Heartquake
Story Reviews»HeartquakeReview«
Title (5/5)
There really is nothing to fault on this; I personally love it. I think it's sophisticated, simple, deep and fitting.
Foreword/Description (9/10)
It's nicely done; acccurate with a suitable mysterious feel but slight fault; did Hyukjae really see Donghae as an ally from the start? (Ally might not be the best word)
Appearance (4/5)
Poster is on the simple side but apt. Text is fine.
Plot (13/15)
This is seriously the best part of your story; the plot itself. I think your storyline is amazing generally; it encompasses of betrayal, planning, love, lust, family, friendship, redemption, revenge....it's a very delicious mix of everything. Now onto the finer details:
- Donghae trying to regain his footing in life is so appropriate; you did not make it such that it was an easy feat, it was very accurate and believable.
- Sungmin and Yoona's reactions towards Donghae was also nicely depicted
- The first encounter with Siwon was a tad bit dull; there was no surprise element at all but I guess you did not mean for there to be any shocking revelation between Donghae x Siwon though there is a potential there for expansion. I could have liked a bit more of a reaction.
- There are a couple of stuff I could pick on on Donghae x Hyukjae's emotional/relationship development but I'll put it down below.
- The ual developement between Donghae x Hyukjae has got to be the strongest aspect of this all. Donghae as the -deprived ex-convict had his ual frustrations very well portrayed and the fact that you pulled this into him controlling this urge played very well into the growing feelings he has for Hyukjae. The scene was the highlight of the story to me; finally it all boiled down to that and to me it was an epic explosion of true emotions so it was well done; the intensity, kinkiness and feelings were all written out well.
Between you and me; despite your lack of love for this story, I think the concept is by far one of the best for me.
Originality (13/15)
Not something out of this world but unique in it's way and it boils down to your way of expression.
Language (16/20)
As a reader of all your stories, yes this story does lack a tad bit in terms of slight mistakes in phrasing, grammer and tenses.
-Couple of spelling mistakes: "ugly" not "ulgy" , "then" not "they" , "pursing" his lips not "pursuing".
-"I live with my sister" not "I live my sister"
It's really minor and I made an effort to spot them, they don't affect the overall reading.
Flow (7/10)
To be honest I felt that the chapters were a tad long generally, which makes it hard for someone people to read especially if you're not strong in English. But I can see that you planned your story to be completed in 8 chapters so I can tell that you were trying to squeeze as much content as possible. Pacing was fine to me but the length did get to me.
Characterization (5/10)
I am going to be a bit of a here and penalize you here.
Donghae x Hyukjae: I was a bit confused over their actual feelings for each other; the progression generally was fine but here and there I sensed too much mixed feelings. Especially when you write from a third point of view; you aren't supposed to be that confused as a reader.
BUT as per above, ual progression was perfecto.
Donghae: To me; it would have to read like this: 1) He proabably found Hyukjae attractive but after firming his as a tool for revenge there should be a moment of anger and infeeling towards anything apart from his ploy before falling for him bit by bit midway. - I didn't get this.
Hyukjae was a naive heir bent on saving what he wanted and falling for Donghae inevitably was well done.
Siwon is abit unreadable, he's violent, insists Donghae is still his while showering hate etc...not much focus has been given to him but he's a bit of a confusing character.
I just think you need to spend some time to give more depth of each one of them and play it out well.
Overall Enjoyment (10/10)
Biased as fck but I will give you a perfect ten here because I love you and I can. Please reward me by giving me the last chapter; there's only one huge- cliffhanger in this whole story and this is it. Cheers.
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
82/100!
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