Tina's P.O.V

 

I don't know where all of this begins, but I know where to stop. When you put all your effort into something for a precious person of yours, that means she's someone you can't live without. No matter how much you try to deny the fact, it's still the same.

I know now how selfish I am because all I'm thinking right now is Aom, and how much I want her to be with me even if I have to go against all odds. I don't care what other people have to say, and I don't care about both of our families anymore, all I want now is to explain her everything about me so that she doesn't have to be so cold to me anymore. I want her to know how much she really means to me, but is it really possible that she will listen to me? There's something inside me tells me that it's not impossible, but the chance is not much, but I have to try. I've never imagined anyone like Mean doing all these disgusting things over to me, and I can't believe I've been forgiving her all the time even though I know Aom doesn't like it? 

For now, all I'm thinking of is just talking to Aom about everything. But the problem is, where is she? 

I know who she's with because I saw everything when I was staring down from the musical room to the ground floor. I saw her walking to the gate, and Van had already been there, waiting for her. 

Where can they be? Where can they go?

Just I'm about to give up, my phone rings. 

"Hey, Tina? Are you free this evening?" Of course, it's no doubt. It's P'Air.

"Yeah. I don't have anyone to go out with." I reply. 

"Good, then you have me. My girlfriend is making a grand-openning for her new bar this evening. Will you go with me?"

"I thought you would never ask me out to this kind of place. And who's your girlfriend?" I mock her. 

"Dont mock me and just shut up. I want to see you home in 45 mins and chage your outfit so that we can go. Understand?" P'Air assures me. 

"Shut up." Then I hung up.

Uh huh, so her girlfriend's throwing a party huh? I don't know, but I'm planning of getting drunk too. 

I thought I would want to go and find Aom, but where can I possibly find her? Should I call her and invite her over after all the thing she knows about me and Mean? 

Okay, no matter what she says, I'm gonna go to her home this evening to pick her up to that party with me and P'Air. 

---

Aom's P.O.V

 

Everybody knows that I'm trying my best to get rid of Tina; even Pei can see that. But why don't I feel like I can really get rid of her? Every time I see her, I want to talk to her so badly until it hurts. It takes me a great deal to resist myself of talking to her, and a great deal more to act so stupid like that. I know she's trying to make everything better. These days she's been trying to talk to me, but I've been trying to distance myself from her. Is it actually fair for her?

I tried and tried to avoid the topic of Tina, because just hearing her name can change my condition. It sounds stupid again, but it's just it. I want to escape from this place, I want to escape wherever she is so that I don't want to be in pain. I want to live peacefully without the pain of love occuring. Though is it even possible when the whole lot of my heart is already filled with the face of hers?

I keep saying that I like her in front of her. I keep saying that it's just a crush and I might get over it someday, but the truth is not just that. I know I am falling in love with her without even realizing myself. First love is always a pain. First love takes a lot of guts to finally overcome the problem. But for now, it doesn't go away, and I don't even think it can get away from me. 

When I'm in a condition of forgetting her, Van has always been with me. It might sound crazy when I told Pei about my weekend with Van, of how exciting our days were, but the truth is, it was nothing. Van was at his home, and I was at mine. All ever I did and said was just to hurt Tina when she's around, and I can see that she was hurt. Should I go apologize?

No.

The answer is an absolute no. Every time I see her, the image of that day still pops over in my head that my love suddenly turns into an anger. 

I want to talk to her so badly of what happened, but I don't think it's possible because she's supposed to tell me everything, and she shouldn't have anything to hide. 

"Where do you want to go, Aom?" Van asks me just as he gets me out of school. 

"I don't know. It's up to you." I answer. 

"How about we go for dinner at a newly-opened restaurant? Let's try it out." 

"I'm cool with it. But I'm still with the uniform!" 

"It's fine, Aom. It's just a dinner and besides, you look gorgeous with everything." He assures me. 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yeah, will you go then?" 

"Yeah, sure." 

