~Yumi~

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I was sitting on the chair, right by my desk staring at my reflection in the mirror, the only light I had was the candle on my desk. I was staring at the reflection of mine, spotting the face that I knew I would someday not be able to see anymore.

My right eye were fully looking at my reflection as half of the pupil on my left eye were covered with the black spot, replacing my sight, slowly and quietly..

Tears were quietly strolling down my face, the wet small 1 cm water that was running down my cheek from my eyes, it was hard to not see them since they were one by one, falling down my cheek.

I didn't even need to blink my eyes in order to let the tear fall, my eyes were open wide, still looking at myself as the tears were quietly falling. Why wasn't I in bed?

I didn't dare to
I didn't dare to close my eyes.

I was afraid that if I closed my eyes, who knows if I wake up and wouldn't be able to see anything. Who knows if my reflection, this sad face of mine would be the last thing I see?
Even blinking the eyes have become a fear to me. The darkness surrounding me, I was afraid of the darkness . Cause if the only thing I saw is darkness, then I might think that my eyes have really disappeared and I wouldn't be able to see anything else anymore.. not ever..

I looked up to see myself again. Who knew.. that a girl like me, who totally looked ordinary, normal on the outside but on the inside were to become a blind person.
Who knew.. that I would have this disability.. in the future of mine?

I wouldn't be able to see myself age, change through the years. All i would be able to face was the darkness, the blindness. I wouldn't be able to see mom and dad age, see my marriage.. what dress I would .. wear for my wedding, how my future husband would look like..

My kids..

See the smile and happiness on my husbands face..

JaeJoong..

I started to shake as I started to think about him. Maybe we were young at the moment, but.. he was my boyfriend now. The only person I could ever.. accept at the moment to be my husband. Cause.. I knew from the very start, ever since I was a young girl, that he was the one..

Although I didn't know if I were the one for him.
I spotted the half opened drawer on the right side of the desk and I saw the letters of mine, some of them ripped apart since I had been struggling to write the letter to him..

I wonder how his reaction was. If it was too cowardly of me to write it, to explain it to him than do it personally..
What was his thoughts of me at the moment? did he despise me?

I didn't know. It's been a few hours now.. and still no message from him. Not even a single call
Not from Yunho either

I knew that Yunho had been staying home from college since he needed .. to adjust himself to the secret that I had told him. I guess JaeJoong needed that kind of time as well..
I had to give it to them.. and if they choose.. to step away from me, I wouldn't.. fight it. I wouldn't try to keep them.. cause I knew.. I would only become a burden to them..

Quietly I stood up and walked over to my bed, cuddled up in the middle, rested my back against the bedframe as I put the blanket over my legs, crouched myself into a small ball, sitting up though and rested my chin on my knees as soon as I had pulled them closer to me

Tears were still quietly falling down on my cheeks as I was thinking about Yunho, JaeJoong, my family and friends.
The thought of becoming a burden was heavier than I thought. I knew that mom and dad were trying to be happy, to show their bright side but still, knowing that their daughter would someday in the near future was going to be blind, it was apparently tearing them apart as well

Yunho.. I don't know. Probably.. he was pitying me or something. Or maybe.. he was just.. trying to .. understand my situation.
JaeJoong.. I don't know..

I really don't know...

The thought of loosing him was.. painful. Just the thought of not being able to be close to him, to feel his warmth, seeing his bright smile..

I burst out into tears as I thought about it. Would he hate me for being a disabled person? Would he.. get tired of me..?
Would he.. despise me?

*Knock Knock

I wiped the tears away as I tried to calm myself down

*Knock Knock

I looked at the door to see mom enter. Mom's eyes were tired, her entire face showing exhaustion and the swollen eyes, signs from her crying not too long ago. She was tired. She looked like she had aged the past few days and I knew it was because of me.
Because of my illness..

Do you see? Being an.. burden to everyone else, the surroundings.. it was already affecting them all..

How am I suppose to stand it?

