-Chapter 38-

“It’s winter… and I still can’t tell who’s the one I love.”- Jiyeon

Luhan’s POV

It’s a cold night tonight, since winter is coming. It has been long since I last watch the first snow. Last year, I didn’t manage to watch the first snow because of business matter. The last time I watched first snow was when me and chorong were still together. Since we lived together, we were more likely did everything together. That’s why it took me two years to get used living alone before fully recovered from the pain. But deep inside, I still wanna do things together with her like years ago. Then, I got jiyeon, and she’s the one that I should spend my time with. Should I call her now? Yeah I should.

“Hello jiyeonnie.”

“Hello oppa. Why?”

“What are you doing? Are you busy tonight?”

“No, but I’m meeting my brother. He is coming.”

“Oh really? So I shouldn’t interrupt then.”

“Why oppa? Is there anything important?”

“No I was just planning to have a drink with you. Who knows we could see the first snow together. But then I think I’m lazy to go out too. It’s okay then let’s meet tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry oppa. Take care. Don’t get exposed to the cold outside. Love you.”

“You take care too. Love you too.”

After jiyeon hang up the call, I slowly sigh. It must be boring staying at home doing nothing. I have to lie to jiyeon that I’m being lazy so she won’t feel guilty, but I seriously wanna go out now. Or should I ask tao or kris to come over and bring some beers? That sounds great! Okay I should call tao. No I can’t call tao he’s bossy, stingy and noisy. He must be complaining and nagging non-stop if I tell him to buy some beers before coming over. I will just call kris. I dial his number and within a few seconds he answered my call.

“Hello lulu. Why are you calling me at night?”

“Yah don’t call me lulu or you’ll be dead. Where are you now kris?”

“I’m sorry. I’m at the mall with chorong, just checking after our new banner though. Why?”

“What?! You’re with chorong and you call me lulu just now! It’s embarrassing.”

“Hehe please forgive me. I think she didn’t hear that, don’t worry. So why are you calling me?”

“Can you come over after finishing whatever you’re doing? And buy beers too. It’s boring.”

“Oh… but I don’t think I can go. Tao is having fever and I have to bring back his medicine. But I think chorong can visit you. I’ll tell her to buy some beers too. Is that alright?”

“Chorong? But it’s that okay with her? What if she refuses?”

“She will go. You just wait. I’m hanging up. Don’t go anywhere okay. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”

Why everyone seems busy when I need them? But then, kris sends chorong to replace him. That sounds great too. Now I can spend some times with chorong again. I’m not two-timing jiyeon, it’s because she couldn’t come over so chorong will come just to accompany me, nothing much. Oh, I just remember something. Actually there’s another person I can call at times like this, because he’s always free. It’s sehun, he will surely come right away if I tell him to. But after the incident where we’re having a fight because of jiyeon, we’re not as close as before anymore.

There seems to be barrier between us that we can’t talk about everything comfortably like before. It’s such a waste, because sehun has always been the person that always gave me his useful advices. I always felt close to him all this time, until the incident occur of course. He doesn’t even tell me the real reason why he resigned from our company and stay jobless until now. He keep it for himself, without telling anyone his problem, this what makes me think he left because of me or jiyeon. Like tao said, he left so that certain people wouldn’t be uncomfortable. That person is not me right? Because I never said it’s uncomfortable when he’s around, it was just uncomfortable when he’s close to jiyeon. But it can be me too, so it’s hard for me to interact with sehun now.

I was taking out the instant fast-baked lasagna from the oven when someone rings the door. Is it chorong out there? I quickly take out the hot lasagna and put it on the plates, served for two people. After that, I slowly run to the door and look through the CCTV to see who’s coming, and it’s really chorong. I open the door and chorong is smiling at me while showing me a plastic bag filled with beers in it. I smile without saying anything and gesture him to come in. Chorong walks in while looking around my house.

“Please sit first. I will take out something I baked just now.”

I said and stroll to the kitchen to take out the instant lasagna. I hope she understands how single man is living, always with instant foods. I walk into the common room and put the foods on the table in front of her. I saw chorong already take out the beers and put it on the table too. I sit beside her while smiling sheepishly. It’s not that I’m awkward with her, but after the day when I have a talk with jiyeon about our relationship problems, I rarely approach chorong anymore. I afraid that I will hurt jiyeon again, but seriously I want to get close with chorong like this. Seeing her shy smile, it’s only making me flutter.

“Jiyeon can’t come?” Chorong then breaks the silence.

“Ah yes. She’s busy with her brother. But then you came, it’s great too.” I answered.

“But I’m not your girlfriend. You should be sad because I came instead of jiyeon.” Chorong suddenly said.

“Can we not mention jiyeon? I know you keep bringing up jiyeon because you don’t wanna let me off-guard and start thinking about our past, right?” I said and turned my back from chorong.

“Of course. I don’t wanna be selfish and hurt other people to be happy. You know what I mean right oppa?” Chorong softly said.

“I promise you I won’t hurt jiyeon, I will never hurt her, with one condition. You need to be honest with me, just this once. No matter what’s the answer, I promise you I will never hurt jiyeon. Do you… still love me or not, chorong?” I turned back to chorong, looked straight in her eyes, and asked.

“Okay, no matter what’s the answer, you can’t hurt jiyeon. I started liking you when we were kids, and the feeling grew stronger as we were growing up, until it became love. The love… I have always kept it in my heart, up until now, I still love you luhan oppa. But looking back to what I have done to you, I promised to myself that I will never go back into your life. Someday, I will be able to forget you and stop loving you forever. So you can’t leave jiyeon, you have to make her happy, you must remember what’s your feeling when I left you… jiyeon will feel the same if you leave her. You know it’s hurt right?” Chorong explained, and I can see tears are filling his eyes.

“I know… it’s really hurt. I know it, I always know you still love me, because I love you too. Okay, I will not leave jiyeon. But I