Eyes wide open and mouths shut

Story Reviews

»Eyes wide open and mouths shut Review«

Story

 

Title (4.5/5)

I am going to be extremely picky here and criticize on your lack of caps here. Other than that, perfect.
 
Foreward/Description (8/10)
 
I want to penalize you here because I have one question; "Why did you not include the prompt?!"
Other than that it gave me the creeps so well done.
 
Appearance (0/5)
 
No points here due to the lack of poster which is really sorry because the story is so great; a dark poster would have been ideal.
 
Plot (14/15)
 

The plot and storyline is truly amazing. The psychopath nature was brought about so well.

The gruesome scenes were also well-written in a rather poetic way I must say without causing stomachs to churn. 

There was a snippet into the reason behind his mental state so all are well noted and credited.

I also like how you wrote it in his pov talking to a dead body. Intensifies the creepiness and enables emotions to come through.

Minus one for not making it obvious enough that it's Lay. Good choice of person due to quiet nature but hard to picture it as him because no clues were given; maybe some physical description in the opening would have helped even.

 
Originality (14/15)
 
Not sure if I can give you full credit here since it's based on a "prompt" but I say you tackled it well.
 
Grammer & Spelling (20/20)
 
Nothing to penalize here.
 
Flow (9/10)
 
Minus one for no spacing between each paragraphs making it hard to read. 
 
Characterization (9/10)
 
As per above, not enough Lay in the story.
 
Overall Enjoyment (10/10)
 
Full marks. I was mind-blown really. I'm a huge fan of SAW so you can imagine me in candyland. *applause*
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
88.5/100!
 
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aya-ELF #1
Chapter 85: Thank you for the review dear! I was relly shocked with the language part OTL, I'm gonna go fix it right now! By the way, do you think it will be better if I write a simple prologue to explain the life of a demon and what's the benefit to have a mate??
EPIONE #2
Heyy,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was just wondering where you're currently working this year as a reviewer?
I'd love to request from you again.

Best,
Epione
teenme14 #3
Chapter 72: Okay.. Thanks for the review ^^

Now to clarify XD
Title: As you said, the highlight/ of the story has not yet come. So yeahh..
Plot: This is my first chaptered story after my long hiatus from writing. After the hiatus, I wrote a two shot. So, I kinda forgot how to write a chaptered story XD The present time of the story is at the end of Summer (hence, their summer break). Oh, and I plan on making this fic a 40 chaptered fic.
- I guess I haven't mentioned the type of phone she is using. Samsung phones are quite cheap in Korea but are also expensive for people with financial probs. So, back to her phone. The phone she is using is a Samsung Galaxy Win Pro G3812. And she is using pre-paid which you'll have to top-up each time the credit finishes or it expires, whichever comes first.
- The cafe's delivery system works like this: A person will order through phone, and they jot down the name and address of the person. One of the workers will be asked to deliver the drink/food. If the house is near enough, they deliver by foot. If it is rather far, they ride a bike.
-I am not a dancer and... OTL I really need a dancer to help me whenever dancing scenes come up TT.TT
- About Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it will be known in the next chapter that I'm writing now.
Characterization: I am really bad at this XD Jongin's feelings at first was just merely interested. It's not a crush. He just simply feels interested by the girl. Hana & Sehun... We'll know more once we're more into the story XD

So.. yeah.. Thanks ^^ Sorry for the English mistakes. English is not my first language
teenme14 #4
Chapter 62: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! ^^ it's a bit fast paced coz I had a deadline to follow and finished it in 2 days xD I was planning on making a special chapter for the part before jongdae confessed to get to know Hye Sun better and how Jongdae came to like her. I was in a rush, so yeah. I was thinking that a LIFETIME to forget was that, he WOULD eventually fall in love with another girl but he would never forget Hye Sun since she was his first love. About the part where she died: I wanted her to die in an accifent rather than in the surgery was because Jongdae's parents died in an accident too which would somehow, idk, increase the pain (whut)
hanajoe #5
Chapter 32: Thanks for the review^^
I know my i'm not good enough in English T-T but i will try my best to write it!
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