The Request
Story Reviews»The RequestReview«
Title (1/5)
I can't find a direct connection to the story at all, assuming the title is as it is, a "request". Also if the titles in each chapter do not contribute to the storyline or plot, you might want to leave it out.
Foreward/Description (4/10)
I do like the description in that it is rather deep, but unfortunately the story so far has not brought this out.
Appearance (3/5)
The main poster on the front is pretty but I don't get the point of having a different poster at every chapter unless they were different and pertaining to the chapter itself.
Plot (11/15)
Honestly, I do enjoy the plot a lot, it was quite an enjoyable read but i felt that there was a lot more to explore.
As an orphan, and kim myungsoo as a bad boy etc has a lot of room for emotional development which was lacking, their relationship progress is also a bit dead, there wasn't a hint or reason for myungsoo to have fallen for naeun.
I did like how you made luhan the hero every time your readers might expect it to have been myungsoo coming to her rescue. You have definitely won your readers over with luhan; the challenge will come when you convince your readers she should be with myungsoo instead. Good luck with that.
Overall a cute story, a bit cliche but enjoyable, I like the dark bit brought about by the introduction of her dad.
Originality (11/15)
As mentioned above, cliche but there's bits and pieces that are exciting. However, highschool settings are too common as well.
Language (15/20)
I'm sorry but the placing of their thoughts in the two different colours really threw me off. You could have continued in a third pov or even consider writing it in first pov if you're going to put in so much personal opinions of the characters.
EG: oh my god, she is so annoying.
- Her annoyance was getting on myungsoo's nerves.
- "Oh my god, she is so annoying," thought myungsoo to himself.
Flashback was in italics, it wasn't obvious it was a flashback; just put the words flashback.
Other than the above that affected the story, general language in terms of tenses, grammer, spelling was fine save these:
How dare her interrupt my sleep. - How dare she interrupt my sleep.
I do not like it when people randomly use korean words in the middle of an english story with no significance and not bothering to explain, assuming everyone understands what language and word this is:
"Gamsahabnida, please sit."
Flow (7/10)
Honestly, the story is paced quite well in general but I find it lacking in terms of character, emotional and relationship development. Event flow is fine.
Characterization (5/10)
As mentioned above, this is where you're lacking.
Also, as a k-pop fan writing fanfics on these people, it'd be nice if you played on their actual traits; eg myungsoo is stunningly handsome, girls should be throwing their feet at him, as much as naeun might hate him, seeing a guy like that in your bed, tell me how that doesnt evoke a reaction ;-)
Overall Enjoyment (7/10)
I did enjoy it, it was a pleasant read =)
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
64/100!
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