-Chapter 42-

“I have used to it. I have used to care for you, and I can’t find the way to stop caring for you.”- Sehun

Jiyeon’s POV

Today, I have to come to the bridal boutique again, but this time luhan is with me. He came to choose his wedding suits, and he wants me to choose for him. I choose him one, and I hope luhan likes it too. Right now, I can’t really focus because I keep thinking about sehun. If chorong unnie didn’t mention about sehun admitted to the hospital, I would never know. I wonder if luhan knows, but I don’t think so. When I went to the hospital yesterday, sehun wasn’t in his room, maybe he went somewhere else. Great then, I just want to give him the seaweed soup so he can be healthy soon. I don’t think I can face him alone, I don’t have the strength. The guilt and regret of hurting sehun, I still can’t forget. Is it true that I still love sehun? But I’m getting married…

“Jiyeon, let’s go. I’m done.” Luhan suddenly said bring me back to reality.

“Oh, let’s go.” I linked my arm with his before we walk out together.

“Why are you keep being silent today jiyeon? Are you sick?” Luhan asked while placing his palm on my forehead.

“No, I’m okay. But oppa… do you know sehun is sick?” I asked him.

“Oh. Yeah I know. Tao told me last night.” Luhan answered half-heartedly.

“Really? Why oppa? What’s happened? Is it serious?” I asked non-stop.

“It’s just a depression.” He answered again.

“I hope it’s not serious…” I said weakly.

“Don’t get distracted jiyeon. We will get married in three weeks, and you can’t think too much about other things, okay? Why do you care so much anyway? It’s not that sehun is injured seriously.” Luhan told me rudely.

“Oppa… he’s your friend… why did you talk about him like that? Even if it’s not serious, we have to care. I thought you really treasure him as your dongsaeng. You guys were so close back then, going here and there together like siblings. You’re the one who said that sehun is the one that helped you a lot back then when you’re trying to approach me. It looks like you’re not thankful with what he had done for you.” I reprimanded to hear luhan talked offensively about sehun.

“Now you’re scolding me just because I said that? Do you like him?” Luhan turned his head towards me while frowning.

“I don’t wanna talk to you oppa. It is becoming uptight between us. I accepted your propose, and you still doubt me. I’ll be going back first. Let us both calm down then we meet again to discuss our next preparation. See you oppa.” I strictly said while unlinking our arms.

“It’s all because of sehun… right?” Luhan then said, still eyeing me doubtfully.

I really don’t feel like replying him anymore. He keep blaming sehun about the problem between us. What sehun has to do with this? He is now sick and he knows nothing, while here luhan keep blaming him. I remember how sehun stood out for me when luhan started ignoring me before this, and now, I have to do the same. He’s not doing anything wrong, it’s me who wants to know his condition, and now luhan blamed him and started saying I like sehun. Do I really still love him? I shrug off all the thoughts and just walk away leaving luhan there alone.

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It’s already nighttime. Since this evening when I left luhan at the bridal boutique, I keep wandering around the city alone. It has been long since I last walking around like this. All I care about is works, and also luhan. Recalling the memories one year ago, I was a real bubbly girl back then. I was free like a happy kid with my caring kid boyfriend. I was being myself then. But now, I’m becoming mature and a real girl because luhan seems to be comfortable with that kind of personalities. Luhan may be my type, but I don’t think I’m his real type of girl. It’s useless for me to find out about that though, because we had gone this far. Luhan himself has done a lot for me.

How come it’s me who involved in this complicated story? I think it’s because of the choice I’ve made long time ago. I walk to the park where people walk around together with their partners, while I’m all alone here. I can also see some kids are playing with the snow. They look so happy. It must be great if I can be like them again. I keep walking around while hiding my hands in the jacket. It’s so cold and I forgot to bring my gloves. I didn’t expect to stay out until night though, that’s why I didn’t mind to bring the gloves with me.

I sit on the empty bench while warming my hands by rubbing it with each other. There’s not so many people at the area where I’m sitting right now, so it’s not that awkward to sit here alone. I fix the scarf I’m wearing and before started rubbing my freezing hands. I look at the steamed bun sold a few meters away from me, it looks so hot and nice. But I only got my credit card with me, I got no cash to buy the steamed buns. I look away, avoiding myself from keep staring at the steamed buns because I can’t buy it anyway.

“Are you alone?”

I lift my head to see a guy is standing in front of me with half of his face is covered with his grey scarf. Even if half of his face is covered, through his eyes, I know it’s sehun. He is standing in front of me wearing thick clothes and his hands hidden in his jacket’s pockets. His eyes look empty and lonely. I’m surprised that he actually came and talked to me. I thought he is in the hospital, and I thought sehun would stay away from me if we ever meet again.

“Yeah, I’m alone.”

Sehun’s POV

I saw jiyeon is walking along the park when I was on my way to find the taxi. At first, I was about to go back home, but I cancelled it after seeing jiyeon is alone. I’m not sure if she’s really alone or not, but there’s really no one with her right now. She has been walking alone for about thirty minutes, and I keep following behind silently. Finally, jiyeon sits at the empty bench alone while looking around. I saw she’s staring at the steamed buns’ stall for about five minutes, but she then ignores it.

Should I go to her now? What if she doesn’t answer when I talk to her? She wants me to stay away from her, but now I’m missing her like crazy. Seeing her being alone, I think it’s time for me to approach her. Even if she replies me only with one word, it’s fine as long as I can hear her voice. After hesitating for a while, I quickly move forward and make my way closer to her. She is staring at the ground, still haven’t notice that I’m right in front of her. I should talk now, just give it try.

“Are you alone?”

I can see jiyeon slowly lifts up her head and our eyes then meet for a second. She starts blinking and she looks surprised though. She remains silent for about a minute before she finally opens her mout