(Listening to Past Life by Trevor Daniel & Selena Gomez)

Author’s POV

She had lost in her thoughts. Thinking how would ‘the day’ be, when she’s sober. According to her wife and friends, the drunken Amber didn’t mess up as bad as she thought, even though she woke up later feeling worst, especially at the part of her brain.

Mrs. Soo Hye wanted to have her in this Saturday’s dinner. Or more likely, she would like to ‘investigate’ more about their marriage, and the dinner should be only the excuse for her to get them talking- where her brain is sane enough to remember anything she would say.

Amber admitted, the anxiety she had experienced years ago would seem to re-appear, when her mother met Ms. Wilson and they discussed about her ‘sins’ for liking Minah romantically as she sat there, becoming invisible yet had nothing to say.

Taking a sip of the beer, Amber released a heavy sigh.

She looked up to the night-sky, asking to no one- about what she should say to Krystal’s mother once they meet, eyes to eyes, face to face.

She stopped by at the side of the road, not heading directly to Yuri’s apartment because her mind was a mess. She couldn’t think straight, imagining how her second encounter with Mrs. Soo Hye would be. She continued to ignore every vehicle passed by since at the moment she didn’t think going back and let Krystal sees her bad state is a good idea. So, Amber stayed- half-part of her rested on the car’s hood while taking some time to practice inhaling and exhaling exercise.

Knowing either the beer or the breathing activity haven’t working, Amber didn’t have a second thought. She unlocked her phone and rang Key- wishing he would pick the call and she could talk.

“Whoa, finally I got a call from you after you’re not valid to be recognized as bachelor anymore,” Key from another side.

Amber chuckled out.

“Yeah-yeah, I admit I kinda feel that I left you behind for a while after I got married,” she said and continued, “By the way, are you… still at the bar?”

“Oh-ho, no buddy, I’m here at your ‘guest house’ playing Xbox with the girls,”

“God, no wonder your parents are so worry about you, Kibum! You seem to enjoy yourself more nowadays,” Amber sighed.

“Alright, what’s the occasion, Llama? I don’t think you call me all of sudden just to blabber at me like my parents. Is something wrong there?” somehow, Key’s calm voice made Amber curved a smile.

“Is it about my dad? He gave you workload although you’ve just been there for… like three days???”

“No-no, I’m doing fine, Key. Your dad has nothing to do with my miserable thoughts,” denied Amber.

“So?”

“What if you get out from there and we meet somewhere else? I would like to treat you some noodles?” she was out of words but she still wanted the conversation on-going and by asking him a buddy-talk- Amber hoped Key would listen.

“Okay, I got it what’s going on, Amber,” she also knew that tone from Key was a signal that she didn’t have to explain anything more.

“Alright, let’s get some good ramen, can we? And… for your information, your wife just right in front of me. She’s also listening,” told Key with his apologize tone.

“O-oh… Hi there Krys,” Amber stuttered while greeting her wife.

Krystal and Key exchanged looks before the pretty woman said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you and Key oppa. It looks like you have something important to discuss with him, I should just get out from this,”

“Uhm,no-no, it’s—its fine, Krys. Actually I kinda miss him so… I—I think, I…” Amber was struggling putting words and Key immediately tapped Krystal back, nodding his head then mouthed ‘don’t worry, I got this’.

“Hey Amber, don’t freak out. I understand you need some buddy time, right?” however, Krystal was first to mutter even though she nodded back at Key, understanding what’s going on.

“Yebin is setting a movie to watch together with others. I will let Key oppa go to you then you guys talk, okay? Don’t worry, I’m going to sleep first if you’re late,” Krystal added confidently.

“Thanks Krys, meet you when I’m home later,” finally Amber could relax after she heard it from the wife.

“Alright, love you, stupid,” replied Krystal.

“Love you too, Krys,”

Then, Krystal passed the phone back to its owner as she left him alone in the kitchen, letting them conversed comfortably.

