Wedding Jitters: Becoming Mrs. Byun Baekhyun
Story Reviews»Wedding Jitters: Becoming Mrs. Byun Baekhyun Review«
Title (3/5)
Yes it is ideal but it I would have chosen something closer to your "something old..." and honestly the title is a tad bit too long.
Foreward/Description (8/10)
I loved the description and together with the title it does sum up the story pretty nicely without giving anything away. But considering I'm reading upon completion, credit goes to the chapter titles.
Appearance (3/5)
It is a pretty poster but unfortunately it doesn't have a wedding feel that matches your title.
Plot (10/15)
At first read I was thinking that it lacked substance but things picked up gradually throughout the chapter. I like how you're incorporating their love story into pre-wedding jitters however here are some feedback I hope you find useful:
-Their love story overall was lacking a lot, I saw no progression throughout the chapters. I understand that you are trying to link it back to the items but I did not quite enjoy their relationship progress from friends to lovers.
- In chapter 3 she was being labeled as an outcast after making her out to be very attractive in the opening chapters? I couldn't quite put my fingers on why
-No explanation was given how the bullies suddenly became their friends (Sehun etc)
-In chapter 4 I went; where did Kai come from?
-Also there was a lack of follow-up of how Baekhyun and Jasmine went from being friends to enemies when he joined the basketball team etc. This was significant because they were friends who would do anything for each other; there was no way Baekhyun could immediately abandon her and even insult her just to gain popularity. There has to be a strong underlying reason or trigger for such a change. You could have used this to your advantage especially on how they turned things around and became friends again
-I'm not sure if the blueberry muffin qualifies as something blue.
-She did not appear to be a tomboy at all throughout the entire story until the later chapter which shocked me. I had imagined her to be rather lady-like and demure.
-Suho's comfort for Baekhyun to chase way his jitters wasn't powerful enough.
-Why did they have to get married at such a young age? They could have waited.
-Lastly, I was hoping you added after marriage to show that their relationship was taken to another level
Overall idea was good but more thought into the love story development would have been better.
Originality (13/15)
It's quite cute and fluffy, rather matured as well so I give credits here.
Language (17/20)
Nothing major but watch your tenses and occasional phrasing.
Flow (6/10)
Low score mainly as a result of the undeveloped love story as mentioned above, I could not see the progression of their relationship.
Characterization (7/10)
As mentioned above, you kept jumping around and having the characters and their relationships change over night.
Overall Enjoyment (7/10)
Rather cute and comfortable read, not excellent but not bad at all ;-)
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
74/100!
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