Holy, this was long!

Last update before I start school on Monday D: 

Once school starts I will be quite busy so I am not sure when the next update will be.

Welcome to the new subscribers (thank you for subscribing too) ! yay I hope you love reading about Eunjung :D 

I hope you guys leave comments too :DDI reply to each and everyone of them. It would be nice if you would give some suggestions on what you want me to include in future chapters. (For example, more food moments, more MummyxDaddy etc)

See you soon and happy reading ! <3

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When my hand moved over the canvas it was almost like my mind was directing it without me, odd perhaps, but that was the way it was. My hand moved instinctively to the right spot, building a new picture, often one I had never seen before.

In these fantastical worlds I saw reflections of my own mind, the way I thought, but there was something else there too. I didn’t know what, perhaps I just imagined it, but when I paint I felt closest to our creator and it gave me a peace and mental calmness I cannot find another way.

I can't abide the art that's printed by the thousands. I'm not a carbon copy person and I don't want carbon copy art. I want something beautiful on the wall, but I want to know the artist that made it. I want to know what moved them to make something so beautiful – and to me it always is.

Even pain and sorrow is beautiful in art, it shows us who we are, who we have been, and helps us to see where we're heading. So when I see those reproductions I see a corporation hijacking something that should be personal and making it ugly – no matter what scene it represents. Art takes time, art takes love, I'll take an original over a copy any day.

I peered over the canvas and saw Eunjung sprawled on the ground.

Her legs were kicking back and forth in the air. Her hum had a happiness; there was something carefree about the notes as they fell into the autumn air about her. She leaned on her hands, fingers splayed starfish on the drawing paper. I paused from painting and shifted till I could see a full view of Eunjung, no intention of disturbing her, soaking in the sound.

My hair whipped into my eyes carried by the brisk autumn breeze. Winds like this never failed to amaze me; a chilly blend of cinnamon and warm spices, carried by whispers of warm winter fires yet to come.

As if she could sense my thoughts, she turned my attention to me.

I watched a grin slowly spread across her face. She got up from the lying position and picked up her drawing paper.

She tottered towards me and had the drawing paper behind her back.

I got off the stool and sat on the floor.

She gave me a bashful smile. “What is it, Eunjung?”

“Guess!” She laughed.

Her expression shifted to a pout and she glanced away. Surely because she wasn’t happy I wasn’t playing along. But I couldn’t tell her it was hard to guess when I didn’t know the context of what I was supposed to guess.

“Aw, come on Eunjung.” I stretched to try and meet her gaze, “Show me, please?”

The ocean shore lay jagged, the rocky outcrops a torn piece of paper where they meet the rushing waves. The shore was everything at once, every sense bombarded in a way that brought my mind to elevated thought.  When eyes opened there was every shade of blue before me, every shade from white to browns and greys at my feet. Eyes closed there was the cool breeze, stealing warmth, giving me the taste and smell of the brine. The ocean's music took command of my ears with crashing waves and the cries of the gulls. The pebbles pushed into my soles, shifting as my body leaned more to one side or the other. Behind me the cliff face rose sharply, graphite in the autumn sun. Between rocks and waves I stood intoxicated on the breath of mother earth, of nature and all the wonders she held.

I looked at the paper in my hand then to Eunjung and then back to the paper again.

I blinked my eyes at her.

Were we telepathic?

“Eunjung, look at what Mummy painted,” I placed her drawing on the small table beside my canvas before turning the canvas till it was facing her.

The shore was a graceful arc of sand, glittering under the summer sun, a place for a placid ocean to lap. The waves rolled in with a soothing sound, the salty water a brief flurry of sand. Every few meters of so lay a shell, a treasure of the aquatic world just out of reach, and the footprints they left behind were soon erased.

“Mummy,” She pointed at me then at herself. “and Eunjung is same!”

I reached towards her and tapped her nose. “I’m your mummy that’s why.”

I flipped my hair and smirked at her.

Eunjung just laughed as I lifted her off the chair and cuddled her in my lap.

I was trying to be indifferent. I didn't lean in, didn’t make it easy or seem too keen. Then he brushed my hair back from my shoulder and moved in so close I could feel his lean body pressed up against me. I felt was warmth and already my mind had placed our lips together. But instead he leaned in to caress my neck, slow and gentle. 

He kissed my earlobe with just the right hint of passion and whispered, “Hey.”

“Daddy!” Eunjung chirped and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Look!

 “What is it?” He asked carefully but didn’t let go of my waist that was pressed against him, even though I seemed to move away a little from him.

She pointed at the canvas and exclaimed, “I draw!”

“You drew this?” He asked his daughter.

Eunjung noticed me looking at her and giggled. “Yes!”

“You meant mummy drew this,” I corrected and squeezed her cheek slightly.

I patted JongIn’s hands which were around my waist, telling him to let go.

