“I don’t know.”

I lost it. I run away from him with a broken heart. It just so cruel, or rather, he is. Never in my life had I felt this hopeless, even though I live without my parents or anyone. Just this time, it hurts too much. Hearing that from him, after what I’ve done for him, do I really deserve something like this?

If you asked your lover if he loves you then he answered, I don’t know. Isn’t it more painful than a no? Rather than knowing he just don’t love you, you won’t hope anymore but saying ‘I don’t know’, should I still think that maybe, he loves me somehow but the fact that there’s that possibility that he never love me, it kills.

I want to hug someone, to lean on or someone who I could cry on but I can’t do that because I only need Hyukkie. I need him badly right now but I know he won’t comfort me because he don’t even trust me. And he doesn’t even know if he love me.

How could he not know anyway?

What is his ‘I love you’ means? The kisses, the hugs, the sweet glances and the love he showed. Is it all lies? While I’m dead serious on our relationship, believing that everything is just real, trusting his promises, he was there, not knowing if he really loves me? If I have a thing I want to say to Hyukkie, I want to say…

Damn you

When he said that, I want to punch him, to yell at him but I just can’t because I really love him. I can’t afford of hurting him even if he hurt me so much, even if he don’t love me, even if he hate me, I just can’t.

While I am lost at myself, I don’t even know where to go. Should I go to Kyuhyun? But he’ll probably hurt Hyukkie. Should I go back? But Hyukkie won’t even welcome me there. I decided to go back, on the place where I suppose to live. Where I don’t care if I’m alone, and where I could cry hard. No one to see me, no one to know that I’m hurting and no one to care to me, the place where I can hide.

I called my butler to pick me up and in no time, he came quickly. “Young master are you okay?”

“Just drive me home.”

I tried hard not to cry, not in front of him, not in front of anybody. I want to look strong at least, just to show that I’m not weak, that I am not hurt, that I’m not affected of anything. But actually, I barely made it when I entered my house.

Looking around, it feels different. It might be more spacious, but the feeling isn’t there. Right now, I felt alone again, just what I used to be. Everything felt new to me, I don’t even know how can I live here for years. Just the fact that Hyukkie is not here with me kills me, I need him, so badly.

But I can’t do anything about it; I can’t just tell him to love me. Even if I plead him to do so, if he don’t love me then I don’t have any choice. I have to live alone again, just like the old me, alone and uncaring to the world. Yet I can’t be like that anymore, I would linger for his warmth, for his love… but again, I can’t do anything about it.

At this moment, I don’t care of anything, just the possibility that he never love me, just that horrible reality. Inside my bedroom, I felt scared, I felt empty yet I cried my heart all out. I hope that somehow if I cry then my feelings would ease, just by a little bit but it didn’t instead I feel worse.

Craving for his hug, for his soothing words, for his love, I didn’t know I need it badly. I didn’t know I can’t live without him anymore. But the funny thing is that…

Does he feel the same?

Him regretting what he said to me, crying hard because of me, finding me since he wants to see me again, missing me because he also can’t live without me, and realizing that he really loves me.

But what if he doesn’t?

What if I’m the only one who’s like this? What if he’s happy that I left him? What if hates me? What if he’s together with Yoona? What if realize that he doesn’t love me at all?

Everything of it makes me mad, I don’t know, just thinking of it hurts me. I want to sleep yet it will also crawl on my head, the pain won’t leave me. I felt hopeless, the painful reality keep on killing me but I still want to live, for the possibility that everything will be okay.

It will be okay.

--

I don’t know how long am I crying. I don’t know if the sun rise again or it set. I don’t know since I simply don’t care. Besides crying, I don’t know what to do because this is the best I can do since this is also the only thing I can do right now.

I can’t even lift myself on my own bed nor put a fake smile. I felt nothing but my tears keep on flowing on their own. If I see myself right now I might laugh because staring on the ceiling of my room with red puffy cheeks is really stupid yet I can’t laugh right now but I tried my best but instead, my laugh sounds pathetic. I pity myself right now but I just can’t help it.

I heard the door creak open, feeling it is my butler I muttered, “I said I’m not hungry so get out.”

But he didn’t go out so I do my best to sit up but it’s not him. It’s Yoona… “What the hell are you doing here?” I yelled at her but deep inside me I want to strangle her and kill her already.

“Well, visiting you and I swear, you look hilarious right now.” She smirks and I felt goose bumps all over my body. I remember that smirk of her; I could never forget that…

FLASHBACK—

“Let’s break up..”, she said, looking at me with those cold eyes.

“Why? You told me that you love me… Why should we break up?”, I hugged her tightly, wishing that her decision will change.

“Don’t touch me! I don’t love you anymore, I love someone else already!”, she pushed me away. I was dumbfounded, she don’t love me anymore… is this real?

“Who is he? Tell me… WHO IS HE?!”, I yelled at her, but she doesn’t even care. She left with a smirk on her face. She’s so evil; she just played with my heart… I shouldn’t have loved her.

--

“Get out! I don’t want to see you!” I throw everything I grasp in my hand to her but she didn’t budge instead she look somehow amuse on my condition.

My butler came and I sighed in relief, “Get her out of her! Quick!” But to my surprise he didn’t even move a finger, he just there looking at me with an expressionless face.

“Didn’t you hear me? I said get her out of here!” I yelled but once again he ignores me as if he didn’t hear a thing. I felt pissed off, he should obey me since I’m his boss but what is this? What is he doing?

A loud laugh covers the room, it wasn’t mine nor Yoona’s but it was from my butler and I swear I felt scared of him, “W-what's funny?”

“You are. I didn’t your this dumb but I felt grateful of that anyway.” He said and I was completely shock, why is he acting like this?

“Mister! How dare you say that to me?” I sound angry but honestly, I’m really scared because I don’t know what’s happening. Everything is just weird.

He then laugh again and look at me with a heartless stare, “Have you wonder why my surname is ‘Im’?”

I don’t understand him, what is he saying? Of course I know that since he’s my employee. But I can't let this pass, he's acting rude to me right now.

He smirks, “And why this girl’s surname is coincidentally the same as mine?”

I felt my heart sunk on my stomach when he said that. He don’t mean that right? He’s just joking, he can’t be…

“Yes, I’m his father Young Master.”

------------------------------------------------------------

errr... okay, I cut it here
because it's too long
and i'll add too much info
so yeah... i'll just post it tomorrow
the identity of the other man is yeah...
I'll post the reason on the next one^^
Honestly, I got a hard time on writing this
but what can I do? i need to finish this~
 

so yeah, just bear with me since this will be my last blow of angst...

comment if you have anything to say.

thanKYU for reading my fic *bows*

--heechan27