“My goodness, I will get diabetes from what just happened,” Key whistled playfully. He heard a small chuckle from Amber’s side.

“Sorry if that was too much sweetness and you are forced to witness it,”

“Heck, I wasn’t forced to witness it, Llama! Of course, it was an honour to me to see, finally a great happy ending of your life!”

“Not yet, Kibum. Don’t put your hope too high, like that,”

The playful smirk from Key’s face instantly disappeared.

“Awh no, what’s going on here, buddy?”

“I’m asking you out because I want to tell you more of why I have said that,” as he heard the serious tone from Amber, Key sighed.

“Sure, then. Let’s figure this out together when I see you at the grocery store near Yuri noona’s house area. You’re not drunk, right? Don’t drive if you just have alcohol, Ber,”

“I just had a can of beer, and I’m not drunk. Don’t worry, Kibum, I’ll be there soon,”

“Alright,”

Key furrowed his eyebrows together, watching closely Amber’s gloomy face as the younger couldn’t stop sighing again and again.

“What has been bothering you, Ber? You can always finish ramen as fast as lightning but now, you’re playing with it instead,” complained Key, munching the potato chip he had inside his mouth.

He’s been a company to his beloved cousin for almost an hour, began from the time they picked some wrapped fast food until they settled themselves at the back of the store. Amber still didn’t mutter a thing. Her reckless state started to make Key worried.

“Is it about your parents again?” Key randomly threw out his first guess.

Finally, Amber’s voice came out as she shook her head weakly, “No, I wasn’t thinking about them entirely. Although sometimes, I’m scared if once they find out about all of these,”

“You’re overthinking. Trust me, everything will be just fine. Because you have me, Krystal, the girls and all the supports you need,”

“I know… I shouldn’t be worried about this, right? But I don’t have any idea why I got suddenly nervous when I remember I have to meet Krystal’s mother this weekend. I feel uneasy,”
 

“There, you eventually had spit it out,” Key interrupted and passed Amber her favourite iced cappuccino drink.

“Nothing weird if you feel like that, Ber. I think, if I’m in your shoes, confronting that rich mother mustn’t be easy as well. Plus, she seems… colder than your Krystal,”

Amber gave him a slight nod as she gulped the caffeine liquid then let it flew through her dry throat. The white shirt she’s been wearing since the morning were full of wrinkles especially the sleeves part since Amber had them rolled up passed her elbows. It was a gift from Jessica, which came with another pairs of office shirts, only in different colours.

Her hair was getting longer although she just had a new cut last month and Amber planned to trim it back, to look neat and tidy in order to keep her reputation as someone who works in an office.

“My cousin, this is my advice for you, take it or leave it- it’s on you to decide,” Key exhaled - staring into her eyes directly.

“Whatever happen next, you have to embrace it. Just like how you keep your strength in years before, I hope you would continue doing it for more years, Ber. I don’t understand Krystal like how you do, but I have faith on her too. She’s not easy to give up, like what you can see, and what others did, nothing could bother her much, right?”

“Even her mother,” Amber mouthed.

Then Key repeated, “Yeah, even her very own mother,”

“I won’t ask you to be okay if her mother turns out to be a monster or any creature that uglier than that. Just please, don’t lose hope and faith on her, Amber. You two can be stronger by having each other, remember that,”

Amber blinked a few times and she scratched the upper part of her eyebrows, releasing another deep sigh. “I don’t know, Key. I kinda feel, I don’t have faith at myself anymore. I’m afraid I will disappoint more people after this. Probably a lot more to be compared to them in the past,”

Then, it was Key’s turn to sigh.

“Here we go again,” he murmured, finishing the last bit of chips from the packaging. “You still, didn’t move on from them? Why Amber? I’m sorry to say this, but maybe some of them couldn’t even remember your name, or who you are. Why bother much about your past if, your future is waiting faithfully?”

