Aom's P.O.V

 

I open my eyes slowly as the sun is raising right through my window. I can't remember when it was when I really fell asleep with all those creepy thoughts and stuff from last night.

It's been a few days already since Tina has left me alone. Since the night she came and stayed until almost midnight, was the best night of my life. I feared nothing when she was with me; it was as if the whole world was in my control. I was absolutely and suddenly brave to do the things which weren't meant for me to do just yet though I did.

Since that night, everyday was like a nightmare. The dreams I would never want to have yet they exist. It's the same as the days after that night. I remember myself trying to do the actual habits of mine by waking early everyday every morning just to wait for Tina to come and pick me up to school; yet, I heard nothing from her. I woke up every morning in a wish that I could see her standing beside of her car, smiling to me like she would never smile like that to anyone, yet, there was no sight of her. I haven't seen her in days and she hasn't appeared in school. I try calling her every single time I am available, yet her phone is out of reach. She's never been like this. She always tells me when she's not available to pick me up and she will always find excuse to talk to me when she's alone. And yes, these few days, are the worst days of my life. The days which I have to endure the frustrating thoughts yet frightening as well that I CANNOT talk to Tina at all.

I have always been praying that Tina would be safe and that doesn't have anything to harm her. She will be just fine; of course, if anything happens, my dad will definitely know. Or he knows and he doesn't tell me?

Tina's dad visited my house yesterday though he left before I could run to him. His face was normal, and I knew nothing would be any problem at his home. But what's happening with Tina? Is she trying to avoid me? 

I try to erase that thought from my mind that Tina will never try to avoid me but what difference does it make when she doesn't even come and talk to me? If she really tries to avoid me then it's fine and she can just tell me a thing or two to make me understand. What's the point of leaving me here alone wondering everything to myself? Does she think that I'm an angel who would forget the mistake she has ever done to me?

I'm just asking her to prove me about her love then she ignores me like that. How else does she expect me to trust her then?

Luckily, my dad has been available these days that he can take me school and pick me up at any time or else I would be considering riding a taxi. Taxi has never been in my list. I like to have my personal ride better.

It's Saturday today and that means there's no school today. I'm sitting in my room and I don't even think I wanna go downstairs to help my mother and she probably thinks that I'm sick and such; that's why she doesn't even bother to call me out for the help.

I'm sitting on the chair at my study table, arms on the table, chins cupped in my hands, staring restlessly at my own photo of a little girl. I look at it all over again and again and again and I wish I was that little girl again who cared of nothing. I rest my back back on the chair and take the frame with me.So this is how Tina found out that her crush when she was younger was me. That's what I'm thinking. She knows that it's just me because she saw that photo of me and she didn't even feel like she has been waiting for me. She falls for little girl version of yours rather than who you are now. Again, this thought came to me and I really am trying to dismiss it.

As I'm holding the frame, I feel like the frame itself is actually thicker than it used to be. What's happening with it?

I remove the back of the frame to retrieve the photo out and yes, there is something wrong about it. As I have finally removed the back of the frame successfully, a piece of paper falls down immediately and I swear that I have never put anything inside it.

I put the frame back on the table then head down under the table to retrieve the paper from where it lies.

I don't expect you to see it so soon after the night I lied on your bed, watched you sleep so peacefully but just in case you do, I'm always prepared for you. When you see this, please please please, don't make yourself fall in love with anybody else. And I do hope there would be one day, the only person who you could think of would be only me. Faith has pulled us in and here I am, destined to love you. Please please, I'm begging you not to have anybody else waiting for you. Because you already have me. - T

The anxiety I've had for her raises even more and I can do nothing. I want to know that she's fine but the looks on her dad's face yesterday could ensure me that nothing in his family has happened. His face was calm and smooth. What am I as an outsider worried for?

But I really can't sit here and wait for nothing? What if she doesn't want to appear in front of me no more? Wait, why am I thinking so negative? 

