Aom's P.O.V

 

It's been a while since P'Air told me her privacy (her dating with her girlfriend) and I haven't found the right word to reply her yet. I want to tell her that I already have this huge feeling for her sister. But would it make any different if I tell Tina's sister? The important person is Tina, not her sister. Her sister can come next.

All I'm considering now is Tina. P'Air's not going to tell me about Tina's condition right away and I bet she also doesn't know much about her too. I guess Tina's not really that bad since P'Air still gets to talk to me about love. But I'm still worried.

"Tina's always been a sick baby when she was an infant. Has she told you that?" P'Air starts another topic. 

"No, I don't think she ever told me things like that. Was she?" Of course, for my entire life, all I ever heard from her about her younger version was how she fell for me, not when she was infant. I suppose either doesn't she want to tell me or doesn't she remember.

"She was born to be a healthy baby but because of the lack of taking care of her, she got sick frequently. Mostly fever, cold and stuff like that. But you know, even basic diseases can destroy babies. Tina was no different from that. I bet because of that, she's not that strong nowadays."

"is that the reason that she's admitted to the hospital? How could that happen? And who sent her?" 

"Can't really say. But Mean just told me that Tina's got a really high temperature when she arrived the hospital. You might wanna talk to her about that when she wakes up." 

"How can I actually talk to her when I just fought with her earlier?" I finally reveal this thing.

She smiles instead of getting surprised.

"Every couple gets to fight, sweetie. But that's not the point. The point is on how you can tolerate each other or not. How can you continue your journey together and one side or another doesn't swallow the pride and talk to another one first? If she's the one who does wrong, then she should apologize. And it's vice versa."

"But it's just hard, you know. It guilts me enough that after she's spent her day with me and she gets sick. I feel too bad about it." I complain.

"Don't feel bad about anything. Maybe she gets too tired and stuff like that." she smiles again.

We're passing through the gate of the hospital. The more we get closer, the more I want to hop out of the car to see Tina. 

P'Air drops me in front of the building and tells me to go to exactly to room 304 since she has to park her car and I'm in a total rush to see Tina.

I hurry to the room and it's not that hard to get to it since as it is for Tina, it's always been a VIP room with high equipments conducted. 

I finally get to stand in front of the door of the room but I'm just not sure if I should knock or not. I'm sure going to see Mean inside and that's too unbearable to image the picture of Mean sitting by Tina, whispering things to her that I don't want to hear. But since I am here, since P'Air assured that Tina chose me, what else does it matter?

I knock the door three times and open the door without waiting for anyone to reply the knock.

As expected, Mean is sitting by Tina on her bed and she's holding her hand. See? I want to drop down to my knees since it's almost unbearable for me right now. Tina's sleeping uncounsiously.

"Hi." Mean is the one to start the conversation as she turns to see me. 

I think she expected this to happen too. She expected to see me here at the first place. 

"P'Air took me here." I reply with her greeting.

"I figured that. P'Air will never leave you out, or so I think." She's still grabing Tina's hand, unwilling to let go.

I don't wanna give her that look (the look like I'm in pain of seeing them this way) but I can't help it but showing it in my eyes. It's supposed to be me who should be sitting by Tina, not her.

"How's Tina?" I ask her as I walk closer and closer and sit by the sofa nearby her bed.

"She still has this fever but the temperature decreases slightly. Actually, she got a high temperature and her skin was getting some sort of itch when she was admitted here. If she hadn't been admitted to the hospital this quick, it would have affected her brain since the temperature was almost impossible to measure." She grab Tina's hand even tighter.

I'm in a total surprised that I didn't expect this to happen beacause Tina was really fine, playful as she has always been.

I try to think back to the things that can actually affect her but I can't think of anything.

"How can this happen?" I ask, wanting to take Mean's place and place my hand on Tina's face, but I can't. I really can't. Not when Mean's still there.

"That's actually the question that I should ask you." She turns back to ask me seriously.

"What do you mean?" I ask her back, removing my gaze from Tina and give back to Mean.

"Did you bring her to some seafood today?" She's really serious with what she asks and I can't help but staring at her.

"I guess we did go to some seafood today. What's with that?"

She sighs, closing her eyes.

"She's allergic to seafood, just so you know. I know that Tina will never ask for food like this in her entire life. So, when I found her like this in my old apartment, my first assumption was that she ate it for you." She doesn't even smile.

"I'm sorry but I don't know any of that."

She releases Tina's hand and stands up. "Aom, I know that whatever you did was unintentional and I don't intend to blame anything about that. But I'm just talking about the future. Who can guarantee that she will never stay in this condition again? I bet you left her so recklessly that I found her alone in my old apartment. If I hadn't seen here there, would she have made it here okay?"

Her eyes are still gazing into mine that I find myself hard to breathe.

"Tina was in your old apartment when she was in trouble?" 

