The taxi brought me to the airport. My flight was at 11am. It was past nine at this moment. With two luggages in hand and a backpack on my back, I made my way to the self check-in area and waited for my turn. 

After getting my ticket, I made my way to airport security. 

I looked behind me. There was no way he would know I would be going back today. I felt stupid and turned around immediately as I took off my shoes and jacket.

I was going to miss him. I haven't even belonged to him for more than 24 hours and here I was leaving him. He wouldn't even know that I left. No one would know. It was too sudden. 

"Passengers up to 20 you may board now," the flight attendant announced. I sighed as I nearly trudged to get in line. I had come here to Seoul to make something out of my life, to desperately get away from L.A. Here I was, taking a flight back home. It's only been a year, not even five. I haven't done enough. Whatever it takes for me to return to Korea, I'll do it. And I'll do it with a fiery passion. I'm going to come back. 

"Sing that part again. You aren't getting it right. How many times do you need me to explain to you that this verse needs to be different. AGAIN," my instructor said moodily. 

I took a deep breath and did as told. When I finally nailed it after a couple of attempts he nodded and motioned me to sit down. I knew he was going to have a talk with me. 

"Heeyoung-sshi," he started.

"Neh," I responded quickly.

"I want you to listen closely. You have been showing great progress over these two years and I got a message from Yang sajangnim two weeks ago. You are going back to Korea in two hours. You are going to debut," he told me, trying hard not to smile.

"N-neh?" I gawked. I never saw this coming. All of my instructors never seemed to have any faith in me and they were just plain strict and moody. This was the first time my instuctor was holding back a smile. I almost believed he was proud of me. 

"Don't be too happy too fast. You still have lots of work to do," he added.

"Kamsahamnida!" I shouted, throwing him a hug. He gave me a few pats before yanking me off of him. 

"According to what he sent me, you don't need to pack anything much. Meaning, just bring yourself and your passport. Everything will be provided for you at the dorm you will be staying at," he explained, looking at a piece of paper before handing it to me. 

"This is the last day I'll see you so stay strong and good luck. Make me proud," he smiled before shaking my hand.

"I won't disappoint you," I nodded.

"I'm glad to hear it," he replied. 

When I went back home I plopped down on my bed, smiling at the ceiling. So many things happened these past two years. I was able to do freestyle raps and I practically got drilled on dancing. Also, my singing had improved a lot and I was able to reach a larger range of notes. Not only had I advanced in this field, I looked a lot different.

I lost my tan because I was practically indoors every day for the 24 months straight. I barely went outside because I had no leisure time. I also lost about ten pounds from all the exercise and dancing. I dropped about 2 jean sizes. My hair had grown out all the way to my lower back and I dyed it back to its original color-black. I even grew another inch in height. I was surprised because I never got enough sleep so growing an inch was a miracle. 

My parents had heard from Yang-goon a while back but they swore not to tell me. My life was unpredicatable sometimes but I never had any intentions of giving up, not even close. I was determined and now I was getting closer to my dream. 

"Miss Lily? Are you ready to go?" one of our maids asked me as she opened my door to a crack.

"Yes, let's go," I replied to her before grabbing my bag and a light jacket.

As I descended the stairs, my whole family and our maids were standing in a straight line, bidding me goodbye. I said goodbye to each and one of them and they all wished me good luck. I gave my brother Jae and his girlfriend a tight hug and my sister gave me a photo album which made me feel a little nostalgic. It was hard to leave my mother and father behind who were shedding tears. I told them that I wouldn't disappoint them and they told me that they would always be here at home and I would always be welcome. 

"Come on Lily. We're going to be late," Nick urged me. He was accompanying me to the airport along with our driver. I gave one last wave to everyone before getting into the car. I was going back to Seoul. I was not going to come home until I succeeded.

I was going to see all of my fellow trainees and my sunbaes. I was going to see Youngbae. I had so much to tell him. Only if he didn't move on would I be able to tell him those things. Would he hate me for not saying anything before leaving? Would he forgive me? My heart sank a little. 

"You better run before you miss that flight little girl!" my brother warned as he gave me a little push.

"I'll call you!" I waved to him before running to the gate. I had less than ten minutes. 

I was the last one to board the plane and to my surprise, I got to sit in the business class. Not that I had never sat there before but YG considered me worthy of sitting here. I sat back and listened to my ipod as we took off. I was going to come back and no one was going to recognize me. I wanted to surprise Sae and all of my other friends. Why did I feel so happy? Debuting should make me worry. I was excited to know how I would debut and what I would be working on. Most importantly, who would I be working with? Would I be alone or would I be in a group? I had too much to find out. 

"Miss Choi Heeyoung? Is that you?!" someone shouted behind me. I turned around to see a friendly man holding a sign with my name on it. I nodded timidly before walking toward him.

"Annyeonghasaeyo. Yang sajangnim sent me here. I am your manager. It's a pleasure to meet you," he smiled. He also showed me his ID card to prove himself. I nodded slowly.

