I roamed my sight around my room and caught sight of my Dad’s present for me. I told him he shouldn’t have bothered to buy me something but he insisted.

I actually don’t need any other present for this Christmas, I only need to stick with the one that kept me going when I almost give up and go back to him. When I left Joonyoung, I promised myself to wait for him even though it takes forever. I promised to wait until the day we can settle this thing and get back together. And that is the only present I am holding to and wishing for.

I know I was the one who let go of his hand but it was because I didn’t want to complicate things anymore. I just wanted him to focus and stop lying whenever he ditches a promotion or a tour just to be with me.

I’ve heard from his bandmate that he drunk like there’s no tomorrow when I left. Joonyoung even sent me pictures of him and some girls at a bar. I was hurt at what he was doing with himself, more than feeling jealous and mad at him, I was mad at myself. I hated myself for making him do those but I can’t do anything.

I left him out of nowhere and he was left in confusion. And I accept it was my fault. But I kept on holding back because I was firm in my decision. I didn’t want him to experience hell if I stayed. So I just hoped that one day, when everything falls into its right place, we can go back to the old us.

A little present I give myself is
A resolution to stay awaiting you a while longer only for a year

It snows. White snow falls for the first time in the year.
The snow that looks just like your clean smile 

Falls drawing the pure white picture above my head.