Guys in light of what has been going on recently with Daehyun, I decided I am going to write something. He'll never read it but I want to write it just so I can sort of get out my pain too. It hurts so much to see the smiling light dim and I want him to just be happy. I don't want him putting on performances, practicing for alums I just want him to go back home and sleep in his old bed and see his friends and not worry about B.A.P for a day. I want so much for him but I can't give it to him so I can only give him this: support. I can only shed my tears and hope my prayers are answered and that Daehyun can be happy again. I think this will take a lot of time and a lot of rest, and I hope he gets that, along with a lot of love.

            To me, you were the one who came out of nowhere and blew me away. You were the stereotypical one, the one that everyone liked, the one that I didn’t think I would like. You were the one who didn’t creep up on me, but blew me away. You took me away just like the sudden swell of the waves in a tsunami, no receding water to warn, but a gush, a sudden swell too high to see, that came crashing over and then I was lost.

            I was lost in you, in what you were, who you were, and what I could see of you. You didn’t drown, but you carried, carried me away on this wave that seemed to last forever, on the wave that was like a high all the time, and kept me afloat. When I went under, it was because I wanted to take a deep breath, only to realize that I couldn’t breathe. So I came up again and you still kept me there, made me realize that I couldn’t lose myself in you but use you as support.

            You weren’t intoxication, you weren’t an obsession. You were something that I had a lot of at once and couldn’t get enough of, but I didn’t feel like losing myself. Instead, I found a way to laugh, a way to understand myself better. You showed me what I liked, who I liked, and you showed me who I am in a sense.

            Like all the ones who admire you, I can never truly tell you how much I respect you, how much I love you, how much I wish I could wish all the happiness in the world for you. Because it is not my place, nor is the honor mine to be able to interact with you directly. But it is my honor to be able to be a part of a support pillar you turn to.   

            Besides being a tidal wave of emotions, you are also the one star in the sky that never seems to go out. Even when it’s morning and there is the sun competing, you still manage to be there, that little dot in a sky filled with stars, twinkling. I’d look onto you and think that you were always there for me. And now that dazzle has dimmed.

            Where’d you go, oh smiling Prince? Where’d you go, the one who said he was the best at smiling? Where’d you go, the one who let me smile even when I feel like all my facial muscles could no longer do it? Where’d you go? I really miss you.

            You were always one to convey emotions with your voice, with the vocal talent that you were blessed with. You were also the one who conveyed brightness, happiness, with those lips of yours, and the eyes that crinkle and light with a joke that you shared with the world.

            You’re all the forces of nature, and yet at the end of the day, you are oh so human. And all human beings eventually feel down, their happiness dims, but when the happiness turns off, there are so many who worry, so many who wish we could do something to make it not so, so many who just want to hold you, and let you know that whatever you do we will forever be with you.

            I’m one voice among many, saying the words that I know you know but do you really know? Do you really know the extent of how much we care? You can only say you know we support you, you know we love you, but do you know that seeing you hurt hurts us too? Not in the way of someone you like hurting, but someone you admire, respect and has helped you a lot hurting. That’s how much we’re hurting right now.

            Seeing you smile now when I know that these were from before, only hurts more. Knowing that you have your ups and downs is something we’ve come to terms with, but just like you see someone who’s sick, you can’t help but want them to get better. And we want you to get better.

            We want to not be the sea that drowns you, not be the rock that stands in your way, not be the sun that eclipses your happiness. But we want to be the wave of comfort you feel, the strength you can draw on and the sky that hangs onto your every twinkle.

            I don’t want to be a reason for your unhappiness because in our hearts, you should come first. You’ve always put us before you but now it’s time for you to take care of yourself. If we can’t hold you to us, if we can’t wipe away your sadness, if we can’t physically tell you we love you, then at least not let us be the reason, however tangential, for your unhappiness.

            I’m sorry, Daehyun. I’m sorry I can’t do more. I just want you to rest, to see your family, to be someone without a job in the limelight, to be that person who liked to sing. I want to see you fulfill your dreams, but not if it hurts too much. I want you to make your own choices. I want to help you.

            Seeing you not smile, even if I don’t know the reason why, still breaks me inside. Seeing you wordlessly, robotically, go through the motions, make me want to kick you off the stage, and bundle you in a blanket so you can sleep and wake up to a happier reality, and not just in your dreams.

 I know you’re in good hands, but because I cannot be there, I still feel uneasy. I know that you have a support system, and you consider me, one of the fine grains of sand you swept up in your wave, one of the tiny stones that make up a pillar, one of the millions you shine on, part of it.

            And I’m honored. I’m honored to have met you, Jung Daehyun. Maybe we will never exchange words in person, but we’ve exchanged support. We’ve exchanged moments of happiness, moments of dreams come true, and a type of love that can only be said to come from respect, fulfillment and mutual understanding.

            I know that your waves have only stilled a bit, the pillar leaned over a little, the star covered by that one annoying cloud in the sky. I also know that I love you unconditionally. Because you are human, and you are not perfect, and neither is your life. I just want to be here, so you know that even when life is not perfect, there are people who can help you strive for it to be.

            Thank you Daehyun, and remember, Babys are forever with you. Forever with you, unconditionally.