I don't know what to do and sitting in the house doesn't really help. I've been thinking a lot lately, about Tina and I, about what we've done, about where we've been. Pretty much to my concern, we've been through a lot of things together. I miss those places; especially, the garden at school. Even though I go to school everyday, I don't seem to visit that place since it reminds me of her. I miss her piano sound, the first time ever I've heard her played and it was the first time ever she confessed to me that she really wanted to day. It's pretty hard to believe that within a few days, everything changes so much. I was that happiest girl in the whole world then I turn to be the most upset girl right now. Life isn't always fair but at least please just give me time to get adapted the task I'm given.

"Van, are you available today?" I grab my phone and call to him.

"Oh hi, Aom. The shop appears to be okay today, I think I'm available. What's up?" As always, he sounds so cheerful, the sound which at least relieves me for a while.

"Can you come and take me out? I just need someone to talk to." 

"Sure, it gets boring here anyway. I'll see you in 20 mins then." 

"Okay, thank you. See you."

"Nah, don't be nice to me. See you." Then he hungs up the phone before I do. 

It's been a pretty long time since I've seen him. The last time I did, Tina was with me. I remember everything so clearly that I hardly forget any of the memories. It was beautiful and it was the first ever that I felt like she kinda had that thing toward me but I just couldn't tell yet. 

---

Van got into the shop and greeted my mom first before he got to see; it's Thai tradition anyway that youngsters are supposed to greet elders whenever they meet each other. 

He was so glad seeing me that he grinned everything he looked at me. Somehow, I felt like I found myself hard to smile when it wasn't Tina who I was looking at. My mother, on the other hand, was glad that he could take me out since she thought that I've been so sick lately that I needed some fresh air.

"Alright, it's been long enough. How long are you going to stay like this? I mean, it's been 30 mins already that we're driving around and you don't even tell me where you wanna go or even say a word." he breaks off my thoughts with that annoying sound of his.

"Just go wherever you want. Jesus." I roll my eyes.

"Wasn't it you who asked me out?" He teases.

"Well yeah, you're a guy. You're supposed to think of a place."  I shrug and complain.

"Well yeah, I'm a guy and I should let a girl decide? I'm not a dictator." He sighs.

"I think you should use a better term. How about 'suggesting'?" 

"I don't know how to suggest people." He exhales again.

"Then learn it."

"Hey, quit acting like it! You're so mean." 

"The word itself is written on my forehead."  I sigh.

"Wo, that's why I never really like you." He teases again.

"It's not as if I beg you to do so."

He chuckles and I do so along with him.

I don't know what else to talk, where else to go. I don't know how long it's gonna be like this but we're not gonna be in the car forever; he's gonna get tired of driving and I'm still remaining clueless about Tina. 

"Van, can you take me to one place please?" 

"So you finally found a place to go? Where to?" 

"My university."

---

Basically it's Saturday, and yes, no one is really here. I like the school when it can gather many students to be in, but I like it more when it's quiet. Van, who is pretty much younger than me, doens't even know the feeling of being in the university. He never really is a university.

"So this is Rangsit, huh? Your dad must be rich by now, huh? I don't remember myself being at any place this huge." He's totally impressed with the view of my school, the space, the buildings and everything.

He's still looing around the school as we walk from the parking to the garden. Everything of this place reminds me of her. I avoid looking at that same spot where she always parks.

"My father wasn't the one who pays for my school fee." I confess.

He turns to stare at me immediately when he knows my father isn't the one.

"Then who is?" He widens his eyes.

"You remember Tina? The girl who I brought with me the last time I went to visit you?"

He smirks. "Actually, she was the one who brought you there. Anyway, I do remember. What of her?"

I sigh. "Well yes, it's her dad who pays for me. For my existence here for 4 years." 

"Wow. That's incredible. Why does he have to pay for you?" He puts his hands into his pockets, eyes still looking at me.

I shrug. "It's a long story. I'll tell you when we have time."

"Well now's the time. I don't normally see you, which is very frustrating. We have all day free, remember?"

