“I can’t believe it, one more month and then we’ll be graduating. No more high school, no more chilling in the park, no more hanging out…”

“Oh my god, you’re talking as if we will never see each other again. We’re going to a different school, it’s not like we’ll disappear from the planet. You can still call us or come over.” 

It had such a long time since everything had still felt this normal. The three of you were sitting in the grass in the park, completely free of worries and responsibilities. It had been such a long time since you had been with the three of you, without anyone around and without having the troubles you always used to have. It was almost as if the past few months had never happened, as if you had always been best friends and you hadn’t played such a dirty game with one other. 

Making things up with Elena, had made you realize how much you had left James behind. You had had so much on your mind lately, and you hadn’t thought about it even once to contact him, which made you feel a little guilty. It took a moment for him to forgive you for ignoring him and shutting him out, but eventually he couldn’t stop himself anymore and he had hugged you, saying that he’d never be able to be angry at you for a long time. 

It was almost as if your friendship had gone back to normal, Hana was gone and was no longer here to ruin things for you between you and your friends and everything just seemed to be great. But of course there were some things that had happened that made that you’d never be the same people you had been before this had all begun. There were just some things that could no longer be undone, that would make it impossible for you to go back. 

This was the only thing that still bothered you, there were so many secrets between you all. James still didn’t know why you and Elena had been fighting with each other for so long, what the real reason was behind your horrible fight. You had no idea what had caused that the two of them hadn’t talked to each other while you and Elena had been fighting, though last time you had checked, Elena had had a crush on him. But of course that was already a long time ago… 

Elena still had no idea that James was gay and that he’d actually never be interested in her, or did she know and did she just not tell you? Well, you couldn’t effort asking her because you might tell his secret to her and then you were afraid that he would be angry at you for a much longer time. James still had no idea about you and Baekhyun, had no idea that the two of you had been together for this long already and that you were seeing each other. But the most important thing was that he still didn’t know that you were pregnant, and you had no idea how long you were still able to hide it from the outside world. 

The fact that you were graduating seemed to surreal. For months you had wished this moment to come near, you had wanted to be free from high school and you had wanted to be free from the rules. It meant that you didn’t have to hide your relationship with Baekhyun anymore and that you and him could finally built a life together. A few days ago you had been so sure that as the only thing you ever wanted, that it was the only thing you longed for. But now you weren’t so sure anymore, now that the graduation date was getting this close. 

There would be no more turning back, and of course you didn’t mind having a life with Baekhyun, you loved him and he was the only man you wanted to be with but that wasn’t the problem. It meant that you’d have to leave everything behind, and that you could never come back. James would never forgive you for hiding this from him, Elena would never understand the decision you had made. Your parents weren’t a reason why you had to stay here, they wouldn’t even care about you leaving as long as you would embarrass the family. 

Now that everything was back to normal and you felt how it used to be to be a normal teenager, no worries and no regrets, it made you realize how much you had missed this, how hard you had wanted things to feel normal again even though they weren’t. During the past few months you had lived a life that was too mature for your age, things that other people of your age would never have to go through. You knew you had your parents to blame for this and no one else, but that didn’t make this any easier. Baekhyun would never make you do something you didn’t want to, and you knew that he’d never make you leave if you wanted to stay. But you also know that if you did that there would be so much he would loose. 

If someone would find out about the two of you then things could end so badly, especially for him, it wasn’t like things could get much worse for you. Your parents had already abandoned you and you were already pregnant, there was nothing else left for you to loose, except for your friends. If someone would tell people about you, then he would loose his job and it would come in his file that he had had a relationship with one of his students, who was underage and who had been in his class. The chance that he’d ever be accepted in any other school in the country would be minimal and you knew how much Baekhyun loved to teach. You couldn’t do that to him. 

“Hey, why do you have such a big frown on your face? If you keep doing that you’re face will stay like that and then you’ll never find a boyfriend. Speaking about that, how is your love life going miss haeri?” 

James sounded so innocent and happy while asking you this, of course he was just honestly and sweetly interested if you had finally found someone you liked. But you couldn’t say a word, couldn’t find any answer to his question. You felt so bad about having to lie to him but you knew that you couldn’t tell him, he’d be disgusted of you. You, pregnant by a teacher who was much older than you and the fact that you didn’t tell him sooner wouldn’t help much either. 

“Does anyone want some ice cream? I’ll go get it.” You were so grateful for Elena for this distraction. 

