I stood with my back against the exterior of the practice room. It was official. I found out that there was going to be a new girl group and she was going to be the leader. Honestly, I was proud of her. No matter how angry I was with her, I was sincerely proud of her. 

From the outside I could hear them rehearsing. I heard a lot of unique voices and I was really impressed, but what caught my attention was how she was running the practice. She was a natural. 

I sighed as these thoughts ran through my mind. Just then, Yang-goon walked toward me. I straightened up.

"Annyeonghasaeyo sajangnim," I bowed.

"Neh. What are you doing out here Youngbae-ah? Eavesdropping perhaps? Maybe there's someone in there you are waiting for?" he smiled, wickedly.

"Mwoh?" I asked with my eyes widening. I was very confused and he was being very suspicious.

"Come on in then. We'll see which one of them is the one," he said before holding the door open for me. I couldn't shrug his words off.

"Annyeonghasaeyo," the members bowed quickly. 

"Don't mind us. Carry on," Yang-goon motioned.

"Neh," Heeyoung nodded while eyeing me. I followed Yang-goon and sat on the benches at the back of the room. 

"Let's start from the beginning!" Heeyoung announced. She ran quickly over to the music system.

She went back to her position and the song started. 

The song started with slow, airy harmonizing and progressed to husky voices. Then it proceeded to the chorus. There was a lot of contrast here and there. Then there was rapping between Heeyoung and Sae and they flowed right after each other. It was kinda like a rap battle. 

I noticed Yang-goon looking at me from the corner of my eyes. I decided to play dumb and not notice him. 

The dance was powerful but not too much that it was overwhelming. The dance moves were impressive and there was a lot of flavor. I was impressed once again. 

The music ended with Heeyoung's raspy voice I had never heard before. She was unpredictable. I was stunned. I just sat there staring blanky. What a rookie group. 

"Daebak," I heard Yang-goon whisper. He gave a standing ovation.

"Incredible teamwork. I am truly impressed. You girls will be greatly welcomed and I can assure that," Yang-goon gleamed. This was one of the rare moments because he never complimented anybody like this. 

"Kamsahamnida," they all bowed as Yang-goon exited. I followed and I refused to make eye contact with her on my way out. 

"Aren't you going to stay and watch Miss Heeyoung?" Yang-goon asked me, grinning.

"What? I don't under-

"Stop denying it. I'm pretty sure you've missed her," he said, eyeing me.

"I'm not sure what you are saying sajangnim," I said, avoiding his eyes, trying hard to look away.

"Youngbae-ah. Why do you think I took her phone away two years ago?" he asked me. Something shook me within. I looked slowly over to Yang-goon. He had his hands on his hips.

 I had no answer to him. For some reason, I felt like he was the cause. She meant it when she said it wasn't her choice. I must've hurt her by saying those things. I was really stupid. 

"Can you wait after their debut? Then I will let you have your way. It's about you find someone who makes you happy. I really meant that you know," he said, seriously. 

"Are you sure it's okay?" I asked. We were now on the same page. I was testing to see how he would respond to me. 

"Don't hurt her. She's like a pearl in YG," he smiled before strolling away with his arms behind his back. 

Did he know I liked her two years ago? Sometimes, I wonder if he has cameras placed at every single corner of the building or even hiding them within the leaves of plants. 

Guilt washed over my happiness. I blamed her and made her look like the bad person. She had no choice. If Yang-goon said to wait after her debut did that mean dating her? For now, all I could do is accompany her. Or is that not allowed either? I decided to go with the flow but then I decided again. I would take good care of her. 

I heard the door open. One by one the members exited the room with their things. Because they turned left, they didn't notice me standing there.  I saw Heeyoung bid goodbye to them before turning to go in my direction without seeing that I was there.  I stood in front of her, blocking her way.

"O-oppa," she stuttered, her cheeks flushing, when she looked up and noticed that I was right in front of her. Without saying a word, I took her hand with me and led her to the rooftop. We said nothing on the way there and she didn't try to get away from me. We had to talk. I had to talk. I needed answers.

"Heeyoung," I started just as we got to the rooftop.

"Neh?" she asked, panting a little. I couldn't hold it in any longer.

I pulled her close to me and we stayed like that for a while, not letting go, not saying anything. She was so thin, I wondered if I was actually hugging anything.

"Why are you so thin?" I asked, speaking into her ear.

"Truth or lie?" she asked. 

"Truth," I answered, not letting go.

"I got made fun of. They said I exceeded the standards," she confessed.

"Who are 'they'?" I asked her softly. I understood what she meant. TOP hyung got made fun of back then. 

"Trainees," she muttered. I nodded. 

"Are you mad at me?" she asked, after a little while. I shook my head.

"Yesterday...you..I...

