When you entered the room, you found a pleasant surprise. Your boyfriend was sitting at a long table in the center of the room, signing albums, one after the other, the stacks building up next to him. Even though you were sure the door made a creak when you pushed it open, he didn’t look up. This gave you ample time to admire him from afar.

            They say that to a woman, a hardworking man was the most attractive and that could not have been more true as you watched his brow furrow in concentration, and his lips purse as he furiously thought of unique messages to write on every CD. The dedication was heartwarming and you knew that his fans were appreciative of all of the little gestures that he did for them.

            When you had enough, you walked up to the table, waiting for him to look up. It took him a while but when he saw you, the smile that he rewarded you brought a larger one on your face. “You’re here!”

            “Hi Yongguk,” you grinned. “Looks like you’ve been working so hard that you didn’t even notice I was here.”

            He gave you a bashful smile. “I’m sorry. You know how I get. It’s like a whole other universe.”

            His words made you simultaneously happy and sad. You knew when you started dating him what type of person he was. His dedication to his work was what made him so attractive to you. But it was times like this that you were again reminded that even if he didn’t mean it, you were always second priority.

            Yongguk seemed to sense your hesitation. He suddenly stood up and wrapped his long arms around you in a hug. “You mean so much to me.” And then before he lost the momentum, he kissed your cheek. He detached himself and sat down in his seat, but not without blowing you a kiss and smiling at you in an endearing, dorky way.

            You started laughing. There was something infectious about his gummy smile and you read the sincerity in his happy display of affection. The laughter, however, soon turned to tears and you started to cough, feeling your breath cut off by the clogging of your nose. Yongguk was no longer smiling, instead he was fading and that was when you opened your eyes.

            You ran a hand across your face. The tears were very much real even though your boyfriend and his kisses were not. You let out an audible sigh, the sound particularly loud in the utter silence of your room. The chill from the windows added to your loneliness. You reached a hand out to touch the empty space next to you. If you closed your eyes and tried hard enough, you could almost feel the warmth left by his body.

            The vivid images from the dream was still playing through your mind. It has been nearly two months since you last saw him. Yongguk had decided he needed time to be by himself. It meant retreating from his celebrity life, and also leaving behind certain people who might cause him more emotional response than he wanted at the moment. And unfortunately, among those people, you were included.

            At first, you were okay. Yongguk needed time to feel like himself again. But when time dragged on, and you knew s had heard from him, you felt even more as if your life was placed on hold. There were times when you became angry. Who was he to decide to keep you hanging? Why was it okay for him to be a recluse, and refuse to see even you? But then there was love and understanding. You knew how fragile he was, and that the best way to support him was not to give him more pressure but to step back and give him what he wanted. And it was in those depths that sadness came in. Maybe he no longer wanted you. Perhaps the reason why you were cut off and why he didn’t even contact you was because you were really second priority, as you sometimes suspected.

            To have those thoughts were also blasphemous. How could you doubt Yongguk’s devotion to you? But when you had to hear updates about your boyfriend from s, it made you wonder. It took all the self-control you had to keep from texting him, even deleting his number because you knew that if you had it, you would be tempted. But that didn’t stop the string of seven numbers from running through your head.

            Simply put, it hurt. It hurt that someone you cared so much about could pull away for two months and keep you out of the loop. Even though you wanted to convince yourself that everything indeed would be alright, you couldn’t. The dream that occurred today was one of many and it surprised you how real each one still felt.

            Tomorrow would be New Year’s Eve. A time where people were planning on celebrating with their friends and family, you found yourself at odds. At once wanting to move on, you wanted to stay in this year because it seemed like the only thing tethering you to Yongguk. Once you moved onto the new year, he would be gone, no longer a part of your life. It was ridiculous, you knew. What difference did the movement of a second hand on the clock matter? What made one time more significant than the other? Yongguk’s existence did not depend on whether the last digit of the year read six or seven.

            Nevertheless, as you forced yourself to fall back asleep, you couldn’t help but feel a pang of longing. If only he could be there with you tonight, it would make the next year one to truly look forward to.

            The B.A.P members treated you like one of their own. After the end of year performance, they were holding a party and invited you. At first you politely declined. As much as you loved them, it was weird to be there without Yongguk but they had insisted. They were doing the countdown on stage but requested that you stayed in the dorm and waited, rather than came when they got there.         

            “It’s not safe to travel so late, and besides the television in our dorm is bigger so you can see all of us in high definition,” Youngjae had joked.

            The boys meant well and goodness knows, they could not keep a secret. You knew something was up by their not-so-casual reminders. “Noona, remember to be there at ten.” “Also make sure you dress nicely! You know they say what you wear as you go into the new year will determine your fortune for the year.”

            Having dated Yongguk for quite some time, and being a big fan of B.A.P, you knew when they had something up their sleeves. But what exactly did they have planned, you could not figure out. Your heart dared to hope that it would be Yongguk, but you knew that that was a long shot. They wouldn’t dare mess around with their leader’s health.

            You followed their instructions to a tee, wearing a deep blue dress Yongguk had gifted you for your six month anniversary. They had sent one of their managers to pick you up, a gesture you found thoughtful and endearing. Their dorm was clean for once and the television was on. When you settled on the couch, you realized why ten was so important to them. Their performance was on at the time.

            As the show continued and time passed, you realized that it was soon ten minutes until midnight. Your eyelids were beginning to droop. The lights were also getting dimmer in the room. That realization made you sit up again. The living room lights were indeed getting darker and candles were being lit around the room.

            You stood up. There was soft jazz music playing in the background and suddenly your heart was in your throat. From the corner of your eye, you saw the countdown. There was still eight minutes left. The moment you smelled a waft of familiar sandalwood and leather, you knew.

            Afraid to speak, you waited. You waited until you heard the soft footsteps then the man of your dreams appeared in the doorway. Yongguk looked hesitant. Apology and uncertainty danced across his features. Within seconds, you were throwing yourself into his arms.

            “I missed you.”

            You inhaled his familiar scent and closed your eyes, wanting to encode all the sensory details in your mind. You were almost afraid this was another dream because unlike those dreams, this one seemed surreal. It was only until you lifted your head and felt his lips press on your forehead that you knew. You weren’t dreaming. Yongguk was here.

            “I’m sorry,” he said. You missed his voice. Your subconscious did not do him justice. This voice was velvet, it was dark chocolate, it was the warmth of a blanket on a cold winter’s night. It wrapped your thoughts between them and you felt at home.

            All the anger you expected to feel was gone. It never existed. Instead, you felt healed and relieved. It was the perfect ending and beginning to a new year. You didn’t know how long you stayed like this, not moving, his apology and your longing trading back and forth between the two of you until you understood that the reason why he broke off contact was to keep him from worrying about your reaction, and to let him come back as soon as possible without affecting you. He also understood how much hurt he had caused you but also that he was forgiven.

            “I love you,” Yongguk whispered. It was the first time he had said this to you and it made you cry. “No crying,” he finished. “It’s going to be the new year. No crying.”

            On the screen, the countdown was becoming louder. “Five, four, three, two, one!”

            “Happy New Year,” Yongguk murmured as he leaned down to kiss you. And the feeling as his lips touched yours made all of the pain over the last two months disappear. Everything was alright. 

Happy New Year loves!

Here's to hoping 2017 is a healthy, happy, prosperous one.