He first met the consort-to-be when she was throwing a fit, asking for home. Her maids had been utterly at a loss, and only her stern wet nurse had remembered that it was Youngjae’s job to treat such hysterics. When the General ordered him to take up permanent residence in the consort’s rooms, Youngjae had known that this would be the most important job since becoming a eunuch. He just didn’t know all that entailed.

            The future consort to the Emperor was crying and barely restrained as she threw cups and tried to hit her head on the pillar of her bed. Judging by the red bump on her forehead, it was clear that she had succeeded in a few attempts. Half of her sleeping gown was falling and he saw all the male guards averting their eyes.

            Youngjae stepped in and cleared his throat. “What are you all doing? Restrain her.” The command came out coldly and she paused to stare at the newcomer.

            The guards hesitated but knew that he was the most trusted right-hand man to the General and they shouted out their obedience before cautiously holding the struggling limbs down. He took a step to her and gazed at the eighteen-year-old. It was clear she was a little horrified at the amount of power he held.

            Youngjae knelt down in front of her and took one of her hands so that he could hover his lips over it. “My Lady, your father has asked that I be your advisor. My Lady, soon you will be married to the Emperor of our kingdom. You cannot ask for home, and cause such a fuss. It is absolutely unseemly for a woman who would serve our King. I ask that you do not embarrass your father and your family, and ruin the well-wishes with which your father sent you into the Palace.”

            He knew that when the idea of marriage was brought up, both father and daughter had been unwilling. But with the rocky relationship among the princes, and the aging king, it was important for her father to make the sacrifice. It would be much more dangerous for him to wait to see who would be Crown Prince, as the jealous king would easily know that any prince with extraordinary military power would be the one to challenge his place.

            Her sobs faded and she managed to collect any shreds of dignity she had left. “Let go of me,” she commanded and Youngjae couldn’t help but smile. The Young Miss truly knew how to compose herself. The guards immediately did as they were ordered and it was just Youngjae and his ward.

            “When you next see father, tell him I will make him proud.”

            The wedding was an exquisite affair. Despite being a eunuch, he was still considered a male and could not take part in the bride’s preparations. All he could do was whisper encouragements and advice to her through the silk screen. “And remember, the consummation night is very important. The key to power once you are a consort is a son. Although the other Princes are all budding in their teens, it is not too late for Miss to have a smart lad who can overcome his brothers. His Highness has many more years ahead, and plenty of time for you to catch up.”

            He said all of this stoically. It was not up to him to judge affairs. He just had to make sure that she knew her job. He stayed in his room after congratulating the General on his elevation in status. When night fell, his eyes were closed, and he gave no other thought to the girl and the going-ons in the newlyweds’ room.

            Rumor began to spread. It was three months into the marriage and he met with the Consort every day to coach her on affairs and also to help her fight the strategic dealings of the harem. He never stayed past the afternoon so the rumors came as a surprise. The King never visited the new addition to his Inner Palace.

            It was to be expected. There were so many women, some without status, who were given to the King on a near daily basis. But, this was the General’s daughter. Surely even the King, who had his fair pick of choices, wouldn’t purposefully exclude this choice. Unless, Youngjae mused, it was to suppress the military. But the General has another daughter, one who could easily be betrothed to a prince and that’ll be the end of the power balance.

            After the lesson was over and Youngjae prepared to pack his bags to leave, a hand gripped his sleeve. “My Lady,” he quickly withdrew his arm.

            “Please, don’t leave. I would like to have someone to talk to right now.”

            It was beyond his call of duty to do so but he couldn’t help but sit back down. “Yes, My Lady?”

            “Do you ever see Father? And what about Mother, and Dayoung?”

            He hummed. Of course she would be homesick. Besides the traditional homecoming a week after the marriage, she hasn’t seen her family. He also knew that without the King’s favor, it would be difficult for her to ask for visitation days.

            “I’m sure His Majesty would allow you to visit them soon.”

            She let out a tiny snort. “I haven’t seen him since that night. And even then…”

            Youngjae glanced around. There was nobody in the room. She had sent all her maids out. “My Lady,” he hissed. “I’m afraid the King’s favor isn’t easy to gain. Next week there will be a banquet. Your father will be there and it will be your chance to shine. You have always excelled at dance. There will be an opportunity to perform.”

            The lady in front of him gave a self-deprecating laugh. “He could barely finish the task when he bedded me. I don’t think he would be charmed.”

            This was certainly news. The King has twelve children. Surely, there wasn’t an issue? “Perhaps His Majesty had a little too much to drink.”

            “Or I’m just that bad at it.” Youngjae made no comment. It would be inappropriate for him to say anything. The affairs of the bedroom were beyond his control. Her eyes flickered to his stoic expression and she sighed. “I don’t know why I’m even confiding in you. It’s not as if you know anything about it.” If the comment was said without thought, it was a somewhat accurate one. If it was said to hurt him, well, he was who he was and he didn’t feel anything.

            Youngjae stood and bowed. “I’ll take my leave.”

            News spread that the night after the banquet, the King indeed spent the night with the Consort from the General’s household. When Youngjae went to see her for their scheduled appointment, he found her, drunk and slumped over her desk.

