Loving Tears of a Guilty Heart

(Hakyeonie x Taekwoon)

Deep chocolate eyes watched as the younger ruffled his messy hair, wet from sweat, drowning a water bottle in no time at all. Her heart pounded in her chest and she found she couldn’t look away. Why was this happening to her?

“Hakyeonie-noona, are you okay?”

Surprised, the leader jumped and quickly looked over to the questioning maknae. “Yeah, I-I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, Sanghyuk. It’s just normal nervous jitters everyone has before stages.” She grinned up at the younger, hoping to convince him...and herself...that she was fine.

“Okay…”, Sanghyuk gave one unconvincing look to her, before walking off.

Hakyeonie let out a deep breath, hoping Sanghyuk really had not seen who she had been staring at. Without looking back at her personal distress, the leader got up to find Jaehwa and Hongbinnie for the VIXXGIRLS stage.

Hakyeonie brightly smiled at all of the wonderful Starlights filling the audience, forgetting about all her troubles and worries for awhile. “Thank you to all the Starlights who came! And please listen and enjoy the performance!”

The three girls of Vixx waved and greeted their cheering and screaming fans. Their hearts becoming as one as the music softly started, their fans starting out with a cheer as the group begin to dance.

The leader passionately danced and sang as she listened to the Starlights amazing cheers. She felt so proud and joyful in that moment, that all she could think about was making the fans happy. That’s when she noticed Taekwoon watching her from backstage with a smile of his own. Her thoughts froze and her heart picked up more speed. And in that moment her brain couldn’t process the fast pace of her feet, and she was sent falling backwards as her feet trip over themselves.

The music kept playing, Jaehwa and Hongbinne helped her to sit up, the fans begin to grow concern…..Taekwoon rushed out from backstage and held her in a small embrace, looking into her eyes with his soft brown ones as he asked what was wrong.

And all she could do was stare at him in a daze, her heart beating faster by the minute as she took in their close proximity and his handsome features. Only snippets of conversations passed through her hearing. Hakyeonie’s head spinned in a dizzy circle, only seeing Taekwoon in front of her.

Her breath became ragged and she could see the world before her eyes starting to spin faster. She could feel someone touch her forehead, Taekwoon’s face turned worried. Hakyeonie reached out to him. Everything went black.

Hakyeonie shifted around, hugging something very soft closer to her, “Taekwoon….please don’t leave me.”

“Haky-”

“Please….”, her fingers came in contact with a soft pair of fingers, a smile forming on her face.

“Unnie, wake up!”

Hakyeonie sat up quickly at the sudden shout and found she had been hugging her pillow this whole time. She looked over to find a pouting Jaehwa standing at the edge of her bed.

“Jaehwa? What?”, She looked around to see she was back in the dorm room. “Why am I at the dorm? What happened to the stage?”

Jaehwa looked at her with concern, “You collapsed because you had a fever. So Taekwoon-hyung put on a wig and preformed with me and Hongbinnie.”

The leader shook her head, “Is this a dream? Taekwoon would never dress up like a girl, even if it was for work. And what about Ravi and Hyuk? Why couldn’t one of them do it? You two could’ve easily go on without a third person.”

“Taekwoon volunteered himself. Besides Wonshik and Sanghyuk have more deep voices and are manlier so it wouldn’t have worked as well. And we couldn’t have altered the dance right there on the spot, not...right after our leader just fainted. And Taekwoon apparently knew your part.”

Hakyeonie froze, “How did he know my part?”

Jaehwa grinned, “You’ve never noticed how much he stares at you during practice. Wow, Hongbinnie was right you are dense, Unnie.”

The older stared at the younger for awhile in silence. Before, laying back down on the bed pulling the covers around her with her back towards Jaehwa.

The younger vocalist became concerned, "Are you okay, Unnie? I didn't say something wrong, did I? I....I just came in to check up on you, since you've been sleeping for awhile."

Silence filled the room again.

Hakyeonie could hear Jaehwa shuffle around nervously, "Taek-", Jaehwa stopped for a second as if she was trying to think of what to say, "There's....there's soup for you. If you want any..."

Her stomach growled and grumbled at the thought of food. But the thought of Taekwoon making it for her, made her heart melt and hurt with a mix of various emotions. "I'm....fine, Jaehwa. Go eat dinner without me. I just need to rest some more."

"Alright..", Hakyeonie could hear the light, slow footsteps of the younger. The footsteps stopped at the doorway, as if Jaehwa was looking back concerned. Then the door closed and the room was engulfed in darkness.

Soft teardrops fell down her cheeks as she let out soft sobs. She just couldn't take the pain anymore. The pain of guilt, of...of longing for the younger male.

She has always known the affection the younger has for. The way he'll just stare at her with overwhelming affection when she talks in the group or during meetings. The way he takes care of her whenever she's sick or tired from all the stress. He has always been her knight in shining armor.

Guilt plagues her as she remembers the times she rejected his confessions. The times when she said she only wanted to be friends. Those times when he agreed with tears and pain in his beautiful eyes as he smiled at her. The times after it when everything would go back to normal and he would still treat her with overwhelming affection, hoping one day she would accept his confession.

