Chapter 52: I Will Wait For You Forever

Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qg7L0OQiN78

|Narrators Perspective|

            CL and Kris sat together on the sofa amidst the warmth of their fireplace. The colours of the fire danced on the walls attempting to brighten the solemn mood that was present. After Jiyong had left, CL and Kris were left in an awkward silence of pure thoughts. Luckily, Kris’s friends appeared right on time for the late night dinner. She had opened the door and welcomed them with a smile that she knew was good enough to make everything appear normal. However, acting like that till all of them were gone made CL mentally exhausted.

            Every so often during the dinner, Kris would come to her and hold her attempting to comfort her. For that she was really thankful, but it made her guiltier. Every thought that came into her mind circulated over one person. Jiyong. Her lips and her body tingled from just the images she would conjure up in her mind. It drove her mad really. Her consciousness made her feel that her current emotions were wrong but at the same time her heart was telling her another thing. CL is aware that following her heart is the right thing to do… But she couldn’t help wonder what if what your heart wants is not right? If she were to follow her heart what would happen to Dara’s feeling? And if she were to leave what about Kris? Kris who has given her so much. Has spent every hour, minute, and second caring for her. How could she tear herself from someone and run into another’s arm?

            CL didn’t understand what to do or what to feel. She tried the rest of the night to ensure that Kris wouldn’t worry about her. Of course, he easily saw through her act. He noticed the change that occurred in CL after Jiyong had left. Normally, with their friends every worry or sad thought vanished from CL, but tonight was an exception. Nothing Kai, D.O, Xiumin or the rest said made her smile or laugh genuinely. He saw how CL pulled herself together for the sake of him. He wished she wouldn’t do that. He wished she would scream, yell, and let all that was bothering her. Not bottle it up in fear of hurting him. He wished that she could easily come to him with an open mind . . . but Kris had learned it wasn’t easy for CL to do.

            Kris pulled CL closer to him on the sofa. He could tell she was in deep thought, and she was. All CL could think was why Jiyong would come back now? Why would he place her in such a situation? No matter the number of questions, she knew there wouldn’t be an answer…and she told herself that she wouldn’t care to find one either. But that persuasion wasn’t going so well.

            “Are you thinking about him?” Kris asked. His voice a smooth whisper over the cackling fire.
            CL didn’t respond. Kris took that silence as a yes.

            “Well whatever you are thinking about is surely making your heart beat fast . . . and I am pretty sure I am not the cause of it” CL could hear the sadness wash over Kris’s voice.

Immediately CL sat up feeling guilty on her part for not even considering Kris’s position in all of this mayhem. She turned and looked up at him. His dark brown hair had a golden glow from the reflection of the fire. It was a mess but she remembered how she told him she liked it like that. He always took her opinions so seriously. She placed her hands through his hair and slowly cupped his cheeks. His warmth filled up her hands and she felt soothed by the sensation. She looked him directly into his glistening eyes.

            “Kris I don’t even know what to say . . . I’m honestly so confused right now that I have no idea what I’m doing anymore. I feel like a huge jigsaw puzzle that’s missing pieces. But, what I do know for sure is that I am thankful to have you here in my life. I don’t think I would have been able to hold myself up for this long without you. You know I don’t say this stuff easily and it probably sounds cliché but it is true. If you weren’t there for my parents death, if you weren’t there in the very beginning during … I don’t think I would have had been here today” CL felt a hot tear slip down the side of her face.

            Kris raised his hand and placed it on top of the one cradling his cheek.

            “CL don’t …”

            “No Kris. I don’t understand why you choose to stick around a girl like me. Look at me I’m a mess. I don’t even know what my heart desires. I don’t even know how to make proper choices to avoid hurting people. Honestly if you ever feel I am a burden I won’t be offended if you get up and leave. In fact I will understand complet-”

Before CL could say anymore Kris kissed her. Her emotions were going haywire and the kiss ignited them. She kissed him back as Kris pulled her closer. Her thoughts whirled as Kris melted them away. But as quick as they were gone one resurfaced… when Jiyong had kissed her. She knew for a fact that the kiss wasn’t the same but she also knew that because of Jiyong she wasn’t loving Kris to her full capacity. Kris then pulled away his cheeks a flushed pink.

            “I love you Chaerin. That is