"Honey~~"

I shook my head

"I'm fine mom .. goo.. to sleep.. You look so tired" I sobbed quietly

Mom let out a sigh

I knew that I was trying to push mom away. Dad as well but I knew mom and dad just wanted the best for me. Not to mention that mom and dad were trying to give me some time to think, to pull it through, to fight this somehow. They knew I had to accept the fact that I would be blind someday, accept the fact that I won't be able to see again.
They were just giving me some time..

"Come down.. when you're ready" Mom whispered

Mom closed the door behind and left me by myself. I didn't know what mom meant by that but I knew that mom was a stubborn person.She probably wanted me to eat and I knew if I didn't go downstairs, she wouldn't go to sleep until I did..

I put on a sweater as i was shaking, my lips trembling and my hands cold as ice. I walked down the stairs slowly, trying to listen to any sound, trying to figure out why mom wanted me to come downstairs. Probably she wanted me to eat but I had another feeling about that..

It was quiet. Not a single sound was heard. I tried to prevent my tears from falling. I walked silently into the kitchen but to my surprise, it was dark and nothing was on the table.

"Mom?" I whispered

My voice sounded weaker than usual . Thick, weak.. useless..

I started to slowly make my way into the livingroom. I was looking down on the floor to see wet spots and signs on the floor

"Mom?.. why is the fl.."

I looked up and to my surprise I saw the most beautiful person in front of me.
He had been drowned in the rain, because his clothes were wet. His hair and his face. I saw that his fists were folded. Hard.

He was shaking but the determination in his eyes, the fear and the .. love I saw was almost terrifying.
He was standing in front of me, about 3 feet away

"JaeJoong~~" I whispered

He didn't react but he kept looking at me. I don't know.. but it felt like 1000 years passed without any of us saying anything

The tears had started to stroll down my cheek once again and I didn't dare to even blink my eyes cause I was afraid that he might disappear if I did close them..

More tears started to fall

Why was he here?

I started to shake . I looked up at him

"JaeJoong.. Mi a a an n.."

I didn't even have time to finish the word before he had thrown himself at me, took me into his embrace, not caring if he was wet

He took a harder grip around me and for the first time I heard him sob. His chin was resting on my shoulder and I heard him sob again.
Angels.. don't cry

I slowly wrapped my arms around his waist and even though his clothes were wet, drowned because of the water I could still feel his warmth through his clothes

He pulled me closer to him, and I could feel his warmth breathing on my neck as well as hearing him sob quietly

I guess he didn't know what to say. What are you suppose to say in this kind of situation?

"Yumi~~ I won't say.. that everything's gonna be ok. Cause I'm not sure it will be ok.."

His hoarse voice, yet smooth filled with love, was talking to me. He pulled away from me and his eyes, deeply looking into mine.
He was having my face between his hands, his thumbs wiping away the tears that were falling

"But can I .. say that.. even if you will be blind.. I will still love you?"

For the first time for the past few days, I could finally feel my heart coming alive again. The warmth and blood pumping out into every vein of mine. Tears started to stroll down even more, I wasn't able to stop them

Even JaeJoong started to cry but at least, he managed to talk with his hoarse voice. He still managed to speak with a steady voice

"I can't say that I will make it go away, cause I know I'm not able to do that"

His fingers caressed my cheeks, wiping the tears on it's way as well. His cold fingers.. even when he's cold he still manages to somehow send me warmth

"But can I say.. that I will.. try to make the pain go away?" He whispered

His voice broke because of the thick voice that was probably starting to form inside of him as the tears were quietly strolling down.

"Can I say.. that I will try to bear the pain with you? This is not only your burden to bear anymore"

He leaned forward, his hand on my neck as the other one was around my waist. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead and then looked at me again

"I'll bear it with you. Everything you feel, make me feel it too. No matter what it is, love, hate, pain, happiness, I want to feel it all.."

I started to cry harder and he pulled me into his embrace

"I won't leave you"