“Precisely to say, Krystal and the people you have now, cheering you, supporting you and fighting to live like you are all of your future, Amber. If you’re scared to face Mrs. Soo Hye and your parents, remind yourself, these supportive people are very different from those, who lived in your past- including me, they will be always here for you,”

The boyish was wordless, staring onto the untouched bowl of ramen while her brain was actively digesting every and each word from her brother cousin. She knew, he was telling only the truth.

“I know… but I’m so damn afraid if her mother really dislikes me, I couldn’t make her happy if that happen. I’m gonna ruin her daughter-mother relationship and that will make me the worst person ever,”

Out of blue, Key smacked the table. Amber’s heartbeat skipped rapidly due to the surprise and the stranger guy who’s waiting for his food at the microwave also jumped a little bit when he heard the loud smack from their table.

“Yah! Would you stop this down to Earth attitude???” Key raised his voice and turned his body around, facing the stranger guy, “I’m sorry, just trying to wake up the lost soul of the brat sitting in front of me, bro. Very sorry,” he apologized. The stranger guy awkwardly smiled and bowed back to Key as he took his food and excused himself.

Amber caressed her chest, letting the rushing adrenaline flattened slowly. “No need to be so dramatic, Kibum! We are lucky that guy was fine, if he has some heart problem, you should be responsible!”

Key ogled his eyes annoyingly. “Hah, welcome back to planet Earth, llamBer! I thought you were in the inner core already, don’t mind digging back yourself to the surface, you big nostrils???”

Amber exhaled harshly, rolling her eyes back at the queer. “Gosh, you’re not helping me either!”

Key flicked his finger right in front of Amber’s nose, “Oh yes, I’m trying to reassure you, pinhead!”

“What’s so reassuring? All I got was table-smacking and eyes-rolling,” Amber mumbled, taking another sip of the drink.

“My gawd… Hello Amber Josephine Liu, I said, move on from your past, and move on! You can’t be happy by keep on being pessimist like this! I know, I understand we can’t always look on the bright side or let our hope fly too high but haish, can you at least think more positive? You must face your fear, or not you ain’t survive!”

“Do you even need to put all the exclamation marks in your speech?”

“Don’t change the topic!”

They glared at each other afterwards and Amber finally surrendered.

“Right,” Amber heaved a sigh. “Sure you were right,”

“Amber, I didn’t ask you a favour, but all I want is for you to be appreciative, you know? Let’s count with me, how many gays and lesbians in the world that can be happily married? Don’t exclude me, because hell-yeah, I dont want to have a true love but… consider yourself lucky since everything you’ve been through before you meet Krystal, it was tough life- until that angel face came. She is a gift and a reward for all those bitter sour things you’ve experienced, Amber. What else do you need other than her? Gold pumpkins from the sky???”

The boyish unintentionally flashed a smile after Key’s explanation.

“Right- right,” she nodded.

“Don’t you right-right me smart , I’m being all serious now,” Key hissed at her.

“Okay, I’m sorry!” Amber laughed and clamped both her palms together then. “I’m sorry my life guru, you words are so damn powerful that made me wanna punch myself!”

Key rose a bit from the stool and smacked the side of Amber’s head as they ended laughing at each other’s face.

“Feel much better now, Kibum, thank you…” Amber said.

“You should, Amber. You think all my saliva I had wasted to brainwash you was free of charge?”

“Fine! I said thank you by the way!”

Key smirked and crossed his arms. “And I paid all the food you didn’t touch too,”

“Oh come on, this is just a bowl of ramen, Key. Don’t be stingy,” Amber pouted.

“Ew, I didn’t see that pouty face of yours for a decade! Don’t you have the gut to make that face again!” Key replied, faking a puke.

“Now-now who’s getting sensitive? I thought I was the one who should be pampered, not you,” Amber commented as she started to dig in the cold ramen.

Key was fast enough to snatch the bowl from Amber and stood up. “At least don’t torture yourself, sister. Your wife will choke me to death if she knows I serve you cold food. Let me reheat this thing first,”

Amber thumbed up and grinned happily. “I know you care for me, Key and don’t use my wife as your excuse to hide it!”

