While lying into your bed with your convers neatly spread over your body you watched the ceiling, waiting for something to change. Even though you had expected something, you hadn’t thought that lying here could possibly be this boring. The only thing you could do all day and night long was lying or sitting onto your bed because the nurses wouldn’t let you get out of your room without someone who accompanied you, without someone to watch over you.

So that meant you could only get out of this small and boring white room if your parents were here to take you outside, but that was the furthest you could go. You had been in a hospital before but you had never had to stay this long before and so you didn’t know what you had to do in here.

A very long and heavy sigh left your lips as you slowly sat up against the wall and leaned your head against it. The thing was that you were still in quite much pain and you couldn’t move without feeling anything, that was the biggest reason why they wouldn’t let you go out without someone responsible, the second reason was because they were afraid that you would run off.

The last couple of days the only thing you had been doing was complaining about this building, the doctors and the food, so yes, if you would get the chance you would run for your life and go home, but they did everything they could so stop you from doing that. But they knew you were right about everything you said, they just didn’t want to admit that you were actually right.

When you heard a new sound you looked up to the door, seeing a boy you knew all too well standing in the door way. At that same second your eyes squeezed together and his expression turned into a shy and apologizing one. For a moment he stayed where he was, wondering if he could come in or if he had to ask for permission first, but since you hadn’t sent him off yet he took his chance and got into your room.

“Jongdae…” You mumbled while staring at the wall opposite of you.

“Heeri-ah… Listen, I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am about everything that happened. When I heard that you had gotten into an accident after running off I felt so guilty for not coming after you when I had gotten the chance. I was just so angry and I couldn’t think clearly, I didn’t think that something this horrible could happen to you. What I did was wrong, I shouldn’t have gotten caught up in a fight with Byun songsaengnim but I want you to know that I did it for good reason…”

“To me it seemed as if he was hurting you, and since you were asking him to let go of you and he didn’t, I thought he really was. I got angry and I should’ve controlled it better but before I knew it y fist was all over his face. I was so happy when I heard that he had found you and that he had brought you to the hospital, I went to thank him and apologize for my childish behavior, and now I’m here to do the same thing to you and I hope you can forgive me.”

Very slowly and with each word he said the smile on your face grew and it must have looked very silly to him. Sometimes Jongdae could be just like every other guy but today again, he had proved that he couldn’t be compared to just ay guy. Jongdae was special, a boy with a heart of gold who only wanted the best for other and who would always put himself second if that made other happy.

And that was exactly why you thought that special Jongdae, also needed a special person to love him and who would only have room for him in his heart. He had so much to offer and so much love to give, there had to be someone who would accept it all happily and who would cherish it. But you didn’t know if that someone would ever be you, after all that had happened and after you had met Baekhyun, you didn’t know if you could give him all of that, even though you wished you did.

After everything you had been through you wished that a relationship with someone as Jongdae was all you had ever known, that you had never traveled down this road. You wished you had only known the normal and you had never done the crazy, which was something that most of the times only ended sadly, like in this scenario. You were sure that someone like Jongdae could make you perfectly happy, but you had had to take a risk and you had had to make this difficult for yourself.

Being in a hospital, without anything to do or anyone to talk with, without having the chance to do something else, you could think a lot about everything. By now you had already thought about everything that had happened in the past couple of weeks, how your life had changed dramatically in ways you never could’ve imagined. And it had all started when you had met Byun Baekhyun and since he had become a part of your life.

Maybe this was just that something that was too good to be true and you just had to search and find something that was just not that. Someone you could love, but not just as much as you could love Baekhyun, since loving Baekhyun was a wrong thing to do. People always said that as long as you really love each other, and you dare to risk anything for what you have, nothing else even matters. But that statement is a big lie, it all matters and it will break everything eventually.

“You’re an idiot Jongdae-ah.” You said and he smiled at you.

“I know I am.”

While you were shaking your head Jongdae slowly walked forwards until he reached the chair next to your bed and sat down. At first you hadn’t known if you would forgive him this easily but right now you were just so happy that there was someone here with you in this boring white room that you couldn’t really send him away anymore. It felt good to know that he was still your friend and secretly you were happy that he didn’t think anything of the you and Baekhyun thing.

Right now he had the right to ask you all different kind of questions and you probably wouldn’t know how to answer them. Like, ‘Why was he with you anyway?’ Or ‘What was the whole fight about because I’ve never seen a student and a teacher like that before?’ Or ‘I’ve been wondering, is there something going on between you and Byun songsaengnim?’ Only the thought of those questions made you cringle and you were glad that he didn’t say them out loud.

You were sure that they were spooking around in his head and that he really wanted to know an answer to all of them but he was keeping his mouth shut. After all he just wanted to forget that evening and he didn’t want to bring it up again because he wanted you to forget it so that you would be mad at him anymore and things could get normal in between the two of you again.

