with a force. The boyish grunted due to the sudden violence and the mother quickly came in to release her husband. "Enough! This is not how we solve it!" 


Mad, Mr Liu ignored his wife and grabbed Amber's neck again. He spit out, "And there's no solution at all for this child's shameful sin! I rather kill myself than seeing you with a woman!" 


"I want to kill myself too for having to live without happiness," Amber said back, daring herself to eye her father's angry face. "For not being able to be me, and have to live life without any love," 


"What kind of love is that?! Love that can win you a ticket to hell?!" 


"Any love, regards of gender can win us a ticket to hell, father. You, or me, or all of us, we don't have the free pass to heaven either," 

Already lost his mind, Mr Liu pushed away his wife and slapped Amber hard on the face. 

"Shame on you! Such a shame to have a child-like you!" he groaned, before pointing his index finger at the crucifix, 
"Say this to Him and I want to see what kind of grace you will get Amber!" he yelled, forcing Amber to face him again, desperately clasped to her collar. 
"Tell me how, can you be happy, if there's no guy in your life!"


She sensed a pain on her cheek but his screaming voice was very clear, enough to break her heart into pieces and tore everything apart. Amber's tears were flowing down without her will. 

She mumbled, "Like right now, father... I am not happy because I have to live with a guy like you," 


The parents were astonished. Mr Liu's hard breathing had slowed while Mrs Liu couldn't able to react after hearing Amber's confession. 

Jackie, who's been watching silently from their mother's back, bite her own tongue. She wanted to say the same thing but knowing nothing works like that, she kept it for herself. 



Amber muttered, "I want to explain myself to you, father. How difficult and complicated my life is but I didn't know the right way to say it... I'm afraid to live the way I want because of you. Only one correct thing I know, with a guy like you, I was not... happy," 


Releasing the grip from Amber, Mr Liu swallowed the lump n his throat. He gave his back to Amber and stared at the crucifix again. 




It was a long pause, without anyone saying a word. Mrs Liu gave Amber her sad look but she can't utter anything back at her. 

The boyish cried silently as she reminisced her past memories. The day Ms Wilson, her headmistress in high school scolded and preached her for liking Minah, the day she decided to be brave and came out to her brother-like Key and the moment she sighted Krystal for the first time. 

Everything lived in the past but she can still feel the same pain. 




"Me.... or her?" Mr Liu suddenly voiced out, fixed to the spot at the altar, not facing his child directly. 



Amber sniffed but did not speak. She heard him again, "I asked... life with me, or... life with that woman?" 



Mrs Liu and Jackie scrunched their foreheads in confusion. 


The boyish figure glued at her standing spot. She tried to search the answer but someone's loud footsteps intruded the atmosphere. All of them shifted their attention to the entrance. 


Amber was surprised to see the middle-aged women at that moment. She frowned, wondering why they were there. 



"Not a perfect timing, I know. You're having a family discussion," the taller woman said to Amber. "But I came because I want to meet your father, personally," 


Mr Liu replied in his gentleman manner, " We were agreed to part ways after that dinner, Mrs Soo Hye. This is my family business, none of it is your concern," 


Mrs Soo Hye glanced at the arrogant man, nodded. "Yes, I am aware of that. I will just wait here and say nothing until everything is settled, Mr Liu," 


Amber eyed another woman standing next to Krystal's mother, who happened to be the Godmother. She earned a small reassuring nod before Mr Liu spoke, "Since the mother of my daughter's love is here, why not you hear by yourself what is her pick in this life then?" 


Confused, Mrs Soo Hye asked, "Pardon? What do you mean, Mr Liu?" 


Mrs Liu interrupted, "Please. I beg you not embarrass anyone here," 
"The situation is already bad, don't make it worse," 


Mr Liu warned his wife, 
"I am way more shameful to have this child, don't talk to me about embarrassing things," 
"Indeed, you were alert about her embarrassing us and thanks to Mrs Soo Hye here," he stared at the other woman. 
"I was right, isn't it?" 


Mrs Soo Hye was speechless. She only shook her head in disappointment. 



