NO ONE'S POV

The cameras start rolling, Nayeon smiles. Nayeon fakes a smile.

Another day to pretend she's okay, another day to make everyone believe that it's not affecting her even in the littlest. When the truth is she's been torn a million times over. Her heart has been ripped out and she's been screaming inside from the pain. 

But she's an actress. She's an actress and it's her job, to make people believe.

So she fakes a smile.

The music starts to play, it's your typical movie. It's the part where somebody confesses. Nayeon follows what she was told. She walked down this pathway that led to a garden.

Nayeon hates herself.

She hates herself for thinking about things she wasn't supposed to. But how could you blame her? When things like this remind her of a certain someone? How can you blame her, for hoping that certain someone would magically appear in front of her?

Because this is the usual time she suddenly pops out of nowhere. The usual time where she comes in that door holding cups of coffee wearing her big smile.

How can you blame someone for loving somebody too much?

The door moves and Nayeon's heartbeats crazy. She knows who's gonna come in through that door but she can't help herself to think of the impossible. Somebody steps in and the first thing Nayeon did was pursed her lips as her heart jumps out of its place.

It's the perfect time for Jeongyeon to show up, the perfect time for her to come back home.

But she didn't.

Her co-actor walks in with flowers in his hand.

Nayeon looks around and all she could do is wish it was Jeongyeon walking to her instead of someone else. But then again she knew it's impossible, the taller girl is not gonna miraculously show up.

Why?

Because a not too long time ago Nayeon took a trip. A long and painful trip.

One night she woke up feeling this uneasiness in her heart. When the night is deep and everything is quiet, you won't be able to prevent yourself from thinking about things.

It's like jumping into the deep sea without knowing how to swim.

Bona said all Jeongyeon wanted was a simple life. Something Nayeon never heard before, or maybe she did but she just forgot. Amidst this chaos in her head, the older girl grabs her passport and hailed a taxi to the airport. She's not even sure what she's gonna do once she sees Jeongyeon but does it really matter? If she thinks about the right things to say, would it make Jeongyeon come back?

Would sweet words and perfect greetings make her Jeongyeon come back home? Would it make her come back to Nayeon?

After 6 hours of waiting for a flight, Nayeon finally got lucky to get a seat. 4 hours of traveling and she couldn't even close her eyes to rest. There was really nothing in her head. But that was the problem, she wish she have something else to think of but she has nothing. So Nayeon went and back read everyone's messages, from Momo to Tzuyu's. Everything was just words of comfort, no one blamed her.

But she wish that everyone did blame her, or at least one. At least Jihyo.

But none of the girls did. She didn't hear anything from them besides it's okay or it's gonna be okay. Even Jihyo who always scolds her said the same thing, she never said the word I told you so, unlike how she warned them in the beginning. As if Nayeon is the victim here when all along everyone knew Jeongyeon took all the blows. It pains her more to think that Jeongyeon hid all the pain with her smiles. Only to save this marriage.

In a blink of an eye, Nayeon destroyed what Jeongyeon have been trying to save.

The moment she got out of the airport the air blows in her direction, she feels it in her skin. The weather was clear and it felt like it's the perfect time to take her estranged wife back home. If it wasn't for Mina, Nayeon wouldn't know where to look for her. Because after Jeongyeon took the fall in their marriage the girl run and hid in Tsushima, a Japanese island that sits between Japan and Korea's archipelago. It was surrounded by seas, something opposite to that green field and big mountains Jeongyeon originally wanted.

But it was a place where no one recognizes her, something Jeongyeon has always hoped for.

Finally, the last voicemail the taller girl send made sense to her. She understands what she meant when she said she found something she wasn't looking for. The older girl hailed a taxi to where Jeongyeon was supposed to be staying. She was welcomed by what seems to be a paradise. There's not a lot of people here, everyone greets her but not because they know who she is. But because she's a tourist, just like everyone here. Nayeon looks for a specific cafe, Mina said Jeongyeon was renting a room next to it.

Nayeon was nervous she's having cold sweats on this blissful afternoon, she fidgets while she waits for someone. But to her dismay, the taller girl wasn't in her room. The lady in the reception said that her wife leaves in the afternoon and comes back later the night. No one knows where she goes nor what she does. Nayeon teared up as the thought crosses her mind. That she's just one of these people who haven't had any clue to what Jeongyeon really has in mind.

The girl was kind to offer her a seat and coffee which Nayeon politely decline. She wants to walk outside hoping she could calm the chaos in her mind.

When she got out, she was greeted by the orange hue of the sky. She was too distracted she didn't even notice what time she arrived at Tsushima, it was almost night. Nayeon follows this unpaved path between the sea and the road, she's not really sure where she's going. But somehow the walk felt the same way she always feels whenever she's on her way home.

The wind blows, it was fresh and warm but Nayeon feels like she's losing air in her lungs. It's like she's suffocating. The place was captivating but it wasn't that special. All she could see is a vast ocean of nothingness.

One step after another. One breathe after the other.

Nayeon stops on what seems to be a path leading to the ocean, it goes all the way down to the seashore where a Tori gate sits perfectly in the middle. After some time of wandering, after watching the sea slowly engulfing the sun. She turns around and slowly takes her first step going back.