"Are you my manager?" I asked. He nodded. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you too," I smiled, giving him a respectful bow. 

"Let's go this way," he told you, guiding you to his car. 

The ride was fairly enjoyable considering what he was telling you. He even leaked surprising material to you. You found out quite a lot from him.

This young man was going to be my manager and it was his first time being a manager. I told him I would be able to trust him and he beamed. 

"There's quite a buzz at the company. Everyone is waiting for Yang-goon to release a statement to everyone about his new girl group," he told me. I referred to my manager as Junsu oppa. 

"There's going to be a new girl group?" I asked, curiously.

"You don't know anything about this?" he asked, taken aback. I didn't know anything to be frank.

"Well you'll find out great news soon after we find parking in this parking garage. Yang-goon needs to improve this layout," he complained. I chuckled at how cute he was. He guided me the building and punched in the password as well as let the gadget scan his thumb. The door opened and I was hit by a gust of air-conditioning. The familiar smell of the company. I suddenly had a series of flashbacks. 

"It's been a long time," I muttered.

"Let's go. We gotta meet Yang-goon, the trainees, and the staff in the conference room," he told me. We took the elevator and I took a deep breath before coming closer to the conference room. 

"Don't be nervous. They're expecting you. No pressure though," he winked. I gave him a weak smile before following him into the room. All eyes were on me. I stood nervously as I scanned the room. A lot of unfamiliar faces greeted me but then you saw Sae and your friends amongst them.

"It's her!"

"I told you!"

Then you saw Hana who sat there staring at you. She seemed different. A good different. You shifted your gaze to the front and Yang-goon who looked you up and down, nodding as if he approved. Your manager guided you to the front where Yang-goon sat and made you sit next to him.

"Long time no see Heeyoung-shi. Have you been well?" Yang-goon greeted. You were intimidated by him. Some things didn't change.

"Neh. Kamsahamnida. I hope you have been well," you greeted back formally. He nodded before clearing his throat to talk. It seemed like a press conference. 

"As you guys have heard that we will be having a new girl group, I can say that it is true. Today we will be revealing our group and all of the members selected. It will be a 7 member group," he started.

My eyes opened wider than usual and I was listening even more closely. I felt confused as to why my manger shoved me next to Yang-goon and more confused as to why I had a manager. Some things just didn't make sense. Maybe I was that thick.

"Before we begin. I want you all to meet the leader of the group. Her name is Choi Heeyoung," he said, before looking at me.

I sat there, shocked and expressionless. I was going to be a leader? A leader? I was going to be a leader? It was hard digesting this. I was in L.A. yesterday and now I was here, finding out that I was going to be a leader? I sensed my manager smiling at me. Was it because I was jet-lagged? I must've heard wrong. I was definitely hearing things. 

Then, as if to prove myself wrong. I recieved a round of applause. 

"Heeyoung. Please meet your members," he told me. I just nodded slowly, trying to take all of this in. I sensed that this was planned because at the same time, 6 girls stood up and came to greet me. 

"N-neh," I muttered shyly as each of them smiled at me. 

There was no revealing today. It was just an act. They already knew who the girls were going to be. They just didn't know that I was going to be their leader.

Everyone in the room was clapping and smiling at me. I felt like a complete confused idiot, sitting there, nodding weakly. 

I sat in the rehearsal room and we got to know each other. I was being filled in on everything. 

Back in the conference room, Yang-goon revealed that we were going to debut in a month's time. I thought that that was rather rushed. 

He said we were not going to be all of those joyful, cheery, and hyper girls in a group but a group with taste, sense, and charm. We were going for a fierce concept in our first single, titled "Ghost". It was a rather sad yet powerful song with a lot of genres mixed in. Apparently all of the girls have been practicing this song for a while now. I had less than a month to learn the song and dance. I was feeling the heat. We were going to take concept pictures and work on a music video in a short amount of time. First, we were going to get makeovers. That, I was excited for. 

After the meeting, Yang-goon pulled me aside and informed me on things.

He said I was the lead rapper and a vocalist and that there was a main rapper in the group. He then poured cold water on me by saying I had to learn the song tonight. I was going to learn the dance tomorrow. I almost fainted upon hearing that. 

He named a long to-do list. 

I was going to learn the song and dance.

We were all going to get made-over.

We were going to have a photoshoot.

We were going to record.

We were going to release teasers.

We were going to film a music video.

We were going to debut.