"Now or never, Amber. Pick this family, with the same faith or her, which you have to live with no rules and definitely will die in vain?" 



Amber looked into Mr Liu's eyes and the tears were building up again. 


"I will choose the life of my own father. Without your rigid faith... or, her. I will live with the beliefs and hope I have, not because any of you," 


Hearing Amber's answer made both Mrs Soo Hye and Ms Han In did a mental deny. 




The man was in pause mode for a second as he walked to Amber, giving only a small gap between them. "Alright," 


"From now on, I declare, you are not mine anymore, Amber. You will live without me, your mother and also your sister. This life, you've been lurking as you said has nothing with us. You are not my child at this moment and to the end of life, either happiness or joy is not yours," he muttered clearly, heartless. 


"Joseph..." Mrs Liu let out a hard breath as Jackie held her by arm. 



Petrified with the father's blunt decision, Amber managed to hold her weak knees from stumbling to the solid ground. She was out of things to say. 

She only lifted her face as Mrs Liu stood in front of her with tears streaming down through her wrinkled cheeks. 

The mother and daughter looked deep into each other's sad eyes and when Mrs Lie raised her hand to cup Amber's red cheek, the father's stern voiced stopped it from happening. 

"Come on Yiu Ha. We better leave," 


Tears falling non-stop, the mother has been pulled harshly by her husband and she was forced to follow him without having any chance to caress her youngest child's cheek. Amber watched her mother sadly, with the streaming tears ran from her blurry eyes. 

Her heart wrenched stronger as she saw Jackie, her only sibling tailed the parents closed, with head down and no goodbye saying for her. 



Amber, who always tell herself to be strong no matter what happens finally surrendered into the sorrow. She weakly stepped and sat on the wooden bench.


Her childhood memories re-appeared in flashback. She saw her little version hung to her father's shoulder, laughing happily, she saw her mother's smile when she had food-stain on her shirt and she saw herself cycling with her sister at the small backyard of their home.



Tears were flowing like a river. 

The boyish was having a mental breakdown while Mrs Soo Hye and her best friend stared at the young woman with their own tears. 




"Amber..." Ms Han In put her hand gently on the boyish's shoulder and shot her concern look at the other woman beside her. Frankly, she wanted to cry along and wipe all the tears from Amber's face but witnessing how heartbroken she was at that time, Ms Han In only capable to sigh in sadness.



"A mother and a father should fight to the end, for their children's happiness," muttered Mrs Soo Hye. She looked at the crucifix, furthering, "What makes us a good Christian? I've been asking that for the rest of life, Amber," 


The tomboy sobbed, still and couldn't stop thinking about her family. Her father's words kept repeating every second as she breathed. She'd never expect, she would never to see all of them again, and then she heard Mrs Soo Hye again.

"I believe he didn't mean it, Amber. He just really mad at you," 


Amber slowly gazing up, stared at the holy statue and shook off her head. "I know who he is, Mam'. He's the man of his words and he would never abandon his ego for someone else, even his very own family," 


Mrs Soo Hye exchanged looks with her friend. 


"And that didn't make you a bad daughter, Amber. You've tried to make he understands you," Ms Han In said, gently caressing the latter's shoulder. "He has made his choice, the same as you did. Only destiny will bring you back together, child," 


Amber cried more when the woman mentioned her father. 



Mrs Soo Hye, on another side, lost in her own thoughts. She pictured maybe her Krystal would end up like Amber, feeling unwanted and that made her motherly-soul fell into absolute worries. She knew, she couldn't stand to see Krystal spent her time every day crying and suffering from the loss. 


She didn't realize her tears falling down as she sat next to Amber then looked at the latter in the eyes. "This is not easy for me as well," she said. 
"The day I found the truth about you and my daughter, my heart was broken. I suddenly hated myself for thinking I was the reason she was so far astray from the right path... Then, a little later I discovered the reason why she was so cold to me. That's because she thinks I love her less," 

Amber's tears kept flowing as she landed her ears open to Mrs Soo Hye's words. 

