WARNING! This chapter may contain triggering content and violent themes please do not read this chapter if you are easily triggered. WARNING!

MIKKY EKKO- FEELS LIKE THE END

Dear Diary, 

What happened the night of the fundraiser tormented me. Not only was I distracted and unable to complete any of my school work, but it was in my nightmares. The blood on his collar, the bruises on his knuckles, the wound on his abdomen, they haunted me.  It's been exactly one week since I'd seen Namjoon. Once again he pulled Houdini's famous disappearing act. I felt conflicted. I went to his cabin everyday after school knocking on the door, begging him to let me in. There was never an answer. No tracks. No trails. No clues. No texts. Nothing.  I knew that Namjoon needed time. Time to figure out how to explain the situation to me. Time to physically heal, but I was beginning to lose sanity. Even a simple text from him saying he was okay would put my mind at ease. But, instead he left me in the dark.  I rubbed my mouth in distress before rubbing my tired eyes. Today is Saturday and I decided to go to his cabin again in hopes of confronting him.  I grabbed the backpack out of my closet before ping the zipper and shoving his jacket inside messily.  I threw the bag onto my back before rushing down the stairs. My Aunt Sorin was sitting at the counter with  a mug full of coffee. A smile tugging at the corners of as she acknowledged my presence.

"Morning sunshine." She said play fully and I bowed my head slightly before rushing to the front door. Just as my hand touched the knob she cleared as if she wanted me to stop. I sighed aggravatedly before turning around to face her.

"Where are you off to so early in the day?" She now stood on her feet, walking towards me with the coffee mug in her left hand. 

"I have some errands to run." My tone was nonchalant, so that I wouldn't appear suspicious to her, but of course she saw right through me.

"Sujinah, you've been avoiding everyone for a week now, what's going on? Is it drugs? Is it because I mentioned Isseul?" She interrogated.

"No, no. I just really have to go." I reached for the knob again and she pulled my hand.

"Sujin, I don't want you to lose yourself over someone...If a person truly cares about you, you shouldn't have to be the one chasing them." Her face was soft and I jerked away with tears b my eyes before running outside. Hearing those words from my aunt's mouth stung. It definitely hit a vein. She was right, I shouldn't chase him, but hearing someone else confirm my thoughts didn't stop me from standing right in front of the cabin door and banging like an idiot with tears streaming down my face. I banged until my knuckles were bruised. I banged until my hand hurt before sliding down the door holding the backpack to my chest in fetal position. All of the hope that I lost had quickly replenished when I heard footsteps approaching. I rose my head slowly to get sight of the person approaching. I wiped my tears away before standing up to look at him. He wore a plain white t-shirt with black jeans. I'm guessing he had witnessed my episode, because his expression appeared distraught.

"Hongbin-ah?" My voice cracked. He wrapped his arms around me, placing a hand on the back of my head whilst I cried into his chest.  He smoothed the hairs on my head up and down.

"It's okay. It's okay. Shh. Shh. Shh." He whispered to me during our embrace.  That moment changed everything. He was able to calm my soul and for a second I was able to relax. My heart beat went back to normal and the tears had faded. I sniffled slightly when our bodies broke apart before looking up at the dimpled cheek boy. He smiled bittersweetly.

"How did you find me?" I asked and he stepped back slightly whilst rubbing the back of his head.

"You were yelling his name really loud, I thought maybe he had hurt you." Hongbin elaborated and I scoffed. The only thing Namjoon had hurt was my heart.

"Sujin, I'm sorry for abandoning our friendship. I shouldn't have said those mean things to you. I was just angry, jealous, hurt and--"

"It's okay Binah, I'm just glad I have someone now.  These past few days have been..."

"Lonely?" Hongbin finished my sentence for me and I nodded before we both joined in together for a laugh.

"Yeah..."

"I know the feeling, but you know what always makes me feel better?"

"What is that?" I asked only to have him grab my hand in an abrupt manner.

"Taking pictures." He exclaimed now pulling me along with him. When we finally arrived at our destination it was the same place Hongbin and I almost shared our first kiss. He jumped on top of one of the boulders near the lake to snap a few shots with his camera. I giggled at his childish face. It felt like old times all over again and if people didn't know our relationship it would seem as if we were inseperable and never had a fight. We picked right back up from where we left off and I loved every second of it. I wasn't focusing on the heartache that Namjoon left me with. The only thing on my mind was the beautiful sunset before us. 

Hongbin tackled me to the grass playfully making me giggle. As he laid on top of me he studied my every feature.