Key flinched before putting the bowl into the microwave, “Pfft, you wish!”

The boyish’s gloomy face has disappeared as she realized what Key had told her was all exact. She’s glad to have him as her loyal listener although she sometimes wondering, why it is hard for him to find a life’s partner- despite of his kind heart and sense of humour.

Suddenly she remembered what Mr. Kim had expressed to her during her first day at work. His wife and he were worrying about Key’s future because all his big brothers were married and already had a family.

When Key was back and served the hot bowl to her, Amber looked at him and asked, “Do you want me to help you find your true love, Key? I think you should at least have one right now,”

Key stared at her weirdly.

“What’s gotten you, llama face? I’m enjoying my bachelor life, okay? I don’t need a life partner to make me happy,”

Amber grabbed the chopsticks, “Yeah, I was happy too when I’m not married but when I found Krystal and she said yes to marry me, I feel... happier,”

“That’s you, not me. You have your own philosophy of life, Amber and I respect that. So, I demand you respect back my own philosophy of life,” Key answered, fixed the hoodie on his head.

“Which is…???” Amber questioned before slurping the noodle into .

“I believe in this world, God created some people as the single souls. She or he isn’t destined to get true love but she or he is damn happier than the non-single souls. Memorize this, llama head and do no repeat the same question,” Key warned.

Amber shrugged her shoulders. “If you say so,”
“Good luck explaining that to your parents,”

“They no need explanation, Liu. Sooner or later, they will understand that,” said Key, spooning the soup from Amber’s bowl. “Gosh, I’m getting hungry again,”

The short haired woman chuckled, “Is there any food left at Yuri’s house?”

“Plenty, Amber, plenty,” Key replied and gladly took the bowl and the chopsticks that Amber offered to him.

“Finish it quickly, Key. I think I miss my wife now,”

The queer slurped the last string of noodles and munched it before he sighed in relief,

“Finally!”

***

“Should I… get a bow tie or…???”

“Whatever style of necktie you got in your mind, just forget it, Amber,”

The boyish looked at her wife and breathed out heavily. “And you didn’t help me either,”

Krystal smiled as she combed her long hair, staring at the reflection of Amber from the mirror of the vanity table. “What is it? Trying to impress your mother in law?”

Amber stood in silence- repeatedly checking her appearance. What has been bothering her wasn’t all about the style she put in for the grand dinner with Mrs. Soo Hye, but more on what to say to her.

“Confidence, Krys. Key told me, what we wear might help us to feel better,”

“And are you feeling more better wearing that?”Krystal asked, leaving the comb behind as she turned around, gazing straight at Amber who had blue navy shirt and dark denim jean.

They looked at each other for a moment.

Before Amber sighed, “Nope,”

And that made Krystal’s smile widen. “Special tips for you my love, bow tie doesn’t go well with this shirt,” as she enveloped her arms around Amber’s shoulders.

“Confidence like Key said is not always about our clothes, but what’s in here,’ Krystal said, putting her tiny palm on Amber’s left chest. “Impress my mother with this heart, Amber. Like how I have fallen for you for this heart,”

Amber stared on Krystal’s pretty face. Her forehead furrowed together when she caressed Krystal’s upper head and she inhaled an air deeply, “Thank you, Krys. Now I feel so much better,”

“But really, you love me because I’m kind?”

Krystal kissed her left cheek and looked back at Amber,

“Erm… not really, I love you because you’re handsome, that’s all,”

The boyish laughed as she flicked her wife’s forehead playfully. She tightened their embrace then, “I’m just really lucky to have you, Krys. Can you imagine it, I won over millions of men in this world, whom probably the best candidate for you,”

“What do you mean candidate for me?” Krystal questioned her back.

