His hand could not stop shaking and that was when his heart filled with dread. The added fear only made the one bead of sweat falling down his face multiply. The pounding in his ears would not go away. He tried to take in a deep breath. That was what the internet had said would work. But he could not get the air past his mouth and into his lungs, which felt like they were closed off.

            The studio was spinning and he clutched at his chest. There was no physical pain, only the severe discomfort of not being able to be in control of his breath. His heart was pounding, pounding. The blood rushed to his head and that was when his stomach did a flip. The shaking had gotten worse.

            He got down on the floor. It was better that way to avoid knocking off any expensive equipment. The cool wooden floor did not nothing to lessen the nausea. He laid his cheek against it and saw the world spin around one more time.

            “Yongguk? Hold on for a second. Please be careful!”

            Slowly the world was coming clear again. Hazy shadows were crowded around him and that only made his throat constrict. “Please step aside. We want to give him as much room as possible.” This was an unfamiliar voice and when it came into focus, Yongguk realized that it was a paramedic.

            Now standing in a huddle were s and their brows were furrowed in concern as they watched him. Himchan was standing off to the corner, with his hand pinching his nose as he tried to calm himself down.

            This was not the first time this has happened and he knew that he should have listened to the pleadings from s to take a break. But this album was so important to all of them. He read the concern on their faces and felt the guilt overwhelm him. He was trying to be useful but he’s becoming less so.

            They seem to realize his feelings because one by one, they smiled at him. “Hyung, please take a rest.” Words they have repeated multiple times before but this time, he felt his heart settle. He took in a deep breath, capable because of the inhaler that they had given him and nodded.

            Himchan stared at the empty spot in the formation and felt a lump in his throat. He turned away so that none of the other members could catch him wipe his eyes. It was strange not having Yongguk in the practice rooms. Yes, he has moved out of the dorm, but it was still a given that he would be at the company, either in the studio or in the practice room with them.

            They had started together and somehow not having his best friend around made the sweat a little more unbearable, the long hours a bit too long. When the songs played and the familiar deep voice came on, Himchan stepped in to take over the parts he had been assigned. He had already memorized the lyrics, having spent the last few days studying all the videos so he knew the exact hand movements Yongguk used for every line. And when he nailed it, it made Himchan a little happier.

            They spoke on the phone that night and even though Himchan fell back into the habit of nagging, he could hear the laugh in Yongguk’s voice as he threatened to hang up. And when they finally did hang up three hours later, Himchan fell asleep with a smile on his face. Who cared that he had to be up in three hours time? It was worth it.

            Daehyun’s heart was in three places at once. One was in his body, the other was with Yongguk and the last piece with the fans everywhere. He knew better than anyone how much Babyz worried. And so after visiting his hyung, he decided he was going to send everyone a quick message. “Don’t worry about Yongguk-hyung. We are taking care of him. Everyone don’t worry!”

            He received a text from Yongguk right after the video went live.

            Ya, who asked you to take care of me?

            Daehyun had laughed. He knew that Yongguk was just joking around, trying to lighten the atmosphere. Sorry Hyung! This caring for is not in your control. Keke. He got a smiley face in return and he patted himself on the back. Whoever insisted he was still awkward with the leader was so wrong. They understood each other on a different level. And it was good to see the older man finally letting go of his more serious side and really get in touch with the young man that he is.

            Youngjae tossed the game console in the corner in frustration. “Ah, Hyung! All you do is stay in the studio and work! How did you get so good at playing this?”

            Yongguk raised his eyebrow, his eyes and fingers very much still focused on what was happening on the screen in front of him. “I’m just a man of many talents.”

            The younger scoffed but on the inside he was beaming. It was rare to see their leader so relaxed. The decision to rest was definitely a good one, and even though he missed Yongguk deeply, Youngjae was confident that this was for the better. He glanced around to see if the other members were looking but everyone was in the kitchen, busy making the food they had bought.

            Youngjae shifted over little by little so that he was soon next to Yongguk on the couch. “What is it?” In reply, Youngjae pulled his legs into him and leaned his body into Yongguk’s. It was strangely comforting, snuggling with him. “Hyung, you know I only love you, right?” And he was awarded with that shy and deep chuckle that had charmed fans everywhere.

            “Jongup, you know if you want to show me anything you’re working on, I’m still here. The music doesn’t end even when I’m resting.”

            When Jongup first received the offer, he had been hesitant. He didn’t want to add any stress to Yongguk-Hyung. But the more he thought about it, the more he understood that what his hyung wants is to be treated normally. He just needed a mental break, that’s all. And with his first solo being released on their upcoming album, Jongup was ambitious to contribute more.

             And so when he found the time, he sent over the files of music composition. He was trying to do a more electronic dance music so that he could choreograph a cool dance to go with it as well. By the time Jongup came back from practice, he received both the file and a long list of suggestions. He let out a tiny sigh and settled into bed. Leave it to Yongguk to make it seem like he’s not even taking a break.

            The decision perhaps hurt Junhong the most. Yongguk-Hyung was and is his biggest role model and not having that constant reassurance made him realize that he should have worked harder to help his hyung. That night, Junhong had cried. The other members were braver, walking around with smiles on their faces and working diligently to make Yongguk feel good about his choice but he did not have that courage.

            He hid in his room, refusing to go out except to their shortened practice. Everyone noticed but nobody said a thing. They all understood how precious the leader is to him. It was only later that he received a message that made him cry harder but come out of it feeling healed.

            I’m sorry, Junhong-ah. Hyung tried to be a good model for you but as always I’m lacking. You’re growing up so well and I am so so proud of you. Remember, choose the music that you like and always work hard. Hyung will be watching over you.

            This time when he was crying, he was crying in Himchan’s arms. The two of them rocked back and forth on his floor until finally Junhong gave a watery smile and took his phone out and pressed on the Twitter icon.

            Yongguk had a lot of free time. More time than he ever thought he would have after he debuted and at first it was strange, but his doctor told him it was for the better. And he wanted to be better. Sometimes he would remember the heart palpitations and the lack of air and feel it start to rise again but then he thought about the five other people in his second family and suddenly felt a calm pass him.

            He was on the internet when he came across a gif that depicted an event he had forgotten about. It was one promotion out of many and as time had passed, it slipped. But when he saw that he was at the center, trying to talk, surrounded by some of his favorite people in the world, Yongguk smiled.

            Youngjae had his hand held next to him in the shape of half a heart. Next to him was Himchan who was also trying to win his affections. Behind him, Jongup and Daehyun were making a crane’s heart above his head. And then there was Junhong. The maknae was leaning in, and the look Junhong gave him made his heart beam. He hadn’t known at the time what had been going on around him and seeing all of them vying for his affections at that moment made him content.

            “B.A.P, I love you,” he whispered to his screen, grinning foolishly as he realized that none of them could actually hear and that he was talking to his laptop. But deep down, Yongguk knows that they know and he stood up. He placed his headphones in his ears and followed what the doctor advised him to do. He stepped away from his work and stepped into the sunshine, smiling at the rays as they warmed his face.

            Everything is going to be alright.

♥♥♥

#ForeverWithYongguk

#GetWellSoonYongguk