The Grudges of the Heart
From ... With Love~Changmin~
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My entire body was shaking as my head couldn't think straight. After 2 months of absence, I finally met her..
I had to do something. I had to tell JaeJoong.. I had to tell.. Yunho.. I had to tell.. Yoochun.. Junsu..
I had to do something!
I KNEW WHERE SHE WAS!!!!
But my mind instantly slipped back to the talk I had with my hyungs yesterday. Yunho's words echoed inside my head as I started to think about it. He was right.. If she were to leave Hyung again, he would totally break down. Not that he wasn't far away from a break down right now but.. still..
I knew where she was and I was controlling what is going to happen to JaeJoong...
"I'm back!!!"
I looked up and my eyes landed on Yoona who was cheerfully wheeling through the door. I wiped away my tears and coughed a bit and I guess she ehard me cause she wheeled her way to me. I had to reach out for her so that she was wheeling right as well
"I thought I was coming to get you?" I said with a thick voice
"I know but the nurse took me....d..."
Yoona suddenly quieten and I looked at her
"Oppa.. Why are you crying?"
I was taken by surprise.. I guess her senses were really strong if she was able to make that out
"I'm not crying" I said and tried to laugh it away
"You are.. your voice are thick and your nose is running.. is everything alright?"
No it isn't. Cause I had no idea what I am suppose to do for the coming days and knowing that JaeJoong was only 2 hours from Yumi. It was almost scary and amazing at the same time.. So close yet so far..
"Oppa..tell me.." Yoona said worriedly
I looked up
"We need to talk"
"About what?"
"About your Unni"
Yoona froze
"What about her?" She asked carefully
"I know her.. That is Yumi Kwon" I sighed
I saw Yoona relax a bit
"But then.. it's alright. You've met each other! Now we can hang out like friends.."
"Yoona.. listen to me.. You're missing something.."
"What am I missing?" Yoona asked quietly
I didn't answer but as soon as I heard Yoona gasp I had to look up to see what was wrong
"What is it? Are you in pain?!" I asked worriedly
Yoona shook her head
"Are you.. the guy.. that she left?" Yoona said with a thick voice
"Mwoh? What are you talking about?"
"You are aren't you? You're the guy that she loves but she had to leave.. right?" Yoona stammered
"Yoona? You got it all wrong. I am not that guy.. That is .. my hyung.. JaeJoong"
Yoona raised her head, facing me in a way as if she were looking into my eyes
"Oh.."
"I am confused Yoona.. I.."
"She's in pain.. you know that right?" Yoona cut me off
"So is my Hyung" I said and looked at her
Yoona swallowed
"How is he?"
I sighed and rubbed my eyes tiredly
"He's.. like a living dead person. He breathes, he's still alive but he's like dead. Everything that he do is dead. He's expressionless. Emotionless. He barely talks to us and he keeps himself busy all day long. Keeping his mind busy so that he won't think of her.."
"So is Unni.."
"But yesterday.. You know when I came in this morning and told you that something was troubling me about my Hyungs?"
"Oh.. It's JaeJoong?"
"Nae~~"
"Ok.."
"yesterday I caught him composing. Does Yumi listen to piano a lot?"
Yoona nodded
"Everyday. Several hours.. and she refuses to listen to something else"
"I think that is because of JaeJoong. He always turned piano songs on whenever they were out together.. On their trips and such"
"No wonder she always sheds tears when listening" Yoona said sadly
"Look this is how it is . Yumi left JaeJoong apparently because she didn't want to be a burden to him. Am I right?"
"I think so.. I think she mentioned it. Something about.. that having a blind person is like spending your entire free time to take care of someone and you're not able to do anything else. You're like giving away your life.." Yoona said
"It doesn't have to be that way. I know that Yumi still loves him.. according to everything you've told me.. she still loves him doesn't she?"
"Nae~~ She does.."
"So is he.. And He's a disaster right now. The couple ring she left.. he made it into a necklace and he's still wearing it around his neck. Probably hoping that someday she will come back to him.."
"Oh my.. this is so sad.."
