~JaeJoong~

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I quieten as I was walking with Yunho, not knowing what to answer on his question. Not even I was prepared on this and yet he had somehow figured it out already..
I haven't met her yet and .. I still want to keep it to myself until.. we've talked a bit more..

"Why so mysterious about her Jae?" Yunho asked

I sighed

"It's.. kind of private at the moment.." I said

"Oh.. is it.. complicated?"

I nodded

Yunho and I stopped by the bench and both of us sat down. I didn't know what to say since I felt that it wasn't right.. not yet.. to tell him about her.. or the rest of the guys..

"How is she then? As a girl?" Yunho asked

I was staring blankly in front of me, at the purple flower on the grass..

"Hey.. you're smiling.." Yunho chuckled

I looked up and looked at him

"She's special.. huh?"

I nodded

"Really.. really special.."

"mind telling me how she is then?" Yunho asked

I closed my eyes and rested my head on the bench as I faced the sky, the sun shining down on me. How was she?.. My beautiful.. pink.. secret... girl?

"She's.. Special.. Amazing.. and wonderful.." I whispered

Yunho didn't say anything and I heard him breathing next to me..
The sound from the children playing, people talking, joking, singing and the wind in the trees, feels like I couldn't hear anything anymore.. I started to imagine myself with her... how her voice is like..
Probably just sweet and tender.. just like her..

"She's.. one of a kind.. She.. understands me .. in a way that other people don't.. Just with one sentence.. she can express herself so deeply.. thoughtful.. and with so much love, that everything goes straight into my heart.. "

"Sounds like.. she already have you.." Yunho whispered

"Have me?" I asked

"You've fallen dude.. so hard.. When do I get to meet her?" Yunho asked

I sighed

"Not yet.."

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~Yumi~

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As I was sitting in the car on my way home from the treatment and the examination with dad and mom, my eyes were pretty blurry and I couldn't see .. everything.. It was dull..

Dad soon parked the car outside our house and mom helped me out of the car, to the house and then upstairs..

It was already dark and i knew that I couldn't read His letters now, not when my eyes are like this..

"Do you want anything sweetie?"

"No.. I'm not.. hungry" I mumbled

Mom helped me to take off the jacket and I heard her walking over to the wardrobe and soon she sat down next to me and put my pyjamas in my lap..

"You're.. sure you don't want anything? The treatment and the examination took.. awhile.. and you haven't eaten supper.." Mom said a bit hurt..

I knew that mom just cared for me but right now, I had lost my will to do anything..

I sighed and just shook my head.. I closed my eyes again since I figured, I couldn't look at anything since it was way to blurry so why even bother to have the eyes open ? ..

"Mom.. I'm fine.. chincha.. go and rest.. you and dad have to work tomorrow.." i said and searched for mom's hand

I soon found it and squeezed it and mom leaned forward and gave me a kiss on my forehead before leaving the room..

When I heard the door being closed, I knew that mom had turned off the lights as well. But it was good that I knew my room so well that I could find my way to the desk, the bed and bathroom without looking..

I changed into pyjamas and sat down on the bed. I don't know for how long I was just sitting there, listening to the cars driving outside my window, as well as hearing the clock ticking away for every second that kept passing and also to my own heartbeats..

My eyes were still closed and somehow, the world just seemed so much darker right now when I couldn't see anything, except the black color that my eyelids were making me see..

I lied down on the bed and put my hands on my stomach..

I shouldn't feel this way since.. I was getting treatment.. and maybe they could slow it down, making the spots inside my eye disappear so that I could keep my eyes a bit longer but.. that goal seemed so far away from me right now..

I started to wonder if it's going to be like this.. when the spots have taken over the eyes completely.. Will I only see the color black or will it be blurry?

I'd rather have my blurry sight instead of being blind cause at least, my eyes would make some good .. and I would feel like a normal person with my eyes open..

I started to search for something on my bed.. I don't know what but it was kind of searching and looking for something, feeling the blanket, pillow.. and the sheets..

My hand soon grabbed my schoolbag and I sat up as my hands were trembling and shaking. I knew exactly what I was looking for.. Or my heart was.. I knew that my heart was looking for it.. I needed.. comfort..

I opened the bag and started to feel the different things with my hands.. Tried to figure out and remember what I had put in the bag earlier this morning and during the day..

My fingers soon wrapped around the envelope I had been looking for. The bag fell down onto the floor and I climbed up on the bed, carefully and sat in the middle of it. I was holding the letter with both of my hands..

My heart was beating crazy and a voice inside my head was telling me to not open it. I then chose to not listen to the voice and instead follow my heart..
With shaking hands I started to unfold the familiar letter, the same paper and envelope I had been receiving from him the past few years and soon, I dropped the envelope onto my lap and I was holding the letter with my hands..

I was softly caressing the paper, not knowing if it was this side up or down..
I felt my heart breaking into pieces, slowly as I started to realize that I couldn't make out which side was the right one, which side he had written on..

I looked down and then I opened my eyes..

The only thing I could see was the blue color.. but his words.. The words he had formed inside his head, been thinking about and then grabbed the pen and put it down on the paper..
I couldn't see it..

I could only make out the blue color but nothing else besides that..

It was all blurry..
The doctor told me that I was going to see just fine tomorrow and that the treatment was always like this in the beginning..

But this was harder than I thought..

I felt my heard breaking, slowly falling and somehow I could imagine the crashing sound inside my head..
I started to cry quietly as I was caressing the blue letter in front of me..

Then.. it felt like all the clouds just disappeared.. and the moon came out. The thought and the words and the.. realization was so.. real..

I realized.. that .. even though I will be taking this treatment.. Even if I manage to go through the treatment, having blurry eyes once in awhile..

The fact .. knowing that I someday might go completely blind.. was breaking my heart

I took the letter and pressed it against my chest, where the heart was beating at the moment.. I cried silently as I thought about..

Cause when I'm blind.. I won't be able.. to read anymore..

Which means.. somehow.. I might.. loose him..
Loose our friendship..

Loose the letters..

Loose our secret..

Loose.. half of my life..