I wish Tina was the one who asked me so that we both could talk. But the minute I can think of the good things we could have, I'm reminded again of how much she has demaged my heart. I'm done with her.

---

Author's narative

 

Just as soon as Tina gets home, Air came out of nowhere to scold at Tina of how late she is. Air doesn't want to be late for this event because it's the first bar ever that her girlfriend has ever opened.

"What's talking you so long? I thought that we should be there by now." Air complains just as she follows Tina to her bedroom. 

"P, you already know how the traffic congestion can be. What do you expect from me?" Tina rolls her eyes. 

"At least make it quick." Air shrugs again. 

"Can you make it quick when you're in rush hour?" Tina complains. 

Then Tina gets into her room and Air follows again. 

"Can you at least give me my privacy? I have to change!" 

Air ignores her and walks to her sister's closet. Of course, there are so many formal suits for Tina available in the closet. Never in her entire life has Tina ever worn a dress to a party. Mostly she wears suit and tie. Or some occasions, it's just a shirt, tie, and pants. 

"You are going to wear a suit." Air tosses a suit of Tina's on her bed. 

"I thought it's a small bar?" Tina says. 

"But it's important to me. And look at what I'm wearing. I can't walk into the event when you are dressed with just a normal shirt." 

"Fine." Then Tina takes the suit and changes. 

 

15 mins later

 

Just as soon as Tina and Air get ready for the event and leave, Mean arrives home and bumps into both of them. She tries as much as she can to attract Tina's attention after a day without seeing her, but Tina seems to resist it. 

"Where are you two going? You look so nice." Mean smiles and Tina doesn't smile back. 

"Oh, we're just going to a party of an old friend of mine. We'll be back soon." Air smiles.

"You mind if I come too?" Mean asks and looks at Tina's reaction. 

"Oh I'm so sorry, sweetheart, but we're already late. Can you wait till other time? I'll definitely bring you with us." Air excuses herself.

"But I'll be quick." Mean begs. 

"Really, we have to go. I'm sorry." Then Air turns away from Mean and looks at Tina. "Let's go." Then she grabs Tina's hand and they both straightly go to the car without bothering to look back at Mean who's still standing at the door. 

When they both can leave the house peacefully, Tina sighs. 

"Thank you, P'Air. You saved me a bunch." Tina rests her head on the window at the passenger side. 

"I know you're trying to ditch Mean. I just don't want to make you feel bad during the party, that's all." Air shrugs even when she drives. 

"Thanks for understanding me then." Tina says sacarstically.

"That's what sisters are for, right?" Air laughs. 

Tina stays quiet for a while and she recalls the memories she had with Mean. Sure, Mean is a helpful person and she knows how to beahave. But why on earth did she do what she did that day to Tina by know that Tina is in love with another girl! What's the point

Now that she's seeing Air as a helpful sister, she doesn't know how to hide her sister, but she doens't know how to tell Air either. She knows it's wrong to have that kind of thing with Mean, but it wasn't her intention. It was all according to Mean's plan. What's done is done, she can't help it.

"P'Air, if I told you I had done something so stupid that it should not be forgiven, would you forgive me?" 

Air is still staring at the road without answering her question. A short while later, Air comes up with an answer. 

"It depends on the person, Tina. Your mistake can always be forgiven if the person has the reason to forgive you. If it's too much, then you can't be. Will you let me hear your mistake out then?" Air turns to look at Tina a bit. 

Tina, on the other hand, starts to feel nervous with it and she doesn't know where to start. But no matter what, she has to do it now. It's now or never. 

"I slept with Mean, P." That's it. That's the shortest way to say it.

Air pulls the car to the left to stop it immediately as if someone dares her to stop. She can't believe what she ahs just heard. Perhaps Tina was just joking with her. 

"You can't be serious, right? You must be joking!" Air tries to fake her laugh within the question, but it doesn't seem to work, because Tina doesn't smile back.

"You kow I don't just kid around with this thing, P. It's true." 