When she left to get the order you were left alone with James and you could only hope that he’d let go of the subject, so that you wouldn’t be forced to make up a really good lie, once more. He shoved closer to you and you wee scared he was going to redo his question hour, because you knew how curious James could be, especially about this topic. But to your surprise it seemed as if he had already forgotten about it, he had something to tell you himself. 

“I’ve been wanting to ask you about something for a while now, but I never found the courage to ask you. Besides, it looked as if we weren’t that good friends anymore so…”

“Oh don’t be so silly, you know I’ll always be your friend.” You said and shot him a smile. 

“I know but it’s just….It’s not something I can just talk about with everyone…” 

You nodded, thinking you knew what this was going to be about. James was having a hard time with his love life, though you doubted if it was as hard as yours. He hadn’t told anyone yet that he liked boys and you didn’t think he was planning on making it public any time soon. You were convinced that he would be much easier for him if he’d just get out of that closet of his. But you knew you weren’t the one who was good in giving relationship advice, it wasn’t like you were doing much better yourself. 

“I like someone, but it’s so wrong. He’s much older than me and if anyone would find out… Besides I’m sure he loves girls.” 

He seemed so hurt while talking about this and you knew exactly how it felt. He was having feelings for someone he could never be with, and people would call out his relationship as not done or wrong. Even though you had the same problem, you couldn’t tell him that. You just waited for him to continues, hoping that he’d also tell you now who this mystery guy was. It probably wasn’t even that bad, nothing could be worse than what you had done. 

It’s…It’s Byun seonsaengnim.” He whispered. 

You knew your reaction was completely inappropriate, especially because you knew he had expected a completely different, more understanding reaction from you. But at this moment your brain felt as if it was about to explode and you just couldn’t help but react the way you did, you weren’t thinking clearly. Was he kidding, was he trying to set you up? Your mouth fell open and your eyes became big as you stared at him as if he had just told you the biggest newest gossip in school. At first you couldn’t say anything and only a weird peep came out of your throat. 

“What?! Byun Baekhyun-shi?!” 

“I know okay! It’s wrong and bad and horrible but I can’t ignore my feelings anymore Heari-ah. I like him so much and I don’t care what the consequences are, I want to be with him. I’ve planned to tell my feelings to him and I don’t care if he’ll turn me down or send me out of his class. I just need to get this off of my chest.” 

You shook your head, you had no idea what to say to this. How were you going to tell him this was a wrong idea without hurting his feelings or telling him about your secret? I made you realize how wrong you had been for not telling him everything from the beginning. If you’d ever tell him now then he would be heart broken, knowing that he wasn’t able to get baekhyun because he was a boy and not because he was his student, because so were you. And if he’d find out afterwards, than he’d be more than heart broken, he’d be devastated and he would feel betrayed. 

It made you understand you had worked yourself into something again that was a big mistake. No matter how hard you tried, you’d never be able to fix this anymore, it had already ruined so much and it wasn’t even over yet. Of course Baekhyun would turn James down but you didn’t want him to get hurt like that. But you knew that the most important thing he needed right now was someone who understood, who would support him and so that was what you were going to do. 

You closed your mouth and tried to hide your shock, but you knew he had already seen it. It wasn’t nothing though, hearing that your best friend was in love with your boyfriend, with the father of your child and was going to confess to him. It was even worse because you already knew how this was going to end and you couldn’t tell him. You faced him and smiled before patting his hand and then holding it tightly. You could see him relaxing, as if a whole weight was falling off of his shoulders. 

“And if you think that’s the right thing to do then that’s exactly what you should do. You shouldn’t think about what anyone else thinks, just go for it. Do what makes you happy and what other think. It’s your life and you got to live it the way you want it.” 

“But what if people will find out? They’ll know that I like guys and they’ll bully me with it forever.” 

“No they won’t, only for a month and then we’ll all be out of here.” You said that as a joke but it didn’t make him laugh like you hoped. 

“Besides, I’m sure that Byun seonsaengnim isn’t the who goes around telling everyone about that. I’m sure he’ll keep it a secret.” 

Just then Elena came back with your ice cream. The way he reacted as soon as she came back told you that he still hadn’t told her about his secret and that he wasn’t planning to do that any time soon. He gave you back your hand and popped out his usual bright smile before taking the ice cream and eating it, without saying another world the whole evening. Your mood to celebrate the fact that you only had one more month of high school left had also died out and so the only one to keep the conversation going was Elena, poor, innocent, not knowing Elena. 

You were glad when James decided it was time for him to leave, and you both waved at him while he left. By the way Elena looked at you as soon as he was gone you could tell that she had noticed the change in the sphere around the two of you. But you shrugged your shoulders and finished the rest of your ice cream, knowing that you couldn’t tell him even though you really wanted to. You both finished your food and threw the trash away. That was when you realized you also wanted to get home, so that was what you did. 