Those were the times where her heart would break into pieces and she could barely stand to look at him. How could she reject a man so wonderful and devoted, when she also has the same feelings for him? She has always had feelings for him. And even if he doesn't see it, she knows the other members know about it.

There is just always something getting in the way of her feelings. Whether it be her as the leader, the fan's reactions if it ever got out, what the company will do if they ever started dating, and how they would even try to keep a secret. Hakyeonie doesn't know what to do anymore. Not when her feelings for the younger are becoming so overwhelming uncontrollable, she can barely keep it a secret any longer.

So she cries there in the dark, wrapped up in her covers. Not knowing what to do, as Taekwoon still forgives her for all the heartache she has brought him over these past few years.

She doesn't know long it's been since Jaehwa left nor how long since all her tears dried up. But she never expected this.

"Hakyeonie...." a soft voice called out from where the light flooded into the dark room.

She stayed underneath the covers, trying to stay as still as possible. Thinking if she stayed still long enough, Taekwoon might think she was asleep.

But Taekwoon knew her too well, "Hakyeonie, I know you're awake."

No response.

She could hear Taekwoon softly sigh, as he sat beside her on the edge of the bed, "I brought you some soup...you need to eat."

Hakyeonie wished he would leave soon. She wished he would stop doing these things that made her heart melt. If he kept doing these sweet things, if he didn't ever leave. She might end up doing something that she'll end up regretting.

Taekwoon sat the bowl of soup on the bedside table. Hakyeonie could feel a warm aura surround her as she felt the younger lay down next to her under the covers, his strong arms wrapping around to pull her closer to his chest. She couldn't think anymore with the younger so close behind her, his breath brushing against her ear. She closed her eyes tighter and hoped he couldn't feel her secretly racing heart.

It was quiet for a long while, both of them waiting for the other to make the next move.

"Taekwoon," it was Hakyeonie who spoke first, "You'll catch my fever. Why...why...are you doing this?" She knew why. She just wanted to hear it again. The soft voice confessing to her in such a calming way, it brought her peace and....guilt.

Taekwoon tighten his hold on her, softly whispering in her ear, "Hakyeonie, I don't care if I catch a fever or a cold. As long as I'm with you. Being able to care for you. I'll be happy."

She could feel fresh tears bubbling up in her eyes. She didn't want to say it, she really didn't want to. "But...I care.", she whispered it so softly, wondering if Taekwoon had been able to hear her. She hoped he hadn't heard. She hoped he hadn't heard her heart's wish.

Taekwoon is smiling, she knows he is when he intertwines their fingers together. And he knows.....he knows she is crying her heart out. "Hakyeonie, you know much I love you." He whispered in that sugary sweet voice that made her want to melt into a large puddle of chocolate.

"Taek-k-Taekwoon, please leave.." The older cried out, her voice trembling with each word. "I can't take this any-anymore...."

His grip on her hand tighten, "I'm not going to leave you until your better. I just...want to make sure you don't ever leave me."

Hakyeonie let out a shaky laugh, "I'm not dying, Taekwoon."

His breathing turned shaky as if he was crying, his hands shaking uncontrollably, "But that's what it felt like. Seeing you passionately dancing with your heart and soul, to seeing you the next second collapsed on the floor of the stage with a fever from overworking and not enough sleep....I panicked...I thought you were going to leave me forever...then I realized it wasn't as serious. But just the thought of it....", Hakyeonie heard the sharp gasps and sobs as the younger relived that moment.

She felt even guiltier at making the younger feel this way. The whole reason for her overworking was to rid her mind of any thoughts of the younger, leading her to lose sleep in the midst of it all.

She didn't know what to do. So she did the only thing she could do. The older turned in his embrace, her heart breaking at the sight of his sobbing expression. It hurt so much she didn't want to see it anymore. She didn't want to see the pain, the hurt, the...sadness in his eyes.

So she kissed him. Their tears mixed together as they cried. Her hands resting on his cheeks as they kissed. She loved him so much, she just couldn't hurt him anymore. He was too sweet, too gentle, too caring for her who rejected his feelings countless of times. He was too forgiving of her, who made his heart in pain for far too long. Where would she find anyone who loved her just as much as Taekwoon has? It is like they are soulmates, bonded by a red ribbon of fate.

She doesn't care if she gets kicked out of the group, nor if the fans and public say bad things about them dating, or even if her family doesn't like Taekwoon. She'll stay by his side no matter what happens. Hakyeonie knows that she loves Taekwoon with all her heart and soul and she never wants to hurt him ever again.

Thanks to everyone who reads, commets, subscribes, etc. I hoped you enjoyed reading. This Oneshot is also an request for Neo.

Comments and Requests are welcome!

Preview to Next Week's Oneshot:

Keo/Navi/Hyukbin: Movie Night (Bonus Oneshot based off the Holiday Oneshot Series):

Wonshik sleepily walked out of his room, ruffling his already messy hair and yawning loudly.

Sitting beside Hakyeonie on the floor he reached for some popcorn when it was pulled away. Turning, the rapper found him face to face with a strict leader, "Wonshik, why didn't you greet me?"

"Hi...Hakyeonie-noona." Wonshik greeted sleepily, another attempt for the salty and buttery snack that never reached his fingertips.