“You know, this phrase, good men for good women. Those candidates were probably all the guys that you have met, Krys.You are smart, beautiful and… kind, so I think one man among ten men you have encountered would be highly attracted to you,”

Krystal shrugged, “But I didn’t attracted to any of them,”

Amber let out a small chuckle then. “So true, that’s why you’re my wife now,”

“Are you nervous?” Krystal asked with a deep concern as she noticed Amber kept scrunching her right eyebrow.

Amber sighed again and mumbled as she nodded her head, “I guess so, Krys. Not nervous but kinda afraid to confront your mother,”

Krystal cupped her life partner’s jaw and stared right into her eyes afterwards, giving Amber a warm smile.

“Amber, I know my mother so well. I grew up secretly admiring her strength as a widow, so don’t worry,I’m not gonna cut her off from my life even if, she doesn’t like you personally,”

“What she’s going to ask you, just try your best. I know you too pretty well, you are good at explaining things, right?”

Amber smiled calmly with her half of her eyes closed. Somehow, she had strongly agreed.

Suddenly, a question popped out from her mind.

“Krystal… are you happy now?”

The flawless face didn’t mutter anything back on the spot but her gaze got soften as she let her eyes met the latter’s brown orbs.
 

“Amber, I don’t even know what happiness is. For my entire life, before I met you, happiness is something that has been in my ‘I don’t care’ list. If happiness is about feeling, I would say yes, my feeling is way much better when I’m with you. Otherwise, for me, happiness is just a phrase that so easy for people to utter,”

Amber let her mind immersed to the meaningful words of her wife- momentarily before she shifted her eyes on the pattern-less floor.

“Glad to know that from you,” she said and added, “Thank you Krystal. Just one thing you must know, you’re my source of happiness. Seeing you in any kind situation completes me, totally. I thought my crush would never see me the way I see her, but you proved me wrong,”

That made Krystal smiled even more.

“Okay… How long had you been ‘crushing’ on me? That’s pretty new though,”

Amber pretended to think. “Well…”

“Counting in the first day I knocked on your door and figured out I was mistaken you as my roommate, until the day we kissed under the lamp post. That’s when I realized, I don’t think I would go through the same love-one-sided story, again,”

“Such a romantic story, doesn’t it?” Krystal laughed and ruffled Amber’s short hair happily. “Imagine if I don’t have the same feeling, Amber. What would you do?”

Amber’s eyes got teary once she replied,

“Probably walk away and pretend nothing has happened, Krys. And the same pathetic and sad love story of mine would be repeated again,”

Hearing that confession, Krystal’s expression changed. She gave Amber a gentle pat on her head as she furthered, “And I’m lucky you like me back. I thought I was crazy for having a ‘crush’ on someone like you. Who always sees everyone equally, and almost all the times showed that you had less interest on me,”

“Hmm, interesting,” Amber mumbled. “We thought we didn’t like each other, that’s pretty good detail for our love story, Krys. So, tell me more why you like me the same way I like you?”

“My father… and you share quite a common, Amber. If he is still alive, I guarantee he would be flattened to see you, who have the same way of soothing others. You’re just like him, and every time I stand in front of you, its like my father is back to life. Impossible, but also possible too at the same time- since you’re alive and he’s not,” Krystal swallowed the lump in after she finished her words. She tried to smile but her tears ruined it.

“And you miss him so much, Krys,” said Amber calmly.

“Yes, I miss him so very much,” she sobbed before letting Amber’s arms pulled her body closed and embraced it gently.

“I promise I will try my best to be your father’s duplicate, Krys. Or… maybe I can’t but wherever he is now, you know, he’s watching you, he’s watching us… Don’t cry okay? I’m sorry that I made you sad,”

Krystal smiled and cried at once, hugging Amber and sniffed her scent deeply.

Slowly, she realized that one thing Amber could give that her late father couldn’t.

A warm hug.

She listened to Amber’s calm heartbeat and prayed, in future- when she must face a difficult time, she just need this kind of hug. Every sorrow would disappear, like how the hug was affecting her at the moment.