"Sajangnim told me about the phone so it kind of made sense. I know now that you were being truthful when you said it wasn't your choice. I'm sorry I put everything on you. I was selfish to do so," I apologized.

"I'm sorry for making you upset oppa," she mumbled. I sensed something was off. Her tone of voice. She didn't sound too well. 

I pulled out of the hug. Her eyes were watery and her cheeks were flushed. She didn't seem like she was crying. Suddenly, she grasped onto my arm, panting a little.

"Heeyoung, are you alright?" I asked her, very alarmed. Her face became even paler. 

"I...I need to...sit," she managed, between breaths. I led her to a bench and helped her sit. She was sweating. It was a little windy out here so I knew it was her body. Her body could not manage the hectic schedule I sensed she was put through.

"I need to get you to see someone," I told her.

"No, it's okay. I just need to rest for a while," she said, waving it off.

"You are clearly not okay. Are you going to pass out? Is that when you are going to see a doctor?" I asked, getting worked up.

"I already said it's okay. I'm fine. I'm just, well. I'll manage, just how I've been doing all along," she muttered. 

"Do you want to let your group down? Even though you've been here for what, two days? I'm pretty sure they're depending on you for strength. Choi Heeyoung. You are debuting in a couple of weeks. You're setting yourself up," I scolded her.

"THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?! I DON'T KNOW! I CAN'T GET EVERYTHING STRAIGHT. EVERYONE TELLS ME I'M DOING WELL BUT IT'S NOT EVEN UP TO MY STANDARDS. I JUST GOT THE SONG AND DANCE DOWN BUT COMPARED TO EVERYONE ELSE, I'M NOT AS INTO THE PERFORMANCE. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, WATCHING OTHER PEOPLE DANCE AND FOLLOWING THEM. AND SINGING TOO. I SING WORDS THAT ARE MADE UP. I CAN'T FEEL THE BEAT. I CAN'T FEEL THE RHYTHM. I HATE IT. I HATE IT SO MUCH. I FEEL LIKE A FOLLOWER AND A COPYCAT. I DON'T FEEL LIKE, I JUST, I...I...

I wondered if this was how she was feeling these past two days. 

She looked down and I noticed her fists were balled up. 

"I'm not even that great. I bet they're judging me. 'Who's that girl? Who does she think she is? Coming in out of the blue and becoming our leader?" she mimicked, scoffing at herself. 

"W-what are you doing?" she asked as I scooped her into my arms. 

"I'm taking you back inside. There's no point in complaining if you aren't even asking for help."

"What do you m-mean?"

"I'm going to help you with your song, but first, you are going to eat."

"I can't eat. I...I...

"Stop caring about your image damn it. Is that all you care about? Everyone making fun of you? Are you going to show them that you can be disgustingly thin? Is that what you want?" 

"I didn't say that."

"I bet you are starving yourself to meet everyone's standards. The ideal body shape. Please. You are grossing me out."

"I have no appetite."

"If you continue to lie, I'm going to shove food down your throat. And I mean it."

"Try me."

"Is that what you want?" I asked, glaring at her as I carried her down the stairs. She glared right back. 

"Put me down," she demanded. I ignored her.

"I said. Put me down," she repeated. I pretended not to hear her. She started to beat my chest. It got so severe, she almost made me trip on the stairs. I almost threw her down. I had enough of her. 

"ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US? YOU COULD'VE HAD US FALLING DOWN THE REST OF THE FLIGHTS OF STAIRS. GROW UP ALREADY," I shouted before storming past her. If she wanted to be on her feet, fine. I wasn't going to tolerate her anymore. So much for trying to take care of her.

"Enjoy walking down yourself," I snapped as I jogged down. I was not used to yelling at anyone. I felt bad for speaking to her in this manner, but I had no choice. She was putting her health and safety to risk. I wasn't even sure if she was mentally stable at this point. I knew she was pressured. She had a lot to cope with. 

I entered the cafeteria, welcomed by the staff member who worked at the buffet bar. I said hello to them and walked over, bitterly. I got a tray and selected food for Heeyoung. It came down to soup, vegetables, meat, side dishes, and rice. I selected things that would be light on the taste buds since she claimed she had no appetite. After placing the food on the table, I told the staff I would be back. 

I went back onto the staircase to help her down. Afterall, I felt guilty for leaving her there. She was so fragile. I saw her sulking down the stairs. It saddened me that I had added onto her stress.

I went to help her down but she shrugged me off. 

"Look. Heeyoung-

"Don't touch me."

I sighed. I could tell she was in a bad mood. I followed her down the rest of the flight of stairs. 

"Follow me," I told her. She didn't budge. 

"Do you want to drink cold soup?" I asked her before reaching for her hand. She looked away before being led by me. Once we were close to the cafeteria, I released her hand and pulled out the chair for her. Slowly, she approached the table, eyes scanning the food. She looked over to me before debating whether or not to sit down. Seeing that the staff members were watching quietly, with smiles on their faces, she gave in and sat down. I released the breath I had been holding in all along, unaware of the fact that I was doing so. 

