"My Chahye,

How are you doing my child? I pray you are all right. Forgive my way of communicating with you. I am not very much aware of what the generation now calls as "chatting". Is that why you have not answered my previous letters? Is it too much now to read long messages? I may need to ask my son to teach me how to use Kakaotalk, as it is called.

Grace. Truth. Sincerest heart. Did you know that your name means those words? Such a lovely name, is it not? Your mother thought of it. She was always the smart one between us. Have you inherited your mother's wit? How about her eyes? She has always had the most beautiful eyes in the world for me.

I hear you have grown into such a beautiful lady, Chahye, as beautiful as the lovely Jihye. You must be blessed. Are there men showing interest in you already? You are around 23 years old, if I'm not mistaken. You must look lovely. That was the same age your mother was when I fell deeply in love with her.

Do you now have a lover, my child? Does he treat you right? Does he love you more than how I would? Does he support you and your dreams? Does he know about your cousins and friends? Does he take care of you and your younger brother? Have you told him your story? Most importantly, did he accept the truth about you?

But then again, my child. In love, it should not always be the man that strives to show his affection towards the other. Do you trust him, Chahye? Do you love him back just as much as he does? Do you take care of him and open your heart to him? Do you know his story? Do you accept his whole being and the dreams he wants to pursue? Have you met his family and friends?

Love is a very complicated matter, my child. Only those who have a ready heart will the heavens grant true love to. Never say that love is a bad thing, Chahye. Nothing in this world is as powerful as love. It does not hurt. It does not disappoint. It does not break hearts. Sadness. Hunger. Guilt. Anger. All of those give these negative emotions. But love is the only thing that can make them all go away. Love is the only thing that can heal you.

I love you, my child.

There is nothing I regret more in my lifetime than being a coward. There is nothing more I want to change than have time run back and make me carry you in my arms.

Forgive me, Chahye.

I want to say this to you personally. But I do not know how to. Until now, I am still a coward. I want to see you. I want to hold you. I want to kneel down in front of you and ask for your forgiveness, for everything I have done, for everything I have neglected. Forgive me for being a coward. Back then, I was afraid that I would lose everything if I showed up in the courtroom and tell the world I had an affair with your mother. But that fear from years back have been replaced with a fear I cannot consume. Everything I earned back then does not sum up to my prayers of just having you right in my arms and hearing your voice. I fear that you would push me away. I fear of not getting your forgiveness. Just thinking about it already shatters my heart. But more than that, I fear of leaving this world without properly apologizing to you, my child.

If I have been any braver, you wouldn't have suffered and lose your precious childhood. If I was brave enough, you wouldn't have lost your mother and lived alone. If I was any braver, you would have been living well with me. If I was any braver, I would have been an amazing father for you.

Forgive me, Chahye.

For the last time, I wish to see you. I want to hear your story. I wish to see your brother. I also heard that he had the same eyes as Jihye. He must look handsome. I wish to meet her family as well. I have a lot to tell them. I wish to meet your friends. Possibly, take them out for lunch, the least I could do for the people who have been with you through thick and thin. If you have a boyfriend, could I meet him as well? I wish to tell him my story and make him realize the mistakes I did that he should strive to never do.

Just one last time, my child. And the heavens would know if there should be a next chapter in our lives.

With sincerest joy,
Your father"

~

The afternoon river was quiet on that almost summer day. It didn't rain that day and Chahye and CJamm took the opportunity to meet up beside the river to relax. Their friends would arrive soon and they would spend another fun afternoon with each other. She wasn't really that close with CJamm but she treasured him just like a brother. He probably felt the same way towards her. They both were the oldest sibling, the youngest born years away from them. They knew each other's struggles. More than that, CJamm knows her story. And he knows just what it did to her. They never talked about it with anyone. It was their secret.

She looked one more time at the letter and sighed. She folded it and tucked it back into the blue envelope. CJamm was sitting on the grass while she stood there. He saw her then brought back his gaze onto the river.

"It's about time, Jin Chahye," CJamm said as he sat on the grass.
"You really think so?" she asked as she kept the envelope in her bag.
"Yeah. You said you had a lot of questions. Make him answer it," he said.
"But... How am I supposed to start?" she asked.
"You'll know when you're finally there, I guess," he said hiking his shoulders.
"He said he wanted to meet you, my friends," she said with a faint smile.
"Tell me if I should prepare a suit or something," grinned CJamm. "Am I really even your friend?"
"Of course you are, dickhead," smirked Chahye.
"Shut up, dweeb," he snickered back.
"Thanks for keeping my secret, CJamm," smiled Chahye as she looked down on him.
"It's not like anyone's really interested about your story, you know," said CJamm.
"Thank you still," she repeated.
"Hey hey hey. Don't get all cheesy on me. I said you owe me after I saved you from that ert teacher. That almost costed me an expulsion," said CJamm as he stood up from the grass. "ing ert Kim Myunghoon can't keep his hands on his hoes, he puts them on highschool kids. I'm actually quite happy he ended up as a valet attendant. Serves him right. I wonder how many kids he's before. He deserves to go to hell."
"CJamm..." said Chahye stopping him from any further cursing.
"You know... That's why I want you to already meet your father. I don't know what he could do. But at least you already have someone to protect you," he said.
"The man must be around 70 or 80. How is he supposed to protect me?" asked Chahye raising an eyebrow at him.
"Uhm... I don't know. But that's better than not having anyone. You can't always rely on us, or your pretty-face boyfriend," said CJamm.
"I'm bringing him, by the way... Dean," smiled Chahye.
"What? To meet your old man?! What is this? A marriage proposal or something?" snickered CJamm.
"Of course, not. He said he wanted to meet my boyfriend, if I had one. If things don't go well, then I'd tell him that I already have a man in my life and don't need him. I don't know," said Chahye.
"You know, Jin Chahye..." said CJamm stepping closer and standing right in front of her. "Knowing you? You'd probably cry when you see him. You would probably forgive him. That's how pure your heart is."
"I don't know," she said avoiding his stare.
"Believe me. Next thing I know, you're already living with him," smiled CJamm. He reached for her shoulders then gave her a tight hug. "But whatever happens, I'll always be here for you. All of us," he said.
Chahye closed her eyes then hugged him back. "Thank you."
"And speaking of your pretty boyfriend, his bestfriend's already here," said CJamm pushing her away.