"I've never wanted to go that old apartment, where memories of my old days are all there, but I was just too depressed to go elsewhere. Anyway, I didn't know why but I thought of going there, to remind myself that my parents are still in my memories. And I still don't get it why Tina was there too. When I found her, she was lying on the couch, behaving like an idiot."

"I suppose I should be sorry then." I'm trying to be nice, but deep down, there are hundreds of questions lining in my head. Why would Tina go there? And why on earth did it happen like this that Mean was there at the exact same time? Why didn't she tell me that she's allergic to seafood? Why would she go with me? One thing for sure that I can answer it myself is Love.

"I don't know, Aom. I might interfere in your business, but, I don't like the way Tina's been acting lately. She hurt me, she lashed my heart and left me bleeding. All because of you. If you have any other reasons why she just kills me silently like that, let me know." She crosses her arms on her chest, talking to me as if I'm a prisoner.

"That's not my decision to make, Mean! I have nothing to be responsible for this. Tina's made her choice and I don't get to choose. As simple as that." I raise my voice but not shouting.

"You think this is not your decision? Then how about you choosing to stay with her? If you don't act like you're with her, she will never let herself fall for you until she broke me into pieces like that." Her voice is still steady, as confident as Tina could have done.

"First of all, I don't even have an option to choose because when I woke up from my dreams, like someone just slapped me in the fact, I already like her. I don't have any other way to get out. And second of all, I behave what I normally would and so does she. Why don't you just question yourself on what you're doing until she has to distance herself like that?" I stand up too.

Her eyes turn wide and this time, her voice is broke. "I've done nothing to make her feel disgusted by me. Before you, she has never acted like that to anyone in the family. But after you, everything has changed."

Just as I'm about to open my mouth and reply her back, P'Air gets into the room without even a knock. I assume she knows pretty much about it that we've been talking. 

She knows exactly what to do. "Mean, would you like anything to eat at all? You look so pale." 

"You just come in without asking about Tina?" Mean is so annoyed that she can eat anyone alive.

"I think I don't need to know about that because if she was in a total trouble, you wouldn't have time to argue as loud as you did a few minutes ago." Her voice is flat, her natural as the way it is. 

"No, I'm not hungry." Then she turns to look at Tina. 

"You don't have to be hungry just to come down with me. You need to offer some time to Aom. She's come here to see Tina, not to argue with you like that." 

"P'Air! Are you on my side or not? And why do you know so much about this?" Mean is no longer nice, but just mean like her name. 

"I overheard your conversation and I think I should get you down. You probably want to share something with me." Then she offers her hand out, waiting for Mean to reach it. 

Mean hesitates for a while then let her hand touch P'Air's. 

"We'll be back when you need us." P'Air leads Mean out of the room and that means there are only me, remaining with Tina

I exhale in a big relief that there's only me with her in here. I walk to her bed and sit on it. 

She doesn't even open her eyes, and when I touch her forehead, the heat has never gone away. According to Mean, at least it gets better. 

"I don't mean to hurt your feelings, you know that, Tina. I just went wild because Van has always been nice to me. You know how I feel for you." I know it's useless, but I just don't know how else it could make me feel better if I don't talk at all then I continue.

"It's all because of me that you're here on the bed right now. It must have been a strong allergic. You could have told me. Eating that stupid seafood has never been my happiness. I only find myself happy when you're healthy and you're talking to me. How would I find myself happy when you're in this condition?" I touch her hand and she doesn't respond. 

"Mean might be right. I'm the one who does everything just to change you, is that right? I don't mean to. I don't mean to separate you from your family. I just want you to live the life you had before, is it that hard?"

"If you didn't meet me, things would be easier." I whisper the last sentence without knowing what I'm speaking.

"Never say that to me ever again." She opens her eyes, and for the first time, I see those eyes like I've never seen anything like them before.

"You heard me?" I ask, shock.

"I did. It's just an allergic, a fever. It's not that complicated, you know? I just need time to rest?"

I hit her lightly on the hand and she giggles.

"Why didn't you open your eyes earlier?"

"At first, I just wanted to avoid talking to Mean. And I don't want to talk about anything to her. Then I heard you came in and that made me want to listen more about you two." She smiles lightly.

"Well yeah, you heard her, right? It's not just because of her that you're distancing yourself from everyone, it's also because of me."

"I can explain that." 

"No, you can't. You distance yourself from Mean because you want to avoid her. I understand. But you distance yourself from the family because of me is not right, Tina. You make me feel like I'm a criminal who's trying to steal a valuable person of a house. Don't do that. I've told you that I can just have your heart and it's going to be fine. You don't have to make yourself available for me every time like that. I don't want people to view me as a robber." i sigh.

"As if it's easy to do." 

"It's not, I agree. But you have to learn to make it possible. Spend some time with your family. I need you but they need you more than I do. You should know that."

Then she nods, as if agreeing with me. But I know her. She will sneak out just to see me later on.

"And now, there's another question I'd like to ask."

"What is it?" She my hand.

"Why did you go Mean's apartment and what did she do to you?"