Why was he being so nice to me? Wasn't he supposed to be mad? At least a little bit? I was shaken by his acts of kindness. I didn't know what to make of it so I decided that it was best to shut up and accept it. He sat in silence and looked somewhere behind me. I sensed that this was just as awkward for him as it was for me. When I finished, I pushed the tray away gently. 

"Gomawo," I thanked him, softly. He snapped out of his thoughts and sat up straighter. He nodded at me and replied,

"Anything for you." 

That caught me off-guard and I think it caught him off-guard as well, judging by his facial expression change. He cleared his throat and stood up.

"Where are we going?" I asked as he motioned for me to follow him.

"Don't you need help? I'm going to help you," he replied as he kept on walking. I followed him out of the cafeteria.

"Jincha? You're going to help me?" I asked, surprised and thankful at the same time. No one knew how I was in a frenzy inside. It may sound exaggerated but he was like a savior to me. I felt helpless and I didn't know how to voice my problems out correctly. Maybe he would know how to help me.

"Pabo, I'm not going to let you get onstage if you are so conflicted like that. Being your sunbae, I have a responsibility to help you out. Don't you think?" he asked, stopping in his tracks to turn around. I nodded slightly and gave him a small smile before saying,

"You're a great friend," I told him. He gazed intently before turning around slowly while nodding to himself. Had I said something wrong?

"Friends..." I heard him mutter to himself, if I wasn't mistaken. 

Weeks passed and tomorrow was our debut, not to mention, my birthday. 

Thanks to Youngbae and other sunbaes in the studio, they helped me out a lot, singing-wise and they gave me a lot of strength. They gave me wise words and a lot of advice. They told me things to look out for, like how to capture a camera naturally and how to appear on-screen. We were going to debut on Inkigayo tomorrow with 'Ghost'. We would have to go to the salon first before pre-recording. 

Also, all of the members moved into a three room dorm. I got roomed with the maknae and the rest were two and three to the remaining two rooms. I believed that living under a roof helped us bond a lot. We had frequent meetings held in our living room and we promised to be honest with each other. We were all on pleasant terms so that gave me a piece of mind.

Now that everyone got a makeover, we all looked different. We got facials and nails done so our faces glowed and our nails sparkled. We got our eyebrows groomed but the most drastic change was in terms of hair. 

My hair was dyed jet-black and I didn't get a haircut. Sae became a red-head and her hairstyle remained the same. Hana's hair became chocolate brown with lighter shades of brown as highlights while her hair got a digital perm. Subin's hair became dark brown with an ombre effect that led it to be purple at the tips and her hair got a wavy effect. In young's hair was permed straight and was dyed an ashy brown with red infused into it. Nara became a blonde and her hair remained the same. Aria had brown hair with blonde tips. 

Now that we recieved makeovers, we felt the debut become much more real. As the date was approaching we were becoming much more nervous.

Prior to our debut, we each had teasers. We filmed them in different places. For example, I filmed my teaser in an abandoned train and I was told to look grim and bitter while singing my part in an airy and raspy voice. Each day leading to our debut, a teaser was released one by one. My teaser was released today and I refused to go online or even touch my computer for that matter. Also, Yang sajangnim was doing something risky. Our full song was never released and tomorrow it would be the first time that the audience hear it. We were going to try this method. 

We were at the studio doing sound-checks and there wasn't much to it. We practiced in the studio and Yang sajangnim monitored us and there was even a camera following us around. They would be around today and tomorrow. They would capture live footage of our experience and the presence of a camera just made us even more nervous. 

Our song 'Ghost' was referring to things that would happen in the future. We were put through situations that would haunt us, only we would suffer it beforehand. It was a song basically about being very paranoid and met by unexpected situations. We shot the MV in places like a train, port, telephone booth, elevator, and post office. It was pretty fun filming and even though it was really tiring, we were happy when we got to see the MV. 

As Yang sajangnim exited our studio, Big Bang, 2NE1, Se7en, and Tablo came to visit us. We greeted them formally and they told us that they were proud of us and that they would be supporting us at Inkigayo. We were amazed at how they were actually going to come see us. Even Yang sajangnim was going to be there. We were thrilled but at the same time, we were afraid to disappoint them. 

After some talking, they dispersed because they had some things to tend to. We were left to oursleves again and we decided to run through the whole song before calling it a day. We needed a good night sleep. The camera man turned off his camera and was probably going to film more later.

"Aigoo, I'm so sore," Hana said as she was rubbing her neck. 

"I'm excited to be onstage tomorrow!" Aria cheered. We all looked at her and nodded in unison. After years of hardwork, we were finally going to debut. We couldn't be happier.