"Yoona you have no idea.. He's dead.. A dead walking person at home. It hurts to see him in this state and I can tell that Yumi isn't ok either.. Right?"
"Right.."
"But I need to know her reasons why she left him. Cause I know that Hyung would never leave her side even though she's blind. It doesn't matter if she can't see. He fell in love with her personality. Her heart.. and nothing is stronger than that.."
"So he doesn't care if she's blind?"
"No he doesn't. Even if she was paralyzed and sitting in a wheelchair he would still love her. Yoona, His love for her is unconditional. She's his world! Do you understand?"
Yoona sighed
"I can tell.."
"And the thing is.. I need to know her real reasons why she left him. I need to know. I'm the only one who knows where she is now. I was talking to my hyungs about her yesterday about finding her.."
"And your conclusions was?"
"Everyone was against it. But seeing Hyung like this is tearing me upside down. I guess it is heartbreaking for the others as well but you see, My hyung asked me.. If I found her .. again. And they met each other.. what happens if she walks out on him again?"
"I don't even dare to think about it since you just told me what kind of state he's in.. at the moment.."
"Exactly. That is what the others are afraid of. He can't take it a second time.."
"Then what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I have to find out why she left him.. and if he really came back.."
"Would she stay with him?"
"Exactly" I said
Yoona suddenly wheeled herself backwards and I saw her doing something. Moving..
"What are you doing Yoona?" I said and stood up
She struggled and got up on her feet..
"Whoa it's been awhile I've been standing.." Yoona chuckled
"I thought you were..."
"Paralyzed? aniyo. I'm just using the wheelchair"
"Wae?"
"Cause that wouldn't be such a burden for people to wait for me.. since I'm blind and afraid of where I am walking" I said
"Why do I feel you have some kind of hidden point behind this?"
Yoona smiled
"Look.. I think that.. JaeJoong~~ssi must assure her.. that if he one day looses his feelings for her, he have to break up with her. He won't consider her disability and feel sorry for her, pity her.. He has to.. love her like she is normal"
"BUT SHE IS NORMAL!!"
"NO WE AREN'T!"
I was thrown back, surprised by Yoonas sudden tone and I for the first time witnessed her crying in front of me
"You have no idea what we are going through. Loosing our independence, ourselves.. and then we have to listen to people who's trying to confuse us, manipulate us and say that we're normal people. That we're equal like any other human being.. But it's not that easy.."
I swallowed
"I know how Unni feels.. and I know what she's going through.. You have no idea how much we must sacrifice in order to let the people we love go"
"But it doesn't have to be that way.."
"Changmin you don't understand! How are we suppose to sit back and look at our beloved ones, sacrificing dreams and stuff that they believe in, that they want to do just because of us? Just because we need their help and assistance? We feel HORRIBLE about that!"
"But.. what if we want to?" I whispered
Seeing her cry was somehow affecting me, and I started myself to cry. My heart was aching and for every and each tear that fell from her eyes made the will inside of me grow, I wanted to comfort her..
"We just don't want people that we love is getting more burdens when life is hard already.."
"Life doesn't have to be hard" I whispered softly and walked towards her..
"It is.. this is life.. it's a big fight.. you're constantly fighting for everything.." She whispered
I lifted my hand to her face, and with my thumb brushing away the tear that was falling
"Then we should fight together" I whispered
I felt Yoona shaking a bit and within a second I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her into a hug, comforting her the way I thought I could do.. In order to calm her down..
"Who said you're not normal ? You are.. the disadvantage is that you just can't see.. The people you love can be your eyes.. The people you love can be your shoulder whenever you need someone to cry on.."
"No.. We don't want to give our burdens to someone else" Yoona shook her head while sobbing..
I pulled her closer to me and soon I felt her wrapping her arms around my neck. She was giving in..
"If you love someone.. burdens aren't an obstacle. It's a fence that you and the one your love needs to help each other to get over. That's the thing with love. You help each other, you pull each other up when one of you are down.."
I heard her sobbing fading away. A smile appeared on my face
"I guess the grudges you're having inside of your heart.. It's time to let them go. Let them in Yoona..."
At that very moment.. I realized what .. I had to do in order to get Hyung back with Yumi ..
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