Horror´s Day

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»Horror's DayReview«

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Story

Title (3/5)

The title sounds a bit off because you are saying that it's "horror's day" - ie referring to horror as an object/personification rather than horror day - which places emphasis on the day itself. But I reckon if this is a horror story then including the word "horror" itself gives you plus points. 
 
Foreward/Description (5/10)
 
It sounds like you're describing Halloween - am I right? But I totally didn't see this in your actual story. 
 
Appearance (4/5)
 
Your poster is pretty and mysterious, I'll give you credit for that. 
 
Plot (10/15)
 
I think it's a bit early to determine the plot of this story apart from a bunch of red-eyed monsters chasing after them and I can almost guess that Luhan / Minho are the bad men. 
 
A word of advice, the foundation of your story needs to be set right. A lot of questions are left unanswered:
 
-What setting is this story based on? What era? Modern or ancient?
-What type of house do the girls live in? In the forest?
-Where is their family?
-What happened to Halloween?
-Where the hell did Krystal appear from and why did she disappear?
-Who is Jungkook to them? Neighbour?
-Monsters = vampires?
 
But I do like how you switched between present and flashbacks, gives a form of curiosity and suspense. 
 
Originality (10/15)
 
I guess it's different because of the horror genre but so far you haven't succeeded in sending chills down my spine. 
 
 
Language (5/20)
 
I apologize for the brutal score but this is definitely your weakest point. I would recommend you seek some help because it makes understanding your story a tad bit hard. 
 
Some advice:
-You don't need to italicize the speeches. 
-Watch your tenses
-Watch your grammer
-Make your sentence flow.
 
Here's some edits:
 
,she knew they are after her .
, she knew they were after her.
 
Her hands reached her back as she got two guns out .She started to shot while glancing back ,but never stopping as they were to catch her .
She reached her hands behind her back and drew two guns out. She started shooting as she glanced behind intermediately, but never once stopping in fear of getting caught by them.
 
as she saw the most frightened scene she had ever seen .
as she saw the most frightening scene ever. 
 
“Quickly ,Behind that building.” 
"Quickly, behind that building," Minho ordered.
 
Flow (7/10)
 
Not abrupt and I liked the present and flashback switches. 
 
Characterization (5/10)
 
Apart from your main page, I can't quite grasp the characters but they did display traits of what you made them out to be on the front page. 
 
Overall Enjoyment (3/10)
 
It was a bit hard to catch the flow I'm sorry but hwaiting!
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
52/100!
 
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aya-ELF #1
Chapter 85: Thank you for the review dear! I was relly shocked with the language part OTL, I'm gonna go fix it right now! By the way, do you think it will be better if I write a simple prologue to explain the life of a demon and what's the benefit to have a mate??
EPIONE #2
Heyy,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was just wondering where you're currently working this year as a reviewer?
I'd love to request from you again.

Best,
Epione
teenme14 #3
Chapter 72: Okay.. Thanks for the review ^^

Now to clarify XD
Title: As you said, the highlight/ of the story has not yet come. So yeahh..
Plot: This is my first chaptered story after my long hiatus from writing. After the hiatus, I wrote a two shot. So, I kinda forgot how to write a chaptered story XD The present time of the story is at the end of Summer (hence, their summer break). Oh, and I plan on making this fic a 40 chaptered fic.
- I guess I haven't mentioned the type of phone she is using. Samsung phones are quite cheap in Korea but are also expensive for people with financial probs. So, back to her phone. The phone she is using is a Samsung Galaxy Win Pro G3812. And she is using pre-paid which you'll have to top-up each time the credit finishes or it expires, whichever comes first.
- The cafe's delivery system works like this: A person will order through phone, and they jot down the name and address of the person. One of the workers will be asked to deliver the drink/food. If the house is near enough, they deliver by foot. If it is rather far, they ride a bike.
-I am not a dancer and... OTL I really need a dancer to help me whenever dancing scenes come up TT.TT
- About Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it will be known in the next chapter that I'm writing now.
Characterization: I am really bad at this XD Jongin's feelings at first was just merely interested. It's not a crush. He just simply feels interested by the girl. Hana & Sehun... We'll know more once we're more into the story XD

So.. yeah.. Thanks ^^ Sorry for the English mistakes. English is not my first language
teenme14 #4
Chapter 62: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! ^^ it's a bit fast paced coz I had a deadline to follow and finished it in 2 days xD I was planning on making a special chapter for the part before jongdae confessed to get to know Hye Sun better and how Jongdae came to like her. I was in a rush, so yeah. I was thinking that a LIFETIME to forget was that, he WOULD eventually fall in love with another girl but he would never forget Hye Sun since she was his first love. About the part where she died: I wanted her to die in an accifent rather than in the surgery was because Jongdae's parents died in an accident too which would somehow, idk, increase the pain (whut)
hanajoe #5
Chapter 32: Thanks for the review^^
I know my i'm not good enough in English T-T but i will try my best to write it!
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