            “My Lady!” Hurriedly, he glanced around for her maids. “How did you allow her to get like this?” He hissed angrily. “She is your mistress, the King’s Consort. Do you all want to lose your heads?”

            The head maid dipped a curtsy. “Answering Yoo Advisor, My Lady wouldn’t allow us to stop her. She threatened to strip us of our salaries if we did.”

            Youngjae sighed and carefully picked her up. As he set her onto the bed, her fingers once more clutched onto the silk of his sleeves. “Please, don’t leave.” The words were said softly but audible enough for him to understand. He stayed like that until the wax from the candle dripped into a red pool. Her maids moved to light another one but he held out his hand. “I should go now.”

            Once more, there was something stopping him. “You may all leave us,” he heard a voice whisper. One by one the attendants dipped and left. Youngjae stared at the girl in exasperation. “He couldn’t even finish the job. He left within an hour.” Her voice was teary and Youngjae felt a tug at his heart strings.

            He knew that her father had been anxious. He had overheard their conversation when the General came to pay his respects for the first time.  “You must have a son, or you will have disgraced our family and sacrificed yourself for nothing.”

            “I’m sorry,” Youngjae whispered. He could do nothing. Her eyes were swollen as she curled within herself.

            “Do you know anyone who can help teach me?”

            He did. But they were all people from forbidden places. Places she would never be able to set foot in. Youngjae sighed. “I’ll find a way.”

            For the next few weeks, she did not bring up the subject. He had already done his research and would be prepared to help should she ask. But he heard that the King had been over at least twice and from her lack of a reaction, he assumed it went well. So Youngjae continued to do his job and not mind what was not his business.

            “If you could go anywhere in this world, where would it be?”

            Youngjae looked at his student thoughtfully. Beyond advising her of how Palace life was, he had now started teaching her some literature. The King liked his women to be educated, and while Her Ladyship has had a great education, there was always more to learn. “Well, I think more than anything I would like to live a normal life among the peasants.”

            She giggled. “Have you thought about who you would be? What type of life would you lead if you weren’t sent to the Palace?”

            “I guess my family were merchants, so I would perhaps continue that or be more ambitious and be an official. Perhaps I would have a family of my own.”

            Her laughter stopped and her fingertips grazed his knuckles. “Do you resent that?”

            “I’m sorry?” He was suddenly distracted by the feather-light touches on his skin.

            “Do you resent that you can never have children? Never take a wife?”

            Youngjae’s lips quirked into a small smile. “I never dared let myself hope.”

            “But if you could?” There was something uncomfortable about the way she was staring into his eyes. Youngjae shrugged and stood up.

            “My Lady, I have come to terms with my life, and am quite satisfied. If you have no more questions, you should prepare for dinner. Perhaps the Emperor may join you today.”

            “He won’t. He visited me twice last week but only tried to bed me once. He said I wasn’t open enough, whatever that means. I doubt he’d want to spend more time with me than is necessary for the records.” There was something hollow about the way she spoke about her predicament.

            Youngjae strayed by the table. “Well, I have spoken with ladies who may help.”

            Her eyes were still downcast. “I know the basics. But I need to practice. I’m just not comfortable in my heart.”

            “Unfortunately, you would have to use your imagination, My Lady. Perhaps a pillow, or blanket?” He offered the suggestions delicately. Her fingers were now resting on his and he wanted to pull his hand away except the action would only further emphasize the compromising position they were in.

            Her eyes, when they met his, were clear and surprisingly devoid of the desperation he expected. “Or I can use another person.”

            Youngjae reared back in shock. “My Lady! That would be treason.”

            She gave a tiny shrug. “It wouldn’t be if he never found out.”

            He found himself sitting at his desk, staring at the scrolls that he was supposed to read, and at the advisory memo he was supposed to write, but only felt shock. Again and again his eyes flashed to the Consort’s empty eyes as she looked at him. “Can you teach me?”

            At the moment, he had been unable to answer. His reason and logic told him that if he even thought about entertaining her wild notions, he would be leading her astray. But he thought about how desperate, how sad she looked and couldn’t find in him another logical explanation. It wasn’t as if there would be any consequences to think about in terms of unplanned pregnancies. And if he could do it in a way that was purely instructional and would help the Consort conceive later with the king, well, then he had just fulfilled his duties to his master.

            And so after giving her his word, Youngjae began preparing. He bribed his best physician to bring along herbs that would help his circulation, for medication that would make things easier for him. He had to constantly remind himself that all this was merely a duty, and couldn’t help but chuckle ironically, because this must be how the lady felt.

            That night, she dismissed all her servants. He had staged an exit after his lessons but managed to sneak back in. When he came out from the closet he hid in, he saw her waiting, with only her undergarments on. There was one lone candle, which he kept on as he sat on the bed next to her.

            “Be soft, My Lady.” His fingers touched her shoulders and she trembled. Her eyes were watery and she refused to look at him. He braved a kiss on her cheek, on her neck and he saw her tense. “My Lady, if this is too much, we can stop.”

