"The one I want to be with is you.”Jaejoong speak which tug your heartstring.

“The one I love is…you.”

Butterflies flying from your stomach when you hear that.

A tear felled out from your eyes but you quickly wipe out and wriggle free from his hold.

"There is no 'happy ever after' in this life and

It’s too late..Jaejoong,too late.”

You tried to held back your tears and be strong in front of him.

"I hope you're not here anymore by the time I went home from work tomorrow.Call Myungsoo or somebody else."

You walked out from the room and Jaejoong only could eyed you from far.

Just the moment you closed the door, you knees weaken and your body slump on the floor.

You spent few minutes crying there, feeling conviced about your feeling but at the same time a fear haunt your side.

------------

Your Eomma(the Shim's) and you sitting down on the carpet sitting in the green field.

Your son laughter could heard as he played soccer with Uncle Changmin.

However, you only stare the view with mind flying no where or to someone...

"Why dear? Is it something wrong at work,tonight?"She asked which pop your bubble of thought.

"No but Eomma...How do you really...really know that Appa is the one?"You asked.

Your Eomma chuckles.

"Yoon-ah.You know what?You are asking about love to Appa so much since you in kindergarden."

"Since you are a little girl,you're so curious about love that time and Appa almost dumbfounded every time you asked but his answer still be the same..."

"Follow your heart."You said as you remembered some part

"Somehow Eomma do agree along with your Appa buyt that time you don't know what that's mean so you asked him more and more."

"Then, how do you know that someone are meant to be...our fate."You asked again.

"You will now it darling someday...You will feel it at once a time.Maybe by only looking at his eyes.

-------

Jaejoong at the orphanage

Jaejoong saw a new member of the orphange, little japanese boy sitting there below the tree alone while other children playing among them.

"Yamada,why are you're here alone?(Japanese)"Jaejoong asked ; try to make a conversation with the little boy.

The boy moved a little till his back facing Jaejoong and sighed.

"I don't know their languange.(Japanese).I only talked with Aunt Hana only."The boy sighed again.

"Sometimes,action speaks louder than word.Yamada could also speak through action."

The boy didn't move instead hiss glued to the ground and silence fills in the air.

Jaejoong saw the guitar infront of him and get an idea..

"Nevermind then, I will played with you.Wanna hear me sing a japanese song?"Jaejoong asked and pick some string.

"I would love too."Yamada finally turn to him with glistening eye.

Jaejoong start to play his guitar which attracts other child to sit infront of him to see his performance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcAr48e2x68

(Doue translation)

Why wasn't I able to convey to you?
My feelings that were growing everyday and night
The words begin to overflow
But now I know
they will never reach you

Since the first day when I met you
I felt like I knew you
And the two of us melded together so naturally
Wherever we would go, it would be together
It was so natural for you to be with me
We became adults together

But you chose a different road

Why did I end up falling for you?
No matter how much time has passed,
I thought that you would always be here (but not anymore)

"Mama Yoon,sing along with uncle, please."A little girl asked and dragged you to stand beside Jaejoong.

You eventually give in and start to sing a long with Jaejoong.

Why wasnt I able to take your hand?
No matter how much time passes
You always should've been by my side
Now it will never come true

But, even though I say that I need you close to me
I just pray that you will be happy forever
No matter how lonely (sad)
that makes me

Your eyes meet Jaejoong's and your heart won't stop flutters.

The performance come to an end and the childrens clapping their hand in joy.

"I hope Uncle Jaejoong will sing more song for us next time."

"There won't be next time.Sorry to say but I will leave tomorrow early in the morning.I hope all of you will be good to Aunt Hana and Yoon Eomma,alright?"Jaejoong said.

Your heart almost stopped at the sudden annoucement from Jaejoong but you keep maintain your facial expression.

"Uncle Jaejoong will visit us again,right?"

"Maybe yes and maybe no."Jaejoong said and instinctively he look at your face try see your feeling behind your cold mask.