Air shakes her head. 

"Is that why you are avoiding Mean?" Air asks. 

"Yes." Tina nods. 

"I can't believe it. There must be something behind it. Tell me! You're deeply in love with Aom, but how come you're with somebody else?" 

Tina takes a long breath before she comes to an answer. 

"Mean was the one who planned it, P. She went to visit me in my room on the day it happened and she put something into my milk, and after I had drunk it, I had to fall asleep. And when I woke up, it was too late to realize." 

Air hesitates to answer then she suddenly replies. 

"And what about Aom? Does she know? I don't think she does, right? I mean she couldn't have seen it because it happened-"

"She saw it, P. Or at least that's what I heard from her friend, Dew. She told Dew the details she has seen me and Mean together. I don't know what to do. She's been acting so cold to me until I can't find any way to solve it out. I don't want this to be the reason why we have to go in separate ways." Again, Tina's eyes start to get red. 

Air pats Tina's head with her soft hand. 

"Everything's gonna be fine, little sister. I'm sure it will. Just tell her the truth. If she's too shocked to listen to you, then give her time. You know what's the strongest bond in a relationship? It's about trust. I bet you my everything that she trusts you to tell her first then she can put her trust back on you that you didn't do it. I'm a girlie girl, so I know how she thinks." Air smirks as if the thing that's happening between Tina and Mean isn't a big deal to her. All she thinks about is about Aom's feeling. 

"What about Mean? What should I do with Mean?" Tina asks as she wipes her tears away. 

"Forget about her for a while. What you wanna do now is to get Aom back, don't you?" 

"Yeah, but-"

"Then it's settled. Mean is on me to solve her out. And no more conversation. We're getting late already." Air smirks again and drives away.

 

When Tina and Air get into the grand-opening event of Air's girlfriend, Tina notices that it's actually a small bar for those who tend to have a quiet talk. Tina admits that Air's girlfriend looks pretty much handsome because Tina has never seen her before. Air never actually talks about her at all because she doesn't want to be overheard and this has to be a secret to their parents. Both Tina and Air do not want to expose what they really are to their parents; in short, they do not want to worry their parents even if they are out of nature. 

"Here, have a drink." Air hands Tina a glass of wine. "If you'll excuse, I'll go over there for a while." Of course, Tina thinks, Air wouldn't go anywhere far away from her girlfriend. At least Air wants to be officially introduced by her girlfriend to the whole crowd. Funny, Air seems to be scared of her family members know about her relationship, but then she wants everybody else knows about her whole thing. 

Tina is standing alone in the little crowd, losing herself into the view of the evening. It's just great that this bar exists somewhere a little bit from the middle of the town. It's still in the town though it's just not in the middle of the town where the business centers and shopping malls exist; so this bar seems to be relaxing for Tina. Moreover, even if the bar is in a medium size to be called as a bar, but it has a small garden at the back of it. Tina has always loved to walk around in the garden when she's unhappy. At least she can escape from the crowd so that she doesn't have to think what to talk to the those who approach her just to know her or in other word, to flirt with her. 

"Hi." A girl from the crowd seems to notice Tina now. Tina is regretting herself now that she knows there's a garden back there, but she didn't make her move faster before. And now, she's caught into a conversation with a stranger again.

When there's a party, Air always drags Tina along with her, but then Tina always ends up standing alone. Those who are interested in tomboy's looks tend to always come around Tina's side. 

"Hello." Tina replies without any enthusiastic sound, and sips her wine. 

"You came here alone?" The girl asks. 

"Uh, no, I came here with my sister." Tina shakes her head and crooks her smile. 

The girl, on the other hand, looks so pretty. She has a long silky hair which is longer than Aom's; though the color is the same, brown. Seeing this girl reminds her of Aom, but then she tries to shake the image away, and it works. 

"I see. Where is she by now?" The girl smiles. 

"She's somewhere in the crowd. I can't see her." Tina looks into the crowd, and the girl follows. 

