Suho ya,

If you are holding this letter right now, that must mean one thing. I've instructed Joowon to only give this letter once... I'm not around anymore. If not, if I was strong enough to live through for fifty years like we agreed, he would burn this and act as if he never received this at all. I hoped for the latter, just want you to know, but you're reading this letter right now Suho ya, you're holding it with your two hands, that must mean I wasn't strong enough.

I know we've talked about this, and I agree, I am not weak. I was never weak. The fact that I was able to live through my illness proved that. I originally planned to stay and live with you for a long time. I wanted you to be my future, as I was yours when you decided to propose to me. To live with you, to have kids with you, and to grow old with you became my ultimate goal in life, but that will only remain a dream, a dream that I couldn't even turn to a reality. I'm sorry for that Suho ya.

I didn't write this letter in the purpose of believing that I may leave soon. I have never been pessimistic in my entire life Suho ya. Giving this letter to Joowon doesn't mean I've lost hope… that I know I'm going to die soon. I don't want you to think that I've given up on my illness, because that will also mean that I've given up on you. I will never give up Lee Suho, and I decided to do that when I started battling with my illness many years ago. I promised myself that even though it's tiring, that it's painful, I will never stop fighting back. I was fighting to have more time, to be with you, to love you and be there for you and to accept your love in return.

This letter will be my representative, and it will speak on my behalf. This will tell you the words 'I love you' when I won't be there to do that anymore. I'm sorry Suho ya. I'm sorry for leaving you so soon. I thought I was being selfish for letting you love me before. It kept going on and on in my mind that what I was doing was wrong, that it was wrong for you to fall in love with a girl who has an uncertain future. But you never loved me because of my illness, like I never loved you because of your pain. I loved your a