~JaeJoong~

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It has been 3 days ever since we came home from the trip and as I was at the moment lying on my bed, I was thinking of Yumi. It wasn't easy to be away from her and I was having a hard time, I was really fighting against the will to text her or call her. I knew myself I had to give her some time and space as well since I didn't want to take all of her time but.. if it's like this when you're in love then it would somehow become a burden since .. you want to see the person all the time..

I chuckled to myself lightly..

There was one thing that was kind of bothering me though. After we had left the hospital I have been wondering what the doctor and Yumi talked about cause she had looked a bit upset and sad when she got out but whenever I asked her, she always answered the same, that she was fine and that it was just a lot to take in at the moment..

Of course I believed her and somehow this illness was tearing her upside down.. from the inside to the outside..
I started to think hard as I was trying to understand Yumi's feeling..

She must really be afraid even though she doesn't show it. Just imagining it myself, that if I had to loose my sight, I'd have probably fallen into depression. But if there was something I would have lost which was according to me the most precious thing, is.. Yumi's smile. Just the thought that I might not be able to see her smile or look at her made me all teary..

I wonder how she was feeling at the moment.. SHe must be afraid cause who knows if the spots would grow even more..
It's just a matter of time.. right?

*Ring Ring

I flew up and reached out for the phone, hoping that it was Yumi..

"yoboseyo?" I breathed

"Yoboseyo? JaeJoong~ssi?"

This isn't Yumi's.. voice but it's Yumi's number

"Yes this is JaeJoong.."

"Annyeong. I'm really sorry for bothering you this late but I'm calling concerning Yumi. I'm her mother and.."

"WHAT HAPPENED TO YUMI?!" I said worriedly and got out of bed

"Dear.. calm down it's.. not.. serious..The doctors were expecting this..."

"Expecting what?" I stuttered

"Yumi have lost her sight in her left eye"

I dropped the phone on the floor as I fell down as well..

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~Yumi~

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I was scared. So scared..

It felt the same actually.. just that.. I couldn't see everything properly at the left since I had to turn my entire body to see the left side..
I folded my fists as I was biting my lip, trying to hold the tears back as dad and mom were driving home..

The time was really coming closer and it was hunting me down. It was after me.. I could feel it. And not knowing how much time I had until I would totally go blind was making me even more frustrated..

For the past few days I had been thinking about my decision, carefully and seriously. I dropped the bomb to mom and dad yesterday and they didn't say much except that if that is what I want.. then they would let me..

I didn't tell them the place, where I was going just a hospital that the doctor had recommended. It was hard to convince mom at first but when I had cried my heart out, telling her that I didn't want to become a burden, that I wanted to be independent despite the illness and the disability, she had slowly started to understand me. Knowing that someone would take away my independence was making me frustrated and the anxiety was growing every day, every hour, every second..

Even though I didn't tell them the place, mom and dad had in the end made a deal with me and they promised to keep the place a secret from my friends and JaeJoong as long as they could visit me once in awhile. It wasn't that I would move away.. entirely. I had decided to spend a few months or years there, at least until I had adjusted myself to the disability, and that my independence were back with me. Dad and mom had agreed to that but nothing more than that...

But the hardest part wouldn't be staying away from mom and dad. The hardest part is.. that I have to stay away from JaeJoong. .

Mom and dad got out of the car and I got out of the car slowly, still trying to understand that the sight in my left eye had disappeared

"Omo~"

I reacted on mom's gasp and looked up slowly to see JaeJoong sitting on the staircase, in loose black pants and a white tee, his hat on. He had been waiting for me..
The clock was 3 am in the morning.. what was he doing here?

"Mom did you call him?" I asked

JaeJoong heard us coming and he stood up immediately as he saw us coming. Mom and dad.. left and went inside the house first, leaving us by ourselves..

JaeJoong walked slowly towards me and I could see that he has been crying..

I didn't dare to say anything, just breathing was even tiresome...

He stopped 2 feet away from me and looked at me. With the right eye, I was exploring his eyes, seeing that he was scared. terrified in fact and that he was sad..

"Are you.. scared Yumi?" He whispered

I looked at him

"Are you scared?" He asked again, softly with his thick voice

I sobbed and nodded slightly

"To death" I whispered

The next thing I know was that JaeJoong took me into his arms, embracing me tightly as I could hear him sob onto my shoulder..

"I'm so sorry.. So sorry"

That was it.

I collapsed as I burst out into tears, as JaeJoong were holding me. I fell to the ground crying harder than I've ever done before and JaeJoong was trying to not cry but I could feel his silent frustration, his silent tears..

He was hugging me so close to him, letting me cry as I was holding onto him tightly..

I pulled away from him and started to caress his face while crying..

"I won't.. be able to see you.. anymore.." I sobbed

He shook his head

"Please.. don't.."

"I.. won't be able to see you.. Look into your eyes .." I caressed his eyes and wiped away the silent tear that was falling..

"I won't be able to see you.. when you smile or laugh. What clothes you will wear.. when you graduate.."

"Yumi.. Please~~" He begged

He wanted me to stop but I couldn't .. The things that I was afraid of the most was right in front of me. I was afraid of loosing my sight of him. I kept looking but knowing that I won't be able to do that any longer, since the time was passing by quickly and the spots increasing, it was tearing my heart upside down. It was as if someone was ripping it. Cutting it..

I wanted to scream but nothing could be heard. The tears was enough to show my emotions at the moment..

"I won't be able to experience what you experience.. I won't be able.. to see the scenery you get to see. I won't be able to feel the same like you will"

"Yumi!!!"

He took me into his arms not letting me touching his face. His arms were around me tightly, crying silently as I was crying onto his shoulder as well. He was holding me close..

"I won't be able to.. go back to the cabin and to see.. how it has changed.."

"stop! Please.. don't say more" he begged

I shook my head

"This is the truth.. This is who I am.." I cried

"JaeJoong ah~~ Mianhe.."

"No.. don't.. do n n..."

His voice started to shake. I hugged him close to me as I kissed him on his cheek ..

"I'm so sorry.. so sorry.. for.. not being able to keep my promise.."

"Yumi don't! We'll make it somehow.."

I tried to get his words inside my head but it was hard. Cause I knew that no matter how much we try, it will still be the same for me..

The same.. pitch.. black.. sight..