Millic was walking towards them with BeWhy, PO and Mino right beside him. They had drinks in their hands, BeWhy and Millic holding onto two each.

"When have you two become so touchy?" asked Millic as he approached Chahye.
"Just today," smiled CJamm as he took the drink BeWhy gave him.
Chahye took her drink from Millic and smiled. "It will never happen again. THat's for sure," she said.
"Is this some sort of reconciliation?" asked Mino.
"After all the years he's been picking on me?! No way," said Chahye rolling her eyes at all of them.
"Dream on," said CJamm sticking his tongue out.
"So, where are we headed today?" asked PO ending the banter between CJamm and Chahye.
"Why don't we go to that sports center in Hongdae? The one that has a pingpong table?" suggested Mino.
"Eh. I like that," cheered CJamm.
"Let's make this like a welcome party for Millic," smiled PO.
"For being part of the 93 crew," said BeWhy.
"We should have asked Byul and Young Jay along," said Chahye as she walked behind the boys.
"I'll give them a call," said Mino.

They were walking away from the river bed and Millic stayed close to Chahye. It was his first time to spend an afternoon with Chahye's friends. He was introduced to PO, Mino, BeWhy, Andup and Hyukoh band of course. But this is the first time he was invited to their crew get together with more of the 93-liners coming with them.

"Thanks for the drink, by the way, Seunghyun-ah," smiled Chahye.
"You're welcome. So who else are coming today?" he asked.
"Hmmm.. I don't know. Byul and Young Jay, of course. Maybe Wikiyoung, Newday and Seungjae," said Chahye. 
"Hmm... I don't know them," smiled Millic.
"You know PNSB right?" asked Chahye. "He's gonna be there."
"Woah. You're friends with him?"
"You can say that," she said smiling.
"What were you and CJamm talking about earlier, by the way? It was the first time I ever saw you two hug," he said.
"Oh. Don't mind that. We rarely ever touch each other. If we do, that would probably be me hitting his head or something," she said laughing, the others already a good distance away from them.
"You know. You should invite Dean whenever you're gonna be with your friends. That way, he knows who you're with and who he's gonna be dealing with in the future," smiled Millic.
"Eh. Not today, Seunghyun-ah," said Chahye.
"Hey. I heard that," said Mino stopping and turning around to face the two.
CJamm stopped as well and put his hand on Mino's shoulder. "No one can step into a 93 crew get together unless they're born from the same year as us. That's a rule," he said.
"He can join us when it's just Chahye's friends around," said BeWhy.
"And that includes the hyungs," said PO.
"You still got a lot to learn, Cheon Seunghyun. Come and let me teach you," said CJamm putting an arm around Millic's shoulder.
"I think I'm getting scared," said Millic.
"You should be. CJamm's a dork," said Chahye laughing, taking Mino's arm and walking with him.
"So I'll go with Byungyoon then," said PO.
"Is it really okay for you to be with us, Millic?" asked BeWhy. "I mean... What about your bestfriend?"
"It's fine. I mean, I love Chahye as well," he said smiling. "And besides. It's like we're exchanging bestfriends. If Dean isn't with me, he's with Hyoseob hyung. And Hyoseob hyung is Chahye's bestfriend."
"I sometimes have already thought that I should give Hyoseob to Dean completely. They are always together," siad Chahye.
"Ho! You're just saying that because Dean's busy. But wait until Dean has all the time for you... You may not even get a chance to be with Hyoseob hyung anymore," siad CJamm.
"Then Hyoseob hyung will be Millic's bestfriend instead," said Mino.
"I have a hunch that it would happen," siad BeWhy.
"Yeah. Chahye has a thing with always wanting to be with her boyfriend," smiled PO.
"Remember in highschool?" siad CJamm. "'I miss Hyukkie already'," he said immitating Chahye's voice and laughing along with the boys.
"Aish! Stop that!" said Chahye stomping her feet.

They all walked to the arcade where some of their friends were already waiting at. Chahye didn't know what would happen after tomorrow so might as well grab the chance to be with her friends before her whole life changes upside down.

Hopefully.