"Why don't you follow her then?" The girl jokes. 

Tina giggles a little. "I don't like to follow people around. They have every right to move away from me." Then she sips her wine again, so does the girl. 

"You seem to be an independent person. I mean, you don't need people's help at all, I take it?" the girl smiles. 

For the first time, Tina looks at the girl in the eyes. The longer she looks, the more she thinks that the girl looks so gorgeous. Even if her face is pretty short, but still, every part of her face still makes her beautiful. Still, she's kind of shorter than her. 

"I guess your guess gets you right." And for the first time again, Tina smiles at her warmly.

"No, I didn't guess. I read you. And by the way you say makes me sure that you're that type of person." She smiles until the smile touches her eyes. 

"How can you be so certain?" Then Tina turns to her interestedly.

"I forgot to introduce myself to you. I'm Viola, but you can just call me Vi. I'm a psychologist." Vi giggles. 

Tina looks impressed. 

"You're a psychologist? Impressive." Tina stares down at her wine glass.

Vi smiles again. "You know when someone tells you his or her name, you should always tell her back." 

"I'm Tina. Tina Jitaleela." Then Tina offers her hand for a handshake with Vi. 

Just as soon as their hands touch each other's, Aom comes into the bar with Van walking beside her. Tina doesn't seem to notice Aom's presence, but Aom sees perfectly clear of what they're doing. 

Just what is it going on with Tina? Why Mean? And now this new girl? Aom doesn't believe what she's seeing. 

And look! They've been holding each other's hands for so long with a long smile. 

"Van, can we go at other place?" Then Aom's voice reaches Tina and Tina turns to look at Aom immediately without taking her eyes off her while her hand is still with Vi's.

Aom seems to immune to what Tina's doing.

"But we just got here, and it's this late, if we find other restaurant, it might be so late until we get home. And I was invited here and I wanted to surprise you here and that's all. Maybe we can just try here, if you don't like it, we can just leave. I'm fine with it." Van, no doubt, has noticed Tina as well. He doesn't want to escape, but he wants to brag Tina of who he's got.

"Fine." Then Aom walks into the bar across the crowd with Van and disappears immediately. 

Tina turns her face down immediately, knows that Aom must be very upset with her.

"And I think that's enough for our handshake." Vi says as she's removing her hand from Tina's.

Tina looks apologetic. 

"I'm sorry." She smiles.

"You like that girl, don't you?" Vi asks. 

Tina is suprised by the question but she has no guts to refuse her. 

"I take it as yes then." Vi continues. "Who's the guy anyway?" 

"Her friend, I guess." Tina says quietly.

"You guess?" Vi laughs. 

"What's so funny?" Tina looks confused. 

"I dont know, but I always think that those who have a crush about somebody tend to know much about their rivals, don't you think?" Vi smirks. 

"Look at you. You seem to know everything about human. And I don't even think he's my rival." Tina shakes her head while she's looking down at the ground. 

Vi giggles for a moment.

"Trust me, he is. Don't you want to go to her now?" She taps on Tina's shoulder. 

Tina shakes her head. 

"No? I thought you want to be where she is." Vi asks. 

"Not the right time.. yet." 

"I just think that there might be something happening between you and her. I mean, I can see it in her eyes that she likes you too, and she's quite uncomfortable about you holding my hand at the moment. If she's acting this cold, there must be something." Vi nods. 

"There's nothing you can hide from a psychologist, is there?" Tina chuckles. 

"There is if you know how to hide and act." 

Then both of them spend pretty much time on talking. They discuss about work, schools, and their lives. Tina starts to feel like she's comfortable with Vi that she thinks Vi is a nice lady. Vi even offers her name card to Tina, but Tina doesn't have one since she's still a student. Though she promises Vi that she will call her when she needs someone to hang out with.

"Nice talking to you, Tina. I feel great. But I gotta go back into the crowd." Then Vi offers a handshake to Tina again.