We have finally reached the garden. I go straight to sit under that tree where I love.

"My dad works for hers. My mother, somehow, is sort of like his old best friend. He just wants to help my family at any way he can. I'm just going to tell you the key point. Not gonna tell you all." I sigh.

"Are they the reason why you got to know her? I mean, Tina?" He's still asking around.

"Before, yeah, I thought they were the reason for me to meet her. But lately, it's a different story." 

He inhales then asks. "And what is it?"

I take a deep breath and stare at the lake.

"Van, have you ever believed in faith and destiny?"

"I do." He shrugs then continues. "You're my faith and I am destined to meet you." 

"Idiot, that's a different story again." 

"Well, what difference does it make? Destiny is the one who tells you who to meet, who to have in your life. And faith is the one who draws you to them. Basically, you can't control them both but you can control your life by judging what type of people you should have in your life." 

"Exactly, you see, Tina and I, we're kind like that. We have already met when we were younger and here we are today, knowing each other again."

"Are you pleased to finally see each other again?"

"Of course, I do, Van."

He takes a heavy sigh then he continues.

"You really have changed." 

I turn my face up to look at him and he really is serious, he doesn't joke.

"Give me a few good reasons?"

"Aom, tomboys have never really existed in your dictionary and now you're saying you're pleased to meet a tomboy again?"

"Well, just because I'm grown-up now and I know how to judge people?" 

"No, that's different. Just tell me what's going on?"

"No, nothing is going on." I lie.

"Don't you tell me lies, Aom. Don't you think I didn't notice the way Tina looked at you when you came to visit me that day? It was as if she could swallow you into her belly and never let you be seen by anybody else but her. Just tell me the truth."

"Okay, just shut up. She said she likes me." 

I can see her widens his eyes and still he doesn't reply then he asks again.

"And what about you?" He almost sounds upset.

"I like her." Then I turn away from him.

There's a long pause between our conversation and I don't know how deep he's been thinking.

"I gotta go." He stands up just as he says.

I am surprisingly shocked when he decides like that immediately.

"But Van, wait. I wanna stay here a little bit longer." I say as I grab his wrist but he pulls away.

"Then you stay! Or ask your Tina to come here and sit by you. I don't have time for that!" he shouts in a way he has never done before.

"What? Why are you so unreasonable?" 

He turns away the comes back.

"Yes, I am. But you're way more than me! Do you wanna know something? I'm the one who always needs you more than anything else in the world. The one who needs you more than you need me! Can you hear me that?"

I'm shocked again.

"Van..." I can't find the right word to say.

"That's right. You don't have to say anything. And you don't have to remember anything I've done to you. I'm the one who always runs to you and always waits for your call. I always cancel every order, every visit of the customers IMMEDIATELY just because of you."

"But Van, I always take you as a brother and Tina is different."

"I'm the one who has always been there for you, NOT HER! Can't you see how heartbroken I am when I have always waited for you but then you come today and tell me you like somebody else? Somebody who isn't really capable to be with you?"

He shakes his head when he knows I can say nothing mroe then he leaves again.

I re-grab his wrist and he doesn't pull away this time.

"Don't leave me, Van. TINA HAS DISAPPEARED! I don't even know where she is! I've been missing her so much and I wanted to know if she's fine! But I know nothing! If you leave me now, I have no one. NO ONE!" Then many drops of the tears drop down on my cheeks and he seems to notice that.

He removes all the tears from my face and kisses me on my forehead and pulls me to his chest. I can't deny; I'm too upset to fight again. Too exhausted. The warmth of his chest warms me and it feels too good to push away. All I need these days is to be cheered up, to be told that everything would be fine but no one knows. Now he knows.

Suddenly, a sound of the dropping of glass which hits on the ground interrupts us and I pull him away immediately. I turn to see who it is then the image itself makes my day immediately.

It's her! It's really her! It's her standing there by the sidewalk, dressing in a black suit with no tie, eyes focusing on me and Van. Her face is as cold as ice.