"I know that I can't have you, but I still missed you." He admitted sheepishly. What happened after that was a blur, all I could remember is feeling his soft plump lips against mine as we continued to kiss passionately. His hands were traveling up and down my body. For some reason, I wanted more. I wondered if it was because I wanted to feel loved. Even if it was for five minutes. I wanted to feel...Wanted. With Namjoon off the face of earth I craved that attention where someone wanted me as badly as I wanted them. I wanted to feel the adrenaline and high of being lusted by another.  Our lips continued to devour one another and our tongues collided.  Things escalated quickly between us and my body wanted nothing more than to continue, but my heart belonged to Namjoon. I pushed at Hongbin's chest hoping he would get the message to get off of me, but he continued to kiss my lips. The only thing that would make him stop is biting his lip and that's exactly what I did.

"Aish!" He shouted after pulling away from me. He held his lip with his index finger drawing it back from his mouth to see the droplets of blood. His expression in disbelief.

"You were the one who kissed me." Hongbin said lowly.  My chest continued to move rapidly as I panted from adrenaline.

"You deserve better, Hongbin. You deserve a lot better." I whispered with my hands still in the grass. It was at that moment that I heard applause coming from behind me. 

"Well done, Sujin. Well done. Show us who you really are." The female voice applauded whilst laughing. I quickly gained my composure and stood on my feet to see the owner of the voice. It was no one other than Bora herself. Namjoon had accompanied her as well. My heart throbbed when I saw his hand attached to hers.

"I told you babe. Sujin, is nothing but a . She'll whoever." She continued to slowly approach me and Hongbin.

"That's not true." Hongbin defended me causing Bora to scoff.

"You on the other hand are pathetic. I guess you feel guilty, huh? Don't worry you did a great job. The money will be in your bank tomorrow. " She pat Hongbin on the back. 

"Binah, what is she talking about?" My voice shook in desperation. Hongbin held his head down sheepishly.

"Aww, little Sujin always caught in a bubble, huh? Well, your ex friend here had a broken heart. He needed a little revenge and this was the perfect setup. You fell right into the trap. You didn't think Hongbin would actually want to associate himself with you....Oh no, you did. How sad." Bora continued to taunt me.

"Leave her alone Bora. This is so childish. This is what you were trying to show me? Something you set up to change my view of Sujin? I'm sorry Bora, but I will never love you. You can threaten me, blackmail me, or even try to paint the people I care about as something they're not. I will always like Sujin." Namjoon confessed, Bora gasped before looking back at me.

"She's the childish one. She always has people surrounding her and protecting her as if she is a baby. I don't know what these guys see in you, I even bet the guy who tried to you was just desperate. No one could ever love an ugly like you!" She spat  whilst hitting my chest. That was when I snapped. My hands wrapped around her neck and I began to squeeze her neck like a grapefruit. I could see her eyes rolling behind her head, I could hear the gurgling and gagging sounds coming from the back of . Her hands struggled to push me away. Namjoon and Hongbin tried to yank us apart. My blood was boiling. My anger was raging. I couldn't control myself. I couldn't contain the angry girl who sat inside my soul for all of these years.  I thought of everything she did to hurt me, bully me, humiliate me. Everyday she caused me pain. How she pushed me to death. How she was the only person in my life who loved to torture my soul. Not anymore. Not anymore. Namjoon and Hongbin begged me to stop. Her face was turning red now and I could feel Namjoon and Hongbin trying to pull me away. It was all no use as I felt her pulse stop right under my finger tips. When I released, her lifeless body plopped to the grass. Her eyes and mouth wide open. 

"SUJIN, WHAT DID YOU DO?" Namjoon shouted whilst attending to her body. Hongbin ran to the lake before hurling. My heart beat fast as I looked at her body. Pale skin, dull eyes.... I killed Choi Bora. The tears began streaming my face as I watched Namjoon do CPR. 

"We have to call the cops." Hongbin insisted this made Namjoon stand up quickly he grabbed Hongbin by the shirt.

"We are not calling the cops. If you call the cops you could be arrested too, because you are an accessory to this crime." Namjoon shouted as I sat down in fetal position. How did I lose control? How could I lose control? 

"What did I do? What did I do?" I cried. Namjoon picked me up.

"Don't worry about this. I have people who can handle this for us. You're going to be okay. No one will ever know this happened. Okay? Just relax. Hongbin take her out to get something to eat. I'm gonna take care of this." Namjoon handed him money before sending us off. 

"Namjoonah!" I cried and he kissed my forehead.

"I got u." Was the last thing he said before Hongbin quickly took me away from the scene.