Tina's P.O.V

 

I was forcing myself so hard to drive away from Aom a moment ago. I wanted to get inside of the shop and stayed with her a little bit longer as long as I could but a small voice inside my head told me not to do so. I don't know if it was right to do, really. I knew that Miss.Linda (aom's mom) would always welcome me no matter what ocasion it is, but I was afraid of what Aom might think of me. I don't know why too that she'd been acting this strange to me today and a small part of me was dying to see that. I was kinda wishing that Aom would just turn to be moody and nasty like she always is, but it happened today that she was just a normal girl, talked less and ate more.

I'm driving myself home now with my mind full of doubt and it's questioning to me to what I should do next. Well, I honestly don't know. Probably just let the chips fall where they may. It's fine if Aom wants to keep our relationship this strange and I don't mind because it's all about personal rights to friend with someone. But as much as I want to talk to her, it'll be killing me if she decides to do it so.

I have no idea of when I get to stay in front of the gate of the house and when I arrive there because maybe I've been thinking too much. I'm there for a few minutes long then I decide to honk to let our gate-opener know that I'm home so that he can open the gate for me. It's not that dark here and I can still see the light of the sun shining a little bit when it's about to set down. However, the lights of the house has been oopened everywhere at the parking lot, garden, and on the sidewalk to the house. And again, someone's waiting for me at the front door of the house. Mean.

I was absolutely energetic to bring a topic of Mean to talk to anyone before but not until now. I know it is kinda strange but I'm not racist. haha. Well, what do you expect from someone to do when he or she knows that someone likes him though he doesn't like her back? I would like to state it here that I have NOTHING for Mean besides considering her as my little sister. Of course, I love her. I love her as much as I lvoe P'Air. As much as I'd like to say, the nature says that Mean and I are impossible and I know.

Mean is so exicited to see me coming back home, yeah, she's excited to see me all the time. Just as I get out of the car, she shouts my name from the front door.

"Tina!" then she grins hopefully.

I normally give her a big smile back and then hurriedly get to her but not today. I don't think it's because I know that she likes me and so on. But I am just empty. To make this girl happy, I just all have to be pretend. I have to give her a crook smile and that she'll know that I'm happy to see her too.

"Hey!" Then I grin back to her.

I walk to her slowly and then finally reach her.

"Are you tired?" Mean asks me.

I nod a little bit. "Yeah, Kinda." then I smile again.

She takes my bag from my hands. "You can rest if you'd like. I'll make you a hot chocolate so that you can have well-nap." 

I shake my head "No, it's fine, Mean. Don't make anything. I just wanna rest a little bit. I'll see you when dinner comes." I fake a smile again then take the bag from her hands and go straight to my room.

I know I'm being a drama queen and i really can't help it. I know Mean is going to spot something wrong with me and then she's going to come to my room, trying to make me speak my problems. 

The thing is, I don't have any problem because I don't own one. But I'm just upset. Nothing happened but I just feel numb when Aom doesn't talk to me and especially for a whole day like this. She just acted like we both have never knew each other before like that. 

I walk slowly to my room and I carefully close the door then lock it because I don't want anybody to come in and ask me how I am for today. I just found out that this question annoys me today.

 

Mean's P.O.V

I happened to wait for Tina for this whole evening since I arrived from school. I hurriedly changed my clothe then waited for her all evening but for what I did hadn't been granted. I tried to smile cheerfully when I saw her but she just tried to get away from me, I guess. Her face was so abnormal and I wondered what was going on. Tina isn't a type who just goes upset in front of anyone easily, no matter what occasion it is for her to handle. Yet, she had that upset face when she came back home and that I assume, somehting must have broken her into pieces. I really wanted to know what really went on.

I let everything flows by its flow and that I let her rest and do whatever she wants to. I guess, if she has to talk to someone, I won't be her choice of choosing anymore. She won't choose me for whom she should tell her dramas too. Everybody can guess that she will distance herself from me after I have told her my everything like that. What was I thinking tellig her stuff like that? And what's worse is that what was I thinking falling for my sister? And the worst, I am falling for the same gender.

A friend of mine living in the USA had once told me that "Be brave for the one you love because you'll never know what tomorrow might be." She happened to be attracted by the same gender as well and I am not a racist. We're still friends even though she's abnormal. Yes, I am abnormal too but in a good way. I can guarantee you that the person I'm falling for is someone who gives me a huge motivation even though she hasn't done anything for me yet.

I'm still standing here where I first saw Tina this evening wondering around with all my thoughts flying around my head. I don't know how long it has been for me to stand there but I jsut don't wanna move. It's stupid, really, but I somehow don't want to bother her when i know she's upset like that. 

The house becomes quiet when Tina doesn't come down and talk to me like before. When we were younger, she was talkative and playful. Whenever we were all together in the house, yep, we were really loud. Playing without thinking. However, for now, everything has changed. I noticed it since the first day I came back home that Tina has changed significantly. She doesn't play, doesn't like to talk, doesn't like to tease anyone randomly. Only until recently, she just teases Aom..... Wait.... Aom? Why am I mentioning Aom here? Wait! Can Aom be the reason that Tina is upset today? Nah, I don't think so. Tina wouldn't pay much attention the someone she just knows. Even though they both seem close to each other, but Aom can't be the reason.