The way towards your apartment had never seemed this long, but you couldn’t get there soon enough. The whole way you had wondered, doubted if you’d tell him or not. But then you figured that it would be best if you did, otherwise he’d be so surprised if James would ask him tomorrow and he wouldn’t be prepared. Who knew how Baekhyun would react to something like that if he wasn’t prepared. The only thing you could still do was trying to make sure that James heart would just be broken and not crushed into thousands of pieces. 

You were glad to see him outside as well. He had just gotten back from grocery shopping and he was getting the things out of the car. He smiled as soon as he saw you and wanted to say hi, but the look on your face made the words die out on his lips. He stood there with the paper bag in his arms and watched you walked over to him, closing the trunk and pulling at him sleeve to get him inside. He seemed overwhelmed by your actions but didn’t say anything until you were inside so no one else could possibly hear you. 

“What a nice welcome. Would you mind explaining me why you dragged me into the house like that?” 

You could see he was trying to be airy about this but his smile faded when he saw your expression. Until now you hadn’t realized how much this actually bothered you and how bad you felt about this. You were stabbing your own best friend in the bag by dating the man he loved and not even telling him. Tears started to cloud in your eyes and Baekhyun’s eyes widened before he dropped the bag on the counter and made his was over to you. 

“Hey what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” 

His hand rubbed over your arm and you knew you were overreacting, making him worried without a big reason. But your emotions were a mess, and you knew it was because of your pregnancy. You shook your head and wiped away your tears. You had to get a hold of yourself again and you had to handle this as an adult, and you were. You owned James that much and so you were going to make sure this wasn’t going to be as painful for him as it could. 

“James told me he’s in love with you.” You said. 

Baekhyun stiffened. You could see he needed some times to think about this, to understand what you had just said and to figure out if you had actually said what you had said or he had just heard it wrongly. From there his reaction was kind of the same as yours and you were even more happy then you had told him and that James didn’t have to go through this tomorrow. His mouth widened, his eyes almost popping out. Then he shook his head and blinked his eyes a few times, trying to figure out what to say to this. 

“James…” He eventually said. 

“Yes.”

“Is in love with me?”

“Well, what he actually said was that he likes you and that he was going to tell you that tomorrow because he didn’t want to hide it anymore… And I told him to do it.”

“You told him what?” 

This seemed to shock him even more than what you had said at first and you lifted your hands into the sky to defend yourself. You walked over to the couch and sat down. Suddenly you were so tired, it was unbelievable how much these emotional issues could make you feel to exhausted. Why was there always so much drama in your life? Why couldn’t one day just be normal, like it was with everyone? 

“Yes! What was I supposed to say? No you can’t, he already has a girlfriend and she’s pregnant. Oh, and if you wonder how I know that, the girl is me.” 

You dropped your head in your hands and wished that you could just shut everything and everyone out for a moment. That you could be the only person on this earth so that you couldn’t hurt anyone anymore and no one could hurt you. Things would be so much easier if people just didn’t have any feelings. Then you felt a hand on your knee and you looked up to see Baekhyun crouching down in front of you. The look in his eyes had softened and you knew that he wasn’t angry at you. 

“I understand that it isn’t easy for you to hide this from your friends. The lying, the hiding, the sneaking around, I know it’s horrible. I also want to tell everyone that you’re the girl that I love, but we can’t. But I don’t want you to hurt, you know that.” 

“I know, but we’re hurting to much people around us…” 

It turned silent in the room and you both had no idea what to say. You thought about all the people you had let down, you had hurt and betrayed in your life and you knew that you could have done things differently. Baekhyun stayed silent as he stood up before taking place beside you on the couch. He wrapped his arm around you and pulled you in his side, letting you rest your head on his shoulder. You let out a sigh but enjoyed this moment. 

Do you think we’re doing the right thing?” You asked and looked up at him. He studied the look in your eyes. 

“Well, does it feel right?” He asked instead. 

You stared at him, feeling his arm around you and seeing the look in his eyes. This hurt him just as much as it hurt you and you knew that the only way the two of you would ever get through this, was together. So as an answer to his question you pressed your lips on his, shortly, but strong enough to make him feel how you felt. He smiled at you and brushed your hair out of your face before pulled you towards his chest, keeping you there where he wanted you, close to him…

A/N: I've been doing so long over this chapter and I'm so sorry. My inspiration for this story has been standing on a low level, but guess what, I already have an idea for the next chapter and the next and the next... So i'll be back soon ^^