Then Tina takes Vi's hand and shakes hers again. After the shaking, Vi disappears herself into the crowd.

Tina has nothing to do now that she's alone again. She meant what she told Vi about not wanting to follow anybody, but Aom's really the first person she wants to chase after. 

She finds her feet walking without her permission. Just when she stops herself, she's already in the bar and both Aom and Van are sitting at the counter. She couldn't believe what she's seeing. 

Van is taking an advantage on Aom when Aom is uncouncious, in other word, Tina thinks Aom just drinks too much without eating anyting. And he is trying to make Aom drink more alcohol.

"Hey!" Tina shouts to Van just as Van is trying to hand Aom the drink.

Van notices Tina, and he's pretty shocked. 

"What are you doing?" Tina shouts again just as she's where they are. 

"I didn't do anything." Van excuses.

How couldn't he do anything when Tina saw him holding Aom so close to him at the moment?

"You get your hands off her and disappear from this crowd or I'll kill you." Tina is super mad. 

"Oh, Tina, here you are. Here, have a drink. I'm willing to listen everything from you." Aom, who is still so drunk, lays her head on Tina's shoulder as if she's forgotten that she's mad at Tina. 

"Go!" She shouts at Van again. Van, on the other hand, still hesitates if he should leave or not. 

The noise that Tina just made is so loud that it reaches to Air and her girlfriend until they both have to come around them and check. 

"Wo wo, what's happening?" Air's girlfriend is the one who asks. 

"P, get this guy out of here. I can't see the reason why he's here. If he's here another minute, I'll kill him. I swear." Tina is still holding Aom by herself, isn't willing to let her go.

"What's the problem?" Air speaks up without seeing Aom. Now that she sees how Aom is like, she also urges her girlfriend to get Van out of here. 

"D, you don't want to make it bigger, right? I mean there are still guests in here and you don't want to ruin your day. Can you ask him out? I'll take care of these two here." D is the name of Air's girlfriend.

D agrees with that so she just has to ask Van out.

"Van, look, I don't think it's a good time here. I'm sorry." D shakes her head. 

"Fine! You remember this, Tina!" Van looks furiously at Tina then leaves. 

"You remember it too, you ert!" Tina shouts back at him even if he's already left the room.

D takes a big sigh while she's shaking her head. 

"I didn't expect this to happen today." D sighs. 

Air pats D on the back. "It's gonna be fine, D. Look, why don't you go and welcome other guests? I'll be there in a minute after I've cleared this out." 

"Do you need any help, Tina?" D looks concerned.

"No, it's fine, P. P'Air, you can go with P'D. I'm fine here. I guess I'll take her home now." Tina tries to smile even with her furious expression. 

"Are you sure?" D asks. 

"Yeah. You both should go." Then without another word, both D and Air nod and leave the counter where they're sitting. 

Tina, however, is having her hard time of trying to keep up with Aom. Aom might look thin though she's actually heavy. Tina doesn't know what to do with Aom, but then she doesn't even have to think, she carries Aom on her back and leave the bar immediately. 

She knows there are many pairs of eyes are now looking at her while she's walking to her car, but she just ignores them. She's doing this to the person who she cares the most. 

"Aom, please please! Stay concious!" Tina calls Aom as she places Aom inside her car at the passenger's side. 

"Who are you?" The drunk Aom asks Tina as if she's just met a stranger. 

Despite of her fear and anger of Van, Tina still can't hold her laugh. Aom looks cute when she's drunk, and she doesn't even know who's talking to her.

Tina closes the car door and walks to the driver side to drive Aom back home. 

"Aom, I'm taking you home." 

"NO! I'm not going back home! I'm tired of pretending to be fine in front of my mother or anyone. Don't take me home." She shouts then she closes her eyes. 

"Okay okay." Giggled Tina. 

While Tina is driving Aom around, she has no idea where to take her to. She wants to bring Aom home, but she too wants to avoid Mean, which is the reason why she doesn't want to go home. She knows what Aom actually meant when she said she was tired of faking herself in front of anyone because she too understands her too well. 

