A/n: I'm using a song from B1A4's Japanese Album! It describes Jinyoung's feelings! ^^ Enjoy~!

Seungyeon pov:

Joong Ki, Shi Yoon and I were seated at the stone table in the garden celebrating my engagement with Jinyoung. Jiyoung was busy bringing the food and wine to the table.

“Let’s have a toast.” Joong Ki said, raising his cup filled with Soju.

“Yes, to Seungyeon Mama’s marriage!” Shi Yoon joined in.

I smiled as I raised my cup too, it had finally hit me that I was engaged to Jinyoung and we were going to get married in 2 days!!!

“Jiyoung ah, ppali!!” Joong Ki called out to Jiyoung as he pulled her by her arm towards the table as passed her a cup.

“Nari…” Jiyoung protested, it wasn’t allowed for servants to join in with the higher ranks.

“Aishhh, what are you worried about? We’re all friends aren’t we?” Joong Ki smiled.

“Jiyoung ah, Joong Ki is right! You should sit an eat with us as well.” I told her.

Jiyoung smiled.

“Ani….Mama…I’ll just leave after the toast.” Jiyoung replied humbly.

“To Seungyeon Mama’s marriage!!!” the three of them said in unison as we clanked our porcelain china cups together and gulped down the soju in one gulp.

“Ahhh….” It was a good feeling.

“Mama, now that the Crown Princess isn’t in the palace anymore there will be no one to stop you from being the ruler of this country.” Shi Yoon said, grabbing the food with his chopsticks.

“Mama…we’ll be behind you all the way! Just relax and enjoy your married life with Doctor Jung.” Joong Ki smiled.

I was happy, I had everything that I ever wanted.

But I was slowly coming to the realization that this wasn’t going to last…..all the people that I was going to leave behind here.

I had everything to lose.

“Mama…are you okay?” Shi Yoon asked, noticing me in deep thought.

“I’m fine.” I smiled.

“Just a little nervous about the wedding.”

“Ahhhh….I still remember, if the incident didn’t happen…probably the one marrying you would be me right now.” Joong Ki teased, adjusting his hair.

“Yah!” I growled, baring my teeth at him.

“I’m just joking!” Joong Ki replied, raising his hand up in front of him.

“Don’t talk so much and eat.” I said quickly, as there was laughter around the table.

Was my happiness going to last?

At Night.

Seungyeon pov:

That night, I sat at the table with just the flickering light of the candle.

I thought about how in dramas and movies how one of the main characters would always get cold feet the day before the wedding and then not turn up the next day.

I laughed to myself, it was funny that I was having that kind of feeling right now.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with Jinyoung, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to marry him…..he is everything that I want. He was more than that.

And it was because I didn’t think that I could bear the pain of suddenly losing him that I wanted to run away. I wouldn’t be able to take the pain of losing everything once my time is up…..I didn’t even belong here yet I was busy meddling around with people’s lives.

Maybe if I ran away now…..I wouldn’t be in so much pain that I wanted to die. Maybe if I left everything behind now, it would be easier to let go.

I had promised myself I would live my life to the fullest, live everyday like it were my last.

But….there was just too much to lose.

“Why was I sent here?! God, why did you send me here!?” I cried out as I clenched my fist.

I bit my lip to stop myself from crying as I felt the cold touch of the jade ring on the tips of my fingers.

“Mama, you’re not asleep yet?” I heard Jiyoung ask as she came through the door.

I quickly looked away so she wouldn’t see the emotions all written out on my face.

“Mama…are you all right?” she asked.

“I’m fine.” I told her, forcing a smile.

“Do you want some jasmine tea? It may help you to sleep.” she asked.

“It’s all right….I’ll go to sleep soon, I just have some things to think about.” I replied.

“Ye Mama…” Jiyoung nodded.

She was about to leave when suddenly she stopped.

“Mama…are you nervous about the wedding?” she asked, setting down the lantern she was holding onto the table.