"Here too I have realized my mistake, Amber. I did not try hard enough to give her love. I am too obsessed with my duty to the world and have for so long neglected my role as a mother... It's actually, shame on me, dear... Shame on me, because---," Mrs Soo Hye's voice cracked as she searched for further words to utter. She put her hand on Amber's head afterwards, 

"My little Krystal didn't only lose her father that night, but her mother too. Her own mother's soul which has been buried along with him and made her so afraid to face the real world," she muttered. "I want to say sorry for ruining her love for her father, but I'm so scared. I'm scared to tell her everything. Even if I knew it, it would complicate everything too. My Krystal was a child full of beans, happy and energetic until my negligence took it away from her. So who am I to say I am so ashamed to have a child like her? 

Ms Han In wiped the tears from her cheek after she settled herself on the bench behind of them. She watched over Mrs Soo Hye and Amber from the back as the latter said, "I should be there when she was confused. But I'm glad too I wasn't there to intrude her decision to be with you,"

"Last night, I sneaked into her room and found this in her grip," Mrs Soo Hye slipped her hand into her right pocket and took out a wrinkled paper. She started to read, 



"Mother, I am very sorry that I made you worried and uncomfortable with my decision. I'm sorry for everything I did. I will try to forget her and trust me, every day I'm trying. She said I should forget her too, and again, I'm really trying. She said I will be happier with my own family, with you and my unnie and without her, I can continue living a normal life. But, mother, I don't know why I still can't. I'm dying trying to forget her and I tried to forgive myself too when I thought of my sin for loving her. And why, I could not afford to forgive myself for everything just happened? I saw she left, but I didn't do anything. I know she's leaving, but still, I did not do anything... Why does everyone always think its just her entire fault? Why you keep on saying she must be responsible for what she had done to me? Why she must apologize, and why she is guilty when she loves me so much and always give me a reason for me to always love myself and appreciate everyone who is by my side? Why do you hate her so much, my mother? Will you hate me or torture me if I say I can't forget her and will always be loyal to her for the rest of my life, mother? Will you, kick me out from this family if I say want to spend my whole life with her? Will I lose everything in this world if I say I love Amber very much? I'm asking these even I already know I have lost everything before I knew her, mother. I'm sorry, I am not a good daughter,"

She stopped the reading and started to sob. The paper fell onto her lap as her body shaken between the sobs. Amber looked at the letter, reaching for it and stared at Mrs Soo Hye's face. She put her hand on hers and gently gripped it, 

"I'd only know one thing about her, Mam. She's not a bad daughter, but she just really bad at expressing her feelings," said Amber. "As this letter, grammatical errors were everywhere and she repeated the same words so many times too," 

That made Mrs Soo Hye and Ms Han In smiled and cried at the same time. 


Amber flipped through the letter and smiled to herself. "She really loves you, Mam. Look how many times she called you 'mother' here," 

Mrs Soo Hye nodded and sniffed, "Yeah, I noticed that," she dried her tears with a piece of handkerchief, before glancing back at the boyish. "I'm... very sorry, dear. I'm trying to protect her but I was so selfish, I ignored her feelings," 


"It's... fine, Mam," replied Amber as she carefully folded the wrinkled paper.  Realizing it was a letter written by a girl she loved so much, her heart was touched. Amber began to imagine the beauty of the girl and felt the longing to see her again, for the last time. She also knew everything may not be the same again if they meet because she agreed that almost all the mistakes were hers, as what Krystal has mentioned in the letter. 


"Amber, can I ask you a favour?" suddenly Mrs Soo Hye asked, drawing the boyish attention from her own thoughts. 

"Yes, Mam," said Amber. The tears had stopped and she felt a bit better, little recovered from her sadness just now. She looked at the older woman then. "What can I do for you, Mam'?" 

It took Mrs Soo Hye quite a time. She stared at every inch of Amber's face, battling with the words inside her head. Afterwards, she asked, 

"Take my Krystal with you, Amber. Take her everywhere you go, because I know, she will be happy, only with you," Mrs Soo Hye ignored Amber's startled expression as she continued, 




"I give you both my blessings for the loves you always have for each other,"