“Amber?”

“Yeah?”

“I forgot to tell you. My mother dislikes people with a strong scent, she’s allergic to perfume,”

Amber groaned then.
 

“You should have told me earlier! Now I need to change my clothes!”

Krystal couldn’t help but to laugh when they parted and Amber rushed to the cupboard-started to rummage through her hanging outfits and cursed to no one but only beneath her own breath.
 

***

Jessica pulled the hand- break and glanced once at the couple through her rear view mirror.

“Okay lovebirds, remember what I’ve told you guys?”

Krystal instantly replied, “Be polite and speak nicely,”

“One point for Soojungie!” she grinned and stared at Amber. “What about you, llama?”

“Err… You did say I just have to be myself,” told Amber.

“Correct!” Jessica clicked her fingers and nodded at them both. Before they stepped out from her car, she reminded them again.

“Just remember, I love you guys so much, okay?”

Amber lifted her eyebrows and muttered, “Wow, that’s impressive. I’d never expect I could hear that from you, Jessica-sshi,”

And when she sensed two pairs of eyes were glaring at her-one from the driver seat, one from her side- Amber quickly apologized. “Whew, I’m deeply regretting what I’ve just said just now, haha,” that was Amber’s nervous laugh.

“She’s an idiot,” Jessica rolled her eyes as she made her way out from the car, and Krystal added,

“Yup, she is,”

Amber tailed the sisters closed until they reached the grand wooden door of the mansion. Jessica rang the bell, and not a minute later- one of the maid opened it and welcomed them to the main space.

Krystal held Amber’s hand and hissed, “Gosh! You’re freezing!”

The boyish maintained her calm state as she muttered back, “Definitely, Krys. I can’t provide you warmth anymore, sorry for that,”

“It’s okay, just… haish, now I’m getting nervous,” Krystal commented, releasing a deep breath.

Amber tightened their intertwined palms and assured Krystal with a gentle smile.

“I’m with you, and you’re with me… Right?”

The wife quickly nodded back.

Jessica, witnessing the scene- she let out a small groan.

“So what am I now, lovebirds? A couch???”

The newlywed couple only giggled seeing Jessica’s ogle eyes. That was when Amber suddenly remembered to check her phone. She has been busy preparing for the nerve wrecking dinner with Mrs. Soo Hye until she forgotten that important device.

“Shoot, I got 15 missed calls from Jackie,” Amber hissed, typing back her older sister via What’s App.

Jessica raised her eyebrows, “Who’s that?”

And Krystal gave an answer on Amber’s behalf, “Her sister,”

“Come on, we should be at the dining table before six, lovebirds. I’m afraid my mother leaves no food for us if we join her later,” Jessica doubled her pace to the dining room while having Amber and her sister side to side.

Once, where they almost reached the space, Amber’s eardrums caught familiar voices. She, Krystal and Jessica slowed down their pace until they finally entered the dining room.

Mrs. Soo Hye, sitting on the main chair immediately shifted her attention at the trio. Same to her other ‘guests’. Their conversation stopped in a moment as the boyish was glued at the spot, like a mannequin. She couldn’t even move her finger. Her heart raced like maniac when her eyes met the ‘guests’ whom were chatting with Mrs. Soo Hye at the table.

Krystal and Jessica stared at Amber as the short hair mumbled out,

“Father, mother…”

___________

Whush. The writer's block syndrome is still a thing lately, everyone. Thank you for staying and waiting me to update this story. 

Thank you for all the words you all had left in the comment section. I really appreciate you guys. Writing fanfic to get over this pandemic at least able to distract me from feeling lonely and sad. I dont know about others, but losing a job is such a pain to me. I dont have the source to gain money as much as I had before, but now I have more time and space for myself and for my family too. 

So glad, my application to further MA in Malaysia is now showing progress ^_^

Again, thank you to everyone! 

p/s: The next update, will be soon! 

Always, 

Love-love, 

YOUR RYAI.