She then remembers that her dad has owns a hotel and she won't be questioned much if she goes there for a night sleep. Then without another word, she's taking Aom there. 

 

When they both get to be at the hotel, emoployees over there know her at their first glance. They didn't ask her anything when she requested for a key to a suite. 

And now, Tina and Aom are in a suite of Tina's father's hotel. 

Aom is still as stupid as ever when she's drunk. Tina doesn't know what to do with Aom now that she's drunk but she has an idea of placing a wet towel on the forehead might help a drunk person. Then she puts Aom to sleep on the sofa first and she quickly goes to the bathroom to take the towel with a big bowl of warm water and rushes back to the middle room. 

Aom isn't quite well yet, and she always wants to puke. Without thinking about the consequences, Tina puts the bowl of water in the bedroom first and comes back to Aom and carries her back in the room. 

While she's carrying Aom, without any question for a drunk person like Aom, Aom pukes on Tina's suit and it is completely smelly and ruined. It's not just Tina's suit which is ruined, but the school uniform of Aom is also smelly and dirty. 

She can't stand the smell of Aom's vomit, though she also doesn't know how to change Aom's outfit without seeing Aom either. Then she has decided. She has to use the sleeping robe to cover Aom later when she's done cleaning her. Tina removes her smelly jacket and helps cleaing Aom. 

But the cleaning isn't also easy. Aom is drunk and she just doens't let Tina touch her easily. And the second point is that, she has to turn away all the time because Aom's uniform is not removed.

Aom keeps crying while she's in the bathtube and cursing Tina all the time even though she doens't know that it's Tina that she's with, and Tina knows why Aom is so much drunk, and why she's so in pain. Being drunk makes a person talks.

"I trusted you, Tina. I totally trusted that's why I had no doubt about you living under the same roof with her! Why? Why do you have to crush me this way? Why would you do this to me?" 

Tina can hear it. She can feel the pain even by hearing what Aom has to say. She feels sorry for everything, but there's no turning back. She knows she loves Aom more than anything she's ever loved, but she certainly has no clue what to do, how to solve. 

"I'm sorry." Tina's tears drop down into the water in the bathtube. 

"You're sorry? Then what about my feeling? YOU say sorry and that's it? What about my feelings that I've gone through just to be with you?? You're such a jerk, Tina Jitaleela! I will never forgive you!" Tina also knows it herself that her mistake is so unforgiven and there's no way she can ask Aom to forgive her.

"Let me help you take a bath first, okay? I'll let you do anythnig to me after we're done even if it means killing me." Tina tries to wipe her tear.

"I want to kill you but I love you!!!! How can I ever want to kill you so badly but love you so sincerely like that? You! You destroyed me!" 

Tina doesn't say another word, but then she cleans Aom completely. 

What can Aom wear? Well, she remembers that there are two sleeping robes in the closet; then she rushes to the bedroom completely to take the robes and comes back. She covers the robe on Aom, and tight in on the waist and carry her out to the bedroom and lies her on the bed.

Aom doesn't seem to be agressive and she's finally asleep now that she's on the bed. The remaining one is Tina. Tina is sitting next to her on the bed and is looking at Aom. She holds Aom's face dearly and speaks as if Aom can hear her. 

"I never wanted to break your heart and I never wanted to see you in pain because of me. There wouldn't be any right or wrong between us now if I tried to ditch Mean at the first place. We could have been happy together now but I couldn't. Mean is partly my sister and I was too soft for that. It would be too selfish if I just dropped her out of my life just for the sake of us two. I love you, and I love you more than anything else I can ever imagine. I love you till it hurts to see you this way because of me. I'm so sorry." Tina's tears drop again, but this time, they're on Aom's hand. She cries so much, but Aom has no idea that she's crying.

One thing Tina notices, Aom's totally asleep now with a smile, and that makes Tina relaxes a little and stops crying.