“You’re going to be on what?”

            “We Got Married,” you told him calmly. Daehyun’s eyes bulged and he shook his head.

            “Can’t you turn this down?”

            “Why?”

            “Do you really want to pretend to be married to someone else for a long period of time? People develop feelings on this show, did you know that?” And there. The true reason was out. You looked up at Daehyun coyly.

            “Jung Daehyun, you can’t possibly be getting jealous are you now?”

            “Yeah, I am.” One of the rare times he’s actually admitted to this and so you knew he must be serious. “I hate the idea that an entire fanbase would be shipping you two, that you get to do all the things with him in public that we don’t even dare do because goodness forbids, someone finds out. I hate the idea that you might potentially really get to have feelings for him because he’s smooth as anything and I’m not and I know that girls like that and I hate that you’re even going to share a kiss, and he gets to see you in a wedding dress, when it should be me. I don’t want to turn on the television or search you up and see that you’re always attached to the hip to him, and I don’t want him giving you sweet surprises because you’re my girl and-”

            “Dae,” you stopped him before he could continue. He was red in the face and looked extremely upset. “Stop. Other people will develop feelings, but this show would only make me sad. Because I can’t do it with you, I don’t want to do it. But I’m so new to the industry, my manager wants me to do everything. I have to do this, not because I want to but because I have no choice. How about, everything we do on the show, the two of us do it together too, at home?”

            “That’s lame. I can’t hug you in public and I can’t do a photoshoot so intimately with you either,” he retorted bitterly.

            You were near crying. You just wanted him to understand and to know that you didn’t like this either. “I’m sorry. I can’t do anything else.”

            Daehyun sensed the tears in your voice and immediately softened. “Babe,” he reached for you and then you started to cry. “I’m sorry. Ignore all of that. We can do everything you do with him. If he gets you a ring, I’ll hand make you one. If you get to do a photoshoot, I’ll tell Youngjae to do one with us, okay?”

            He picked up your hand and twisted his pinky around yours. “Okay,” you whispered with a small smile as you pressed your thumbs together, sealing the promise.

***

            That was ten episodes ago and now the two of you were sitting back to back, both fuming and trying to control the tears that threatened to fall. You but on your lip and counted backwards, forwards, in intervals of threes, nines, anything. You wanted him to make the first move, to understand that it wasn’t your fault.

            You heard him shift and blinked rapidly. Please say something. There was a pregnant pause and then the moment fell away. It was back to silence. Even though you had made the promise, schedules simply didn’t permit it. Daehyun was busy with his own things and you rarely saw each other.

            “The only time I see you now is when you’re on TV with him!” That was true.

            “Dae, we still text each other every day.”

            “It’s not good enough! What if you start to like him?”

            The hardest thing for a guy to admit was that he was insecure, and Daehyun was no exception. He bit down on his words and looked away, determined not to cry. You had seen the tears shining in his eyes, though, and it hurt.

            You stared at the ceiling and heard Daehyun move again. “I just don’t like it,” he said quietly.

            You didn’t look at him because that would only bring on tears. “I know. That’s why I keep trying to stay a distance.”

            “I can see it,” he whispered. He carefully leaned to place his head on your back. “I see the comments. The audience isn’t liking you guys as much because they think you’re cold. And that hurts. I’m torn between wanting you to do well and being selfish.”

            You reached behind you to hold his hand. “I know, baby. But I’d rather they hate me and boot me off than to see you miserable.”

            “I handled the wedding pretty well. I just couldn’t get over the honeymoon kiss. That broke my heart a lot. So did the wedding shoot. I just wanted to be the only one to do everything like that with you.”

            His hand held yours tighter and you sighed quietly. “Can we make good on our promise to replicate everything? Can we call Youngjae over later so that we can do a more intimate shoot than the one I did? Because that would make me feel better too.”

            Daehyun moved his body so that you were now sitting between his legs and he placed his chin on your shoulder. “Can we? Does it?”        

            You nodded and he kissed your cheek. “I don’t think I deserve you.”

            “Don’t be stupid,” you told him. “If there’s anything I’ve gotten out of this show, it’s just how much I’d rather do everything with you.”

this is for kaylove

sorry for not updating in a while

so many things came up and so I'm going to be half writing half not