“Eunjung coloured this,” I handed him the drawing paper which I left on the small table beside the canvas moments ago.

She stared at him in anticipation. “Wow.”

“That’s it?” I asked.

He made a face. “I am speechless.”

“Do you like art, Eunjung?” His voice broke the silence.

I Eunjung’s back as I waited for her to reply her father.

“Yes,” Her voice came out muffled.

“Jagi,” He called out. “What do you want Eunjung to be when she grows up?”

“Hmmmm,” I started and walked towards the sofa. “To me, it doesn’t really matter if she is a lawyer, a doctor or a saleswoman. She should grow up to be a good human being.”

I patted the space next to me. JongIn began to play with the ends of Eunjung’s hair. He waited for me to continue.

“A person who will have time and compassion for those who are less fortunate than her.” Eunjung’s fingers curled into the fabric, not clasping it tightly, but just enough to reassure her that her mummy was not going anywhere. “I want her to have a life where she has time to stop and smell the flowers.”

“I want her life to be a journey of surprises and discovery and not one where she is in constant rush,” Tears started to form at the back of my eyes and I tried to blink them away.

“Are you okay?” he asked me.

I felt a soft smile stretch across my face.

“Let her be anything she wants to be,” I looked at the girl who was sound asleep in my arms.

My eyes met his. “She should lead her life according to standards she sets for herself and she should not live to please others.”

He nodded his head. It seemed that he had something to say but he tried to bury it deep down.

JongIn pressed his lips into a thin line. “Um… what if she wanted to be a s-singer?”

I snapped my gaze at him.

“No.” I sputtered out.

He widened his eyes at me.

She wanted to follow in JongIn’s footsteps? I placed my hand over my chest when I felt it tighten.

The thought of Eunjung being all grown up and standing on stage and singing her heart out. I could see myself standing in the crowd next to Eunjung’s largest fan.

JongIn. Her Dad. And it made my eyes want to tear up.

But I remembered the obstacles that she might have to go through.

Hatred.

Diet.

Competition.

And there would be no time for her to spend with me.

I shook my head at him. “Anything but a singer.”

He wasn’t sure what to say. He was sure that I said Eunjung could be anything she wanted to be.

Anything.

Or rather, anyone.

I could tell that he was a bit disappointed.

“Why?” He grabbed my hand. “Why not.”

The heartache was like a red hot coal placed in my chest, it glowed and burnt her at the same time, but it did not cool quickly like a coal in water, it throbbed and tortured me in all my walking hours and there was no relief to be found.

“I’ve seen what you went through,” I gave him a small smile.

“But Eunjung’s a strong girl,” He reasoned out. “I’m sure with her determination she’ll be a success.”

“I know. If she keeps going for practices and work hard she might make it. She wouldn’t be able to play around anymore. With Chanyong and the rest.” I felt my voice trembled. “What if she doesn’t and gives up halfway?”

A stray tear left my eye and I brushed it away harshly with the back of my hand.

He moved towards me and pecked my cheek and sighed. “I don’t think that’s the reason.”

“Come on, jagi.” He pleaded. “Please tell me.”

“She wouldn’t have time for me anymore!” There. I said it.

He let a soft laugh escape him.

I felt my eyebrows knit together. “It’s not funny.”

“But you can’t keep Eunjung around you forever.” he continued to talk, “She’s going to grow up and you’re going to have to watch her grow up.”

I pressed your lips into a thin line, “I know. But I want to be able to make sure that she will grow up. With me beside her.”

“Jagi.” JongIn wrapped his arms around you, “We can’t tell what the future has in store for all of us. All we can do is make sure we teach Eunjung all the right things. She has to learn to decide for herself too.”

You nodded, “I know. But Oppa–”

“Some things can’t be controlled.” he cut you off, “You may know her likes but you don’t know what tomorrow will bring.”

I shoved myself out of JongIn’s grip, “What!? How can you say something like that!? You mean you want her to get bashed by people online!”

JongIn pressed his forehead against mine and sighed, “Jagi. You have given Eunjung another amazing day. She’s seen just how much her mummy loves her. And I plan to tell her just how I wouldn’t mind her loving art or singing. And she’ll know just how much I love her too. Isn’t that all we can do? Show and tell Eunjung just how much she’s loved? As long as she knows that hasn’t she led a fulfilling life? Even if something were to happen, we will continue to love and care for her. That’s all we can do, jagi.”

I sniffled and shook my head, “I want her to have a childhood too.”

“I know, jagi. I know.” he wrapped me back up in his arms, “But you know. Eunjung would tell you right now that she’s had a great life filled with love and caring.”

JongIn leaned in for a kiss, the kind I wanted to last forever, but after time he withdrew to gaze at the face he loved so much.

“I love you. That means I would defend you with my life even if the odds were insurmountable. It means I will comfort you in the difficult and painful times. It means I will dance and rejoice with you when times are good. It means I will never betray you, never give up on you.”