"Mean?" P'Air is calling my name.

i wake up from the imagination I've been having and get back to the reality.

"Hmm? Yes?" I smile.

P'Air finds it funny as she sees me standing at the front door without moving like this.

"What are you doing here?" 

I shake my head a little bit "I'm just thinking" 

"Oh, but why here?" she giggles again.

"I need some air too, P'Air!" I giggle too.

"yeah, but you can sit by the pool if you need some air." 

I grin and finally laugh at myself too.

"Where's Tina, by the way? Has she come home?" P'Air asks me just as she walks pass me into the house.

"Yes, she's finally here. But she was a little bit upset, well, judging by her face."

P'Air pauses for a while then finally turns back to me with a curious face.

"Upset? I'm not even sure that "Upset" is even in her dictionary."

i shrug then she continues "Oh well, we'll have to leave her alone for a while if she has to be in this condition. I'll be taking a shower. See you by dinner, Mean." Then she smiles again and walks away completely.

I don't know where to go so I just walk to the pool and sit there alone.

 

Tina's P.O.V

Really, I don't know if I'm tired or I'm just upset but I just feel like I don't wanna do anything. I'm too lazy to pick anything up as well. I just wanna lie myself on the bed without doing anything, listen to my favorite music, eyes to the ceiling and of course, ignore this whole world.

Knock Knock Knock...

Oh great, I just mentioned that I just wanna ignore the whole world but now someone has come to bother me again. Yep, I'm trying to pretend like I'm asleep and then he or she will be gone.

then again...

Knock Knock Knock...

"Tina, open up! It's P'Air!" Oh, so it's P'Air. Okay, fine. 

"In a minute!" then I wake up and walk to the door for her.

Just as I open up the door, she is about to knock again but she finally stops.

"Glad you open it up in time. I was thinking to knock into your room just to see how upset you are." She's looking straight into my eyes.

Then i turn my back to her and go back and lie myself on my bed again, face facing the ceiling. She closes the door silently and lock the door like I did. She follows me but she doesn't sit on my bed instead she stands there next to bed folding both her arms on her chest.

"I should have known that the word "upset" finally exists in your dictionary." She speaks again.

I sigh then reply in a low voice. "I'm a human being, Air. I'm not a stupid robot which can't feel anything." 

She nods a little bit then continues.

"You're right. But I've never seen you behave this "upset-behavior" to anyone, even me." 

"It's just because I don't normally show it." 

She finally comes to sit next to me on the bed.

"That's my point. I know that you can get upset but you just never show it to anyone. And just what has happened today until you can't hold it away from Mean?" She speaks low but cheerful.

"i should have known that Mean would tell you this."

"That doesn't answer my question." she complains.

I sigh. "I don't know, Air. It's all mixed up. I don't know what exactly is wrong with me." 

Then she lies herself sleeping on the bed like me then talks again.

"No matter how complicated it is, there must be a main core of it." 

"I guess... It must... be... her." 

"Her?" she sounds curious.

"Aom." i fianlly speak out this name. This name... It has taken me lots of guts to speak it out because I don't know why but I feel like my tongue has been forbidden to speak it. It's not easy because it just brings me upset things to think about again.

"What's the matter?"

I stay quietly for a littlw while because I don't think I can think of the right words to tell her.

"I don't know why too, P'Air. Aom was being strange today, and she just didn't talk to me. She behaved like we both were unknowns to each other. I tried to be cheerful but she didn't care to care what was going around with me." 

"And she usually does?" 

I shake my head. "No, but she was so strange."

"And you're upset only because of this?"

I turn my face to look at hers. "Can't I?"

"You can feel whatever you want to, but don't you want to think of yourself why you're feeling this way?"

This question surprises me a lot because I just realize of what I have put myself into.

"..." I can't find the right answer.

"Only those who care will feel this." she giggles then continues. "You like her."

I suddenly wake up from the bed and stand up.

"No! I don't." I reject quickly.

"then prove me wrong. But I can't see you have any evidence to prove me so." She turns herself back to sit on th back instead of lying on the bed.

"..." 

"You totally like her but you just haven't realized yourself yet. Don't forget it that I'm your flest and blood sister and I've looked after you ever since you were a little kid, Whatever you do, I can always guess what you're thinking." 

"..."

"I have to remind you somehting, Tina. Love isn't all about gender at all, not really. It's all about hearts. If you think your heart chooses her, yep, that's where it leads you to. When you truly love someone, gender, weight, height and everything are just basic stuffs that you almost want to forget about because you have what already want."

That must be it. That must be it. That really must be it! I have to prove myself more of what I think of Aom because I'm so uncertain of myself and i obviosly don't know what to do next. Without her talking to me, I really can't do anything.