Loving Nobody
Story ReviewsReviewer's note: Hi there, I apologise for the long wait for this review as I was on a hiatus. To make up for it, I have made the effort to scheme through the entire story instead of stopping at chapter 10. I literally had a browse so if some of my harsher comments make no sense because I missed out some details I apologise in advance. Hope this review will be helpful =)
»Loving Nobody Review«
Title (2/5)
I did like now it was a play on the meaning of the word "nobody" but it gave me the feel of someone incapable of loving which is the total opposite here with Jaejoong in the story so that was a flop for me. It might have made more sense if it was "Loving The Nobody" instead.
Foreward/Description (6/10)
The description was somewhat fine; it summed up the story in an appropriate way and it contains questions which does leave the readers wanting to find out more.
However, I did not like how you switched between first and third pov randomly from "I..." to "he..." it was confusing and it disrupts the flow.
Appearance (5/5)
I definitely like the feel of the poster and good choice of background.
Plot (10/15)
It was generally a good and interesting idea; I can see where your creativity lies and there is just so much potential to this story which was underdeveloped.
Major points of concern:
-the story flow in general was too sudden and there was a lack of flow in events.
-Also, there was so much background information lacking within the story; Sunny's family background, where did she come from? how did she end up in this school?
-What caused Jaejoong to become the person he is?!?! (I think this is so crucial and I did not locate the answer)
-how did Jessica end up skipping a grade in the middle of school year?
-Taemin also popped out of nowhere.
-When Sunny bumped into Jaejoong and realised they stayed in the same apartment; shouldn't her first thought be: jessica lives here too? since she just learnt that jessica nad jaejoong were neighbours.
-Overall I couldnt understand their feelings and the development; why and how did jaejoong even fall for Sunny?
-Sorry but I was disturbed by the fact that it was somehow exceptable for a male and female to room together
Do take the above into consideration, they are not major faults but they are things you need to note for future stories; more planning is required to remove these loopholes.
Another huge negative comment is: you tend to mix personal thoughts and thoughts of your characters into your narration. For one, as a third pov you shouldn't be labelling Sunny as "nobody" and Jaejoong as "failure of life"; those are merely perceptions of them and not them persay. Also the word "nobody" actually has a meaning so when you are using it as a term on Sunny, italics or inverted commas should be utilized.
Originality (12/15)
Like I mentioned above, I did like the idea because it was quite mature having Sunny as the self-centered snob who unknowingly changes Jaejoong from a self-loathing individual to one full of drive. However the overall writing failed to bring these characters out; I had a shock when you called Sunny an egoistical person.
Language (14/20)
Noticed a couple of spelling mistakes; "tea" instead of "tee"; "peace-makers" instead of "piece-makers","physics" instead of "physiques"......
Generally not too bad in language, I was more concerned about your flow; sentence structure and phrasing.
Flow (3/10)
I have to penalize you here; as mentioned everything was too abrupt.
Characterization (4/10)
I really couldn't read into their personalities; I couldn't figure out why people did not like Sunny, why she acted the way she did and how Jaejoong could have fallen for her. etc as mentioned above.
Overall Enjoyment (6/10)
It really wasn't too bad a read; I managed to read through it in 2 days and I didn't find it all too bad, just a lot of things lacking which made me feel sorry for the lost potential of the story. Hwaiting!
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
62/100!
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