We were going to fit in lots of practice in between every single thing on the list. And guess what? I was in charge on the group and held responsible for everyone and everything. I had a lot of things on my plate.

~~~~

I got to know every single person in the group although I already knew two of them. They were Sae and Hana. The two seemed like good friends. I couldn't help but feel a little jealous. But afterall, not keeping in touch for two years, things would happen right? At the same time, I was happy for them. 

Here were the members.

Me: Leader, lead rapper, vocalist

Sae: Main rapper, vocalist

Hana: Lead vocalist

Subin: Main vocalist

In Young: Lead dancer, vocalist

Nara: Main dancer, vocalist

Aria: Maknae, vocalist

As we talked in a circle we got to know each other really well and they were all so out-going. Hana remained a little quiet but she was now pleasant to be around and it seemed that she became more humble. Yes I said it. She was much more humble now. 

I was handed the lyrics and I watched the girls practice. Sae had been filling in for my parts all along. I hummed along and followed along as they sang and dance.

"Unni, do you think you're ready to sing with us?" the maknae asked me. I nodded and went through the entire song with them.

"Wow you're a natural!"

"We had so much trouble at the start!"

"Daebak!"

"Unni is so cool!"

"You sound really good," Hana said. I was most taken aback by her compliment.

"Thanks," I smiled.

"No problem," she smiled back. 

"We'll learn the dance tomorrow," one of our instructors said. Then everyone looked to me.

I was very confused.

"You have to dismiss them," my manager whispered.

"Uhm..." I started. Everyone had their complete attention on me. I gathered up my confidence and said.

"It's been a pleasure meeting you girls. I look forward to our bright future ahead of us and please take care of me as I promise to grant you my fullest effort in being a sensitive and favorable leader. I will see you guys tomorrow," I smiled. 

"Neh," they said in unison.

We bid goodbyes and Sae practically tackled me when we were alone. Then she remembered she had to meet Yang-goon for something so it was just me. I turned off the lights and strolled the hallway slowly, looking around the building. It looked even better after the remodeling. My manager had  given me the card to my dorm and the building altogether. One thing was still the same. My phone had been confiscated two years ago and I was not allowed to buy another either.

There was so much going on in the hallway. Tablo's MV was playing and there were posters of Big Bang. I stopped to observe it. They looked very different from the last time I saw them. My eyes landed on Youngbae's hair. It looked like a radish. I chuckled softly to myself before someone's voice made the hairs on my back stand up.

"Why are you laughing at us?" a guy said. I knew who that voice belonged to. I turned around to see if it was him and it was. There he was standing, hands stuffed in his pockets with a facial expression I had never seen before. 

Before I could say anything, he shot me down with his question.

"What are you doing back here? Did you come back for what you left two years ago?" he asked, with his brow raised. He pulled off a jerk aura. 

"I can explain," I told him. I was frantic, a nervous wreck.

"You don't have to. Tell someone who cares," he shrugged. He shot you an annoyed before pivoting and walking away.

"Wait," I called after him. He paused. I took this opportunity to say something.

"Maybe you won't believe me but it wasn't my choice. I didn't mean to leave you hanging like that. I'm really sorry Youngbae oppa," I said, almost in a whisper. He did not turn around completely so I was only able to see his side profile.

"Don't say things that are made up," he said before turing back and walking further away. It hurted seeing him like that. It hurt seeing him look so aloof and disinterested and as if he didn't trust anything I said. What hurt even more was how he responded to me but what hurt the most was that I had hurt him. I was sure that I hurt him. 

I almost lost my mind when I saw her. Her back facing me. I recognized how she looked from the back. When she turned around, she looked almost unrecognizable. She was so thin and so pale. It made me worry but the anger within me did not subdue.

The way she gazed at me. I had to pull up my guard to protect myself from things I didn't want to hear, even if it meant hurting her. I was a coward and I wasn't ready to hear anything just yet. 

Could she be in the new girl group? Why should I care? Afterall, she left without a word. My first love left me like that. What an experience. How could she smile at me as if she hadn't been gone. Did she know how lost and miserable I was these past two years? Left without an explanation. Left hanging. No note. No call. No message. Nothing. It was obvious that she didn't care. 

I felt like I was going to go crazy. I splashed cold water on my face and looked at my reflection. 

No one wants you.

I balled my fists up and charged out of the restroom. 

How I called her every day. I always woke up in the middle of the night to check my phone. I looked everywhere for her and everyone told me she went back home. How did she let everyone except for me know. I knew she was going to leave the following week but no. She left after I gave her a crappy confession. I'm pretty sure it didn't seem like a confession but it was hard for me to express myself, afterall, I only wanted to protect her. No. I wanted to protect myself from falling. 

Frustrated, I stormed down the halls and into the parking garage. I had to get out of here. Hot tears in my eyes, I still managed to find my car. I got in and locked myself in there. I pulled out of the parking garage and began to roam the streets. 

From the corner of my eyes, I noticed a girl walking with her head down. I rolled my eyes when I noticed it was her. I couldn't bring myself to leave her on the streets like that at night but then I remembered how she left me. 

I stopped following her in my car and made a U-turn. 

She left me. I had no reason to let her rule me and my mind. 

Concerned, I went back and followed her again. I parked along the street and watched her enter the dormitory. Seeing that she was safe inside, I drove home. 

I knew I wasn't able to push her away but that didn't mean I was able to forgive her so quickly.