You walked out from the garden slowly while Jaejoong eyes surely never leave following your steps till your shadow is unseen.

Jaejoong contine to sing more song for the children as a farewell gift.

-------

You were busy making dinner for the childrens however your mind flying somewhere else.

Your hand accidently touched the hot pot and you winced pain as the burn quite sting a lot.

A hand suddenly come from behind and grab your wrist.

"How could you be so careless like this?"Jaejoong nags you and went to the kitchen cabinet to find first aid.

He opened the first aid and bring out the oitment.

"Your burn is no kidding, quite serious you know."He nags again but you only silently look at your hand.

"Tch,you also got that burn also before anyway."You whispered but loud enough for Jaejoong to hear and he chuckles.

Silence fills the air again and both of you seems hesitating to speak first.

"Why you not denying your relation with Yoochun?Why you never tell the truth? If not because some punches from Yoochun,maybe I will still in assumption that you ran away with him."Jaejoong asked while applying some ointments on the burn.

"I don't think that truth really matters anyway."You replied

You winced a little when the ointment started to sting your skin.

"It an important matter for me actually."Jaejoong said and finished the treatment by blowing your hand.

You feel uncomfortable with the closeness and you quickly pull away your hand from his grip.

"I can do it from here."You said and you continue to wrap the bandaged around the burn.

Jaejoong closed the first aid kit and put back the thing in the cabinet.

You continue to stirring the soup you make.

"The divorce paper ...I will sign it when I arrived Seoul.The lawsuit and divorce matters you can get through my secretary wthout seeing me."Jaejoong added.

"I guess this our farewell."Jaejoong said and he leave immidiately since he's scared that he couldn't leave if stayed much more longer seeing your faces.

Your eyes getting watered up and you quickly closed the stove just to end up broke down into tears.

----

I push myself on the swing by leaning backward a little so the swing set will move.

While the wind gently blowing my cheek, my mind flew somewhere else.

I was waiting for my son to come home from small trip that orphanage center organized with the volunteers.

I hit my chest several times.

“Why I am being like this? Stupid, moron heart! “You said.

This morning...

When I saw him looking at me while singing that song…

My heart beating wildly maybe I’ve a heart disease.

Maybe the twinkle in his eyes just the sun reflecting weird.

My stomach feels like a butterfly just came out flying from the cage.

That maybe because my stomach are hungry from skipping the breakfast this morning.

Wait, don’t I have eaten bacon and egg for breakfast?

Anyway, I ONLY thought that it loves, I mean…maybe it’s not love.

“It is maybe not matter to you but its matter to me.” A voice suddenly echoed and makes your heart dropped in few second.

You look beside you and saw Jaejoong holding your hand.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GO AWAY. “You said and throwing the pillow to him but it pass through the wind and Jaejoong gone.

YES!!THAT IS IT! IT’S DELUSIONAL AND ONLY MY HALLUCINATION.

You saw Jaejoong again and saw him smiling and blowing your burn hand.

You reached out to touch his warm cheek but then…he disappeared.

Maybe not love…

Maybe not….

Maybe…

The tears blurred my view, and again its hurts.

The feeling that I keep inside; even securely kept in box and was put at the far corner of my heart somehow has escaped without permission.

The feelings from long, long time ago come again inside my heart.

And again the pain I’m feeling …again and again demand to be felt.

Maybe the feelings was triggered because I kept seeing him, maybe it will gone once he’s…

Gone.

The box should not open again. NEVER.

Suddenly, a voice appeared again.

“Stop worrying so much. Worrying is using your imagination to create thing that you don’t want.”

You wipe your tears secretly but Changmin caught that action anyway.

Your eyes follow his footstep nearing you and he sit beside you on the swing.

“When do you come?”

“Just now, you used to sit here when you thinking something. What are you worrying about?Is it about  Jae-“

“Where Ryan has being? He should be back right now.” You said and change the topic.

“Don’t change the topic Yoon-ah.”Changmin said in stern voice.

Luckily, you were saved by a phone call from Aunt Hannah.