“Do you wanna take a walk or something?” Jongdae asked and you sent him a look.

“They won’t let me out. They think I’ll get crazy and run off as soon as I put one foot out of this door, which isn’t completely wrong because I’m going crazy in here.”

Jongdae laughed as he nodded, telling that he understood what you were trying to say and then he stood up from his chair again, telling you to hold on for a small second. He walked out of the room and you hoped that his puppy eyes would be able to convince that y nurse to let you out and to let you take a small walk. If you really had to you would swear to her on your soul that you would come back, it wasn’t like you had a place to go anyway. Your parents hadn’t visited you for a while, they were too busy with work but your mom had promised you that she’s keep next week free so she could spend time with you.

Something like that, it was something your mom had never told you before because normally she didn’t want to put her job aside for you. But since the accident she had called you every single day, asking you how you were doing and she seemed truly worried about you. It gave you a very good feeling that not everything about this whole situation was something bad, it had made the connection with your parents stronger and that as something you had always wanted.

It wasn’t like this light spot in the dark made everything feel better, but it did a little bit. But it couldn’t make up for the fact that you had lost a best friend, had met your old enemy again, had broken up with your boyfriend and had been caught up in a car accident. So the bad side was still having the majeure and it still made you feel bad, you were waiting for everything to get better again.

“Let’s go sulky head, we’re going out!”

Jongdae’s happy and bubbly voice sounded through the room and it made you feel better somehow, it made you feel as if nothing had happened and it made you feel good. Carefully he helped you out of your bed, making sure not to hurt you and he put you into a wheelchair. At first you had thought you wouldn’t like to sit in here, because you didn’t have the freedom to decide where you went yourself, but it was nice to move forwards without having to do something yourself.

It felt nice to get out of the room and you freely looked around as he rolled you through the halls to the exit, feeling yourself getting closer you got more excited. People were staring at you with pity, you could feel it, but they didn’t even know what was wrong with you, so how did they even know how to feel? So you ignored all of them and just focused your eyes on the door, making yourself ready for what about to come.

As soon as Jongdae rolled you through the door and the soft air hit your skin you got goose bumps, it just felt so good to breath in some fresh air instead of that smelly hospital air. And even though it was still winter and cold, the fact that you were only wearing a hospital dress wasn’t stopping you from going outside, the cold was something you’d be able to handle right now.

“Let’s sit over there.” Jongdae sad while pointing to a small bench near the grass.

You nodded and waited for him to push you over and he placed you next to the bench while he sat next down at the corner so he was sitting beside you. It was a nice day even though the cold, the sun was shining and the sky was beautifully blue without any clouds, if it had been summer it would have been a very hot day but of course it was still winter.

The two of you didn’t say much, but actually you didn’t really care about that since it made you feel just a comfortable as talking to him. Jongdae was someone who had a very calm aura and you didn’t feel like you have to talk to him because even in silence he could be a very nice company. With Jongdae it was as if he only had to be there, there didn’t have to be a conversation, he was just as nice if he was quiet. It was really nice to feel like this, because you didn’t have that feeling with many people, that you didn’t have to explain yourself for being silent.

Little did you know that there was someone out there with you who did really want to talk to you. Your eyes widened a lot when you saw Baekhyun appear in front of you all of a sudden, making the both of you tense up while just staring at him. Jongdae stayed very still beside you, he knew that he wasn’t here for him but it made him feel awkward to see him again after what had happened in between the two of them, but it made him even more awkward to see that he came here to see you.

“Heeri-ah, can I please talk to you for a second? I promise t won’t take long.”

As you looked at him you could see him looking at Jongdae out of the corners of his eyes, he seemed a little jealous about the fact that you did want to see Jongdae but not him, but you thought that they were in a complete different situation. There was one thing you knew for sure and that was that you didn’t want to talk to him, you weren’t ready to be alone with him yet.

“I’m sorry Byun songsaengnim but as you can see I already have a friend I’m with right now so I don’t think it’d be very polite from me to go with you right now. Plus, I don’t really want to talk to you, I’d want you to leave me alone.”

His eyes told you that he was disappointed and they begged you to change your mind, but you had made your decision and there was no chance you would change it. For now, you had to get him out of your life and go on with the people who really cared about you and who would never break up with you and then hang out with your biggest enemy to make you jealous. And you felt as if those right people were Jongdae and Yuri at this moment, so those were the ones you wanted to hang out with right now.

When he saw you weren’t going to say something different anymore he nodded in defeat and turned around, walking away from the two of you. You knew how much he hated it to see you with Jongdae but that was the exact same way he had made you feel when he had been with Hana, when he had invited her to your apartment, and when he had danced with her at the school prom. It was time to make him feel how he had made you feel.