            “No.” Her fingers wrapped around his hand. “Please, don’t.” Youngjae was quiet as he placed more delicate kisses across her skin. His fingers shook as he untied the knots holding her bodice together. He laid her gently across the bed but her hands came up to grab at his robes.

            “Yes, Your Highness, just take my clothing off like this. Take a little initiative.”

            “C-can you call me by my name?” She requested and he saw her clutch tighter to his robes.

            This, next to what they were about to do, would be akin to the highest forms of treachery. “Y-yes,” he finally agreed. Her name rolled off a little shakily but he repeated it nonetheless.

            He was about to blow off the candle as his robe came off but she stopped him. “I want to see.” Youngjae’s face flushed with shame and embarrassment as he watched her observe him. Her slender fingers touched his mutilated parts, half erect, thanks to attraction and the medication he had been taking for the past month.

            “My Lady,” he whispered as she slid closer to him. Her breath ghosted across his and she gave him an upwards glance.

            “Call me my name,” she ordered.

            engulfed him and his entire body shook. He had read about the bodily pleasures but this was the first time he has ever experienced them. His hips bucked against , desperate for more of the warm wetness. Her tongue pressed against the cuts and the oddly gouged parts and for a moment, the shame came back but then a deep moan from the back of had him sinking his fingers into her hair.

            Youngjae saw her legs spread unconsciously as she ground against the blankets and that was when he tilted her back to settle between her legs and give her the same pleasure she had given him. It was satisfying watching her arch into him, feeling her tug on his hair, on his ears and then her into his face. The low moans that escaped from her lips and the juices dripping down his chin giving away her arousal and pleasure.

            It was a little more difficult entering her, but she held her legs open, hooked her arms for him and he sank down into her. Sighs escaped the two of them and he found her reciprocating his timed s. She pushed against his shoulder and turned him around so that she rode him, her s bouncing into his waiting hands as she settled down on him, careful to never quite hurt him.

            She had told him that she lacked experience, but seeing her, it seemed that she lacked more passion. The thought scared him but the pleasure spurred him on. Her legs shook around his waist. Her thumb was padding her nub, an area that the women told him was pleasurable for women. He pushed her hand away so that it was him who pushed her over the edge.

            The Consort was beautiful when she came. She clenched rhythmically around him with her face contorted and mouth falling slack. Her lithe body folded in on herself as she rested on top of him. He gave a few more feeble s as squirts of liquid dripped from him. Her eyes were closed and he placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

            The nights continued like this. It would take him at least a week to recover, and despite the excruciating pain the next day, he took the medications and came back whenever he was better. They tried different positions, and each time, she got bolder and bolder. She would whisper sweet nothings in his ear and Youngjae would hold his tongue. His heart was already hers and any indication would be disastrous.

            When they were together in the day, her hands would slide up his arm and she would lean in too close. “You’re the only one I can trust, Youngjae,” she told him and he would smile and turn the attention back to the subject at hand. She knew he was hers already.

            It was a dangerous game they were playing but nobody would ever suspect the eunuch. There were rumors that the King stayed over longer nowadays, and that the Consort was rising in favor. When he saw her, she never made any mention of it. But he could tell. Because he went from seeing her every night to five times, then three, and sometimes only once. It wasn’t his place to feel jealous, wasn’t his place to ask.

            The world was cruel and unfair but he knew his place. Youngjae knew that all this was really meant to teach her, nothing more. She insisted on cuddling, on lying by his side as she his skin, trying to make him feel more like a man than he was. He never once complained, never once told her that each night spent with her was enough to cut a thousand shards into his heart.

            Sometimes she wanted to talk but he would shush her. Her maids would be outside and it would be too dangerous for them to hear a male’s voice. Even when she was in rapture, he had to hide her moans with a pillow, to muffle the wanton audio of pleasure. There were times when he considered stopping. Maybe it would be easier to just end all of this and store the memories for the rest of his life. But every time he made mention of stopping, she would hold onto his arm, her eyes round with pleading and her pretty mouth would say words that had him taking his back.

            Youngjae didn’t try to fool himself into thinking she loved him. She was lonely and desperate and he happened to be readily available. He was glad his circumstances made the affair so easy otherwise they’d be walking on tiptoes all the time, counting the days until her next bleeding. He knew that what they had was only enough until one day the bleeding stopped. Then he would be taken away, placed back into his office, and their story was over.

            The news came as a shock to the rest of the palace. “The General’s daughter is pregnant,” they whispered. The entire harem was in an uproar, with the older ladies tittering and desperate to maintain their spots of favor. Youngjae followed her father in to greet her, a courtesy that was honored to one who carried the dragon’s blood inside her.

            She was sitting on a regal chair, surrounded by jewels and pearls and luxuries gifted by the exultant emperor. Her face was blank as she received their congratulations. For a fleeting moment, their eyes met and he gave her a slow nod and a blink. He had to look away because he saw her pleading for him. It was the same desperate look that had him coming back.

 Now that she was going to be a mother, it would be inappropriate for them to have further classes. His heart hardened as he tried once more to revert things back to how they should be. His job here was done.

Happy Birthday Mr. Yoo <3

It's been a while since I've updated but I hope everyone has a fantastic new year!