Atl's MAMA

Story Reviews

»Atl's MAMAReview«

Story

Title (1/5)

Sorry but what's atl? and MAMA? Honestly, it made no sense to me even after reading the story.
 
Foreward/Description (4/10)
 
The opening of the story held an element of mystery into what creatures EXO were and what was the "tree of life" and "seed" that they were talking about but the foreword had already given all of these away. Also, it wasn't captivating enough, as a sci-fi fiction. 
 
Note in the description that not everyone unless they're an EXO fan would know what the music video is about. Place a link, have a picture, write it out. 
 
Appearance (3/5)
 
Considering that you had a drawing for every chapter, it was disappointing for the story to not have a poster. I liked the drawings which helped in the imagination and font was fine. 
 
Plot (8/15)
 
Passing score on the potential this story had as a sci-fi fiction, aliens with powers, evil witch-like kumiho, perhaps betrayal and brotherhood. All these pave a smooth path to an interesting, captivating, shocking, exciting story but to be blunt, 21chapters in and its been pretty boring and confusing so far.
 
- I haven't even figured out why some of them are working/have chosen to work for Kumiho
- What exactly are their aims? Somehow it seems both EXO and Kumiho are working towards the same goal and yet they clash
- How is the bond of the EXO boys like?
- Is Suho evil? 
- Where did Kris come from? What made Suho the leader?
- I havent even matched their individual powers or witnessed the strength of it
 
So far you have only slowly revealed their powers bit by bit, storyline is progressing too slowly and there is a lack of action and emotional development for such a story.
 
Originality (13/15)
 
Will give you credit for this, it takes a rather imaginative mind to come up with the background.
 
Language (17/20)
 
Nothing too major, very readable save for one comment:
 
"Tree of Life" was bolded and "seed" was italicized. They both carry the same special meaning so one style should have stuck. Also after emphasizing on them within the first few chapters before readers knew what they were, you should remove the emphasis. Having read the story 20 chapters in it's not too comfortable referring to it as "the seed" - its like, yes I already know what it is no need for that.  
 
Flow (5/10)
 
Like I mentioned above, some chapters came off a bit boring and honestly for what I am reviewing (till chapter 21) too little has happened. The chapters are exceptionally short too, I can understand for the 1~ series as you bring in individuals but I was disappointed to find 2~ progressing at the same pace despite the seed making an appearance. 
 
Characterization (5/10)
 
As mentioned above, I can't even tell if Suho is good or evil and their individual intentions. A lot more needs to be done. Past background on their relationship pre descending to earth might help too. 
 
Overall Enjoyment (6/10)
 
The foreword/description did capture my attention like "ok wow an alien fic!" but sadly the story is not progressing as fast and exciting as I would have preferred it to be. 
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
62/100!
 
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Comments

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aya-ELF #1
Chapter 85: Thank you for the review dear! I was relly shocked with the language part OTL, I'm gonna go fix it right now! By the way, do you think it will be better if I write a simple prologue to explain the life of a demon and what's the benefit to have a mate??
EPIONE #2
Heyy,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was just wondering where you're currently working this year as a reviewer?
I'd love to request from you again.

Best,
Epione
teenme14 #3
Chapter 72: Okay.. Thanks for the review ^^

Now to clarify XD
Title: As you said, the highlight/ of the story has not yet come. So yeahh..
Plot: This is my first chaptered story after my long hiatus from writing. After the hiatus, I wrote a two shot. So, I kinda forgot how to write a chaptered story XD The present time of the story is at the end of Summer (hence, their summer break). Oh, and I plan on making this fic a 40 chaptered fic.
- I guess I haven't mentioned the type of phone she is using. Samsung phones are quite cheap in Korea but are also expensive for people with financial probs. So, back to her phone. The phone she is using is a Samsung Galaxy Win Pro G3812. And she is using pre-paid which you'll have to top-up each time the credit finishes or it expires, whichever comes first.
- The cafe's delivery system works like this: A person will order through phone, and they jot down the name and address of the person. One of the workers will be asked to deliver the drink/food. If the house is near enough, they deliver by foot. If it is rather far, they ride a bike.
-I am not a dancer and... OTL I really need a dancer to help me whenever dancing scenes come up TT.TT
- About Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it will be known in the next chapter that I'm writing now.
Characterization: I am really bad at this XD Jongin's feelings at first was just merely interested. It's not a crush. He just simply feels interested by the girl. Hana & Sehun... We'll know more once we're more into the story XD

So.. yeah.. Thanks ^^ Sorry for the English mistakes. English is not my first language
teenme14 #4
Chapter 62: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! ^^ it's a bit fast paced coz I had a deadline to follow and finished it in 2 days xD I was planning on making a special chapter for the part before jongdae confessed to get to know Hye Sun better and how Jongdae came to like her. I was in a rush, so yeah. I was thinking that a LIFETIME to forget was that, he WOULD eventually fall in love with another girl but he would never forget Hye Sun since she was his first love. About the part where she died: I wanted her to die in an accifent rather than in the surgery was because Jongdae's parents died in an accident too which would somehow, idk, increase the pain (whut)
hanajoe #5
Chapter 32: Thanks for the review^^
I know my i'm not good enough in English T-T but i will try my best to write it!
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