It was all painful for Suho, to finally know the truth of his traumatic past. He had to go outside for a while, maybe a need for fresh air. All the things we found out just now was still difficult for him to process.

Now I finally understood everything, we were not the only ones hurting in this set-up. Me, Suho, my parents, Suho’s parents, we were all badly hurt, and right now I don’t know who to blame for it all. Was it because of Mister Lee, for loving someone who never loved him in return? Was it because of Suho’s mom and my dad, for continuing to love each other and hurting the ones beside them? Or was it because of me and my stubbornness for insisting to have a complete family, only to decide not to see my dad when I found out he was not just a family wrecker but a killer as well? My mom was the only victim here. Like Mister Lee she fell for the wrong man, but unlike him she never hung on to him, choosing to believe the lies for my sake.

It would be very awkward to be on one room with Suho’s father and not talk to him. Surprisingly I sympathize the old man, “I get the whole story… I mean why you did those things in the first place.”

Mister Lee gave me a weak smile in return, “I would be shocked if you didn’t. You were reluctant to let my son know the truth from you because like me you were also afraid to lose someone you love.”

“I thought it would be easier, to just accept things as they were, rather than forcing yourself to reach out to others.”

“That’s also true Seo Jaehee ssi, but imagine what if you chose to face your father sooner rather than later. Wouldn’t it be more convenient?”

Someone who needs advice is giving me one right now, how weird, “Imagine if you chose to confront your wife and tell her what’s been bugging you all these years.”

Mister Lee let out a huge laugh, maybe because he couldn’t believe I was talking to him that way. It’s like we’re both blaming each other for our sins, “True, maybe things would’ve ended differently,” he sighed and then shifted his seat, like we’re on serious mode right now, “If we were just a little bit brave than what we were, there won’t be doubts that can threaten what we built, even if it’s as fragile as an already broken glass.”

Now here comes my million dollar question. Maybe his answer to this one will alleviate me to what I feel right now, “You never apologized to your wife… what does that make you? How did you forgive yourself?”

It took a while for him to answer my deep question, but this type of silence wasn’t awkward as I expected.

“Your answer made me think a lot about my past,” he sounded pleased with himself, “Even now I haven’t learned to forgive myself child.”

So there’s no hope for me then.

But why did he sound so pleased, or maybe he didn’t regret much at all?

“I do have this mindset though…” before he could continue further Suho reappeared before us.

“Jaehee ya, I think it’s time to leave,” he approached me and helped me up, then he turned to his father and said, “We still have to go to the cemetery. Until then…” he greeted his father one last time and we headed for the doors.

I was still thinking about what Suho’s father told us while we were driving towards the cemetery. He said that he still hasn’t forgiven himself. That was expected. How can he forgive himself if he doesn’t even know whether his wife forgave him or not. Like in my case, has my dad forgiven me for wh