Even a beautiful place like this was not enough to calm her down.

*YAWNS*

Suddenly she hears someone yawning. It's getting even darker now. She turns around out of curiosity and found this girl who's getting up from laying. Nayeon squints her eyes and the moment she realized who that girl was,

The chaos in her mind has seized.

Her trembling body calms down.

This time she feels the pure bliss of the wind and saw how beautiful the sea was.

Nayeon has found her home, her wife, and her world. Im Nayeon found Yoo Jeongyeon.

And with nothing in her mind, the older girl takes a step forward, only to take it back. Jeongyeon turns around seemingly on her way back. Nayeon notices how Jeongyeon looks different, her hair has grown a little bit longer. Her lips were chapped but her eyes... Her eyes still hold the honesty and the sparkle it did the first time she met her, something she failed to protect. Jeongyeon smiles but Nayeon knows it's not because she saw her. Nayeon knows her wife, the taller girl has terrible eyesight, she doesn't like wearing contact lenses and the older girl could see her glasses were in her hand.

Nayeon knows that smile wasn't meant for her.

Finally, the tears she thought that had dried up, the pain she thought she had gotten used to has finally shown up again. The more Jeongyeon steps toward where she is, the more Nayeon takes a step backward. 

If she does it now, what will happen?

In the end, Nayeon runs away.

She grabs a taxi and went back to the airport. She was close but that smile broke her more. How couldn't it? It was something she wasn't prepared for.

It seems like the perfect weather was made for goodbyes.

The flight back home was breaking. If she thinks about it, it's not just everyone, that didn't blame her. Up until now, Nayeon hasn't blamed herself for what happened between her and her wife. She was the closest to her, she was always with her, she was her wife. So how come she never saw? That Jeongyeon stepped to the side in order to give her what she wants. But what hurts the most is the thought that even her wife never blamed her.

Jeongyeon never blamed her.

She never even heard her say stuff like she did everything for her. All the taller girl did was leave, because that's what she asked her to do. In the last time they were together, Jeongyeon choose to give her what she wants.

Jeongyeon chooses her like she always does from the beginning.

So if someone or if she asks herself again, "Where did the end begin?" Nayeon is sure of the answer now. It began with those days she have to stay overtime. Those nights she comes home to Jeongyeon sleeping on the couch. Those mornings she rushed outside not even biting on the breakfast Jeongyeon has made.

It began on those times she would come home and Jeongyeon would greet her with a smile.

It began when Nayeon starts to take her wife for granted.

The end has always been knocking on their door and Jeongyeon was the only one who kept it from coming in.

So, if she says it, if she calls Jeongyeon now, maybe the girl would show up. No, she's definitely going to show up. Because that's what Nayeon wants and that's why it's not gonna happen.

No matter how hard Nayeon wants it, she wants Jeongyeon to have this little happiness she found. So, no, Nayeon's not gonna ask the taller girl to come back. She's not gonna ask her wife to come back to this miserable life.

Im Nayeon just loves Yoo Jeongyeon so much.

-

Nayeon pursed her lips harder. The director gives her a thumbs up for the spot-on acting. They probably thought how good she was for giving raw emotions.

Nayeon pursed her lips. But not in a way everyone sees it, not in a way everyone thinks.

She pursed her lips to stop the tears from falling down. She knows it's impossible but for a short time, she got lost and thought her wife would walk in that door and just take the pain away, just take her away.

The guy in front of her smiles "I like you." He said.

But all Nayeon could see is the image of her wife. An image she's been seeing even in her sleep. An image she wished would still be there when she wakes up. Greeting her with those warm smiles and sparkling eyes.

"Why?" Nayeon asked. The guy in front of her and even the rest of the people around just looked at her in confusion.

"Cut." The director screamed. "Nayeon-ssi, it's supposed to be "I like you too." Let's have a quick break."

Nayeon just stood there and watch everyone leave. She didn't mean it but the words just came out.

Why?

There's a lot of why she wants to ask but there's only one person she wants to answer. At the same time, she wonders. She wonders why she hopes to see her again, she wonders why she's waiting for her. She wonders why she still longs for her when she made up her mind. She knows the girl is probably happy now, and she wants to be selfish. She wants her to come back and just forget what she has found, she wants Jeongyeon next to her. But even with everything said she know there's only one thing left to do. She reaches something out of her bag, a piece of paper she shouldn't have gotten in the first place.

With trembling hands Nayeon signed it.

She can only hope she did the right thing this time. A last attempt to bring happiness to her one great love.

Im Nayeon just loves Yoo Jeongyeon too much.

---

(A/N) Notice how Nayeon finds beautiful places ordinary? Just like that time where she was back with her family and was walking around in a field of nothingness. And now that she found herself on an island, she just see a sea of nothingness? Notice how in both times Jeongyeon wasn't there? 

But whenever Nayeon finds Jeongyeon everything gets better, the field of nothingness sparkled when Jeongyeon suddenly showed up and the sea of nothingness turns into a beautiful sea when Nayeon found her. That's how much Nayeon loves Jeongyeon in this story 😁😁😁 Hope that makes sense 😂